我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5bkaKIZ9F
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSztb1bzfYG
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsms1tFWMv
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UraMoDhbE
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjSjdHIlvr
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeBjEQ6EdW
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TwfDu3vO7
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAh3QtExbse
壓力似乎一併消散。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrIipPwP6N
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HfazPpxzi
茶盡。我再續杯。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE89HuiMJqT
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOUkG0mdI3
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7FsuMyHwS
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qaZSEsqll
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡek5qJzJ5Do
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKQuyuEvtT
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4Z4DRNnOp
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAV0qh65Yf
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62FjQgWXjT
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRvtsBP3v3
夢醒一場空。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwmvTaa9uf
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZarrR5x28
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9yV67VDCY
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjreWWQ8AVH
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZIHL8Dhwy
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9M9e3t39e
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bHsdtfkwk
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOwxPaNztf
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8Zqe0YDUn
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNrncr1dsB
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMt0RNwixFj
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYgGiy4YXO
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA08whkz6GT
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpH2bDnSDPH
我沾沾自喜。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lmjOQqfQo
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQRxBDeo0h
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw1I0j6BZq
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgatq0niADN
但我沒有向同學們坦白。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQvklSTLxA
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6X6yswUOzU
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhplpjm24G
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHltXYuzcp
努力，努力，努力。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdh75QX8ItW
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkthh4zSW9n
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPj6QPjU1nC
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡut8xur9tT6
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqqBD1TFGI
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPYlQRxIPD
以為。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRWyr1Y7jY
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08imtwrXGf
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDLKWpDNWW
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxn3ogOIGxW
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYbEQaDUJ2
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRkO5vMbWh
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbfApFmdGB
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKD4Uv0Pngr
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA5B1ip3RR
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGM3XpmDXc
我的作品感動了我。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfU4YGMrmw8
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TkwOGf499
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3JDL30c6f
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcamvhT2Lp
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXY6sQB2miz
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FkUpIcBvr
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtgCHLLapx
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldTZCITYBC
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFGZBCWCbj
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96uoqhwzTu
熱茶又涼了。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEARu462vSN
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEeISY4fTt
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AJyC0Pmfo
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TTTGxPtix
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hyeXFF1FZ
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGwzJbKN3U
我的作品只感動了我。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92efRATVzD
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxEAqeHq61
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjGRdjmrlU
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.176da2
