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Action
Adventure
On Break
Fractured Armour (Draft version)
Writer The Virtual Shadow
Writer
  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
PG-13
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Fractured Armour (Draft version)

10 Bookmarks

Fractured Armour (Draft version)

10 Bookmarks
A - A - A
Intro 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
#2

Chapter 1: A new request

The Virtual Shadow
Comments ( 10 )
Kokiri-Hylian-Hero - I can only suggest double paragraphs or those fancy lines to split character sides, like in chapter one when you had Shadow and Enella's sides switch, other than that, I can't think of anything...except: Oh, man, who's that man who exploded the cave, is he Toqan?!
4 years ago
The Virtual Shadow - No, His not Toqan, That was later in chapter 3.
4 years ago
Kokiri-Hylian-Hero - @lightofshadows, Yeah, I saw him later and was like, "Oh...decidedly NOT Toqan."
4 years ago
The Virtual Shadow - Fair point. Now that i see it. Edit should help.
4 years ago
Lata - It gets rather boring if you use his name to describe everything, especially in the action scene. You can use his title, or just 'he'. Using Shadow everywhere makes it really hard to read. Other than that, it's really good. 
4 years ago
The Virtual Shadow - Thanks for pointing it out. Guess i got into a habit of separating characters. Cause there will be more at some point. Just hard to separate who He and She is, when there is more than 2 characters
4 years ago
Lata - @lightofshadows, Yeah, that happens. Well, you can always use adjectives or way-too-long titles. Btw, the edit looks good. 
4 years ago
The Virtual Shadow - @Lata, Thanks I tried after i looked. I was like "oh crap."

Also i would love an example for the adjective/long title/title thing your talking about.

Just a tad confused about that.
4 years ago
Lata - @lightofshadows, I can't think of anything right now. Will let you know when I do. 
4 years ago
The Virtual Shadow - @Lata, Take your time, I got contests, FA and another work to do.

FA=fractured Armour
4 years ago
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