Joey Fordcopyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJx41IAESt
September 16, 2016copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡth0V7bOCYO
Week 3: Journal 5copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPU5hnaw1c
Do Not Readcopyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiVwnXeYB7
It's Saturday night, I've only been home for about three hours, I just put Bunny to bed about an hour ago, I'm tired and I'm furious.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5os1wDP8B
My day yesterday was just plain awful. Number one, my babysitter drank all the milk AGAIN. That's always a great way to start the day. I had no time to buy more because I had a crap load of work to do. A pile of dishes in the sank, loads of laundry that needed to be washed, the carpet looks like it hasn't been vacuumed in weeks. And I had two algebra assignments that I needed to catch up on. Yeah, there was no time to screw around. copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJryOJWZfX
Up until about two-thirty, everything wasn't so bad. I wish I could've had some cereal that morning, but things could've been much worse. Like how things immediately got from there. Just as I was about to go pick Bunny up from school, I got a text from my babysitter saying that she wasn't going to make it that day. She didn't call me, she just sent me a small text that said: "Sorry, I can't make it today. Something came up. I'll be there on Saturday though." Yeah, because that's just the perfect way to give me news like that. So yeah, I had to be at work in less than two hours and now I didn't have a babysitter. Just freaking wonderful.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡcef7LD40BG
Needless to say, I went into a complete panic. I started calling up every single person I know, trying to see if there was ANYBODY who was free to watch my daughter that night. And yes, it was asking quite a lot. Having to come over to my house and take care of a six year old while you wait until about one in the morning for me to come home. I'm sure nobody was really in the mood for taking up an offer like that at such short notice. And because I don't have any friends or that many close relatives, my options were very limited. The only numbers I had were random people from classes and a few people that I know from church (and never talk to outside of church). Everybody that I called either told me they were busy or just didn't answer. My brother Josh was one of the people that didn't answer. Yeah, I wasn't too happy with him yesterday. And I'm still not happy with him right now. I also tried calling his wife, but she didn't answer either. Not like she ever answers her phone.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73LwvM29Bb
Anyway, after calling like ten people, I ended up giving Starbucks a call to tell them about the situation. And I thank my unluckiest stars in the world that the manager that night was Ruth. Ruth is hands down the worst person that I've ever worked with in my life. She treats me like garbage and just hates my guts for some odd reason. Not only that, but she never ever cares about what's going in my personal life. If I come into work stressed out, tired, or a few minutes late, Ruth starts to scream and insult me regardless of what's going on. She just has this "I don't care about your problems, you'd better get to work and not screw up even a little bit" mindset. Yes, she knows I'm raising a child by myself and she doesn't freaking care. It's like she was legitimately was born without a conscious.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfVcNKVJKa
Anyway, Ruth, like always, just started shouting at me when I told her what was going on and said something along the lines of: "You'd better figure something out right now. And I mean right now." Needless to say, I became even more stressed out. I ended up picking Bunny up about thirty minutes later than usual and I was so stressed out that I hardly even payed any attention to her on the ride back home. Which is a shame, she seemed like she had a lot to tell me yesterday. Anyway, when I got home, I kept on trying to call people. Josh still wasn't answering, other people still weren't answering, I was losing my freaking mind. I did ask a few neighbors if they'd be willing to help, but either they said no or weren't home (or just weren't answering the door). At this point, the only option was just to not go to work and risk losing my job. For about twenty minutes, I legitimately started imagining me losing my job, losing my apartment, losing my daughter, losing everything. All because my stupid babysitter had waited until the last minute to tell me anything.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWpX4bA9bc
Thankfully, I eventually got a call back from a girl in my art appreciation class who said she'd be willing to watch Bunny for the night. The girl is only about eighteen or nineteen and I barely know her. We're part of some group assignment in class and the group has only gotten together like twice. But (according to her) she has some babysitting experience and she seems like a pretty nice girl. Bunny was still in one piece by the end of the night, so I guess she did a pretty good job. The girl said she'd be willing to watch Bunny more often if I needed her to, which is an option I'm definitely considering. After that hell I went through just to find a replacement, I don't think I can trust my current babysitter anymore.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjfAQKmTUY
Even after I finally found a replacement, I still had to wait about forty-five minutes for the girl to get to my house and I ended being over an hour late to work. Of course, Ruth acted like this was the end of the world. She shouted at me for about five minutes before she even let me get to work. Yeah, I was in a pretty terrible mood by the time I actually started working. Thankfully, I'm pretty good at not letting my mood affect my performance at work (I'll get to why in just a minute). So I think I did a pretty good job that night. Ruth, however, I don't even know. For some reason, she shouted at me and insulted me more often than usual last night. I guess she was still pissed at me for coming in late, but seriously, what the hell did I do to this woman? Why on earth does she hate me so much? Did I kill her dog sleepwalking or something? I don't freaking know. copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EeZR1KMLu
Oh, and as if all that wasn't bad enough, they're making me come in on Sunday AGAIN. What the freaking hell? "We're short on employees." I DON'T CARE. Sunday was my only freaking free day this week, yet somehow I'm the one with the most time on my hands! Like I said, Ruth doesn't care about my personal life. Then again, at this point I have a feeling that nobody cares about my personal life. I made it very clear to my boss when I started working here that I wanted Sundays off. I guess he either forgot or just stopped caring.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsqmpuy0DJ
The last time I've had any time to spend with my daughter was last Sunday. I hardly count Tuesday as spending time with her because I was mainly focused on shopping and taking naps that day. I won't get another day to spend time with her until my next day off on Thursday. Awesome, just awesome.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡct2s3TdqM7
I didn't even bother trying to argue. With my job, I can't take any risks whatsoever. None. If there's even a minor possibility that something could get me fired, I avoid it. I can't lose my job. It's the ONLY way that I'm making a living. If I get fired, not only will I suffer, but my daughter will suffer. She means everything to me and I refuse to take any risks that could harm her. At work, I can't argue, I can't show any attitude, I can't let my mood affect my performance, I can't do anything that could lead to me getting fired. So if they tell me to come in Sunday, I'm going in on Sunday. No ifs, ands, or buts.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQLDQDFApr
I know I could find another job if I somehow was fired, but that's not as easy as it sounds. It took me a month to get this job, and just one month without income could really hurt me and Bunny. Especially in the fall.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mTvJjZhjD
But even with all of this, I still feel like a complete failure as a parent. Like even though I'm trying my hardest to do everything right, I'm still doing a million things wrong. I didn't get home until six today (I was supposed to get out at four, but they made me stay an extra hour and a half because reasons) and I once again had to warm up something quick for Bunny to eat. By the time she was done, it was already close to seven and she needed to start getting ready for bed soon. By the time she got out of her bath, it was already past seven-thirty. Because she's always in bed by eight-thirty, that gave me less than an hour to spend a little time with her. And I was completely exhausted from getting barely any sleep last night and stressed out with everything going on at work. We just spent the hour sitting on the couch talking while Bunny brushed one of her Barbie's hair. I barely remember anything Bunny said. I was so tired that I could hardly pay attention to her. I remember her saying something about ladybugs and how she didn't really like the noodles she had just eaten, but that's pretty much it. During her bedtime story, I was constantly yawning and sounded like a robot. What a shame, considering I won't get to read to her again for five freaking days.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1w64YaXbAJ
I know I'm trying. I really do. But a part of me just feels like I'm totally failing and I should know better. Like I'm just totally unqualified. I can't be a perfect father. I never will be. But sometimes I just feel like I'm not even a decent father. Like I legitimately shouldn't even be doing this. Like all those people had been right.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0A4DqHi17
Also, I'm in no mood to do the third essay right now. I'll see if I can find time in between classes sometime this week to work on that. Or maybe next week. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I feel worthless, and I want to go to sleep. Let's hope we have a good time at church tomorrow. It would be amazing if I didn't have to rush home immediately afterwards to get ready for work, but no, Starbucks is short on employees. God, life freaking sucks.copyright protection292ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5tDBdXBvh
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