“WHAT?!” Haven screamed. I watched her as the tears began flowing, and I didn’t know what I could possibly say to her. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPMIfArO3g
I made sure that I didn’t smile because my mind was thinking about how thankful Delcan would be about all of this. “I said, I wanted us to break up.”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Gd1bqHEXd
“I’m so confused. What did I do?!” Haven was screaming and crying at the same time while I suddenly realized how much this mattered to her. She threw her hands up in the air, and I almost grabbed the door handle in order to leave. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAE3BIDoxV
“Seriously, Ezra. You can’t just leave me without an excuse! Why?! What did I do?! Is it something that I said? If so, I’m sorry, okay? I’m really sorry!” She grabbed my arm when I turned away from her. “Please, tell me what I did. Why are you acting like this?”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNL7v1HWPL
“Haven, we’re done. Stop it.” It was all I could say to her. I had no excuse other than the fact that I did like somebody else, and her sister knows about it. And if I don’t say anything soon, she will. Her parents will know soon, and so will everybody else. Haven deserves better than a guy who’s lying to her and cheating with somebody else. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZsq0DRIhP
Haven’s face was full confusion. “NO!” she screamed. She tightened her arm on me, and my body began to fill with anger. Just leave me alone, Haven. How do you not get it? “Tell me what I did. Why are you breaking up with me?”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwpAA1idqQ
“Haven, seriously-” I began to say.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LDUT8VB5K
“WHY?!” she screamed.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjKOJLrAtJ
“Because I’m gay!” I screamed. I was breathing heavily, and I think she was too. The entire house was silent, and I didn’t even want to believe the words came out of my mouth. They didn’t. They couldn’t have. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqfP1QQj3g
I just imagined it.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9c2N6VV2w1
“What?” Haven asked. She looked at me up and down, and I could see her beginning to cry again. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTkxH4i8FM
I did say it. She knows now. She knows why we never should’ve been together in the first place - and why I left her after the Halloween party. But I said it again just for extra measure. “I’m gay,” I said silently. I felt myself start to spin a little bit, but I was trying to relax a bit more.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5c7UdYKx1
Haven bit her lip hard, and she was trying to catch her breath. “No,” she whispered. “You’re not gay, you’re dating me. You love me.” She tried pulling her lips to mine, but before she could kiss me, I pushed her off with gentleness. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1He4ul0qnx
“I don’t love you,” I said. That’s when Haven burrowed her head in her hands. I suddenly realized how horrible that sounded. “No, I mean. I do love you, just not in that way. But I love you like-”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡraqLH7P0gu
“That means nothing to me, Ezra,” Haven said. She was crossing her arms over her chest, and I felt a sting of guilt hit me right in the heart. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8zYgucefJ
There was nothing I could say to make the situation better, so I just kept on talking. “Look,” I said softly. “I’m sorry that I lied to you. I should’ve told you about my sexuality sooner. I just-I don’t love you like that.”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡghqvlVQlle
Haven put her head down. “Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked me, tears running down her face.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMpjy7qn7H
“I don’t know,” I muttered. But truthfully, I was scared. I was scared of the possible outcomes - but I wasn’t expecting this one. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTPsS5W4kc
She nodded slowly. Her voice had gone from the loudest I’d ever head it to as silent as the fan blowing in her room. I watched as she began digging her nails into her arm. “Okay,” she whispered.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAte5OaWav
I pulled her hands away from her arm, and tried to get her to look at me - but she wouldn’t. “I’m going to leave, okay?”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3hAmPHMdP
Haven nodded.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6JjyBpvFJ
“Are you gonna be alright?” I asked her again. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtkaIqZSm9
She hesitated, then nodded again.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxdF8zvPmJ
“Okay.” I let go of her hands as she put them down to her sides. It hurt to see her like this, a lot more than I thought it would. I’d never seen her look so tired in her life as if she’d ran for a straight five miles. I don’t understand how she could possibly feel right now, but I wish that I did. “I’ll leave you alone now.”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQPo9oZyUF
I turned to walk away, and that’s when I heard Haven say something to me. “Who is it?” she asked. When I turned around, she was making eye contact with me now. I don’t think Haven was crying anymore, but her mascara was running, and her eyes were red and puffy.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡiC9CNS2MKp
“Who?”168Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmhRWiC63e
copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8XaO5JkV5
“The guy you’re cheating on me with,” Haven said, still looking at me.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AWTZ6iYFd
I shook my head. “I never said that I was cheating.”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXPOACGDpr
“Ezra.” Haven began pulling her blouse back on, and I looked at the floor until she was finished. “You were my first time and the first guy I ever had feelings for. The least you could do is give me a ⟴ name.”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mA0wo5gJ0
She was angry now.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMBiGAoYz3
I knew how mad she must be - because I was angry with myself, too. But I couldn’t tell her. I felt my stomach turn and had to get the words out of my mouth quickly. “See you later.”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡcd011BEHe4
When I closed the door behind me, I felt my stomach reject the breakfast I’d had this morning as Haven’s crying and screaming filled the house. Clearly, she was upset. And I knew why. I didn’t blame her if she tried kicking me in the nuts at school tomorrow.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hqJhX7ndQ
I swiftly ran outside of the house and a few places down then threw up everything I’d eaten.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzDYRkyfj7
There was really no exact reason why I was throwing up. It wasn’t because of Haven kissing me at all, but because of how guilty I felt for lying to her about everything. It was more than I was disgusted with myself than anything else because I’d been such a liar. I’d lied to so many people, and I sat there as Haven cried - unable to really do anything. I kept on throwing up for what felt like hours at a time, and then my body was done.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvlkwnVb5a
My stomach was still in pain from how much I’d vomited, but I still felt horrible. I pushed my hair out of my face and tried to relax, making sure I wouldn’t look down at the mess I created. Dad thinks that I’m girly in the sense that I can’t look at my own puke, but I can look at others. I don’t know why - it just happened that way.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡferGXJD56Q
And then there was a voice behind me. “You alright, dude?”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuqzshT1xc
It was from Eric. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QHvaeS5qX
I didn’t respond with words - because I felt like another load of leftovers would come out of me, but I nodded. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGbIm8r0ey
“You sure?”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡRa2hJvzDx6
This time, I made eye contact with him and nodded again. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHWyc7N4dd
Eric shrugged. “Alright…” he made no try in believing me, but it didn’t matter too much. We walked to the car together in silence as I tried to make it seem like I wasn’t holding my stomach. My abs were sore from staying at the gym for my punishment, and it hurt to breathe. Maybe I was having a panic attack or something - I don’t know.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tUdbgmDhA
When we arrived at our house, I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me. Right when I was about to enter the house, Eric hit my shoulder. “What?” I almost yelled. My mood changed - and it was like a volcano was bubbling up inside of me, waiting to blow up.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9KfquKZ8i
“I’ll be here if you need to talk, Ezra,” Eric told me. I understood that he was trying to care, but I couldn’t accept any of that right now. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YZ2xb9kgm
Shrugging him off of me, I nodded. “Okay.”copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiQrw1ISF0
Eric moved past me and walked into the house. But before he turned around and left me outside to myself, he said one last thing. “You’re still doing my chores, though.” He smiled when I flipped him off, then closed the front door behind him.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡtR9e6zJRzR
Before walking into the house, I shut my phone off and then took a few deep breaths. You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine. Just breathe. Breathe. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FQ9InlSHB
And I walked into the house.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡffT5Hq7qjM
“Phone.” Dad’s voice was strict without any questions to be asked. I set my phone down in his hands and prayed that he wouldn’t try going into it and looking through my messages. I needed to talk to somebody else about this - without anyone else really around. copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMEz1K9KBJ
I walked up the stairs and went into Eric’s room, which was wide open. Both Eric and Evelyn were in there, talking in hushed voices. They both stopped talking and looked at me whenever I cleared my throat.copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLptV7QgZy
“When Mom and Dad are asleep,” I started to say. Eric and Evelyn raised their eyebrows as they waited for what I was about to say. “Get your keys. I’ll need them to go over to Delcan’s.” copyright protection164ＰＥＮＡＮＡReOLkvbrWu
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