x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4S12RZafG
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgCWcHrYiW
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwlW0KIMeN
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jCxPXfCBF
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GZdbm8hKP
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3G1GiBMwdX
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLU14zeomTJ
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzFZR7a3Ie
為何記住？我解釋不了。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix86AvXY7L
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4dGlDSVlu
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowqOPjoesO
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakevdGDM7q
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YSSS35HPF
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JsZl9J6Mu
其中一個是他。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dZ7ONdM2S
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0qieKVkkJ
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBXjjNg5ya
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxY9CYQUjf
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeVIanifnB
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUuW6HXFm5
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLO5D1vBXfj
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXOzV14P6T
「你遺下銀包。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6ytEDpznB
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UjRgizQQJ
「謝謝。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCFtmEzOPR
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7DPt5Flul
「不用客氣……」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeUv309B20
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF9qyDI8uX
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LYw1qoUrh
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ561Brfnnan
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsV8COvtUiQ
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5KvFsMYnh
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhJP5kJl2M
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTDqm7AbB9
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRieTep0dju
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡponJbg1nCg
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20Z6QHgefZ
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWTPYevtOZ
「我是文班許家偉。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbT1GaDbnfr
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5r99cCYzLg
「我是理班李浩榮。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIahTlR0kaH
其實我早已知道許家偉。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWMn6AHPgw
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Chavb7WTK
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6SDtUFW8E
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy74To00st
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQecRgwKXDi
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8F1aRaAJag
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVnQo61T4c
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mm2zzoKv2
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJ6UNOO2qB
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTbP1e5aud
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNY98RF6MWY
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkOBguV8H4
不服氣。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLcVSjcpiK
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3LwrGb4bc
繼續觀察他。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bGQKca74c
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYkFkMGTbl
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tM6sxblPV
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtJp90KZXh
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXZ1sH2h5h
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6OOkkxWiF
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrSdufJpsn
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUWClxR4CC
我急步追趕許家偉。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsH506KCXU
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKSU0hbwbq
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuthwywfb6U
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wuv37kLes
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLP6vX51Fs
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVv888EXx4z
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchiIcbmzZo
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHGkInFJg8
「你遺下了銀包。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4EDalCwH1
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCnk4ft5LI
「謝謝。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUB1ESzvoA
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7beHmBrGux
「不用客氣……」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXT7Xre4QbY
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWc3UkVEZr
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdy5NOUM7N
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslOycmeCBX
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHD7duMrc3
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdDvJhpmxi
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwo7qle14m0
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfg1nHUdjJ
我望入他雙眼。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPuSIo3vpH
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjtweY4nzP
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3pmBHqb2D
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcut9l6ZXoZ
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOcBsPNgMA
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgz7jjNdfMP
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bAPnfLJ4n
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGnXanOVbA
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43wrDc059i
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRimwEH40T4
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwScV605ej
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZsgMLIYjG
「我是文班許家偉。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoZCKeE1UO
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBvKRTMwvH
「我是理班李浩榮。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLOypyQTT7
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJGUA9GCrO
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKglq7DdgZ
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCbwor7sJU
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9S7zPTsmD
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZWTUUfpER
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QOWEpYDJp
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3nVlV8amX
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xuvyq8f0m
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjsd5G1CaT
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9O1mtat5SU
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ECJhn9zBE
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUNFCuuSuX
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2A6ZNenBhC
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTiHlgBtha
但我沒有阻止他。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPQu7XU2vj
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumkYtcR0RK
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeuEA9BslJ
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWG3u7Wc8y
我慫恿他繼續說下去。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhXdIUI1Aw
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXdr0PnNti
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdDr1EkEjr
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsV5Cv4Ftq
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLS0jni3T6O
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhOBCJLSqC
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdruu5ivFE3
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PiC8Rz2OB
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPsLqIjO0X
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYAOmv1cQw
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XcyhTWLXs
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hJZ5lUz11
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR80genFu5u
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjb5pngcw61
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQPCgrphbd
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjEdwNntBA
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡye4oMukTfE
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFchVlDtar
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgux8gyM0F
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvT8eDMPEr
但我掛念他。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHdgynzEZW
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrNEk93sSm
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf2O0CUg1I
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7E0XKCy0H
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5zDxscBWF
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyY7YczuSBf
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPhSvll5QT
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgKPIlROqP
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoEzOS5IIZ
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSyW08avyP
不要說。不要聽。不要見。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4eirxaQKs
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJblRk8BCSf
希望時間會沖淡一切。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliGo8O4yM3
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7TDa95b8T
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndOV1b4OUq
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVlqVezVW0
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JaYJKEDMZ
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPW8Jyg62dH
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKR0G4JSQf8
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXy3guYo1eX
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeUpri5zrV
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQ7XbsywAs
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHgh7hAPRe
「我也不明白。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2AhjMnu3X
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dBHPO4S8o
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlzvtZf1de
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgsjelUzol
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3PEnBP4OR
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxOHfOou48
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9mLfgXJvY
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWLSgbHvXH
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUJOho9GdK
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0aZ6DCdLB
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Arxeq2Qku
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsk5Sll3mXF
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLiqnHOSZB
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKk2BrafiQ
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLGgrgOUQo
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtP542xoBkU
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlyy6oPpEr
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJgrp1BixZ
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5R27ctabqh
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKunwvklbB
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyLyYoCdZC
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjCyYZrNJS
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPojEALydA
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VpEHWGZ4h
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkR6xURBUHL
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjaRzdx37j
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ABFAa9FMz
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBkbn3uo4K
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzi0qqxg9z
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7V7PMZm4t
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40rWr139Kj
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONNHnX9bOh
為何要走到這一步？598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZi7UYS93tF
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgcF6fEmaK
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Mjeu9MZtf
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2zneT7oHG
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKD34kxhV7N
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkFSUtydZa
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxj4yEctvG
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRaqYOerjy
「別倔強。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZ6mMW36gJ
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhykn8aMeNE
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksOetkiEjW
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4C5TH1uVG
「我想你放棄。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4iQeMx4YL
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡursGBUtTzR
「原因？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEbVFYLO4N
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIu3wD2QVIg
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7RyT21iiY
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡla70FlZ5uE
「我知道。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QIL4HDJAe
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAwHDyZb2Y
「何解還要繼續下去？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAixnhSLaQn
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrbeCNKxzf
「感情易放難收。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTjknsQJ2a
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZit5Hsntz9
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkPDgay7Ku
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2beLAk5dMn
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGDdrnfWBk
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJFRcBpZet
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9Q7fr4ux6
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8NiQDtIli
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuGPWzic7n
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohgeoRkyyE
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmXOwOokex
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iBmPWYCde
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApTz2iWVxI
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbJWlKJ0Ec
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLukGT6Xyzn
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFd55As1PZ7
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOY4PORiN6
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeuL5V1Imo
小醉。半醉。大醉。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6s3JxuOBzW
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfQB5mC2IF
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvyiQ4qtLE
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLCn2pniu9
「直接講我愛他。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZDrXXuWqW
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVW9N7zHaKT
「如果他拒絕？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNd3l5fmFU
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMUFzujw7o
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2x1IxRyfh
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrangqclNHh
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9DFb0U8o0
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4E5lc2CFw
「我當然是高興！」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yUNucutft
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFgUoWUfGi
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDaENRsXzz
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsU85BuwzGk
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvJ3pj4WYQ
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKrLSPP9IO
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9D6cWWK8c1
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBKGEga5Dm
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVFQ9KyYdk
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNv3C6h9FN2
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDB8r5XjxL
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJItBvXP9AN
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDj7o0eC9O
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnF7wPqnQ1F
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMkgyWS9TA
「你仍然單身？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3vnhJs0fs
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfMtb2WqpG
「是的。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwMyOmH3p1
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdRAb6JCWZ
「要我當媒嗎？」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡln0M5tuwEj
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQD7xiEtLIr
「不了。難為情。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3TIgJr5EZ
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2M661SR6H
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrGa8p2VhV
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaT5xMwUgSm
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTaobzxIbz
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaVXfVrEnf
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7n1MDrpxa
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H1jjsE4Rx
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSEvL7Xeo0
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1kAP52YI5
回家吧。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaI4Rx1PUMg
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGQBddq3oH
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZHlqNsp0e
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyeXFqfRyl
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6znOtOFut
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDXBFgTVY3
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYjAqomSzx
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQb493dIslI
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMg5vZeFgn
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuaU0QCI2X
大概是一見鍾情吧。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bxwM18FXS
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhK8mM6LcW
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbC5BArmyvT
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQWuNMbOss
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWy5sXG9nSm
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2lemxjZ0M
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uovesweT8
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVl9eN5jLC
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeL6RNMvai
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOtBrXYErq
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiqMh06Neu
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePA1tlZj4v
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCwGNUGWIW
百感交集……598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmml8pZkP5p
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2k734IlnHL
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dwl7HDuzd
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2pKfiRMKg
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1VsU840qx
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwdSXnai3e
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvqrqZjBZG
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiqj8mfgEn
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7pBCdJQG6
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghXwbuZ49W
「認得。你是文班的。」598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijBpe2OuSD
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcV1AQxYPR2
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2r26EIoHA
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXigriGeRN
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfKgCPrEZv
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbJorJHHee
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8ZYX5F2ye
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYyWhDUfZY
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1ej4DTbxo
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvQjjlOer0
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlO0Hnhs5f
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfn0v5xD9e
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVcWfD2Wtu
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomMIwsInQv
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hlyT8lbPx
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTzCyoBsaw
我哭笑不得。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFlKZGlBJk
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBZIGYa4q2
無意跟他繼續對話。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxg3fZBIG8
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB4fGNKTgw
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6yq7qivf3
598Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jm4ZYpdgp
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
