i feel vulnerable. like i’m in a pit and people are just standing around the pit, staring at me. some of them want to help me and some of them don’t, some of them i love and some i don’t. i’m trying to reach out to them, but who do i reach out to? i can’t grab onto one of them and let them drag me out, i’ll betray the other. so many things are being thrown at me and i’m trying to dodge them but it feels like i’m wrapped up in a knot, connected to each of the things being thrown at me. these things i’m tied to, some of them are people and my relationships with these people, and some are more personal or mental things like school or my own struggles. but what do i try to untangle first? do i untangle myself? or do i untangle other people? can i even untangle the knots or are they too tight? i cant spend my life being stuck in this pit, being tied up in this knot. i feel like anyone can get to me. anyone who shows me affection can get to my heart, i know they can and i don’t want that. i can’t do anything about it though, but i’m trying. people will use my kindness for their own benefit but i get left with another strain in my soul. people will do things to hurt me and that will do nothing but push me deeper into the pit and tighten the knots even more. i’ve had a headache for what it feels like a year and i have an overwhelming nausea feeling in my stomach. and it won’t leave. ugh my nose is bleeding, it’s dripping onto my lips, my mouth. at least it gives me a taste of something different. not like this everlasting loop that seems to sum up my life.
ns 172.70.135.209da2
Penana
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