x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡll2Whzjx9S
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCthJaoERl9
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglWh0RHs4F
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3ApIOPc36
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhYcAKRnxV
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13Gn8jUl2j
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajz4HJlwOV
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyVuVsOYEr
為何記住？我解釋不了。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTojfRZA1h3
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUOmDkLhCV
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWeVd7HY09
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP72Qc6aW5T
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofA3EjcZlp
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM6LufWYZl
其中一個是他。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQPFwc2Ar7
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEI8FoyLSg
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8H9wiaDH2X
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0BwcHs0Mx
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JH5jSUNML
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCPkhHHIvE
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiU13uz1iYF
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzdOY29cq6
「你遺下銀包。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcMKkEwR9h
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPX6u30jat6
「謝謝。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXDjn1PRqq
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Gt1Rx86Xs
「不用客氣……」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADr97kZ9wy
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaq3N0Tx4m
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKqYMVYlcQ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dTEcyoV1p
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciCLdqJWOE
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBTNsyvYMY
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2acWbnT6B
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0LuQD2mL1
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeYtctpLOo
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmdQHyu3Ng
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5v5oWp2Ul
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynaJgzLWAA
「我是文班許家偉。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnBZH0MLsN
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HRX6clSyb
「我是理班李浩榮。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMoSnuN4rH
其實我早已知道許家偉。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8FEQb3vfy
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQJbSLiOXE
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaX1tB4GLL
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVnkLLuUGS
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKhGBVVwfP
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvf7TUrzhPI
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJWsBD1hlw
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVD2YI7vvWv
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznykERUUfs
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvGPTHHvVy
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98JgMRU7uT
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVKfGY2uvT
不服氣。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfTIGb6Ua1
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptOJHU1knJ
繼續觀察他。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1uNm6wKxs
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegiAZsHIwV
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeVxKE3Vr9
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXqgon0Fy0
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZYAAhqGKs
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUANsD4MBV
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7DvkcpGR9
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4qv10Wmh1
我急步追趕許家偉。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXdLuFg8f4
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyC3BXjqLVq
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeFyQrK4hu
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoXRPCghtK
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGqbxuwgpj
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8wCNBkNca
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy94xf2bJb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPvjIo3k64
「你遺下了銀包。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEdRM0l2Dr
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIh8pWEITtb
「謝謝。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofxwzBsfMR
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYy8uzgUxd
「不用客氣……」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeruKQfng7
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAtJHxgO6p
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSphysywSqd
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wTcZNHg8T
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHTDOZdVjO
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyr1jyxkYmu
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviUqeHEjJq
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizM4u1CyI1
我望入他雙眼。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1P1SpeqwT
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6QpLvevY6
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeJJPNzMUx
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XzzLDd8Ma
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpz5fOEIWGA
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLXwaaskUC
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfv5gZMvB3
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UK09LKdzO
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGacV4dpCQ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4JpsysePP
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvubhDKgb1F
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBVZVRdtdb
「我是文班許家偉。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkzIReeH0N
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTDRFdrp5K
「我是理班李浩榮。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoIWWYkzmC
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfXYq6Tpf6
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe5szxg2Tw
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwTzB8QEIg
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9HEGMYTt3
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAamiIEjSf0
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXm8rOaMC1
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xERgLAa2s
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2k2IWhubA
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtv3Hp01rP0
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbjDNMweO2
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uxtfldTPk
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASQxvVKP8h
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECF8makmra
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aPC6ejLwT
但我沒有阻止他。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPcEF2sCVA
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjdjA6lSCc
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sLhjfNdvW
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVPZbcWJ0t
我慫恿他繼續說下去。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0x53QcnwT
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQcDdvQgiY
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRkTtEeHko
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpZpoknmNs
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h1qfcRMcR
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY8bkz3X6u
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCUgISqTgc
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8Zl3wIIbm
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18QLDHnX4k
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqCwfYgemj
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR69NtQwkLd
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOb2G9DqEcY
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nF94IM5HT
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBmWpyyOy1
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4MroyKZtb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22meJKWybf
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IKBZRtrVm
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruA2QMDts7
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPQZMqUVEx
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vUIPrldDk
但我掛念他。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9pKnfMy3C
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fMiuiZumG
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDgnXrJhIl
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6q3LGyBTn
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXH6AqVRdUf
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsNlKpc9ib
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB58bSBXS9d
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUqiu8gIrc
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICHIgMtHMI
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lH9yE8Ezh
不要說。不要聽。不要見。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb7HJ7Wnqy
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKl0KQyfXS
希望時間會沖淡一切。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALOuYCst8I
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFZwxhHCf4
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5fM3l4yhS
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MSgnJofIr
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCMsS9PDSD
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtJtL8G4xE
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITIznkXMTH
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLmQTcC8HF
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2LlnPCyzg
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAtFfD936s
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzdwDWMNii
「我也不明白。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡez9qCNAAiU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4G5i0kF3S
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCAsOiGfIn
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MEDf7MzgK
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPB8Yu6SFnT
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPQRCyGv5U
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFJfWgjnnx
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOz2XSyitI
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVwLk3QlHL
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiv6tbh9cG
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zm21FCUpd
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOSPfuhbnD
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqyGFq6bqs
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVX4S5HhrS
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzIsn1ZXMb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB1dRJ6MIr
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02BEx2OOrP
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolN4EzZrzm
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIariWPw4zZ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NXcpII2tg
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IIY45vO9Q
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJv8fZTZ5io
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwmoTtXrf3
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiFoOiMeeN
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xIXMlAu2y
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1Yb9ykQgx
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJvSn7srNl
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpi5e7nIbPe
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLmTPQNbva
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ07MQv00ym
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERAbZx9HI4
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xcfKTaRoA
為何要走到這一步？520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhYm0KkG9C
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDP0RoYoxIk
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAqLhgKyKL
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjK7tD01Mo
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb59dqI9haT
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncxUbeOXNm
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjHTzGBW2z
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0V0Ck0rkM
「別倔強。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJs284118q
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoBHXpeiW2
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag08Ol0okh
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFbRlMxpUh
「我想你放棄。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTL8RNiRNv
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3FZVcLI6i
「原因？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Qrc1rmZ1r
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAViim0E7G
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCr4HxR9wii
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzuTV3Zu4e
「我知道。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzfjKs0R3V
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwv5RknVIa
「何解還要繼續下去？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUCV5JnECs
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIKx0JH3aR
「感情易放難收。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh2W2arObL
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSkOeiXfkv
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWajdXOTTJ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tmQ3dOKsI
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQ3zntLAO2
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dW8yRpMCM
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYASmwuDlbE
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUinWJEgmc
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsBz1yt9wQ
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ICivmwSwV
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MgRaQjqtk
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3nFzXs21H
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4X7jAYYeq
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEFnBkJHJG
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqgntBFJuY
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrBGwNUUvR
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ttZpN2lXi
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSseaaOJi7S
小醉。半醉。大醉。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GHYHmHpH0
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9SxXB4oqb
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t6snfSVa1
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavykobUMlx
「直接講我愛他。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvI5ieoJVbb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEAyyByKKy
「如果他拒絕？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJk5GvZu23
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXaZRM8LLi
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcAAUzShTB
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡincvx6zq9i
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QyDeqxyLi
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZJVrHoNKk
「我當然是高興！」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAKoF1dSvw
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VNs4Tz3rU
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIaVL1X1bU
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HZmFNEC9I
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftiDyoB44D
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSy1ODb7Wxz
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbNyBuLc5q
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtAaJd8xdp
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABIs7ysQeV
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy30uwW9S5E
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VaNhZaPj2
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4W7P4XAXg
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkQmdEDfXx
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYltI8AASX
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4zEbLthob
「你仍然單身？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0RYlSVN1D
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRyyb48uP3
「是的。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb1l7TOq2R
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWKN3BXVm0
「要我當媒嗎？」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxn3r2FsBwh
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwaXZZ9dj8
「不了。難為情。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SQ2aumNq3
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXJG5M4TUD
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8tWwC8cCx
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TrCgvAVRV
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NjKtvizEv
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfW3ytfQGc
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Hy3qLFvZ9
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsVDUFBybY
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU6YYY86lR
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YD3mDWmFO
回家吧。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMe0TeqZy5S
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79tnuEGOJm
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVNLGr7R4K
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yKw9fVMHx
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVWxSnwmtm
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVeksc55fU
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcN76m7aFH9
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuJfAoSrEj
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2umNGF48u
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPSgQk5JHg
大概是一見鍾情吧。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJUlh8qjrT
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbEEOhMlmy
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8EKypnqWF
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1oyF6eB2N
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoEM3hxXaL
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNs20yfsgB
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvzFQMgaCP
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUW54rTmcB
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBUQEHE3qx
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEQYGFwc2N
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx78QVhkDdH
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7w80bxwlOz
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYvHwo1ye3
百感交集……520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSYHdnazza
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVqEvlcp3U
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG9Hjm1XZi
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9MLtyFLHd
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFywxAgX7UD
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIE2UZ8Hh4
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPASuJ5Th5
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fScl4FLXA
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5DXYeWSQc
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsaedr3Jcu
「認得。你是文班的。」520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96Tki0m4BF
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRx6NWl7yd
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgtjeEnIq2
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZ0yIjdxBT
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgw649Mx7z
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQyVdgxE4w
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZm0NNI5xNc
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdq4rvP9Ty
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtuk7WxiGP
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdGh2LTzHl
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkKyMOCbjo
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdutafxUsY
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FfiO6I8yw
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgnovyqp6r
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWwEoQ0FXb
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT7ylDyTYX
我哭笑不得。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEK8Lxrddg
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3zY1iszIk
無意跟他繼續對話。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVbTYjz0l2
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQzSGS2PLX
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFiatjRUk4
520Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YsB82eojF
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
