What could be the most painful way that you could be hurt? Is it when the two of you already have a label? Or is it when you’re still dating and getting to know each other?
Either way, it would still bought katzenjammer. The only difference is that the heart’s the one that is hurting, not the brain.
If there’s one thing that I want to take back, that’s the day when I first met him, the beautiful hammering inside my chest that made me want to writhe and just fall. To him. For him.
But if there is the beautiful part of loving someone, there comes the disaster.
Because just when you thought of yourself like a love struck person being drugged with some kind of elixir drug, the only thing that you could feel is how free and high you are. Until disaster took down that moment.
”I’m really sorry, March. I didn’t mean any of this to happen. I didn’t mean...I didn’t know that I’m still into her.”
And all you take is a ‘sorry’. Bunch, dozen. Lots of them.
I tried to lift up a smile but I’m not sure if I succeeded to show a good one.
”You don’t have to apologize. Both of us know from the start—and we actually agreed—that we are free to stay, free to go. Besides, there’s no such thing as label between us. We are not together. You know, we’re...we’re still on the stage of getting to know each other. And it is still happening right now. We are currently knowing each other. You, being honest. And me,” hurting, I want to say. But there’s no way I would make myself look weak in front of other people.“...being the good listener. Atleast we’re great when this all ends, right?”
I’m maybe a fool that I choose to end this without telling him everything, even what I feel. The feeling that I wanted to destroy everything what I saw, the feeling that I wanted to shout every words, hurtful ones. That I choose to be calm, even smile.
But I want to clear every pain inside my chest on my own way. At my own pace.
After all, will there be a change if I told him about my pain? Will his heart let mine in? Because no matter what you do, you can’t turn everything into your table just because you told them a word.
Because love is not enough even you pour your heart out.
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