“WHAT?!” Haven screamed. I watched her as the tears began flowing, and I didn’t know what I could possibly say to her. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zufxetKMo
I made sure that I didn’t smile because my mind was thinking about how thankful Delcan would be about all of this. “I said, I wanted us to break up.”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ADYjfL0wo
“I’m so confused. What did I do?!” Haven was screaming and crying at the same time while I suddenly realized how much this mattered to her. She threw her hands up in the air, and I almost grabbed the door handle in order to leave. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjMcuuGtxH
“Seriously, Ezra. You can’t just leave me without an excuse! Why?! What did I do?! Is it something that I said? If so, I’m sorry, okay? I’m really sorry!” She grabbed my arm when I turned away from her. “Please, tell me what I did. Why are you acting like this?”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EhAUPPnzB
“Haven, we’re done. Stop it.” It was all I could say to her. I had no excuse other than the fact that I did like somebody else, and her sister knows about it. And if I don’t say anything soon, she will. Her parents will know soon, and so will everybody else. Haven deserves better than a guy who’s lying to her and cheating with somebody else. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIbpGvFsvc
Haven’s face was full confusion. “NO!” she screamed. She tightened her arm on me, and my body began to fill with anger. Just leave me alone, Haven. How do you not get it? “Tell me what I did. Why are you breaking up with me?”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3wDg18XuF
“Haven, seriously-” I began to say.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAjVbdK0Ak
“WHY?!” she screamed.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡCn2ONIjtbP
“Because I’m gay!” I screamed. I was breathing heavily, and I think she was too. The entire house was silent, and I didn’t even want to believe the words came out of my mouth. They didn’t. They couldn’t have. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1TbF9cN7H
I just imagined it.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLhNHs0rtB
“What?” Haven asked. She looked at me up and down, and I could see her beginning to cry again. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5YOTMxcfI
I did say it. She knows now. She knows why we never should’ve been together in the first place - and why I left her after the Halloween party. But I said it again just for extra measure. “I’m gay,” I said silently. I felt myself start to spin a little bit, but I was trying to relax a bit more.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UKV6p4jdb
Haven bit her lip hard, and she was trying to catch her breath. “No,” she whispered. “You’re not gay, you’re dating me. You love me.” She tried pulling her lips to mine, but before she could kiss me, I pushed her off with gentleness. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GXitELu6e
“I don’t love you,” I said. That’s when Haven burrowed her head in her hands. I suddenly realized how horrible that sounded. “No, I mean. I do love you, just not in that way. But I love you like-”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Rk5GeRdr6
“That means nothing to me, Ezra,” Haven said. She was crossing her arms over her chest, and I felt a sting of guilt hit me right in the heart. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡVt0Fo75tqi
There was nothing I could say to make the situation better, so I just kept on talking. “Look,” I said softly. “I’m sorry that I lied to you. I should’ve told you about my sexuality sooner. I just-I don’t love you like that.”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqZCIsgtXm
Haven put her head down. “Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked me, tears running down her face.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3e38UhZ7I
“I don’t know,” I muttered. But truthfully, I was scared. I was scared of the possible outcomes - but I wasn’t expecting this one. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53c6JAdO4D
She nodded slowly. Her voice had gone from the loudest I’d ever head it to as silent as the fan blowing in her room. I watched as she began digging her nails into her arm. “Okay,” she whispered.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7J46lMzCgw
I pulled her hands away from her arm, and tried to get her to look at me - but she wouldn’t. “I’m going to leave, okay?”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZAe2I8jIg
Haven nodded.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OkeU3P8ST
“Are you gonna be alright?” I asked her again. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZCQ6XCFAT
She hesitated, then nodded again.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡczSMNUvWed
“Okay.” I let go of her hands as she put them down to her sides. It hurt to see her like this, a lot more than I thought it would. I’d never seen her look so tired in her life as if she’d ran for a straight five miles. I don’t understand how she could possibly feel right now, but I wish that I did. “I’ll leave you alone now.”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg2xuWAj5s
I turned to walk away, and that’s when I heard Haven say something to me. “Who is it?” she asked. When I turned around, she was making eye contact with me now. I don’t think Haven was crying anymore, but her mascara was running, and her eyes were red and puffy.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRsOHyMkdm
“Who?”12Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iz4v7xhc8
copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqW6cJ1HGf
“The guy you’re cheating on me with,” Haven said, still looking at me.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTvXq0U0jZ
I shook my head. “I never said that I was cheating.”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwRVlyt7TH
“Ezra.” Haven began pulling her blouse back on, and I looked at the floor until she was finished. “You were my first time and the first guy I ever had feelings for. The least you could do is give me a ⟴ name.”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡu77rdjaf1R
She was angry now.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXKZVa0Qbj
I knew how mad she must be - because I was angry with myself, too. But I couldn’t tell her. I felt my stomach turn and had to get the words out of my mouth quickly. “See you later.”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEQHzbg3j9
When I closed the door behind me, I felt my stomach reject the breakfast I’d had this morning as Haven’s crying and screaming filled the house. Clearly, she was upset. And I knew why. I didn’t blame her if she tried kicking me in the nuts at school tomorrow.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOhRfvbqKd
I swiftly ran outside of the house and a few places down then threw up everything I’d eaten.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡhea1e6ceWn
There was really no exact reason why I was throwing up. It wasn’t because of Haven kissing me at all, but because of how guilty I felt for lying to her about everything. It was more than I was disgusted with myself than anything else because I’d been such a liar. I’d lied to so many people, and I sat there as Haven cried - unable to really do anything. I kept on throwing up for what felt like hours at a time, and then my body was done.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM2ouBAKFU
My stomach was still in pain from how much I’d vomited, but I still felt horrible. I pushed my hair out of my face and tried to relax, making sure I wouldn’t look down at the mess I created. Dad thinks that I’m girly in the sense that I can’t look at my own puke, but I can look at others. I don’t know why - it just happened that way.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpIchXHsnr
And then there was a voice behind me. “You alright, dude?”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFGQGUXT9U
It was from Eric. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIHi6bUHWz
I didn’t respond with words - because I felt like another load of leftovers would come out of me, but I nodded. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRZj3ghKIF
“You sure?”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡcokSf1MdUW
This time, I made eye contact with him and nodded again. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aEOtL0nsX
Eric shrugged. “Alright…” he made no try in believing me, but it didn’t matter too much. We walked to the car together in silence as I tried to make it seem like I wasn’t holding my stomach. My abs were sore from staying at the gym for my punishment, and it hurt to breathe. Maybe I was having a panic attack or something - I don’t know.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4OVoScFDV
When we arrived at our house, I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me. Right when I was about to enter the house, Eric hit my shoulder. “What?” I almost yelled. My mood changed - and it was like a volcano was bubbling up inside of me, waiting to blow up.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPkFHzGuNA
“I’ll be here if you need to talk, Ezra,” Eric told me. I understood that he was trying to care, but I couldn’t accept any of that right now. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUK4JePKBi
Shrugging him off of me, I nodded. “Okay.”copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡHynwuLoGr1
Eric moved past me and walked into the house. But before he turned around and left me outside to myself, he said one last thing. “You’re still doing my chores, though.” He smiled when I flipped him off, then closed the front door behind him.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLQVryv72i
Before walking into the house, I shut my phone off and then took a few deep breaths. You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine. Just breathe. Breathe. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtdsxXGnHh
And I walked into the house.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpQ3VkPk1g
“Phone.” Dad’s voice was strict without any questions to be asked. I set my phone down in his hands and prayed that he wouldn’t try going into it and looking through my messages. I needed to talk to somebody else about this - without anyone else really around. copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡmD2dytL4AO
I walked up the stairs and went into Eric’s room, which was wide open. Both Eric and Evelyn were in there, talking in hushed voices. They both stopped talking and looked at me whenever I cleared my throat.copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡnihBKOyrcg
“When Mom and Dad are asleep,” I started to say. Eric and Evelyn raised their eyebrows as they waited for what I was about to say. “Get your keys. I’ll need them to go over to Delcan’s.” copyright protection8ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTGzWBULWV
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