I would never hate Edwin not for saving him, he did that because he is a human and precisely because he was his friend. I held his hand even more firmly and he understood that I was not angry, thinking about moving out and beating him, someone else stood up for me. Then the questions started running through my head, they were eating me alive, Should I say something to my parents or his? Maybe report him to my father at the station? What if I am pregnant? What if he killed himself yesterday? A voice awakened me from my misplaced thinking, Mabel asking me if I was I okay time that I forgot even to ask her how was she from that incident of yesterday, when I asked her my honey brown eyes staring at her orange hair glowing in the sun rays, some hair strands glowing like a coin, she smiled a warm one and said she was fine, I wished I could smile back at her.
I needed to go home to be with my family, I had the final exams in couple months, I felt like my life was adrift, during the time my head was about to explode my phone rang I had been aroused from another deep thoughts, it was him!! he called me. I handed the phone to Edwin, he took it and got out, I glimpsed his rage through the wide windows, I could tell he was swearing and threatening. He went back in all angry, none of us dared to ask because we know exactly what happened, Edwin's blue eyes darkened with wrath.
Mabel started talking about the place next to hers for Edwin, then Othello's car pulled up in front of the restaurant, my eyes grew big as I stood tall and started quivering, Edwin demanded that we should stay inside. He went out of his car looking hideous, his eyes all red shedding tears, that was the first time I witnessed him crying like that he rarely weeps a tear in hard moments. Edwin kept pushing him back to his vehicle. He was just backing off not defending himself, if I stayed inside Kurt's - the restaurant- this nightmare will always haunt me I was willing to face my fears. I got up from my seat trying to steady myself, Mabel by my side nodded as she took my hand between hers, walking out of Kurt's was an idea I knew I would regret but I had to. He spotted me and ceased his movements looking at me hiding his sorrowful eyes from meeting mine, Edwin frowned at me and Mabel, and she walked passed him to stop in front of Othello, her eyes bore into him making him more nervous. Othello whined "Please just let me talk to her, I fucked up big times, I just wanna apologize and go hang myself somewhere, please Mabel I am begging you." He knelt in front of her all weak and feeble, begging Mabel to let me talk to him, in the back I stood yet I felt this major strength within me rising, I shook my head and thundered "Get away from me! What do you want? You took my soul, there is nothing left." From screaming my guts out to groaning next to him on the ground "Leave me alone, I hate you, I hate myself because of you, you disgust me. What do you want from me?" I began to hit him and lost my temper, for a second I felt peaceful and the whole world went blank, I saw myself playing with my father in our little garden, I felt too small my hands were tiny and I was running with really petite feet that can barely hold my unbalanced body.
That dream was not like my usual dreams, it felt like a lost memory, happy memory, something I needed. My eyes and arms were so heavy, I tried opening my eyes then I remembered that I was no longer that small running from my father's tickling, I was so close to death, a dead soul with a beating heart all blue.
The sound of my father's laughter made me tear up, and pushed me to open my eyes to find my father sitting next to my bed holding my hand. I couldn't remember why I was at the hospital, or who brought me there. My father was so worried and I had no explanation, I was out the whole weekend and it didn't go as planned by all means. The Doctor came with Mabel and Edwin and of course Him, I figured everything out when I saw them, the Doctor explained to my father that I might have been worn out and it was the reason why I collapsed. Was it?
My father took me home after thanking the guys for calling him and bringing me along. I missed my room, I missed the smell of the blueberry candles on the desk, I have never thought I would miss the pillows on my soft bed, and most of all I missed the feeling of the strings of my cello against my bow, I slept in for the rest of the day. My little Leroy came every hour to check on me while Ivy didn't even ask what happened, she was the least of my concern at that time but I needed a sister.
Mabel called me by night to check on me she helped me decide to take couple days or a week off school and everything else, because I knew what happened to me shouldn't be something I would keep for myself, it's something I should tell my parents about it, but nothing would have brought me back to life. After the hospital incident my father agreed that I could stay at home to rest, meanwhile my mother didn't show any interest in her messed up daughter.
I put my phone away so Othello wouldn't reach me, Mabel came to my place everyday after school, the whole week was just me waking up breathless in the middle of the night screaming because I saw Othello who turned into a monster, but that wasn't everything that week, by the end of it the depression turned into sickness or so I thought.
Because of the depression I lost interest and enthusiasm in everything I used to love, including food. Further that week I started getting disgusted by any smell of food, including my favorites. I had most of my period symptoms and it scared me because I had it the week before, I was so uncomfortable. I knew that my mental health could control my body, additionally I decided to join a group meeting with strangers. You just share what you feel in order to be carefree, or so they said on their website.
I have never hated Mondays, I wasn't a fan either, yet that Monday was the hardest for me, I had to get up and pretend that I see life with rose colored glasses. My mother came that morning knocking on my door, I opened the door as she examined my whole body scanning it from my head to toes, she gasped "Oh my god, what are you wearing?" She surpassed me reaching for my closet, she helped herself until she found all those bright colored dresses that she bought for my I-don't-use box. She handed me a yellow peplum dress, the same type of the one she was wearing, I looked at her and walked past her similarly to how she did it to me, I pulled a black large hoodie and pair of dark blue jeans equally as I headed to wash my face and brush my teeth.
I went downstairs to have breakfast, Leroy was preparing his secret pancake mix while father was making me french avocado egg toasts, my father learnt how to cook and to manage the whole house because he couldn't depend on mother in this matter, or anything else. I actually smiled at the way my father put the plate in front of me and smirked "Voilà !" Then I requested "Dad, can I talk to you really quickly?" He turned to me as he grabbed a little towel as he dried his hands with it, and answered asking "Do you need permission to talk to your father, little biscuit?" I raised my eyes to meet his and I explained "I know I don't, it's just this group I want to join at the cultural youth place downtown, I will go there twice a week from 5 pm to 7 pm. You don't mind, right?" My exclamation face popped up while I was waiting for his answer, he spoke "I don't mind picking you up at 7 pm either" I stood and hugged him tightly he did the same, till he pulled up and questioned me unexpectedly "Is there anything wrong? Something I should know about?" I shook my head disagreeing with him and placed my head on his chest again.287Please respect copyright.PENANAFK1ysXlmlv