日正當空,湖面蒸氣騰升,空氣濕翳悶侷。旅客遊湖興致大減,看見湖側小艇租賃店的殘破裝潢,僅餘的愉悅心情消磨殆盡。253Please respect copyright.PENANASB9cejl6BY
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四十年前,他一手創立這曾經輝煌一時的小艇租賃店。哪個他?就是那個身穿發黃白色背心、正在店內老舊梳化上打盹的瘦削老頭。253Please respect copyright.PENANAEXYoEcdCrJ
253Please respect copyright.PENANAUOd0gl86se
一個女人走入店內,輕推他的臂膀,硬生打斷他夢中的快樂家庭生活。「先生,我來租小艇的。」253Please respect copyright.PENANAGcf6HBnluK
253Please respect copyright.PENANAlFJ9WHg3FW
他氣得想要破口大罵,但千萬粗言穢語最終化成一聲不耐煩的嘆息示現人前。嶙峋雙手硬撐身子坐起來,乾癟雙腳好不容易才成功對準、穿上拖鞋,以飄落黃葉似的搖曳步姿走到櫃檯,拿出簇新的黑色硬皮簿。「這裡。填資料。」253Please respect copyright.PENANAc4wLCm3cls
253Please respect copyright.PENANActgHYe6P47
「嗯。」女人察覺硬皮簿的簇新與店面的陳舊裝潢格格不入,估計是剛剛更換不久,證明店舖不缺客人。面前的酒鬼應該活得不錯,如果他沒有花太多錢在酒水的話。「填好了。」253Please respect copyright.PENANAQ53StMZz9C
253Please respect copyright.PENANA5JdPjW0jW6
他匆匆收起硬皮簿,沒有瞥望資料一眼。收下按金,三言兩語粗疏講解船槳的使用方法和救生衣的位置後,馬上領著女人前往三號小艇的所在。253Please respect copyright.PENANAVvJFkbpp8A
253Please respect copyright.PENANAqUGAmHC6Y7
「有關救生衣的使用方法,自己看說明書。」他打個呵欠,彷彿剛才的一連串工作已然耗盡畢生精力。253Please respect copyright.PENANAMcOIsIMbs8
253Please respect copyright.PENANAPRDaCYXJIu
「嗯。」女人不介意他的粗魯無禮,幽幽目送他微駝背影遠去不復見。
女人沒有歸還小艇。他想報警,可恨營商牌照早已被吊銷,實在報不得警。恨得牙癢癢的,只好買醉洩憤。253Please respect copyright.PENANAs28QLd9U3T
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醉。忘了恨,忘了痛。253Please respect copyright.PENANAnUzOIcll3l
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妻女的離開是他畢生最痛。明知她們恐懼自己酒後的狂態,奈何他真的十分需要酒精——打理生意不容易,無數問題只得他一人去處理。壓力大,失眠,唯有栽進酒水裡求安寧。253Please respect copyright.PENANAgmdfBsG7T6
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安寧日子終於到來。253Please respect copyright.PENANAC3aE6TQY09
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妻女離家出走後,家裡沒有半點生氣,死寂氣氛沉重得令人窒息。他憤怒,他難過,他不明白自己為養家奔波勞碌多年有何價值。沒有尋找二人,沒有繼續拼盡全力打理生意。得過且過。有錢買酒就可以,有酒尋夢就可以,有夢安家就可以。夢裡的家,有他有妻有女……253Please respect copyright.PENANAuc12Fg4dNY
253Please respect copyright.PENANAO7YA3mNEnN
一名警員輕推他的臂膀,硬生打斷他夢中的快樂家庭生活。「先生,我們需要你就一宗命案到警署協助調查。」
爸:253Please respect copyright.PENANAbNUEdLxkEm
253Please respect copyright.PENANAvqMwUtg3q1
三個月前,我跟丈夫離婚,兒子撫養權歸他。一個月前,媽急病離世。253Please respect copyright.PENANATtqWWGEvpF
253Please respect copyright.PENANAV8ajvTjUYJ
我不知道自己該要為何活下去——我在乎的人全都離我而去。若說將來會遇到更多在乎的人,他們終歸離我而去,不是嗎?253Please respect copyright.PENANARVrVduvka6
253Please respect copyright.PENANAc9T3j5s8JI
被遺棄的滋味十分熬人。我驀地想起你,被我和媽遺棄的你。253Please respect copyright.PENANAuqbhgYjCK4
253Please respect copyright.PENANACYBrnq2ICd
你活得好嗎?有否掛念我和媽?你會因我們的離開而反省和戒酒嗎?253Please respect copyright.PENANAdpCV5U2z2F
253Please respect copyright.PENANATDRg8frmfG
二十多年來,我們的生活尚算可以,苦樂參半。奈何無論時日如何流逝,我們偶爾仍會想起你。無可否認,你是我們生命的一部分。否定你,就是否認我們生命的一部分。即使懼怕你,我們仍然希望你活得好,證明我們的生命曾經很好。253Please respect copyright.PENANA1EY9f50NEY
253Please respect copyright.PENANAV8KYRA9llu
媽已然沒機會知道你活得可好——這是插在我心裡的一根刺。253Please respect copyright.PENANAiacpdqOaHP
253Please respect copyright.PENANAkp5tOw0O2x
踏上回憶中的道路,我來到湖邊。想要看看你,卻又害怕看見你。想跟你相認,卻又害怕被你認出。如果你認出我、喚我的名字,我會捨不得去死嗎?不知道,因為你認不出我。253Please respect copyright.PENANA1qrjueh4pb
253Please respect copyright.PENANAR34TUBT8Nl
我在硬皮簿如實寫上名字,你沒有看。我反倒覺得釋懷——一直猶豫該否自殺,一直幻想你勸阻我的情境,一直誤會世上仍有人會捨不得我……但原來是我想多了,世事從來很簡單。253Please respect copyright.PENANAAZWRqLHwjF
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就這樣吧。我累了。253Please respect copyright.PENANA9v6YLXmVyC
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永別!253Please respect copyright.PENANArpmVrkpamL
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女兒上
夜,無月無星,只有店門前的一盞黃光大燈照亮湖面一隅。風吹,水面輕皺,大燈的倒影隨之輕晃輕動。253Please respect copyright.PENANAOjKsrqQqiI
253Please respect copyright.PENANAR9j9hs6NJg
很美。有如久遠記憶中的女兒,妸娜多姿,輪廓分明。253Please respect copyright.PENANAwiqFWKUjZr
253Please respect copyright.PENANAwbDUW7hHid
手裡的啤酒罐清空了。他用力將空罐扔向大燈的倒影,倒影被空罐泛起的水花打亂本身的晃動節奏,散了、碎了。以為稍等數分鐘後湖面就可以重歸原樣,不,那突如其來的空罐仍在水面中或浮或沉,持續泛起無數大大小小的漣漪。253Please respect copyright.PENANApzvkg4pIlE
253Please respect copyright.PENANAbzcPLNqOr3
不美。有如殮房中的女兒,屍身發脹,面目全非。253Please respect copyright.PENANAcrtd4hEJvS
253Please respect copyright.PENANAMyFf47OPhu
「我在乎的人全都離我而去……他們終歸離我而去……」女兒在遺書裡無意間吐露出他多年的心聲。「我不知道自己該要為何活下去……」253Please respect copyright.PENANAWTFwE4M9DK
253Please respect copyright.PENANALxTKeYMDkR
他又喝完一罐啤酒,再次將它扔向湖面。一罐復一罐,浮浮復沉沉。後來他乾脆省下喝酒的時間,直接將未開封的啤酒罐扔進湖面。啤酒罐被丟光以後,沙灘椅、戶外摺枱、櫃檯的硬皮簿、電話、文具、錢箱、身上的拖鞋、白色背心、運動短褲、內褲相繼遭殃。253Please respect copyright.PENANAd8jOF2tOqx
253Please respect copyright.PENANAbkZNoq9JvT
愧疚難當——如果自己當時認出女兒,或許她不會自殺!253Please respect copyright.PENANAHxSwqkbU0C
253Please respect copyright.PENANAnaUlsV85tN
赤條條的他倏忽縱身躍入水裡。寒意徹骨。水質混濁,視野模糊。無視危險,他游向多件漂浮雜物,逐件將它們拾回岸上。看見岸上雜物在自己的努力下慢慢增多,東歪西倒堆疊一起,他心裡更覺踏實,生起奇異的安寧。253Please respect copyright.PENANA5utm9tdrqX
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他哭了。253Please respect copyright.PENANAItFratuvn4
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為何而哭?為誰而哭?不知道。253Please respect copyright.PENANAE7MNnwoudg
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不要問,不打算知道。253Please respect copyright.PENANAIqYIkx1AlZ
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他游回岸邊,軟癱地上,粗喘聲中仰望夜空。253Please respect copyright.PENANAchzFry9QCC
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筋疲力竭,必須休息。253Please respect copyright.PENANAnDWTCGChLW
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不。尚有要事未辦。253Please respect copyright.PENANAbjaOfTnbbd
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他用盡力氣爬向雜物堆,抽出一罐未開封的啤酒。253Please respect copyright.PENANAFDtWdGE1XS
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咔——253Please respect copyright.PENANATFF1EqtSpY
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骨碌骨碌骨碌——253Please respect copyright.PENANAZhGqnmfYZ5
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嗄——253Please respect copyright.PENANAoXiB9Jayhs
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人生,但願如此。