我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。145Please respect copyright.PENANAaUcjyD2lg0
145Please respect copyright.PENANA2fMDj0eNPH
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。145Please respect copyright.PENANA3GClHdkcks
145Please respect copyright.PENANABz00YgzeUQ
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。145Please respect copyright.PENANAlxazTzAFbH
145Please respect copyright.PENANAXQUXqd7JfQ
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。145Please respect copyright.PENANAQdB0FDYK2f
145Please respect copyright.PENANAsDlFzehTyz
壓力似乎一併消散。145Please respect copyright.PENANAYbHudGX0h4
145Please respect copyright.PENANAZB75K0oV1y
茶盡。我再續杯。145Please respect copyright.PENANAnRZR2HvvAf
145Please respect copyright.PENANAKYcXOByZCd
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。145Please respect copyright.PENANAXsJjEhYca2
145Please respect copyright.PENANArF8Px4lcdB
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。145Please respect copyright.PENANAOIYj90iKNj
145Please respect copyright.PENANAZ8VvxBZ7DM
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。145Please respect copyright.PENANAmmzLp6IcWz
145Please respect copyright.PENANAUHYce8KZpG
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。145Please respect copyright.PENANA7ggVVCjuFo
145Please respect copyright.PENANA0uO2YTZAzk
夢醒一場空。145Please respect copyright.PENANABAwoQ2ub0x
145Please respect copyright.PENANAKLbHHRp5I6
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。145Please respect copyright.PENANAY9yRo7CcZE
145Please respect copyright.PENANAr7VtEzeBG5
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……145Please respect copyright.PENANAT3QGG3tkSU
145Please respect copyright.PENANA3MezRMTwgS
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。145Please respect copyright.PENANANNHdaPMWpE
145Please respect copyright.PENANAB3GeVydKJC
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。145Please respect copyright.PENANALhJ7ElhFIl
145Please respect copyright.PENANARfPfymMvDu
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。145Please respect copyright.PENANAahvZAjJETR
145Please respect copyright.PENANAl8BnfQXGVl
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。145Please respect copyright.PENANAFEbK8NxzTz
145Please respect copyright.PENANAou18KzBNtd
我沾沾自喜。145Please respect copyright.PENANAB7NjxrcZ8w
145Please respect copyright.PENANA43YsqKV6gu
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。145Please respect copyright.PENANAQSsGc9DZln
145Please respect copyright.PENANAtughdYT6Li
但我沒有向同學們坦白。145Please respect copyright.PENANAh7EXg9hs5d
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因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。145Please respect copyright.PENANAkdP3lLhMgc
145Please respect copyright.PENANAmNmcspSy2b
努力,努力,努力。145Please respect copyright.PENANAUlMNF5i4rv
145Please respect copyright.PENANA8Hh3JJbl8O
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。145Please respect copyright.PENANA7FarU4VzSi
145Please respect copyright.PENANABNy7o9Pqba
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。145Please respect copyright.PENANACzrenhP3Ru
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以為。145Please respect copyright.PENANA9mTU9v1XPT
145Please respect copyright.PENANAIdsmDfctCz
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。145Please respect copyright.PENANAYRdt0jIOFP
145Please respect copyright.PENANAXMLHJ47n7x
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。145Please respect copyright.PENANANrJ65DxzGh
145Please respect copyright.PENANAxDMo1Mp7UA
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!145Please respect copyright.PENANAzUJb4NfwWi
145Please respect copyright.PENANA3ySfMZRQTP
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。145Please respect copyright.PENANAQkmWgEY1IW
145Please respect copyright.PENANAaBQX1Pl6qy
我的作品感動了我。145Please respect copyright.PENANADuX1e5rbF0
145Please respect copyright.PENANAsCexflm2A2
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。145Please respect copyright.PENANACrWPP42EvI
145Please respect copyright.PENANAmqALcUtbgC
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。145Please respect copyright.PENANAj3GHZR0V2y
145Please respect copyright.PENANA9Sov9jwgdH
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。145Please respect copyright.PENANAcqKY6XJady
145Please respect copyright.PENANANNwOn1noR5
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……145Please respect copyright.PENANAgpVYg54vpk
145Please respect copyright.PENANAFeUf72zrq7
熱茶又涼了。145Please respect copyright.PENANAIFjdEXaKPS
145Please respect copyright.PENANAoQIq5Y1J65
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。145Please respect copyright.PENANAWohc6EGU9I
145Please respect copyright.PENANAQMnvIMHqcs
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。145Please respect copyright.PENANAUrDVwoaOxw
145Please respect copyright.PENANAfPU2a5l6BV
我的作品只感動了我。145Please respect copyright.PENANALA24FHCJ1u
145Please respect copyright.PENANAsyuBptpvMB
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。145Please respect copyright.PENANAxVQHy7MBbV
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 172.70.130.129da2