I woke up at eleven in the morning, had breakfast and left for home. The drive back was easier, mostly because I was so excited to see Damien after three days.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVE435Z6yVM
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I was planning on going home, do laundry and find Cleo. I wanted to try and talk to her one more time. We were best friends since we were babies, her opinion meant the world to me and I wanted to be clear about that; even if she haven’t contacted me at all since I left town.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2JLC6lKCu
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As soon as I arrived I went towards my parents kitchen; not even bothering going into my garage.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRF4LyGcw4c
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“Hello,” I greeted my mom as I entered the kitchen from the back door.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6n2TPaAg6
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“Welcome home baby,” mom replied “How are you?”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJclh31Ige8
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“Fine, you?” I smiled and left my bag on the floor.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jLgIwUZ64
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“Got dirty clothes?”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJcNyN43OL
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“Yup,” I grinned “Why aren’t you at the office?”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJzsg8L6oN
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“Have to visit a client in a bit,” she explained and narrowed her eyes when she noticed I was smiling at her. “Don’t look at me like that, do laundry yourself.”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLanAJbXAe
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“Fine,” I groaned and I retrieved my bag before walking towards her. I kissed her cheek as I passed her by and exited the kitchen. I turned right and entered the laundry room. I left the bag on the ground once again and took my mobile out of my back pocket. I dialed Damien’s number and put it on speaker phone. His phone was disconnected. I put the phone back into my pocket thinking he must be at work.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUsxVA9f8F
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcmrbgUUob
After putting all my clothes into the washing machine I sat in the kitchen with my mom until she left for work. I tried calling Damien again and like earlier his phone was disconnected. I sat into my parent’s living room to watch some television, though I should probably be into my garage and try and study.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRRdhXt7G6
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCsGUbJj9Q
I dialed Max’s number and put the phone on speaker. It took three rings before he picked up.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmZbFqqrlR
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“Hey,” he breathed, sounding weird.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpW2Wy4oREU
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“Hello to you too,” I frowned a little bit “Are you okay?” I asked referring to his weird greeting.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgIJffrWXS
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“I’m okay, how are you?” he asked, still sounding weird.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2L4votHDpy
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“Fine,” I replied “Where are you? I’m home!” I smiled. He didn’t reply for a moment.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUfX6Pczq5
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcl5cqZHQWp
“Fuck,” he mumbled “Dude, I’m gonna have to call you back,” he said; the word rushing out of his mouth.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyF5WqAeVs
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBdcYPAA0X
“Okay, don’t be late because I’m so bored!” I replied and hung up. I wanted to call Cleo but something stopped me. So I texted her instead. “I’m back home, if you want a coffee.” I remained on that couch until three o’clock in the afternoon when Max finally called me.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3XGITYjgb
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqFF1FL8xi
“Hey, “ he breathed “Offer still stands?” he asked.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwXiB9lY3V
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“Of course,” I replied “Come over!”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0gs5taRxc
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Max turned up soon afterwards. He said Cleo was trying to finish a project that she working on since I left. She was trying to keep herself occupied as I understood.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTU3LlOEAJu
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He told me she had a date with Mike two nights ago and that she looked very optimistic. It looked like Max was trying to avoid mentioning Damien, so I left it at that, doing the very same thing but not really understanding the reason.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05RgxG2Eq1
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About an hour later, that I still haven’t heard from Damien, my mom returned home. I refused to cook for myself because I was cooking the whole time I was living with James, so her arrival made me extra happy.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zCe2lo08J
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I was sitting with Max in the kitchen sofa playing cards until the food was ready. Thankfully mom had prepared the meat and now I only had to wait half an hour until it was grilled. At some point I heard mom talking on the phone, telling someone to bring a soda for us. A while later Evita, the twin’s mother, walked through the kitchen door.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciyh4PTJ27
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“Hello guys,” she greeted us “Welcome Erica.”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kmNsDNh2y
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfoIpufG7W
“Hello Aunt,” I smiled and got up to take the soda that she put on the kitchen counter. “How are you?” I smiled.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9ijATnqk4
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“Here,” my mom said at the same time and left some money on the counter.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eglpeH46J
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1RvZpLXKA
“Don’t even think about it,” Evita replied to her. “I’m still trying to digest the fact that my baby left again,” she sighed.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSnfAxjH4E
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttTkI8INUf
“Which baby left?” I frowned with a half smile as I walked towards the cupboard with the glasses. Max was here. Cleo was at home. That only left one person that could leave…412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4kuwQvfjQ
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAF9jWboWFg
“Damien,” and a deep sigh escaped her chest the same time the realization hit me. My heart fell. I blinked; staring at the shelves. My chest started going up and down quickly as my heartbeat increased. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took one glass in my hands.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOjZXExKL1
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPNQz77EnD
“Wasn’t he supposed to leave in two weeks?” I asked trying to sound as casual as possible. I took another glass out of the cupboard and opened up the soda bottle.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmAne6i2y2
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TVVTdJlfC
“Yeah,” Evita said “But he said he got a call this morning at work from some friends and he’s meeting them in Rome before going in Tuscany,” she explained. I felt a strong pain in my chest as I tried to keep the tears back.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAq9auZ9l2
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“That’s nice,” I noted and put the soda into the fridge; never turning my head towards Evita or my mom. I wanted to keep my expression hidden because I didn’t even know how I looked like.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6gTjjsFY0
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“You kids should go and visit, using those tickets he got you for your birthday,” she suggested as I was walking towards Max.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFy07Wu4Yt
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“Maybe after their exams,” my mom spoke. I put the soda on the table in front of Max, never looking at him.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BYkMSJmHA
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“Yeah, after the exams,” I replied and sat down with my back towards the kitchen. I didn’t care if Max saw me crying, but I didn’t want Evita to see me. I took a deep breath and focused on my cards.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0pShVc3gz
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“Your turn,” I said to Max. He didn’t move for a moment.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDsilqkuQS
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“Yeah,” he breathed after a while and put a card down. I sipped my soda and took a deep breath. I couldn’t stop staring at my phone. We haven’t even finished the game when I grabbed it from the table and dialed Damien’s number.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKsUL2PB5b
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTY3KtLZ28o
Nothing. His phone was disconnected. My breathing started to increase and I leaned forward, touching my elbows on my knees, as I tried to calm myself down. “Why would he leave like that? Things were fine last night” I was thinking over and over again.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbLyuRljF8
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My mom approached us then, holding two plates with grilled chicken and left them on the table. I thanked her, not really talking, and pulled the plate in front of me.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kF1JTa45X
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Max closed the door behind us as we walked into the renovated garage. I took small steps towards the bed and sat down; my chest aching.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIDrUuFvis
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“Did he…” I breathed “Did he really left?” I frowned looking at Max for the first time.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsALZuXpLmB
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“Fuck,” he mumbled and leaned against the door “You didn’t know. He said everything’s okay,” Max frowned.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCazfN4EbXN
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“When did he say that?” I asked; my voice fainted.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFanyST7Y5C
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR26HrB0yni
“He woke me up this morning,” Max breathed and took a step from the door “And said he’s leaving. I asked where he’s going because I got confused because I knew he went into the office this morning and he said that he got a call from a friend and that he’s meeting his old buddies in Rome before going up to Tuscany,” Max explained like he knew I needed to hear the story one more time.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ602iJgMzfu
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He walked towards me as he spoke again “I followed him to the door and I asked if you knew about this,” he said and finally sat down beside me. I swallowed. “He said “everything’s okay kid”, hugged me, hugged Cleo and left,” he breathed.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Wh7RObQbs
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I couldn’t speak. Everything was fine last night. He was excited that I was finally coming back home. What could possibly change overnight? Or if nothing changed, and everything was okay why he left without calling or texting? Or at least answering his phone?412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eIVe7bUmS
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRL0PgRDy2
“I…” I stuttered “We spoke last night…” I breathed. “I don’t understand,” I whispered and pulled back on the bed, pulling my legs against my chest. Max turned towards me and put his hand on my ankle; stroking my skin with his thumb.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAXU4TXmRs
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“I’ll talk to him. He’ll call sooner or later,” he said.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuM7aqklmyY
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“No, no,” I rapidly shook my head.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspGZS9TZkY
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“Why not?” Max frowned.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FSslYWa3y
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“Don’t get involved please,” I shook my head again but slowly this time.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf3ppoWyJU
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“I wanna know too,” he blinked.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7ZWWMpvzQ
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“Please don’t. For the past two months I’ve been trying to keep this casual, like I wasn’t dating your brother. You getting involved will cancel all that out,” I explained.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2TZvqofG3
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The truth was that I was afraid. I didn’t want him to feel pressure about anything. If his brother got involved he would probably feel pressured and that would pushed him further away from me. If it was possible to be further apart.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoJ3UeOixF
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I should have left. I should have taken the chance to go away for university. Then none of this would have happened. Even if I have taken up on Alex’s offer. I wouldn’t have stayed and Alex wouldn’t have broken my heart and most importantly I wouldn’t be around to fall in love with Damien once again.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vc2zDxETF
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrfaULZzs1
It hurt so badly. What I was feeling now was nothing compared to how I felt when Alex cheated or when we broke up. My heart was shuttered into a million little pieces inside my chest and everytime I had a thought of him it was like those little pieces cut through my flesh; burning my insides and killing me even more in the process.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbnXmhnbL4
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I even made my mother cry when she came to check on me that day. And it hurt more. I was avoiding the mirrors because I didn’t want to see how I looked like. The way I felt was enough.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxc4JZB9DEE
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There were moments that I couldn’t understand why he would leave like this. Moments that I was going insane, running our last conversations over and over and over again into my mind trying to find what went wrong. And I would pick up the phone and dial his number.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpjw3Z4qFB
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He never answered; even if the phone was now working, two days after he left. And why would he? We didn’t belong together. I wasn’t enough. Why would he stay with me? It was a miracle we even had those two months together. I should be happy I had those two months. I should be happy I got to taste his bittersweet lips, stare into his mesmerizing grey eyes. Deep down I was glad I never got to tell him how I really felt because he would probably laugh.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gaGjd73p8
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But what about all those times he held me into his arms and stared into my eyes? The times when he wanted me to say I was his. Why would he do that if he never cared? Or when he assured me that he would never cheat on me. Why would he do that? He knew I hated big words. He knew I hated promises and yet he would say those things.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKu7ejIJTT
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Every time the phone rang my heart fluttered. But it was never him and the soft pain in my chest returned again. Max was calling regularly to check on me; trying to get me out of the house. Cleo had texted me, asking if I was okay but I wasn’t ready for her or the outside world yet.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEC0k5mYsgd
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Only the third day I got up from the bed and opened my laptop, trying to slowly have a connection with the outside world. Yesterday and the day before that my mother came home from work to cook and bring me food; that only made me feel more pathetic but I never argued.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQARdaeQIg
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After I was done eating and I was ready to sit on the couch and ignore the world around me, including my examinations, my phone rang. My heart fluttered but fell when I saw that it wasn’t him. It was Alex. I had completely forgotten about him.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hlR6pzM7G
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“Hello,” I answered; my voice completely lifeless.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4Y1V5TEOg
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“Hello,” he said slowly and I could hear the frown on his features “Are you okay?” he asked, sounding anxious. I breathed sharply.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGH2NokDke
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“Yes,” I lied automatically.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvMWkF3A8a
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“I thought that by now you’d know better than to lie to me, love,” he said softly.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0AyuSTIDK
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“I’m not in the mood Alex,” I replied; the impatience coloring my voice.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbltPxMJ7MN
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“I’m coming to pick you up,” he said but by the time I refused he had already hung up the phone.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaudhUG8zo
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He arrived sooner than expected; right when I was done getting ready. Not that I made an effort. I just put on a pair of jeans and a simple black top. Thankfully it was daytime and I could hide my red puffy eyes under my black sunglasses.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLk2029LcBZ
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I greeted him heartlessly as I sat beside him in the black Aston Martin. He breathed a greeting back and never spoke again until we were at the mansion.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡws2OBQhXHb
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“When did you arrived?” I asked as we got out of the car.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSdrWH3yO6
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“This morning,” he replied as he walked beside me towards the double doors of the entrance. “How did you know?” he smiled.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbyYrW3RVz
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“You came too fast,” I made an attempt to smile but failed. Smiling felt strange. He looked at me for a moment and then turned around, opening the door and walked inside.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJpN6fYtYu
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn36Lp7mSE
I never thought that I could talk to Alex so freely about what I felt. Maybe it was because when we were together it was the only thing I never wanted to do. But I didn’t care anymore. I knew he wouldn’t judge me for having feelings for Damien.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLowNbZ1hi0
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When, at some point, I burst into tears he pulled me into his arms and held me there. And as he kept me I realized that maybe I shouldn’t have talk to him at all. Three days ago our positions were reversed, maybe it was selfish talking to him; after all he had his own problems to deal with. I pulled back and wiped the tears from my eyes.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDb9D1mgURO
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“Are you okay?” he asked softly.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeinted2Lv
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“I’m better, thank you,” I swallowed and pushed my fist against my chest, trying to ease the pain. “How are you?” I looked at him, trying to keep my mind occupied. I saw him looking at my hand that was against my chest before looking at my eyes.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDy4UrHiSD
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“I’m better too,” he smiled.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3L2d4YFwO
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“Have you gone to the cemetery?” I asked. He turned forward and looked at the floor, brushing his face with his fingers.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAdE6MUtqX
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“No.”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsSdI42035
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“We’re gonna go together,” I told him “I’ll be there with you,” I assured him. He breathed and nodded. “What about your father? Have you talked to him?”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldBhwBkykK
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“No,” he said his expression hardening “My father and I don’t talk.”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiajywpH4GE
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“Well, he’ll notice when you’re better and everything will be okay,” I told him and took his hand in mine. He turned towards me and looked at me; his brown eyes liquid.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHV5wJL4aw
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“I admire you for being able to do that,” he mumbled.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvs0PkLJyOc
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“Do what?” I blinked.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQjaBOPmra
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“Be so strong.”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyNdpyeMYt
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“There’s no strength left in me,” I whispered, shaking my head lightly and looked at the floor.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqLLIlBJfb
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“Hey,” he said and searched for my eyes. I turned to look at him before he spoke again. “You’ll get over this,” he said sounding confident.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk4RTsMsG5
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“I can’t,” I winced and my tears betrayed me once again. I turned my head away from him and tried to wipe the tears away.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe45PfESiJK
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“Come here,” I heard him saying right before he pulled me to his arms again. He put his palm against the side of my head as my cheek was laying against his collar bone. “Calm down,” he whispered and a déjà vu hit me; Damien holding me as I was crying over Alex. I pulled away abruptly from him as my breathing fastened and the pain in my chest hardened.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYa4mAta7h
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“I’m sorry,” I breathed. Alex looked at me shocked.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX20yMxJMjL
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“What?” he asked confused “About what?” he frowned and I got up.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVAFLe9RCz
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“It’s my fault. Everything’s my fault,” I mumbled as the air filled my lungs quickly; my chest going up and down rapidly. “Four months ago he was the one holding me,” I begun talking quickly and started hyperventilating “As I was crying over you. Now it’s happening again but in reverse. It’s me. I keep doing this,” I rambled, tears oozing from eyes.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrdd1nBMDq
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I was doing this. Alex was never the right guy for me and maybe neither was Damien. Maybe that’s why it hurt so bad, because I wanted him to be that guy so bad. My chest was going up and down quickly and aching. I didn’t noticed Alex moving, until he was standing in front of me.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNYAPLYjQ3
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“Erica, calm down,” he said, putting his palms against my cheeks and looking at me. I bit my bottom lip trying to calm down with no success. Everything was great before he kissed me that day in the swimming pool for the first time. Why would he do that? I was fine before. I was fine just imagining that kiss, imagining him looking into my eyes with care. I was fine before.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzSfSAYIEs
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But I was glad I lived it. Grateful that I was free to caress his beautiful face and that I saw the way he looked and smelled after sex. I was thankful even if now my insides were aching and burning like a demon’s flesh that’s being touched by holy water. I breathed out a whimper and put my palm against the center of my chest.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5COvEJYD4
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“It’s the same thing isn’t?” he asked; looking at me. I just stared at him. “Let’s go,” he said and grabbed my hand.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJEDdKpzQe
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“Where?” I asked breathlessly.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHOKqxFS8K
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“To the hospital,” he said; his voice colored with his intimidating tone.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMDc1Y6hik
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The ride towards the hospital helped a little bit, mostly because Alex had my window wide open. If I cared the slightest about myself at that point, I would be worried about getting pneumonia.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8wLTWB0pE
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At some point I heard him talking on the phone to one or two people but I didn’t pay attention. I was just glad that he didn’t know the twins or my parent’s number. Or at least I hoped he didn’t. I was too lost in my trance to worry about that. My mind was spinning and I had lain back enjoying the ride.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkh0neTuBL
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Only when we walked into the Emergency Room I became aware of what was really happening. The pain in my chest wasn’t so bad anymore but I still felt something. Maybe it was my heart that was ripped out.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDocH7dx9fm
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I guessed that the phone calls that Alex made as he drove me to the hospital were to a doctor because we didn’t have to wait at all. A doctor led the way towards one of the beds and told me to sit down. When he asked how I felt I was very tempted to say that it felt like I was hit by a truck but I thought it would be better to avoid my bitter humor.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3lbWf9Wod
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“Does it still hurt?” he asked as he took my pressure. Alex was standing on the end of the bed, his one arm against his chest and the other over it as his fingers were tracing his mouth; the whole time staring at me.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uf20wQkfH
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“No,” I replied “But it tickles,” I frowned not sure if that was the right word to describe the feeling.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4Vsqz0arI
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“Mr. White, can you please pull the curtains close?” he asked Alex and then turned towards me. “Lift your shirt please, I need to listen to your heart,” he told me. I nodded not even thinking that Alex was there.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpR69J1zd2
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“Do you want me to …” Alex told me, pointing outside. I shook my head politely. It wasn’t like he would see anything he hasn’t seen before. That thought brought a scoff to my lips that I chocked as the doctor place the stethoscope to my chest and then my heart rate increased again.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXznUuJezVD
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“Take another deep breath please,” he told me and I noticed a light frown. My sight blurred for a moment but then I controlled myself and did what the doctor asked. “Okay, turn around,” he asked and I turned towards Alex; my top still upwards. I blinked to control the tears and gave a weak smile to Alex. “Okay,” the doctor exhaled and removed the stethoscope. I pulled down my top and turned towards him again.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1IcUHuxvQ
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“You just had an anxiety attack,” he looked at me.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuAjCRIS26
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“But I’m not anxious about anything,” I frowned. I didn’t give damn about my classes at this point.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXcP5wsd16
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“From your symptoms, pounding heart, shortness of breath, hyperventilation and insomnia I can come up with one answer and that is anxiety attack,” he begun. “But I can say that grieving can also be a cause. Grieving is a powerful emotion that can have physical effects on our autonomic system and can even cause arrhythmias or bursting of weakened blood vessels,” the doctor explained. I wasn’t surprised he thought of “grief”; my red eyes were one of my symptoms.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpR03BPJgvx
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“Oh,” was all I managed to say. “What can I do?” I asked.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAGur3jVHI
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“Because this have happened again in the past, I’m going to prescribe something to just calm you down,” he said.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15N8Q2T4Tz
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“Anti-depression drugs?” Alex asked.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECDeUW4zoT
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“What?” I frowned “No,” I turned towards the doctor as I realized what drugs he meant. “I have my exams to study for,”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfexs42N4TR
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“Alright, take one before you go to sleep for two nights in the row. It will help you sleep and rest. Then take them if you start having any symptoms again, okay?” the doctor smiled and wrote something on a paper and left it. “Though I don’t think it will happen again soon.”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyh6BKoLZs3
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“Thank you Dr. Wallace,” Alex said as I nodded. The doctor smiled at him and shook his hand before leaving us alone. I exhaled deeply and got up from the bed. Alex walked next to me, his hand on the back of my waist as we exited the hospital.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRwbTJ9ZJq
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“That was interesting,” I smiled as approached the car. “Many people have been dumped before but how many were they diagnosed?” I laughed.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOvbsgbFpo
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“I need to know that you’ll be okay,” Alex told me as he sat opened the passengers door for me.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQnQW4fd10
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“I’ll try,” I mumbled.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqRvORxHQR
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The next two days I did sleep well thanks to the drugs the doctor gave me but the third night was as the same as the first night I learned Damien left. I tossed and turned, curling up into a ball. I tried to avoid taking a pill again because I’ve heard that you can get addicted to anti-depressing’s.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWL9udEC4Fq
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I wanted to hear his voice so bad; to hear that everything was okay. And I made the mistake to pick up my phone and call him; because this time he picked up. My heart almost exploded.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5SfZWmb6i
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“What?” he asked so abruptly that made my heart shutter into a million pieces.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfT3p4xkCpj
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“Hi,” I breathed.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4hwQEHQeS
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“What the hell Erica?” he asked. I never thought it would hurt this bad to hear him calling my name “It’s four o’clock in the morning!” he replied; his tone cold and distant.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHwHqLRZEA
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“I’m sorry,” I whispered “I just needed to hear your voice,” I swallowed hard.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvETPul7TIe
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“So what?”he breathed out. He sounded like he was struggling too but it still hurt so badly. Tears filled my eyes and I hung up the phone before throwing it at the end of the bed. I wasn’t ready for this. I fell against my pillow, covering my face and smothered the sound of my sobs.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcs4AOhFho
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And that’s when it happened again; the pounding pain returned to my chest. I sat up trying to calm down and looked at my phone, thought of calling Alex but I didn’t want to wake him up. So I stood up and walked into the shower. But again, tears came out of nowhere. I couldn’t calm myself down. I wrapped my towel around my body, between sobs, and walked into the room again.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNbFXkVKTF
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“Yes?” Alex answered his phone sleepily.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMBzAcgFur
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“I’m sorry,” I said softly “I…” I trailed. And that’s when Alex must have realized it was me on the phone.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijnFAEF8Wp
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“Are you okay?” he asked anxiously.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYISx7fCot
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“I don’t know,” I whispered but my breathing was still quick.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22475zpIbQ
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“It happened again?”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9LZE18fBR
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“Yes,” I breathed.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNs0SRSZvp
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“Get dressed.” He said and hung up the phone; not even giving me the chance to argue with him.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWXs1T7DbZ
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This time the doctor that examined me thought it was best to keep me in. He said that it was suspicious for a girl my age to get those episodes so regularly. I tried to delay notifying my mother as much as possible as I didn’t want to scare her. I was lying in a bed, with stickers against my chest and my heart beat was beeping through a machine for the entire room to hear.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtUPW58NxF
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“You need to call your mother,” Alex said from the foot of the bed. I studied him for a moment and noticed that I never saw him dressed so casual and I frowned.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbfg8OubWe
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“You’re not wearing a button up shirt,” I stated. He chuckled and shook his head.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlHtrngHQN
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“Yeah, sorry,” he smiled “I didn’t have time for a formal outfit,” he mocked.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEpZaKEvhi
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“Thank you for coming,” I smiled at him. He looked at me for a moment and then sat down at the end of the bed; exhaling deeply.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBp3KRqQ8u
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“Three days ago, when you’re having that episode, you said something,” he begun “You said that you keep doing this to yourself,” he said. I felt uncomfortable and the beeping sound on the machine picked up. He looked at the machine for a second and then took my hand in his. I swallowed waiting to hear what he would say next. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time,” he sighed.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQi0uzSwRWT
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“What? You’ve lost me,” I frowned.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTr9cnAgVXa
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“If we haven’t met that night, you wouldn’t be in here now,” he explained but I was still lost.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFjuPLAA8K
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“Alex, what are you talking about?”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkp0bWv8VU
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“I’ve been thinking about this since that night at the club you had the first episode,” he explained and that’s when I realized what he was talking about. That night when we were out together after the second time we got together. I couldn’t breathe inside the club and accidentally told him this was happening often since he left.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uHeaPNDQp
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“Oh my God,” I frowned “This isn’t your fault,” I breathed and tried to sit up.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKeAzJi5xR
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“Stay down,” he said and stopped me from getting up “This is my fault. I damaged you so badly and he…” he trailed. The thought of Damien brought a sharp pain into my chest that made me ignore what he said.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9I4UVT472m
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“He broke me,” I smiled a humorless smile; the machine giving me in. Alex looked towards it and stood up.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezJdyvC4ga
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“Damn it, I shouldn’t have brought this up now,” he frowned. “Here,” he said and gave me my phone “Call your mother. It’s seven a.m.”412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpVr4Ya2TL
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I looked at him and sighed. It was best to hear it from me that I was in the hospital; to see that it wasn’t anything serious. Or at least I hoped it wasn’t.412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDytHTMou8r
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Conjure One - Tears From the Moon412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnriVs2a9ow
