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仍然沒有人向我拜年。45Please respect copyright.PENANAtNEQAWbcfQ
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紅桃紫衣金龍,滿堂歡慶與我無關。我和唯一親人阿弟是家族中輩份及年齡最高的兩位。同樣白髮蒼蒼,老態龍鍾,待遇卻天淵之別。45Please respect copyright.PENANAwVvkDSV8xR
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大家喜歡他、敬重他,圍著他團團轉,噓寒問暖,斟茶遞水。我只得穿上寒衣呆坐露台一隅,隔窗遠觀那份溫暖幸福。45Please respect copyright.PENANALtEpy7HS7i
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妒忌?羨慕?後悔?45Please respect copyright.PENANAPbq9nEj1Ha
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幾十年來,我無數次問自己,若早知結果,會否重蹈覆轍?若然抉擇不同,如今會否活得更好?45Please respect copyright.PENANAxdr2HE8fD1
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目光不期然瞟向客廳沙發。45Please respect copyright.PENANADXj8rbF04e
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看,與阿弟閒話家常的表妹,就是當年其中一個見死不救的傢伙。聽,表妹說救活阿弟的醫生即將百歲大壽,打算送他足金壽星公像作賀禮……45Please respect copyright.PENANA48iTSwFvqr
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嗖——新春寒風格外刺骨沁人。45Please respect copyright.PENANAwEODEAHsLS
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那是一個純樸年代,大家毫不忸怩造作,全無顧慮表現出心中所思。阿弟命懸一線,醫生開天殺價,親友一毛不拔。我可以怎麼辦?我有選擇嗎?45Please respect copyright.PENANAjMXgyeozs2
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嗖——落地玻璃門被趟開,不知哪位親戚的小孩傻呼呼冒冷踏入露台,詫見有人安坐黑暗角落:「你也在捉迷藏?」45Please respect copyright.PENANA7k5jAqgB8C
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「沒有。」突然有後輩對我說話,我乍驚乍喜,略顯不知所措:「你知道我是誰?」45Please respect copyright.PENANAmy8ascosSp
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「遠房親戚長輩。」稚子聰敏,答案模稜兩可,卻也挑不出錯處。45Please respect copyright.PENANAae1lyqnrA5
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「乖!」我珍愛輕拍他的小小頭頂,喜悅淚水差點兒奪眶湧出:「給你紅包!」45Please respect copyright.PENANAGs5DdNt7Ru
45Please respect copyright.PENANAj2fM1dCm7X
每年新春,我總會預備幾封紅包在口袋,為的就是不知何時出現的新舊交替。45Please respect copyright.PENANAsIKRnxpgfn
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人難免一死,記憶和歷史無法完整傳承予後輩。知情人士相繼離世,加上他們向來忌諱提及我的過去與存在,終有一天,後輩們只把我視為「遠房親戚長輩」、一個普通不過的老者。45Please respect copyright.PENANAwgcxAK7hUw
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小孩收到紅包,興奮連講幾句祝賀說話,喜孜孜踏著小跳步回到室內。他的身影在拐角處消失尚沒一分鐘,表弟婦臉色玄青,直闖露台,不發一言,退還紅包。45Please respect copyright.PENANA5W5qTBVnfH
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我沒有接過。她乾脆將紅包扔在地面,轉身俐落揚長而去。客廳人聲消失好幾秒,然後再次熱鬧起來。新年快樂、喜氣盈門、一團和氣……45Please respect copyright.PENANAKi3lFx78wM
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我知道大家心知肚明露台發生甚麼尷尬事。我知道地上紅包已被風吹走。我知道今天遭遇是未來寫照:我將會孤獨終老。45Please respect copyright.PENANAaK70LUh92V
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嗖——落地玻璃門被趟開,某青壯後輩從客廳搬來一張有背竹椅,置於我身邊,然後阿弟在旁人攙扶下安坐。45Please respect copyright.PENANAUI7RhKpX56
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關門關窗,與世隔絕。只有我兄弟倆的世界。45Please respect copyright.PENANAJHPqhGIO5V
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「小心著涼。」我倆同時開口。45Please respect copyright.PENANAuSZ7Fdo2FD
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相視苦笑。45Please respect copyright.PENANAWTpqA7B9CS
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「今天氣溫與那個冬夜差不多。」阿弟輕嗟。45Please respect copyright.PENANAU84gXwhf2z
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「還可以。」我那時候完全不覺冷。短時間內在村裡來回跑動十幾圈。求醫生,求親友,求路人。最後只得取刀架著醫生喉嚨……45Please respect copyright.PENANA6KhtCacwG3
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「你不打算到客廳坐坐?」阿弟每年都會如此問我。45Please respect copyright.PENANAbqan14LBFH
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我猶豫。明明渴望融入家庭,為何我竟在阿弟主動伸出援手時卻步?45Please respect copyright.PENANAu1tqncoKLr
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「哥,不用怕,大家會給我面子。」阿弟暖笑。45Please respect copyright.PENANAQTnsOD7nVd
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阿弟說得沒錯,面子的確重要。無人想跟犯罪者扯上關係,懶理我有何不幸遭遇。難得阿弟多年花盡心血建立大善人形象,重新得到大家接納,我又豈可破壞他得來不易的一切?45Please respect copyright.PENANAA2Kwj67RfX
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只願他新年快樂。45Please respect copyright.PENANAvKkPeMrnrb
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「不了。」我搖首婉拒。45Please respect copyright.PENANABRg1kixMiN
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幾句寒暄後,阿弟在親友催促下回去室內。45Please respect copyright.PENANAf42YGqtrZU
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關門關窗,與世隔絕。45Please respect copyright.PENANAUMKNDWnFIH
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我長嘆一聲,把口袋裡所有紅包扔掉。45Please respect copyright.PENANAFzJ5Gkv5PL
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它們隨風四散,不由自主地消失於這個冬夜。