Denial.314Please respect copyright.PENANAnh5yFHJxdd
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 314Please respect copyright.PENANA9HqQeDwhoN
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."314Please respect copyright.PENANAg9iqe8kI4h
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."314Please respect copyright.PENANAyUmAhTzcY6
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.314Please respect copyright.PENANASUAz8ZagRI
"I'm fine," I stressed.314Please respect copyright.PENANAx8xcEm0Lsd
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.314Please respect copyright.PENANA66oF5OAOAc
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.314Please respect copyright.PENANACyrJQfZmr0
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.314Please respect copyright.PENANA8guYUqVUcV
***314Please respect copyright.PENANAreNaKsoKOo
Anger.314Please respect copyright.PENANAQFdvSVI1Mr
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 314Please respect copyright.PENANAIFAczR79It
Things are always easy when you're a kid.314Please respect copyright.PENANAOHdF8y5egk
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 314Please respect copyright.PENANAnyuxSj7PR8
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 314Please respect copyright.PENANAQeQpUYomsl
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.314Please respect copyright.PENANAC5IvLmEIGS
"Clara?"314Please respect copyright.PENANAoTxyEdTHFP
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 314Please respect copyright.PENANA5u2oS24pNe
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.314Please respect copyright.PENANArRt71KgstU
"When can I go home?" I asked.314Please respect copyright.PENANAqiaxl7eXx8
He sighed. 314Please respect copyright.PENANAYqzna8oyYK
"Well?"314Please respect copyright.PENANAtFjRnp56Wh
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.314Please respect copyright.PENANAu5c2y9kw8s
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."314Please respect copyright.PENANA8Y92JspkFJ
"Talking helps."314Please respect copyright.PENANAcqTYWIMBr8
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"314Please respect copyright.PENANA5EraIABGR4
"It doesn't work that way."314Please respect copyright.PENANAfySIbxQpH4
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 314Please respect copyright.PENANArROwxOUdCo
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."314Please respect copyright.PENANAxcRTS6RMIo
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.314Please respect copyright.PENANAZ33QPNIDHr
***314Please respect copyright.PENANADwMcEgg1Q0
Depression.314Please respect copyright.PENANAh2WBAcGRhY
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 314Please respect copyright.PENANACbMz75WtDq
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.314Please respect copyright.PENANApYDgRDtpAM
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.314Please respect copyright.PENANA7Xu91qDCTJ
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.314Please respect copyright.PENANAgxP6gjA16v
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 314Please respect copyright.PENANAmBdQIsGNLx
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."314Please respect copyright.PENANAVbfq7DsLzF
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?314Please respect copyright.PENANA7lfqGDJI8H
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 314Please respect copyright.PENANACQjSM47jIQ
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.314Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ne37gPOCA
***314Please respect copyright.PENANAuEKtWVO9fe
Bargaining.314Please respect copyright.PENANAxFx1J2Wu3T
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.314Please respect copyright.PENANAAayorC4Xhb
They say it's the five stages of grief.314Please respect copyright.PENANACQXNO4CBg4
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.314Please respect copyright.PENANAF3AcISNNeZ
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.314Please respect copyright.PENANAiRDBswL3A8
But now, you don't. I don't.314Please respect copyright.PENANAzPPBosaGi1
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-314Please respect copyright.PENANA60TDoQFYM5
***314Please respect copyright.PENANAe1q1Hfb9K4
Acceptance.314Please respect copyright.PENANArvaUapysDP
There's nothing you can do to change it. 314Please respect copyright.PENANABNxIDxtH6A
***314Please respect copyright.PENANAPewacQ2twt