After school, I walked home with Evelyn and Eric. Mom had picked up Emmanuel, which basically meant all the enthusiasm in us were gone. Though the weirdest thing was that none of us were talking, which was weird. So, I began a conversation with my sister.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡkk3WbnWrRA
“So..” Both Evelyn and Eric looked at me at the same time, their faces blank. “Why is nobody talking?” It wasn’t what I exactly meant to say, but it was the words that came out of my mouth. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW9JXDIgs8
Eric shrugged and began taking his phone out of his jacket. “Guess there’s nothing to say, man,” he said. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡFujXLKVqsZ
What did he mean by that?copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMkpJvNFXF
My mind was starting to drift back to Delcan, and I didn’t want that. There needed to be a conversation going, because I needed to put him behind me right now.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsBpcz3UPv
“We might have things to say, but I guess it just isn’t happening, Ez,” Evelyn said. “Siblings don’t talk all the time like we do.” She actually sounded pretty weird, and it wasn’t until I looked down when I noticed the small bruise on her arm.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v0nsL7obz
“What happened at school today?”118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqmM9XcUaq
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118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenuguNIy8Y
She looked at me for a few seconds and then put her head down, messing with her hair. My sister hardly gets in trouble, and when she does, it’s always something to do with somebody else. But the last time that happened, she was thirteen, and I don’t even remember what she actually did. “I got suspended for something,” Evelyn whispered.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1E2rRBvMq
Both Eric and I looked at her at the same time.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PW1coMjNY
“What?!”copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbwgTul7g7
Evelyn stuck her head up. “It doesn’t matter to you two. Mom and Dad already know about it, so I have no reason to tell either of you anything,” she said. I wanted to ask her to simply tell me because we basically showed each other everything, but I didn’t exactly know what to say. It wasn’t like any of us really did talk about anything more than my issues, but I still did my best to show that I cared.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡiH9WJBNk6A
“What happened?” I asked her.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7pH8B6VVT
“None of your business, Ezra. God. You’re always on my back about the dumbest things,” she said. And with that, she clutched her binder closer to her chest, and walked home faster than us, making sure she wouldn’t talk to us.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡUP4q5YVr5c
I looked over to Eric, who simply shrugged to me, and then looked back down to his phone, probably texting one of his friends about something more important.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoTIlDj9Xp
When Eric and I got home, Evelyn was in our parent's room with Dad, probably getting yelled at. I had sudden urges at some time to just go up there and see what they were talking about because I wanted to know why Evelyn got suspended for. How long would she even be suspended for? A week? The rest of this month?copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIx8qFKwAG
But it wasn’t my fault I was always on Evelyn’s back. It’s this unique thing called feelings, and I don’t feel bad for expressing them to her.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡquvvVBtR3z
After thirty minutes or so, Mom walked into my room. She looked pretty tired, but I would only assume because she spends more than half of her day on the computer. I looked at her for a few seconds, waiting to see what she would say to me. She sat down in the chair next to me and sighed, and then picked her head up slowly, and gave me a smile.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CXXkiADsy
“Will you be joining us for dinner tonight?” she asked me. I nodded, because I really did need to stay for dinner at least once a week, or it was extra practice at the gym with Dad. So, I nodded as my mom patted my head as if I was a dog.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bhAkHg4eR
“Is Evelyn in trouble?” I asked her. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFlhahSE9V
She sighed, and then nodded slowly, biting her lip. “She is,” my mom said, some type of dread in her voice. “But it’s none of your business, Ezra. Everything has been handled. You have no need to worry about her at the time.” Mom put her hand on my cheek, giving me one of her kindest smiles. She hesitated for a short moment before she continued talking. “And you’ve been an amazing big brother to Emmanuel and her. You’re everything we could’ve hoped for.”copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcybaSuKwW
If only she knew that her real son, the one everybody favored over the firstborn, was the son that she didn’t even know at all. If only she knew that her “perfect son” is gay. If only she knew that her “perfect son” was with somebody that Dad would never accept - regardless of his gender.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡjA7Abshrxw
I’m nothing like you think I am, I thought to myself. Each and every time somebody told me I was amazing, or that I was perfect….a wall of shame hit me, harder than the toughest football player could hit me on the field. The wind gets knocked out of me, and it’s ten times worse when Delcan comes into the picture. It’s like I’m always breathless, and more awkward than I usually am. But I don’t know why - or how - he has that effect on me.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡiibEzmWs05
Putting on my fake smile, my mom kissed me on the cheek before sitting up. “Don’t forget, baby. Dinner in ten minutes.” I nodded as she left, and went back outside to the afternoon sunshine.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeiWpsOTdl
When I walked up to my room, I could hear Evelyn and Eric talking to each other. No - they were arguing. It was like a hushed argument, the ones that our parents have when they think all of us are asleep, but it wasn’t loud enough for anybody else to exactly hear. I moved close to the door and listened to their conversation.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxVX76qpyX
“Why can’t you just tell me, Taylore?” Eric whisper-yelled. He never really used Evelyn’s middle name like that, but it was just so out of place - I didn’t know how to feel about it. “I have a right to know more than our parents do.”copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRf7wPuthv
“In what way?” Evelyn said back. “It’s my life. I can do what I want with it.”118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLQczChYLH
There was a long pause for a few seconds. And then I realized this was about her suspension. I leaned in closer to hear what they were talking about.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFJRB8kq2y
“Cool. Don’t tell me,” Eric said. I thought I heard the door open, but then Evelyn said something else.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡLS5HQcNgCm
“You won’t tell Ezra?” Evelyn asked. I straightened my back when I heard my name. How could Evelyn getting suspended conflict with me?118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcG7yshwFbG
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Eric seemed to pause for a moment, then he started talking again. “Do you think I tell him everything?” he asked. Offended. But whatever. “What is it?” There was a pause for a few seconds before Evelyn let out a breath of air.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMfoERxYhz
“There were these...kids at school whose brothers or sisters go to EastLand, and they were talking about Ezra. But not about his um, plays. His...sexuality. They knew. And I don’t know how, but they did. And so when I asked them what they were talking about, they started to call him names and everything like “that’s why he won’t sleep with Haven!” And when I finally had enough, they kinda fought back. I punched one of the guys in the crotch whenever the teachers caught us. When Mom and Dad asked me what happened, I knew that I had to lie to them,” Evelyn sighed, as I stood by the door, motionless. “I didn’t want to rat out Ezra, so I just came up with whatever I could. He doesn’t deserve to be pushed out of the closet yet.” copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3sCKiPyyr
It was in this moment when I wished I’d just minded my own business. It was harder to breathe than it had ever been before. Who knew? Who are they? How long have they known? Do they know about Delcan? So many questions were racing through my head, making me dizzy. I felt as if I was falling through the universe, hearing the white noise in my ears. I couldn’t even hear what Evelyn and Eric were saying anymore.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMZ9gFTzP7
As I tried my best to stand up, I almost fell down completely. I rushed down the stairs, stumbling on the last few steps. But my legs almost entirely gave out whenever I found my dad standing at the end of the stairs. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uUpTygqxy
“Sarah says you’re joining us for dinner,” Dad said to me. He never really calls her what everybody else in the house does, and he always uses her name. Mom hardly ever says Dad’s name around us - even though we all know it. “Which means you gotta stay.” I nodded, plastering a fake smile onto my face. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04BsGmLvUj
Mom was standing in the kitchen, dusting her hands on her apron. I was guessing she was cooking something because there was meat sauce on her apron as well. “Sweetheart, go get your brothers and sister,” she told me. I nodded without argument and dreaded walking back up the stairs. I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. If people knew, then that meant people would start asking questions….and I couldn’t handle questions. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡXP6WYmBSVq
I walked past Eric’s room, and into Emmanuel’s. Maybe he could cheer me up - or at least try to.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5UUuOsLe0
“Ezra!” Emmanuel cried, running into my arms. I actually smiled when he hugged me. His skin was warm and his hair smelt like shampoo, meaning he’s been home longer than Eric, Evelyn, and I have.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡkf4WILithc
“Hey, E,” Ezra said. “Come on. Mom and Dad want us to come to dinner right now. Could you get Eric and Evelyn for me?” Emmanuel nodded without question and ran out of his bedroom past me. I slowly walked down the stairs, pretending I was actually looking at something on my phone. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe2Tb0gMSc
Dinner was going to be more than intriguing today. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSh7MMWfya
While all of us were eating at the dining table, I couldn’t stop looking at Evelyn. She didn’t have her eyes on me, but sometimes she would look up from her dinner plate. She didn’t know, and I could tell because she would give me a smile before returning to her food. As I continued chewing on my food, it was hard to know if I should actually be mad at my sister or not. I mean, I understood that she was trying to protect me, but I didn’t need for her to in order for her to get in trouble.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSqkO867Bo
And on top of all of that, she doesn’t even feel the need to tell me the real reason, yet she told Eric. But if Eric’s the better brother than me, I haven’t seen it yet.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoDmiOmyAf
Dad finally said something after what felt like hours of silence. “Ezra,” he announced. “How was school?” I paused for a minute before responding.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡKN72VTOR8m
“Fine,” I said. My voice cracked when I said that, and I saw Eric bite back a smile. But I assume that Dad wouldn’t ask about it, because I was apparently “still growing.” But he gave me a slow nod and then started talking to Eric.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oetJ3BPad
It felt as if my throat was tightening up, and I tried my best to focus on something that could possibly relax me. But nothing even came to my mind. Without a word, I stood up and walked out of the room, closing (and locking) the door behind me as I walked into the backyard. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvCQRUFesf
“Leave him alone, sweetie,” Mom said, stopping my dad from going after me. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡtd3AfZu3RD
Ignoring my parents, I sat on a bench and ran my hands through my hair. I needed to talk to someone about this, call somebody. But who? If I called Evvie, all she would do is tell me that I’m born to be the way I’m supposed to be - and I shouldn’t let it bother me. But if I called Delcan...it would be hard to even say anything to him. And on top of that, all he would tell me is to let it go. There was no way out of this.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT1FnLIYAT
I live in ⟴. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOoOFfIkub
Somehow, I found myself calling my aunt, who I rarely talk to. After the first few rings, she answered. “Ezra? You alright?” she asked me. I understood her concern because I never call her too much. I don’t really talk to my aunt - or anyone for that matter - when she comes over on the holidays, but I guess she was trustworthy enough. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXoExDD2Hv
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, trying to make it sound like I was fine.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7pHMMsvK2
“Okay…” My aunt, Rayne’s voice sounded confused. “Is there something going on?”copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWRNKx3tSx
Yes, there is. But there was so much going on in my life that I didn’t even know how to express it. Going past Haven, Evvie, and that fact that I’m not straight, there’s Delcan. His words always say lodged in the front of my mind, and no matter what, I cannot ever get it out of there. And the entire boyfriends part of our relationship...he never brings it up. I thought he was actually fine with just being whatever we are, but I guess not. But it was really hard not to think about it - because I’ve never even had a boyfriend before.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtu272GL4n
And the idea of having one makes me scared.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJuFqgrSLc
“Kind of,” I said, pushing Delcan off of my mind. “But it’s about Evelyn.”copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡVa9NXTk0nd
Rayne paused for a few seconds, then she began talking. “What about her? Are you guys making fun of her again or something? You have to understand-”copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1G23N5Jz9
“It’s not that,” I interrupted. “She got suspended today, for violence at school.”118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5q3zGymo6v
My aunt laughed. “You’re serious?”copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QTBvjSXcE
“Yeah,” I said. Quickly, I made up a lie on the spot. “I tried to hear what else Dad told her, but it was hard to hear through closed doors.” My parents did have a conversation with Evelyn, but Eric and I were forced to stay downstairs, while neither one of them worried about Emmanuel.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8OjWMdhNA
“I never thought she’d do something like that,” Rayne said. “Is there a reason?” copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡulBaoFYtox
Yeah, I thought to myself. She did it to protect me, even though I hate her for it, and even though I don’t understand why. She was protecting a secret I worked so hard on for a long time to keep, and people knew about it. And I don’t even know where it began spreading from. That was what I wanted to say, but I understood that she would want to know what rumor, and I can’t tell her that. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwnw7TQ0Q2
“No. I mean-there probably is, but I don’t know it. You could probably get the answer from Dad or something,” I said. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1btk7fxo2
“I’ll ask him later tonight,” Rayne said. She seemed so calm about the subject that I didn’t know how to feel, but there was really no way of expressing my emotions right now. “Anything else you need to tell me?”118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHgdUQQbOB
I couldn’t do it. “Nope. That’s all,” I said.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ToJ3Mo1gN
“Okay..” she said, her voice not even sounding actually convinced. “Hey, could I ask you about your-”118Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1h0AKh6pt
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“Bye, Rayne,” I said, hanging up the phone on her. It wasn’t like I was trying to be rude, but the way people get when they went to talk about something upsetting - all slow and kind - it scares me more than anything else. I didn’t understand why it was so hard for me, though.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5Hty2BNz0
Delcan had told me about his first crush on a guy (he was nine) and he understood the feelings quickly, then just came out when he felt like it. He told me he just understood the feelings and who he liked, basically letting it go. But if he could understand it so easily, why is it so much harder for me?copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHTfqX1OYi
As I was getting trapped in my thoughts, my phone chimed. I checked the ID and realized it was from Angelica.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxbUuAlkPM
Angelica Bronx:copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17RIBpKcdk
If you want to know what I do, come see me at our house. Haven isn’t home, but you only have two more hours before she is. copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡd416jr4lg2
And Ezra, if this rumor is true, you better hope Haven doesn’t know.copyright protection114ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRAOM5o8pe
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