You know what is so fucked up about my second marriage was he had me hidden for 4 and half yrs of dating me and his excuse was cause where i was from but but he did not bother telling me he was getting money from his parents and he was getting a extra $34.000 a year from them but yet i came from a good up bring from a retired military up bringing well After me and Paul got married i was having health issues he was there for some of them but it always came with a price always a price like excuses and i mean a shit load of them that is why i nicked name him a 101 excuse man. Well Paul lost both of his parents 2 yrs apart he had older parents while i had a older dad but my dad was already passed away at this time but Paul started to drink heavy i mean heavy he may of worked but let me tell you he would put away some bourbon and he had his favorites like Buffalo Trace and Eagle Rare Bourbon and i can tell you how he made this bourbon drink he would get a 32 oz Yeti tumbler and he would fill that sucker up with ice and then he would pour some bourbon in to this tumbler it was about some times half and then the rest coke and let me tell you that bottle of bourbon some time would be gone in one day but yet he knew how i felt about him drinking like that because my son real dad was a weekend drink and i told Paul i was not going to put up with it.
Well this time i was having stomach trouble with the mesh and i went back to the doctor who did it but he did not want to fix it and i found a doctor that would fix me and make me better so i thought and that would be the fucken end of it but parentally not even close this wear all the nightmare and horror beings from me spending 3 nights at a local hospital to going back to the hospital where i had it at and i spent 12 hrs. in the ER there and spent 3 nights in the hospital there as well.
Let me tell you the horror i had from getting stuck with needles from my veins exploded from me being so sick from this mesh and they had to put a doppler to find my veins cause they are small and they had poking me cause i bruise so easy and i look like pin cushion that is full of bruises and the doctor was going to let me go home the next day anyways so the night before i called the nurse and told them my arm was hurting from where the IV was at and they need to take it out and they did but they said they had to re stick me and i said no your not and they said well if you wont let us stick you again than we are letting you have to go home tonight and i called Paul and let him know what was going on well what came out of his mouth and it made me realize how cold hearted he was toward me and I told Paul that there letting me go home tonight because they put the doppler on my veins trying to find it and they thought they did and my veins exploded again and they wanted to stick me again and i said no and the nurses told me they would have to release me and send me home and Paul told me flat out my ass better be released before he got off of work cause he was not going to make a second trip back up there cause it was a waste of gas and what did not make no since to me he was already close to the hospital where i was at anyways so what was the big deal and right then and there that was one of the signs he did not love me anymore, cause when you love someone you don't tell your wife that shit at all cause i would never tell him that .
Then i got some kind of bacteria from this surgery and i went through a deep dark depression and i would set there and cry he may of hugged me a few times but i was so lost and i went through so many doctors and test and the more he drank i felt like i was all alone but yet i was by his side when he lost both parents and a made sure he was alright cause i already lost my dad and i know how hard it was just losing one but 2 parents he lost so close together had to be so hard on him so i did my best to be there for him and i was but when it was my turn yea you might as well of been single. What got me ones i lost 40 lbs..from his surgery and then like i said i got some kind of bacteria from it and one doctor said to us you do have some bacteria but i am not going to treat it and it will go away on its on parentally it did not and i went through so many doctors to find one who believe me but what was so strong was all the test i did came back negative but something was still not right cause i was still hitting the bathroom like every time i ate it would go right through me and i was always in the shower and using alot of body was and alot of toilet paper cause i could not help it and me made me feel so bad about my self and he made sure to tell me that he said you are so much of a burden cause i can not even go out and buy stuff cause i am always buying you body wash and toilet paper and i just cried and he did not care and i told him i could not help it and he just did not give a shit at all.
As time went on i knew he did not love me anymore and he did not care about us or are marriage it came to be that he was becoming selfish and narcissist he was making me feel about what was going on with me cause i could not help what was happing in to my guts. This surgery not only messed me up physically it messed me up mentally as well cause i could not keep food in my stomach at all cause it was going right through me . and let me tell you tho this man made every excuse to drink tho he would say well i wont drink this day if i drink today and then when that day came well i should of gave up this day for the day before and when he made a drink and i called him out on it he would get pissed and he would put a guilt trip on me and say well i can throw it down the sink and he knew i would say no but i just busted out crying and said you lied you broke your promise to me again you lied .
When we would lay in bed at night and it was winter time at this point and that big bed master bed room was so cold and i am cold nature big time and i would have a heated blanket on and my bones would hurt so bad i could not sleep for shit and I would unplug my heated blanket and go sleep in the sun room and it had a gas fire place so i would turn the gas fire place on and i went to sleep and all of a sudden Paul is yelling me to shut that god damn thing off cause he is getting hot and he would not compromise with me at all and when the summer time would come it was the same thing and i did not know now to work the nest thermostat at all cause he would set it with his phone and i was not about to touch it at all.
Then i wanted to paint the front living room he told me no cause we did not have the money but yet he can buy bourbon tho but there was all his stuff in this house hung up and not mine and i said Paul why is there your stuff hung up and not mine and Paul tells me well you do not have anything to hang and i said why don't you take me out to get stuff and he said we do not have the money but yet once again he can buy bourbon and what was really funny is when Paul would joke with my brother or me at the same time me and my brother would fire back and Paul got pissed off and was ready to cry . but its like i told my brother about Paul and my brother was starting to see Paul true colors . Then Paul made another mistake when my brother was spending his days off with us and I told Paul about what the nurse said to put a baby monitor in the other living room so we could move his dad away from looking at Paul all the time and Paul said no this is my house i said no and my brother said damn Paul she just want to see and he said no once again this is my house and my brother was so fucken dumb founded he could not believe Paul just said that to me and then i asked Paul why is it all your stuff hung up and not mine and Paul told my brother and said she don't have stuff to hang and my brother said go take her out to buy some and he told my brother well i don't have the money and my brother right then and there saw Paul true colors . The sad about this was he was like this in all the places that we lived in to and the crazy thing is i have pictures to prove it all that most of his stuff was hanging up and none of mine was but I made a promises to my self when and if i got better that i was going to divorce Paul cause i got tired of the way he made me feel about my self and my stomach condition that i had no control over and i tried everything to make my self better hell i even did the marijuana drops and i had to stop doing that cause it was making me hallucinate .
Paul just stop loving me all together and i complete shut down away from him cause how he was treating me and making me feel about my self and i found my self calling him names and i just stop because i was starting to feel like i was not no better than him doing that shit so i decided to sleep in a different bedroom on the other side of the house. I felt so lost and so unloved and he truly did not care either and at this point i truly did not give a flying fuck anymore cause i got tired of the way he treated me and he stop being there for me when i needed him the most and all i got from him was being judge when something was out of my control but all i could see was a evil man that turned so fucken heartless and so cold i did not let him kiss me anymore due to him mistreating he said finely well you don't like me to kiss you anymore and the look on your face when i do it and said well look how you treat me when i needed you the most i gave you everything i was good enough to save your life and raise your kids and bearing both of your parents and i was there for you through alot of shit and when i need you to take time out for me and be there for me you give me a fucken piss poor excuses like i asked him if he could pick up some stuff for me at Walmart knowing i could not lift any thing and he did it this way buy saying why don't I order it and you can pick it up at curb side and i said Paul your taking the easy way out and that's when he says well i don't feel like it cause my leg and back hurt or i can not walk that far. but yet here is what is so fucked up tho when i went back to work and i went got me something to eat and when i was off i would do this to i would go get me something to eat and he was like where you going i said i am going to get me something to eat and he said would you pick me up something while your out i said Paul here is what is fucked up when i ask you to do things for me what do you tell me or what do you to me he said never mind and then he tried to make me feel bad and some times i get him something but then i did most of time cause i got tired of him making me feel bad and then i got tired of him mistreating me and i started to pay my own truck payment and my own insurance and then here is another thing he would tell me o you used me to get another vehicle and i said i always wanted a truck but when i got my SUV covid was out and the automotive companies was under chip shortages and so i could not get one at that time. and i did go back to work tho and then while i was at work i did tell Paul i wanted a divorce because i am tired of his mistreating me and he was not supportive emotionally it was all about him and what he wanted and i got tired of his selfishness behavior and then he was taking credit for work that he did not do with the landscaping cause he said his back hurt and his knee and so me and step daughter boyfriend did the work and i thanked him and Paul wants to take credit when credit is not due to him and Paul wants to be the center of attention and Paul loves to take credit with stuff when he did not help at all and me and him would get in to fights over stuff and kid you not i called him the biggest pussy for someone being in the Navy and he said i am not i was raised with manners i said you do not have no love or respect for others and i said there are men and women that had more stuff done worse off than you while your stupid ass got drunk at a bar in the navy and was the only Survivor but yet your playing this shit to the hill but the way your telling it that you got hurt in the military and i m like your such a fucken liar, But what i think its funny he post to be seeing some girl that did the same thing i did and still do and but she is the older version of me lol i have to laugh about this but what is so fucked up tho i have a back bone and you can not fool me because i had 15 yrs. with you and i know all your lies and bull shit games you play and you may can fool people but let them ask me how you really are cause you know you need to be scared cause i will not lie for you and i will tell them and you know i will because you are a narcissist cause you do not want to take any responsibility for anything you did cause you want to act like you did no wrong and you do not want to admit that you caused me to have PTSD and you do not want to take any accountability for any of it and All i have to say is I thought you loved me but i should of known better cause you do lie alot and break promises and you did use me to get what you wanted but it just came to show is i wasted 15 yrs old my life with a person that is a narcissist and you get mad at people for them telling the truth on you and calling you out on your bull shit but the funny part of it all is i do not care anymore . You took away my soul and my heart you took away my laughter you took away my hopes and my dreams you just wanted to see how far you could tear me down and you wanted everything to be your way or you would throw a fight and put on a guilt trip and you will never take credit for the work i do anymore.
When every time you bring a new woman home all my memories will be in that house that we once shared not even paint can replace the memories not even the new furniture will ever replace me and the bed you lay in with them i once laid there to and the end tables that are on each side of the bed my memories are there to even the desk that your computer is setting on hell even the walk in closet that my clothes once was in. I was there when both of your parents where alive i was there for that to just remember tho 15 yrs its not easy to erase. And also tho i was in all those bedrooms in that house and even the bathrooms . You know i am like this tho you can not make me feel bad about nothing cause i was a good wife to you and and i was there for you when you needed me but you was not there for me when i truly needed you the most of all. But i will say this i know how to truly love someone and i know how to be there for someone when they need me the most and i am not controlling like you and i do not take no one for granted like you did me but all i have to say is all my love for you is gone after you destroyed me for no reason and you gave up on us and did not give a shit you got what you wanted out of me and through me away like a piece of trash but at the end of the day tho I can lay my head down at night knowing i did my best and i stood by your side when you needed me the most but yo left me when i needed you the most.
ns13.58.45.209da2
