我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。258Please respect copyright.PENANAHU90ThhftC
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不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。258Please respect copyright.PENANA7kTXNi0STR
258Please respect copyright.PENANAf4H6zsYKEw
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。258Please respect copyright.PENANAqPYCHkDRIB
258Please respect copyright.PENANA0b11VIMrQO
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。258Please respect copyright.PENANAqSa9qSWSme
258Please respect copyright.PENANAsEJOhFRaaZ
壓力似乎一併消散。258Please respect copyright.PENANAqP8VIlHJcQ
258Please respect copyright.PENANAdhENdNCmuN
茶盡。我再續杯。258Please respect copyright.PENANAPfn21jSmBz
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添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。258Please respect copyright.PENANAsP5T0Ssauj
258Please respect copyright.PENANA0zQBdnjkY5
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。258Please respect copyright.PENANAFjyjh7yWvd
258Please respect copyright.PENANAaCWL4cbZqA
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。258Please respect copyright.PENANA81R9FXIzZ4
258Please respect copyright.PENANATuno5UCK4a
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。258Please respect copyright.PENANAh2JAZ0NIvT
258Please respect copyright.PENANABCu5Qw6jD5
夢醒一場空。258Please respect copyright.PENANAtdsUTd58hf
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我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。258Please respect copyright.PENANAEqQWi325zq
258Please respect copyright.PENANAoSnUDMf8Rb
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……258Please respect copyright.PENANAexQMBqgUGQ
258Please respect copyright.PENANAw3pvk6ZpBM
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。258Please respect copyright.PENANAc9U4hv7GW8
258Please respect copyright.PENANAt0IdolpWn7
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。258Please respect copyright.PENANAdXvHetsDhk
258Please respect copyright.PENANA0b4KKBciFr
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。258Please respect copyright.PENANA7QPaYsE7Ju
258Please respect copyright.PENANAHTFy4YUr73
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。258Please respect copyright.PENANABUhlOF8sar
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我沾沾自喜。258Please respect copyright.PENANAK6GYrH1D3A
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細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。258Please respect copyright.PENANAxwSsOANEMb
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但我沒有向同學們坦白。258Please respect copyright.PENANAsQ8h7EaHpi
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因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。258Please respect copyright.PENANAaga5jvQGdq
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努力,努力,努力。258Please respect copyright.PENANAzY8xJ2hyUY
258Please respect copyright.PENANAjfJpJ22qiq
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。258Please respect copyright.PENANAuY6tMGSyWa
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我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。258Please respect copyright.PENANAvA4pyDB9pQ
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以為。258Please respect copyright.PENANAXKUYHv7yvQ
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告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。258Please respect copyright.PENANAgbF5sTGH0I
258Please respect copyright.PENANAwHmDjklcUb
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。258Please respect copyright.PENANAMKnlApAn2R
258Please respect copyright.PENANAnrxchlPyQZ
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!258Please respect copyright.PENANAJgkw74QXYK
258Please respect copyright.PENANAzbDsARgi0S
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。258Please respect copyright.PENANAlsBYWaU3jQ
258Please respect copyright.PENANA5ErL5f15mM
我的作品感動了我。258Please respect copyright.PENANASSBiNj4obH
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我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。258Please respect copyright.PENANAkfJ44uERJK
258Please respect copyright.PENANA4jeSJIJZ9o
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。258Please respect copyright.PENANAQUJF49hkPs
258Please respect copyright.PENANAm3dX0wMFdg
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。258Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5wDexYrRK
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無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……258Please respect copyright.PENANA23giHyzzR5
258Please respect copyright.PENANAS3eTSiqu4o
熱茶又涼了。258Please respect copyright.PENANANbEd3rT8Mi
258Please respect copyright.PENANADaVCPCDJGx
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。258Please respect copyright.PENANAbn8xt3AYoa
258Please respect copyright.PENANAsCagWDPn16
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。258Please respect copyright.PENANAPHhsyCPo5E
258Please respect copyright.PENANAQWVgLJarRN
我的作品只感動了我。258Please respect copyright.PENANAEMEkWcu5Qx
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因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。258Please respect copyright.PENANAida2zYBncp