The entire Sorenson family couldn’t have been any happier and excited upon hearing that Julian and April were expecting. When little Damian Andrew Sorenson came into the world, almost every member of the family was calling the happy new parents to tell them congratulations. It was a new beginning for Julian and April.
Julian’s younger brother, Jeremiah, was just as happy as the rest of the family. Jeremiah was excited to see his nephew for the first time as he paid Julian and April a visit just two weeks after Damian was born. The look on Jeremiah’s face as he greeted his brother and sister-in-law showed what appeared to be cheerfulness and excitement.
But deep inside Jeremiah’s head, certain thoughts were eating away at his mind. These thoughts were not as positive or optimistic as all the excited phone calls and congratulatory comments on Julian and April’s Facebook and Instagram pages. As much as Jeremiah wanted to feel the same way as the rest of this gathering of friends and family of the Sorensons, his expressions and comments would not have nearly been as sincere. There were so many things that Jeremiah wished he could say out loud that wouldn’t have led to so many eyeballs staring at him awkwardly and comments stated along the lines of “Why did you have to kill the mood?”
When someone who has dreamt of becoming a police officer all their life fights their way to achieve their dream career, of course there was going to be celebrations and excitement from friends and family members. But at least one of the friends and family members more than likely is thinking: “What if an armed robber shoots and kills you?” or “What if you die in a police chase?” Everyone knows that a job as a police officer can be quite dangerous, but nobody is going to bring this up at a celebration. Because it would “kill the mood.” Jeremiah understood this mindset completely, but it didn’t erase all the feelings.
A person has to decide to become a police officer, Jeremiah had thought on the drive over to Julian and April’s house. They’re the ones making the decision to take heavy risks. They’re the ones who put their own lives in danger. Damian hasn’t made any decisions. He’s way too young to make any. Yet he’s having to live with risks and dangers all the same.
After Jeremiah gave both Julian and April hugs, they led him over to the nursery. Damian lay fast asleep in his bassinet with a blanket wrapped around him. Even with all the thoughts in his head, Jeremiah couldn’t deny that little Damian was very cute.
“He’s adorable,” Jeremiah said with a smile.
“Thanks bro,” Julian said. “He kind of looks like you when you were first born.”
“Not sure about that. I’m hideous and he isn’t.”
Julian rolled his eyes.
“Hey, it’s true,” Jeremiah said, snickering.
After Julian and April shared for a minute about how Damian’s first two weeks had been, April walked to the kitchen to start on lunch. Julian seemed quite excited about this, as he had always been quite a fan of April’s homemade hamburgers.
“I think I’m going to head to the other room as well,” Julian said. “You want to play something on the Xbox? I got two new games last weekend. They’re both pretty awesome.”
“I’ll join you in a minute,” Jeremiah replied as he continued to watch Damian sleep. “I’m going to…keep an eye on the little guy for a minute.”
Julian grinned. “Sure, go ahead. Try not to wake him though.”
“Of course.”
Julian turned to leave the room. “Have fun, Uncle J.”
“Can you please stop calling me that?”
Julian snickered. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
After Julian walked out of the room, Jeremiah looked down a Damian, who couldn’t have been sleeping more peacefully and comfortably in his bassinet. If only he could have that feeling of peace in his life.
You wouldn’t know, Jeremiah thought. You haven’t even seen the world yet. You haven’t seen the hell that awaits you the instant you’re able to grasp what reality is.
Jeremiah looked up and sighed. He closed his eyes.
Or rather, what society is, he thought.
As Jeremiah continued to watch Damian sleep peacefully as if the world around him didn’t exist, all the negative thoughts began to rush to Jeremiah’s mind once again. Jeremiah had hoped that seeing his nephew for the first time would clear his mind at least a little bit of the horrible future that awaited the little guy. But reality was too cruel and too strong to ignore. Jeremiah couldn’t just pretend all the problems didn’t exist. Just like anybody is expected to do during the celebration of a newborn baby boy.
I wonder why people act as if it’s all sunshines and rainbows when another…one of us joins this godforsaken place we call the world, Jeremiah thought as he continued to watch Damian sleep. The world that none of us asked to be part of to begin with. But we are just forced to deal with because it’s all we’ve got. It’s all we’ll ever have.
I’m sure your parents are always thinking about your future. They’re probably wondering what the first word is going to be, what your personality is going to be like once you’re old enough to have some sort of grasping on the world, how well you’re going to do in school, who your first girlfriend is going to be, who you’re going to get married to, whether or not that marriage even lasts…
Jeremiah closed his eyes again.
Let’s hope it does, he continued to think. And if it doesn’t, then let’s hope you never made the decision to bring more life into the world. At least not with that woman. Because if you do, people are going to look down on you. It doesn’t matter how good of a person or parent you prove yourself to be. People will look down on you. A lot of them will treat you like garbage. God forbid if you think that you are most capable of caring for the children you brought into this world, even if you weren’t the one that delivered them God forbid is you think that you’re think you’re a better parent than whatever woman you decided wasn’t meant for you. God forbid if what you think is so blatantly obvious. God forbid if you decide that there isn’t any reason that either of you should be separated from your children and you decide that both of you should take an equal part in your child’s life. God forbid if you love your child so much that you would rather be there as much as possible even if that means your ex-partner can’t have the child all to herself. If you don’t decide to give up your child’s life to someone for no reason other than she was the one that carried it, you will be seen as evil in the eyes of so many. No matter how much of a hero you prove yourself to be.
Jeremiah opened his eyes again and looked back down at his nephew.
Oh sure, Jeremiah continued to think. There will be a defense force that calls out this group of haters for being so ignorant, but I can’t even put my finger on why such a group of people even exists. Why they exist enough for me acknowledge them. It doesn’t matter how much things have changed since several years earlier. The fact that things need to change in the first place is enough to worry me. Even today, whenever this topic is brought up, all these negatives are brought up along with it. It makes me question whether or not marriage is the best option at all. Your daddy took that risk. Things seem all wonderful with your mommy. But what if things didn’t seem all that wonderful? How would your future look like? How would your future with your daddy look like? How would daddy’s future look like?
We can’t see the future. We can’t guarantee that everyone will always be happy. One minute, your dad is Father Of The Year. The next minute, your dad is an evil human being because he wanted to take most of the responsibility for you or just half of the responsibility for you. And it won’t matter how much of a wonderful person he is.
Ignoring that group of haters, how will it look for you with the judge that decides whether or not you are best suited to take full responsibility for that child? Will you have to prove yourself to be a saint in order to get what you desire? Will said judge be more understanding and well…logical judges that we’re starting to see in the present age? Or will be just another one of the “classic” ones that will throw you in the garbage? I honestly hope I never find myself in that situation to begin with.
Whatever you do, little guy, don’t ever decide to create life with somebody that you’re only with for about fifteen minutes. This opens up an entirely different can of worms. A can of worms so tainted that an entire ocean would become uninhabited after just being exposed to it. If that happens, you’d better make sure you put a ring on that woman’s finger the instant you realize that the child is on the way. Because you will be shoveled into the dirt if you don’t. You want a part in your child’s early years? Tough luck. All you will get is a few hours a week. Perhaps even less. Don’t even consider taking full responsibility here. Unless the woman is fine with letting you take the most involvement, it’s not going to happen. Any judge will take one look at you, see you as an immature swine, and throw his feces at you. And you better not tell anybody you know that this is what you want to do. They will throw their own feces at you. Why? Because you weren’t chosen to be the one that carried the child. Because you didn’t carry that child, you are much lesser of a parent. And you no matter how many good deeds you perform, you will always be much lesser of a parent.
But why don’t we share the child equally? Feces on your face. Can I at least have visits overnight? Feces on your face. Can I have more than just a few hours of visitation? Feces on your face. Can I at the very least take my child somewhere where the mother isn’t? Feces on your face. Tough luck, buddy. You’re going to have to wait until the child is much older if you want to start being a father. You’re worthless and you have to just deal with. I don’t care if you risked your life to save a bunch of orphans from a fire last week.
So yeah, don’t even think about conceiving with a woman you have no plans to marry. You will be screwed over. And don’t even think about divorcing a woman you had married. Even if you aren’t screwed over, you will still be seen as evil in the eyes of so many people. Never take risks, little guy. Marry and stay married. Even if said marriage is miserable.
But how will look like if you do decide to stay married? Will you suddenly achieve all your dreams of fatherhood? All because there’s a woman living with you? If only it could be that easy. Even now, I’m sure there’s a large cluster of people who don’t know your old man. Yet they look down on your old man because he didn’t have the physical capability to carry you inside of him. And it’s not even his fault. He had no control over how the human race was designed. Yet the human race feels the need to punish him. Punish him for how he was designed. Because you weren’t inside him, he is destined to come second in bringing you up. To come second in giving you his affection. To come second in showing his emotion towards you. To come second in being a parent in general. All because of how he was designed billions of years ago. So it doesn’t even matter that he put a ring on your mother’s finger. Even while living under the same roof, he is the much lesser of the two.
And when the day comes that you become a father yourself, you will be given that same destiny. You will be punished for how you were designed. So don’t get any high hopes about being the father you want to be. Your wife will be on the pedestal while you will be standing to the side. Possibly having peanuts thrown at you like a zoo monkey. Don’t count on ever being seen as the king in the kingdom of parenthood. Because as far as most are concerned, there is no king. There is only a queen and a jester.
But let’s look at the few positives that could happen. Maybe you will find a wife who is perfectly fine in letting you take full responsibility for your offspring. Maybe she will prefer spending most of her day making an income off of whatever dream she had as a child while you stay at home watching cartoons with your child. As long as you two are happy, shouldn’t that be all that matters? In the eyes of many, it doesn’t. In the eyes of many, you are an abomination. You specifically are an abomination. Your wife is a hero for standing up for herself and seeking an income, but you are an abomination. You weren’t meant to stay and watch cartoons. You were meant to have an income. You weren’t meant to keep the house clean. You were meant to have an employer. It doesn’t matter if you couldn’t decide on a profession because the idea of child-rearing was more important to you than an income. If you don’t suck up to society standards, you are an abomination. And if your wife doesn’t suck up to society standards, she is a hero.
And what if, what if, your son or daughter finds themselves more inclined to ask you for help with something rather than go to your wife instead? What if said son or daughter feels much closer to you than your wife at a very young age? Would it mean that reality made a mistake? Would it mean you’re from a completely different dimension? Would it mean that you failed in your duties as a married father? Would it mean your wife failed in her duties as a married mother? Many would think so. That’s what so sad about the universe. Just the fact that I have to say “married father” and “married mother” is enough to show how sad our universe has gotten. As far as I’m concerned, a married father and unmarried father have completely different roles. If you are married, your role is provide an income and not let your role as a father surpass your wife’s role as a mother. If you are unmarried, your role is to be nothing more than a relative who the children have to stay with for a few days every once in a while. If you were never married to begin with, your role is to be a complete stranger for the first few years of your child’s life and then later be that relative who the children have to stay with for a few days every once in a while. And, once again, it won’t matter how much of wonderful person you show yourself to be. It’s just the destiny you were forced to have.
So why even bother with a spouse if you’re just going to risk putting yourself in this mess? Why even trust any potential spouse? How do you know she isn’t going to one day screw you over in the worst way possible? One day your wife and children are your happy family, the next your wife and children are in a completely different state and your wife has a completely different phone number. And then your children are complete strangers to you until the day they run into you with spouses and children of their own. Doesn’t that sound heartbreaking? Of course it is. But we never know when it’s going to happen. How do we know your mommy isn’t going to do this to you and your daddy? She can seem like a wonderful person today, tomorrow or the next five years. But we can’t predict the future. I’m not saying your mommy is an evil, selfish person. I’m not saying she will become one. All I’m saying is that we won't know for sure until it is too late.
Am I in the wrong for having little trust for any potential spouse? Honestly, I’m not so sure. After all, it seems perfectly acceptable for society as a whole to have no trust for me. And the rest of us born into this godforsaken gender.
We are all cruel, horrible people. We are all freaks of nature. We are evil monsters who should not be trusted. I’m a monster, your daddy is a monster, and you are a monster.
Did we do anything wrong? It doesn’t matter. We’re monsters that can not be trusted. Don’t ever consider taking care of someone’s else child. Because you can not be trusted with said child. Don’t even ask if you want to care for someone else’s child. You will receive looks of disgust just for asking such a question. Don’t ever consider taking up a profession where you care for children that aren’t yours. Most, if not all will treat you like a criminal. Even if you do manage to get into said profession, most will continue to look at you with disgust. Parents and coworkers will ask that a hawk stay by your side at all times to keep a very close watch on you. And once you work in that profession, you will be stuck with limits and restrictions. Even if your records are perfectly clean and have always been clean. You will have all these limits and restrictions while your coworkers of the opposite gender have none whatsoever. Why? Because you’re a monster that can not be trusted.
When it comes to other people’s children, watchful eyes will surround you at all times. Anytime you go somewhere where children are involved, those watchful eyes will follow you. Making sure that the monster doesn’t find his next meal. They will be ready to call the law enforcement at any sign of danger. And those signs of danger can be just as little as sitting on a bench outside a playground. These watchful eyes don’t need any prior knowledge of your past or who you are as a person. They only need knowledge of one thing. You’re a monster that can not be trusted.
And it’s not even with children that aren’t your own. People will have their even with the children you brought into the world yourself. So if you don’t want looks of disgust or the risk of having the cops arriving to treat you like a criminal, never spend time with your children without your wife. Or, at the very least, only spend time with your children at home. Because the instant your wife leaves your side, those watchful eyes will be on you. Why? Because you’re a monster that can not be trusted.
Let’s say you’re divorced and you were lucky enough to find a judge who wasn’t an ignorant buffoon. So it’s just you and the children living at home. Let’s say one of your children is a girl. Let’s say all of your children are girls. The instant that society hears this, they’re all waving their red flags and ready to begin their quest to slay the dragon before he harms the princesses. Or, at the very least keep a close eye on the dragon and make sure the princesses are safe. Why? Because you’re a monster that can not be trusted.
If your child is a girl, make sure she knows that there are limits at home. If you’re the only adult that is. She must know that slumber parties are an absolute no-no. People will see that the knight in shining armor known as the mom isn’t living there. Not able to slay the dragon in the very minuscule possibility that something wrong occurs. Because as everyone knows, we need a woman living under our roof in order to keep us monsters tame. Once the parents see no knight in shining armor, they will refuse to allow their daughters to be held captive in the same tower as that poor little princess. Held captive with that evil dragon who will capture any other princess who enters his lair. You’re a monster that can not be trusted. It doesn’t matter that you’re a good person. You may be a good person, but you’re also a monster that can not be trusted.
But it’s not your fault. It was never your fault. It’s just the destiny you were forced to have.
Jeremiah chuckled.
It’s kind of funny, he continued thinking. So many people ask for us guys to take more responsibility for our children. Yet when we do, we get criticized for trying to surpass our wives. Or we have hawks flying behind us ready to squawk at every second. It seems society is indecisive. Or maybe us guys are just destined to face criticism no matter what we do.
So I ask, why should I should trust someone who could separate me from my children when you can’t even trust me to watch your children? Or watch my own children when my wife isn’t there? Aren’t you trying to keep your children from us to “stay on the safe side.” Well then in that case, I’ll “stay on the safe side” and never have children with a female.
Little man, those haters will try to bring you down in ways that don’t even involve children. They will see you as stupid, as a swine who cares for nothing else other than sexual intercourse, as an immature buffoon who doesn’t know red from blue. Completely ignoring that the alternative gender can face the exact same difficulties. But I guess someone needs to take the stereotype, right?
It’s a shame. Society wishes that swine obsessed with sexual intercourse didn’t exist. Yet they find it odd when a male isn’t like this. If that isn’t a logical fallacy, then I have no idea what is. Nonetheless, society will see you as a hungry pig once you hit your teens, will judge you whether or not you’re truly part of that cluster of buffoons, and will give you the same treatment as all the rest of them. And if you say you aren’t one of them, you will be seen as a liar or a freak of nature. You see what world you’ve been born into, buddy? It’s a good thing you’re too young to see all the evils of it. Had I had the knowledge of this hellhole while I was in the womb, I would’ve chosen not to be born.
Should you be judged on your level of maturity? Of course you should. You should receive the right judgement for whatever level of maturity you possess. An immature fool should be treated like an immature fool and a mature gentleman should be treated like a mature gentleman. Now should you also be judged based on someone’s else’s maturity? Should how mature a large number of other people dictate how you yourself are judged? Of course you shouldn’t. Yet society feels the needs to automatically assume you will grow to be a drooling weasel all because they’ve already seen so many drooling weasels. And what society once again fails to realize is that a drooling weasel can be both male and female. Yet the female drooling weasels are the ones given a Nobel prize while the male ones are given a dunce cap. I hope you grow to be the next Einstein, Buddy. By age seven. It’s the only chance you have.
This is your destiny. You’re a buffoon, a swine, a monster, and a secondary parent. This is the reality you will face. It’s the reality you have been forced to play a part in. It’s the reality you have been selected for. It’s the reality that we’re stuck with.
Is it odd that I’m saying these things to you right now? When you’re too young to even understand the difference between your hand and your foot? Honestly, I don’t think it is. It’s not odd at all. After all, it isn’t seen as odd that your dad and I are currently being judged by an entire world of people who don’t even know we exist. They only know our gender. And because of that we’re categorized all the same. And if we’re being categorized because of our gender, they might as well categorize you. All those people who will judge you in your future might as well travel back in time to this exact moment and start flinging all their hate at you just like they fling their hate at fathers who seek custody of their children or men who want to be babysitters. If it is not odd to judge these men for no reason other than gender, then it is not odd to judge you simply because of your gender. You’re one of us, kid. It doesn’t matter what your personality is like ten years from now, twenty years from now, or six months from now. You’re one of us. And if we deserve all this judgement, then you deserve all this judgement.
And we didn’t ask for any of it. It’s not our fault we were born into this particular sex. We didn’t decide in the womb which gender we were going to be part of. We were merely selected to be part of this unwanted tribe. And it wasn’t even our fault that the tribe is unwanted. The poor decisions of so many others has led to our names being tainted forever. You and I are having to suffer for the actions of others. You and I and every other male in existence. It’s not a pleasant feeling, but it’s not something we can get rid of. We’ve been cheated from free will and will never get it back. Because so many others have made poor decisions and those poor decisions reflect badly on all of us. Has the opposite sex made the same poor decisions? Of course they have. You can make poor decisions regardless of whatever sex you are born into. But people choose to ignore this. Like I said, someone had to take the stereotype.
So what can we do? What options do you have after being forced to live in such a dark and dismal reality? I can think of three options.
The first option is to suck it up. Try to live your life as much as you can even while being judged. Try to see what happiness you can find and gather as much as you possibly can. But sadly, there will be restrictions. Like I said, marriage will be a gamble. If you decide to bring children into the world that is. Maybe you’ll be lucky, maybe you won’t. Who knows? If you decide to make that gamble, I won’t stop you. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. As for whatever you profession you choose, you might as well cancel out any ideas involving children or childcare. The instant you say this is what you want, society will want you lynched. And even if you are lucky enough to find yourself in that field, society will still want you lynched. And it will never end. If you choose this option, all I can say is good luck. You will need it.
The second option is to change. And yes, I mean change in a way that you are no longer part of this unwanted tribe. I have no knowledge about how that process works, but the option exists. Though I’m not sure if it will completely erase away all judgement. If anything, it could even add to the judgement depending on society’s view on that scenario. At the very least, you could ask to babysit and not lie if you say you’re a female. I don’t know how effective this option will be, but it’s still an option.
The third option won’t save you from judgement, but it will feel all too satisfying. The third option is to rebel. Decide that you’re not going to suck up to society standards and live your life the way you want. Of course, this only involves your decisions regarding your own children. You can go the same route that your Uncle Jeremiah has decided to go and choose to never have a spouse or partner at all. But that doesn’t mean you can never be a father. Other options exist that can allow us guys to become fathers without a woman intruding in and trying to downgrade us or throw us out of our children’s lives altogether. Like I said, that judgement will still exist. We are still monsters in the eyes of so many people and the hawks will swarm us everywhere we go. We will be lambasted for “denying our child a mother.” But these people can cough up diarrhea from their mouths until the cows come home. They have no say on whether or not we succeed. The only people who have that power are the ones managing the processes we’re given. How lucky will we be? It depends on what route you choose. Sure many will still see you as a monster and may look at you with disgust as you first arrive. But once they see how clean your slate is, you have a much better chance. And all those fools who throw peanuts at you from the outside will have nothing more than peanuts. They can’t decide whether or not you achieve your goal. And the instant you’ve achieved you’re goals, you can raise your middle finger to all those haters and say “I did it.” And you can keep that middle finger raised as they continue to lambast you and keep their stupid watchful eyes glued to every single little action you perform. They can’t decide where your child lives. They can’t decide how your child lives. All they can do is criticize. The words will still hurt, but it’ll feel great to hold your child up in the sky and say “this is my son/daughter and he/she will be mine forever. Nobody can ever change that.”
But there’s no way to truly “win.” You will receive judgement no matter what option you choose and you will receive restrictions on your life no matter what option you choose. Yes, it’s heartbreaking. But there’s nothing that can be done about it. It’s just the destiny you were forced to have.
I love you, Little Man. I wish you weren’t forced to live in this world. As a pawn in the sick game known as life. But it’s all we’ve got. We didn’t choose our destiny, and we can never truly escape it. It’s all we’ve got. It’s all we will ever have.
Jeremiah looked up and closed his eyes. He kept his eyes shut for a very long moment.
Eventually, Jeremiah heard the sound of footsteps. He opened his eyes and turned around.
Julian looked at Jeremiah, smiling.
“Burgers are done,” Julian said.
Jeremiah looked down at his sleeping nephew for a brief moment. He then very flatly said: “Cool.”
Jeremiah slowly walked over to the door. Julian then looked at him and frowned.
“You okay?” Julian asked.
Jeremiah took a deep breath.
“Just thinking about some things,” he replied as he exited the nursery.
“What kinds of things?” Julian asked.
Jeremiah stopped and looked at Julian for a moment. He then looked back towards the nursery.
“Life,” Jeremiah said.
Julian grinned. “Maybe some burgers will help you forget about life for a little bit.”
Jeremiah looked back at Julian. A smile very slowly formed on his face.
“Maybe,” Jeremiah said.
Jeremiah and Julian walked over to the table, where all the freshly cooked hamburgers were stacked on a plate. For a brief moment, all of Jeremiah’s thoughts actually did leave his head. He had also always been a fan of April’s homemade hamburgers.
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