I got into my plum colored 2007 Honda Pilot, as I watched Matt walk up the stairs and into his house. I smiled as I watched his dog, Roxy, jump up to kiss him.
I pushed the key into the ignition, and turned it forward, as I heard the engine start. I put the gear into Drive and drove slowly through the “5 mph” area. There was no possible way that anyone could go 5mph in a car as big as mine. I settled for 10mph and rolled down the hill.
I went over the bright white speed bump (which I completely ignored the first time, going 20mph). I took a left and took another left at the stop sign. So many stop signs, in both his town and mine.
I stopped at the last stop sign and picked up my speed to 40mph. I was getting onto the ramp to the freeway and I was the only car on the road at the time. My music was blasting through my car, bass so loud that the mirrors were shaking.
I kept driving straight ahead for another mile or two until I came up to my first red light. I stopped and waited there as “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa started to play. This was my favorite song. I was really pumped to be listening to this song. It made me feel so free as I was driving. The bass in the song made the car shake in a fun way.
My heart stopped as I saw something from the corner of my eye. My eyes widened as I heard the metal contorting towards me. It’s like everything stopped in midair. I could feel my hair flying all over the place. The view outside of my windshield was spinning and unclear. I was immediately choked by my seatbelt as my car landed on it’s right side. My eyes slowly drifted shut and everything went black.
I woke up to the sound of knocking on the window. Matt smiled at me in his Albertsons uniform. I turned to my phone to check the time. It was 7:00pm. Wait a second. What. Just. Happened. I was just…didn’t I get into a car accident? I thought in my head as I smiled back at him.
I started the car and began to drive him home. I tried to move past the fact that…well… I was back in the past. I knew that this already happened.
Somehow…I went back in time. I knew I needed to figure this out. I didn’t want to end up like the girl from Before I Fall. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I needed to stay calm.
I followed his directions towards his favorite spot and the sky was still beautiful. We got out of the car and walked/tripped over the sand, seaweed, rocks, and sticks.
I loved how open he was to me on our first official date. Holding his hand, especially in public, was the best feeling in the world. It shows that he was actually proud to be with me, and he wasn’t embarrassed in any way.
By the time the night had ended, I decided to try and change things. As soon as we got to his house, I parked the car. I hugged him, gave him a kiss, then I told him “Good night.”
I got into my car, started the engine, and didn’t listen to any music. I made it home safe, and I set up my bed. I turned off my lights, laid in bed, and fell asleep.
Ever since that weird thing happened, I’ve been restraining myself from asserting sentences that include the word “wish” and listening to “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa.
So far, everything was good. Nothing had come close to what happened that night, and I think I had the past situation under control.
December 2nd, 2019:
I was a little intimidated when I heard my boyfriend tell me that he wanted me to meet his parents. I’m not sure why I was so scared about it.
Oh wait, he told me that I was going to be the first girlfriend he’s ever let his parents meet. Yup, not intimidating at all.
He told me the night before that we were going to go get breakfast, then he planned on going to take his behind-the-wheel driver’s test.
He told me where it was at and I got so nervous that I left early and parked the car. He said they (grandparents, parents, him) were all going to leave at 9 to get there at 9:30.
As soon as he told me where it was at, I started driving and parked. I didn’t know this place existed, or where it was located.
I got there about an hour early, so I walked across to the pier of some sort and watched the otters. There were three momma otters, each holding their babies. I kept laughing because of these two young otters that kept trying to dominate each other,
Slowly, more people noticed what was going on, and they stopped and stood next to me to watch them. I heard my phone go off with a Snapchat notification. I watched the “Snap” of my boyfriend zooming in on my face in the far distance.
I looked around and saw him, standing in the parking lot where my car was. Through the many cars passing by, we made our way to each other.
I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. I leaned in, kissed his cheek, and got down. I was so nervous to meet his parents for the first time. This was the first time that meeting someone’s parents had been such a formal occasion in my mind.
Matt wrapped his left arm around my waist as we walked side-by-side. The place we were eating at was called Frankie’s and Lola’s. I had never been there before, and I had no idea what to expect.
We walked to the entrance, where his mother and father were standing. The night before, Matt brought his dad over to meet me while I was closing in the Bakery. I was shaking because I was so nervous.
I could definitely see where Matt got his height from. Compared to his dad, Matt looked like a child…and Matt was 6’1”.
I recognized his dad and assumed that the woman next to him was Matt’s mother. She was so beautiful. She was a little shorter than me, had wavy hair that bounced perfectly down her shoulders, and glasses that flawlessly fit her face.
I knew I was already sorta in the clear with the dad, but I wanted to make a good impression on the mom. Of course, I’d never worried so much about making someone’s parents like me before…but I cared this time.
I’m not going to lie when I say the breakfast was a little awkward. I got two pancakes (which were HUGE) and Matt got the same thing. Since I’d never been there before, I just got what Matt got.
For the first month of my relationship with Matt, I would get the same thing he did when we went to new restaurants. Most of the time, it was the best choice.
Besides meeting the parents for the first time, today was a very important day, because Matt was going to take his driver’s test.
After breakfast, we went back to Matt’s house to relax and drop off the leftovers. Then, Matt drove his mom’s car around for a couple hours to practice before the test.
A few hours later, we arrived at the DMV. It was a Monday, and “everyone and their grandma” was there. After some trouble finding parking, we entered the DMV.
I walked with Matt and his parents to Window 14 and met with a woman. She asked for his documentation, proving that he was who he said he was. Then, we had to wait so he could take the test.
I had a bad feeling when I saw the same woman who failed me, the first time I took the test. I only took the test once at that DMV, then I moved to a different one and passed.
We all waited nervously as the woman got into the car with him, and we watched them drive away. About fifteen minutes later, we watched him drive back and park in a spot. The woman got out of the car and walked into the DMV. I watched as Matt got out of the car, slightly ticked off.
He failed because he hit the same damn curb that everyone hits when they take the test. His mother, father and I all became optimistic and told him that he would pass the next time.
We drove downtown and decided to go and watch a movie after some Starbucks. We decided to watch 21 Bridges. We got the reclinable chairs and I decided to squeeze onto his chair and cuddle with him.
He was okay after that, and really liked the movie. We went to Olive Garden, and then he dropped me off at home.
I was a little sad that he didn’t get his driver’s license. He was so excited about it and not getting it just made me mad.
I remember the first time that I told him I loved him. It was over a call and even though we hadn’t been dating for very long, I felt it in my heart. I was just so nervous to say it out loud, and I felt like it might’ve been a little too soon for him.
I kept trying to say it, but avoided the word completely and substituted it for “care about you very much” or “really really lo—like you.” Then it happened. He stopped and said, “you know, I take that word very seriously. I want you to say it, only if you mean it.”
I started to overthink things for a minute, then I said, “you know what? I do mean it. I love you.” I’m pretty sure he was surprised that I actually gained the confidence to say it out loud, or that it was pretty early in the relationship. Also the fact that I didn’t sound very confident when I said it. I’m pretty sure I tried to say it again later on with more confidence.
Other times when I would tell him that I loved him, I would try not to say it as a habit, but when I really wanted to remind him that no matter what, I will always stick by his side.
I love you means a lot of different things. For family, it usually means that you will always support each other, and will be there for each other.
When it comes to my relationship with Matt, I love you means so many things. To me, it means that no matter how hard life is, no matter how many obstacles we go through, I will stick by his side no matter what.
Matt has told me that he’s had people betray him, or let him down in the past…and I want to be different. I want to be the person who he can rely on. I never ever want to disappoint him.
I want to be his rock, his lobster (Friends reference), his backbone.
A couple weeks later, we hit our one-month mark. I was so happy that everything was going great. He and I were learning new things about each other and each thing made me love him even more.
We had our own inside jokes, we knew each other’s tickle spots, and we were really comfortable with each other. I was so happy to be with him, I never wanted him to leave.
January 6th, 2020:
As soon as Matt had failed his Driver’s Test, he decided to schedule another appointment ASAP. The next one was on January 6th. His parents had decided to take that day off too, so they could be with him to support him.
I was feeling really confident about this time. I drove to his house and rode with him in his car to SLO. We got to the DMV and his dad got into the passenger seat of the car. Matt remembered the exact path for the driver’s test.
Eventually, we went back to the DMV. This time, we switched to his mom’s car. Last time, Matt was nervous about the “check engine” light in his car and he didn’t want to risk it, so he used his mom’s car for the test.
We waited until they called his number. The time came and we watched him walk out to his car. We saw a different woman approach him. I was so happy that it was someone besides that other woman.
We went over to the same bench we went to last time and we sat and waited. We all knew that he was going to pass this time.
His car came up through the driveway and he parked. I held a straight face as he walked up with his paper. His mom asked, “You passed?”
“Yup.” He replied. We were all so happy for him. This was the perfect moment that he was waiting for, and he finally got it.
After he got his license, we drove to his favorite place to eat; Roadhouse Grill. The name sounded familiar in my head, but I couldn’t remember if I’d been there before.
We walked in and all I could see were peanut shells, scattered all over the floor. I remembered back when my cousins, aunt, uncle, my mom, dad, and sister all came to this restaurant.
We only came here once and it was a really long time ago, but the only thing I remembered from it was the peanut shells.
We ate some filet mignon, I had some incredibly tasty mashed potatoes with cheese, and it was heaven. I loved that place and I was so happy that (1) Matt got his license and (2) I was able to revisit a childhood memory.
Later on in the relationship, he mentioned that soon (in the next year or two), he was going to go into the military. I was nervous when he said that because I didn’t want him to leave. Of course, I supported him and new that he was going to do great things in life.
I knew that the was strong and that although he’s gone through many things that have broken him down, he can do anything.
He is the sweetest guy that I knows and because of what apparently happened to my cousin who went into the same branch (now has PTSD, and is a completely different person), I don’t want him to change.
I love Matt the way he is and if he came back different, I feel like I won’t even be able to recognize him. Building a relationship with who Matt is now and who he is during/after the Navy might be really tough.
Why is he joining the Navy? First off, let’s just say that his parents were both in branches of the military. Matt wanted to go into the Marines, but everyone in his family thought it would be too dangerous for him. Or, they were scared that something would happen to him, because the Marines are the first ones who go in.
I’m relieved that his parents convinced him to go into a less life-threatening branch. Although I’m not ecstatic about him leaving at all, I’m still proud of him for living his life. I’m proud of him for dealing with every terrible thing in his life, and for still thriving.
Sometimes, when a traumatic thing happens to someone, it can really mess them up emotionally. You’ve seen how one of my choices has affected me…
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