午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8clPS441C
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7M9Z25rCgL
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOKzq7kkuC
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXVBFOTkum
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZQOs0oiJu
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ405CsB7avh
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUn38xVSp0
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8a5MwQrxW
為何記住？我解釋不了。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dLPpV596V
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIf9aAdfJt
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8OgmXVUQI
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC29Z6xl0lM
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTWSExwqKJ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShCAsFMCzR
其中一個是他。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8HG0bYO6Z
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmJZyRhFsL
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lNLUxkZdG
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MojBA3Rfw
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPU3yw9WQxb
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVIKgv9DCa
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0niU7Nx1we
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnnojTf3CG
「你遺下銀包。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQg19qzmtNo
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprKpV5Q4Ua
「謝謝。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEw2VLR2Y8G
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDTPJoi0lh
「不用客氣……」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WrvJC0Rbg
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrtz5eHmyJ
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡar3HJUiXhy
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5Kloik2UT
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxs7dOVKPhO
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HZVpG5szl
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjjcN82c3R
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtHLXhuCGh
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffZ4C7pspD
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTIIolXscI
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJyxyPYHmF
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjMhGTOEYJ
「我是文班許家偉。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3lYnEAE2t
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLxIzNPfJ1
「我是理班李浩榮。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUPdsdFgyA
其實我早已知道許家偉。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGfNVDH2UO
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hkOUZJJUJ
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ybmmcn6yn
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbJCgAw5rI
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UwDBz7n5U
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3aynKNI4j
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdVyDgw1V5
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgtE1mfQNi
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKOUYr7bKl
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcaEzHDbME
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdX8HaKndnv
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DRAmmUb94
不服氣。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BJt4sJiri
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzuDAa0trj
繼續觀察他。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vsjBJyj7v
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfqIbEYegK
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtQjXEw3Cr
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e1PusxMgF
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zV8M908MM
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMjkQrUZXy
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcWHGU9liR
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ye2n9ISF8
我急步追趕許家偉。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfmZW3DMJ0
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaN3Wpz7eFz
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwosBIzztk1
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqKqiANDlN
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgp0qRCgOJ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUQ6njSot8
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBhJYHALQC
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mjZIaDt5m
「你遺下了銀包。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG7629v04v
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG19eljsKHG
「謝謝。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9OZ271X8X
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBxBP6aHaO
「不用客氣……」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOvioxhNIV
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YFiwYFHYx
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1DoROehn1
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42L8BeEsC9
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aBSNZwKOx
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW55NTuyYLn
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIX2mhJOSb
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1anMyDQQ4
我望入他雙眼。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEPjrUhPng
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOC3XhxPDR
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALAk21nBE0
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31t3xG7hm6
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBkQuXv9yf
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEOLTbzNLk
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1Dc0LXvyX
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9f5O8QpBj
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VvFL4uTQr
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinzVCpQ416
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8Xp8WItwq
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO9nEf1qZ1
「我是文班許家偉。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFAD4dGxmJ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJicSN05CDP
「我是理班李浩榮。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGyqNObHub
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXEBuniZeQ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYlDxE8zZU
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaKs7cl2Le
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6t2lXWwmP
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJqYRlNL02
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoebHh8Z1K3
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmDjXIyvqd
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7vmAI1MMy
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0alw1KS7c
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJyRHZuwuX
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMN1Hjipaf
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqh2hGvUZL
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9RzXyXryg
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXlsiNxjXU
但我沒有阻止他。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiOQwRnucN
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0DTKSi5g6
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpMaaIfflA
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRkwAF4PTC
我慫恿他繼續說下去。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLNLHVFa0d
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHIa0Z30r6
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkxZE4GEdF
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmZuFVszbb
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvdgb5SdAk
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw24uN4iYzf
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvohhsQ7afG
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGFv8u8YLj
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1tGuUMzWC
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUkb4xEA75
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjKCAWpIL3
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpoNWLF2Uj
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aQZcGWxUU
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWg5kcZ3TGH
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XQRMUpVNA
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxggYO0cpG
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMisGw1msaQ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltdlrs0zYU
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI1ToB7kMo
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DoeFjaaC5
但我掛念他。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdlJjjOwk3
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrIFsN8JLf
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJG2urq4qN
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2FhXLoxLD
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cwmFf0mBT
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEeQ7obcvx
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdvd0toXaM
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZHoA9GD8S
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2FUkvAZLB
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbuK2QKNn7
不要說。不要聽。不要見。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3KlFc2Mhr
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94rXDJamjx
希望時間會沖淡一切。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrcg43JYr2
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoUJIamkd6
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIwVxRcSJo
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWX56RBYf0
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAu15Bos8o
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpauRp0wZv
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEhyaHUwxs
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIzJrRxk8n
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP97FGOYwgn
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZzAVyQoAi
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquvE1iZvq8
「我也不明白。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFRqBzWlIs
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiHMTgeJ7s
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWR1TJv24e
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFh38vWt1g5
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu951kXMF9
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzdWq12aZw
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBSyck2M0B
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95FbCyyMmQ
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGACchbjZad
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdzTFzlj1E
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnGSIQOctl
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MFs4LyNVD
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEYD892OFq
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZM2ByUe9k
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuEshiq1Eu
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW59zF8n5w6
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQciRxhkfuw
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GeiCyMw0x
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRPNBSJfV6
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBJMwtcyjH
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbPdB95RhM
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLeyF99mJR
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qpEtOtUoe
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsetRRhQx2R
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoNPmi8fni
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uHdVKNWWq
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6bZCMDZdU
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4CrfXnwsj
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9wdAlsJEf
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKiAigtlAd
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為何要走到這一步？620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd56yiW0B5V
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLCo0irRuj
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuflAwpR1eL
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82a1kdwrBP
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Y1v1Wik85
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmypO5AY7KA
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxz312TQiJ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡry4hGFfS5w
「別倔強。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLV4TqIpCso
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDg9ENLUqr
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcUl027HWP
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9hoHrrSfU
「我想你放棄。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4rgixU9FS
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlV3L8MuN0f
「原因？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxOQy5IgXe
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLufRESTjl
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDO9EFNanb
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yFzmYxcn7
「我知道。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWNVGO9jZs
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw27acAzild
「何解還要繼續下去？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSBpJPEzha
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTR821uN6Q
「感情易放難收。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCn2DcCppH6
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHWX0s32Hg
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiSHU8sTAS
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG794U9rCXU
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDfAQWbIhp
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sqOSVXaA1
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRIonzk9Fo
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGGk5PS38N
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmB9GopgFrd
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDMbcDWfYh
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YP3wnJUtO
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTYSRBfNpL
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNpA4lDESQ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiUFnqKdVj
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDNK7qn78g
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WgybaDQJA
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvMQIAsJAY
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNixZhZFsd0
小醉。半醉。大醉。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBT5T6j34s
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdSj3t5F68
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mKon6c2Dc
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAyaBI8THB
「直接講我愛他。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXOdfM9yGq
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPXLhlObKR
「如果他拒絕？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQoPjy5Iys
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaH5x6YF6h2
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYmEk12I2U
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRfQ13feGk
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtrUV8NJRX
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9dSZPUi6T
「我當然是高興！」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbj6vW1Xx7h
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDSunKGkPR
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFSultACc4
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUAj20fBhp
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ehc6BMVtO
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ryZj1VO4o
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEx1JrvmQvq
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJUX1MqFyi
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGKThzKw3n
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zwVo3iPKP
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vwGtYZqyg
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukRqUcRDNe
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rukblvX6L
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzCQAB984a
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRH6kPKQ76
「你仍然單身？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iYPzNTZMA
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrow9Q0kvib
「是的。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZxTb853RT
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dnvJxWyOZ
「要我當媒嗎？」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4hu77nUPJ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t9lmI0QNc
「不了。難為情。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIlUCL89zc
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliazAfzTpC
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWDl6w5m9F
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovMDuBCHja
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApaIHrggPz
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfajZq0Jyj
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZGnnWCDux
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t3BjQasXR
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VEFoEzYfc
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡef9IcCmNqq
回家吧。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0VWwtXXcL
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKJIj0K5rs
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRnl8PVIYC
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQc7Xgx9s9h
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6gHcy2MsW
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kLZsZKQ3V
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFCvWvP6O9
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyx6Rat26o
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsohW2DEX3
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3Ij6OpVYJ
大概是一見鍾情吧。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIvRTZK3mM
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzakll184u9
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PXusDfzDZ
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsy8F5231J
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxRb6SPBfT
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiZmxj1Byi
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxG0MeD8lRE
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlXxv0wt8n
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQe8wkR43T4
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6o3zTkVCfG
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtKHecbwtl
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYG4LnJT8l
百感交集……620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHX3w4gy3BW
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7NdGT9xak
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIb3kLULtwX
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSOmAJqePh
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJsO1UWKfJ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlaosVSwgl
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWFeuKaBU2
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGcWvsa5iG
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4b6hLV5yPQ
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75UC7mVCCp
「認得。你是文班的。」620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8JwbwGI5z
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlKWVnUMMu
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsl2sBJdlA
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtzdqTLu19
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBzDg6QkRI
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvXmVljKm1
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbcktPAtjw
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAsUqxvJ15
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgd9XaMKuC
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Yg8Yxo7Ta
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgT867dLsM8
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7roZcbn62
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0V5qvFScc
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3Zhhdxps9
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxId1kmt40n
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Iphb3wmVC
我哭笑不得。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOETTpweSsg
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMi1eEYGag
無意跟他繼續對話。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGoIoeByu0
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWSmmYGLAg
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLJ7A2Hixx
620Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lwDAdoPZx
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
