x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkckdbixinv
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqabyoQ0rC6
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcspgdpUZsg
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1FVrXswha
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJanT4OZea
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtQ2aFdNEk
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkB1RniPSKM
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NQxY1FkGK
為何記住？我解釋不了。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBHxjSmcAB
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmKaGXpcW3
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bUzoRBuzE
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIb1M33NM8
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKkEk3jKVG
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAG3DbOvM2
其中一個是他。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbi6X8Bxvs6
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX60t0YVFmZ
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzWNPx3UP3
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErgU0qF7Gu
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8unljwP0a
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQESZsOSN8
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRMXx7qGYt
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytqPmQIWkb
「你遺下銀包。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgUaShFGvE
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiRHF6HHPa
「謝謝。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnOypJGuP1
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurIIVUB0wX
「不用客氣……」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cc9SCX48n
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pFnROWAt8
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLnLcftrA6
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGRl4roG0E
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUG5XoltC3
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHRoz6pVpD
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCTBRfozjr
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLflkI5woh
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxfZpdKMX6
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoctVjHiih
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dueCGxlDZ
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2wltt53Yc
「我是文班許家偉。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOVKJdpuN7
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGG6t2FavHx
「我是理班李浩榮。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuIAeKaFRM
其實我早已知道許家偉。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLn6x6qtVnf
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzvN4xya2h
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHW0tOnzbQ
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiHiHByBCs
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYW5Y4AU45
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgLHbcDeoF
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3bSLOmnJ6
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8exotQ5vb
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNqsg9CVTe
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UCaqVc7H9
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAs6g7yVs5
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YNAnBJDAV
不服氣。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt7hoRrqdL
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdh9sU3Cjq
繼續觀察他。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65bmMWdq8A
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46iFe5rosy
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMeJFMHCxs
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYr9ZPUUmM
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4SQOHgDBy
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSbCPOZqp5
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSXPe9tUUB
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OQvi1aNBz
我急步追趕許家偉。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6FIOkZdXK
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq565ehcrtL
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCvnC6fi9S
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoigExktNFZ
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHHko9zqDw
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1vmQKpENx
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmkQzbIWGp
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCv7MRoK2Ij
「你遺下了銀包。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmUE97GrT2
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSvUcdNViu
「謝謝。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93sXuvaLFZ
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUCgABfj5O
「不用客氣……」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡql9TwO8B03
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpk8JrZnw9
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7ltItFzgi
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlmWVtcLrl
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcDT944fCP
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwavv22N1K
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt51MkcjbaC
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uVd3lMBID
我望入他雙眼。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDE6XN3hFCu
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5ORMoUlio
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3M68QccqH
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxp1sf5pLws
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RjmaWq0Bx
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkuH3Jjabi
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrckj2SAPd
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVhIthwCys
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSqarha27X
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDPABzCpJR
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhULMjGVCL
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmenvBqplmn
「我是文班許家偉。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pjrW8wFVL
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDecdH3R1lF
「我是理班李浩榮。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuB9be4uS7t
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCzbSVctzq
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNxItwpMR1
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQucRyJju4z
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXGi0d7tFR
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rGtPYIorW
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qUmyh6o5e
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fte9NDM6G
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXM23DtbGi
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3M5DPtjp9
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GBJYBc9oM
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkThYcLBLj
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zI4chJhWU
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSr1tGLMtu2
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wHqc0ExbR
但我沒有阻止他。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq6a4P8aFt
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xeKUcV7bh
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MfHVmzwQE
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjqAznqt6s
我慫恿他繼續說下去。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UrRArdJeo
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApkIFdGakY
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UXtR7L6Ae
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErn7CBGqYd
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvHJiNDd4K
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALfy3q1tsM
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kCk3Ve5BO
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNacr4TQUai
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHqXoxIRgp
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw3OsTh8Dn
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnK2yF1z3m
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmLHgNmf7T
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LZ9O38TCP
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K0ftxeYXV
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tGdYGxD1d
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YujJLoUSs
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2ye3ikLwL
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkAXhDObvM
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ISNnqRRgC
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMRGiuyGvn
但我掛念他。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHY2qndwFC
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Wb3tBAdOJ
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXeE8wSWf1
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9p8Xz1h8C
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrlXy7owD2
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWTm02kdzH
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgV8i24OXr
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qLYrlukJv
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxTfnG9cKB
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2GF6MMlHu
不要說。不要聽。不要見。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0a8YnUbku
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaS0uxaVES
希望時間會沖淡一切。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZWG2jpMNI
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEf7BjNvAJP
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WkrGZgoDe
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQzUByyEEF
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMRra9Rw6w
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDcqwHYAKP
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5p5ZesfIA
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaS7xJRGAM6
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmU8kICf6PZ
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEl3GD13jR4
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wFE9LfSE1
「我也不明白。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREFZgZQWxc
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqog9puAJrc
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiC9TqECuZ
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLenavlmyhq
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYrJ4sKJ0z
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjRcnmg9g9
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K2gCHsA6C
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskHuWSaGq7
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOeCiWtwdS
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLrlbol8Ht
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnFQD0ZyjO
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbGQQ1OaYo
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSksDDvr8a
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVIpB63l45
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSQAwVQwPc
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqWtuYyiCv
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJLEcFLmXu
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWBY7D96My
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz25wUisQn5
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplNAVIs1m1
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJYHZVumFR
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGWHjd7xtc
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsCI69asPw
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubYg2yEkWv
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iIYGTeiDT
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAN5jQ7DB6N
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoF5aEEzjKP
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzbNXVA8k2
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALdUrrx8dk
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUei6igzQ1N
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlxTHxCFUB
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzl7X12vQOA
為何要走到這一步？577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxM4PjpIkTb
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tUd4baNmd
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tyqKRmkhb
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j7hfnoQpN
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVi6gh15n1V
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOPU4RbvDv
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvhcNz8Fl7
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJApZhfVdZ
「別倔強。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUI3d0zQlF
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhajqm0kwC
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6c3tLywnp
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02NFg1dpVj
「我想你放棄。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOBrRsHIWH
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FteTl9zhi
「原因？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpQLntKWhM
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDVumlvmy5
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZjR2WYzGk
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi98D3zxBwX
「我知道。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfL2M3LJBXK
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMbm2sQg7Z
「何解還要繼續下去？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyeymIE7f2
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKsiua95Vr
「感情易放難收。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6CZGQKHjH
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOo9ABbSKF
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYI6msw7zr0
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqd5ytiwbW
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTxWIkNYv4
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22idazk8oa
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjGGqe8ACz
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxBC1djG4W
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFkZXTNxyZ
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsL2bAoRN3
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJW9Hhz9dta
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWomeZyaBF
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvG3ICqdS8w
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfbcIEkBxG
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynNM5pYvPx
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6w5eOqC5L
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qRLYN39WS
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zcnum4Ypt
小醉。半醉。大醉。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuyMqihVOR
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pGZc5GJ1C
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzz3pkDR5cc
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCd9ShNUSS
「直接講我愛他。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVIhifafOu
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjggfILB2Lv
「如果他拒絕？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblIT6f1rW2
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmHmU2ga7Q
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKPuL0jzdi
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFb0SjLpLq
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMnSUlGUZS
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFkgaQsja4
「我當然是高興！」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0AcSc7rKd
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuZQKKRiO7
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaY4DH1gSs
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpx96YmiNJ
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetm8VCIjfF
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYG190p7vX
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUh4LGytyc
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYg40aJXvmn
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1Jxss2lVF
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbo41WSSRy
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgsFlZF4oO
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Z94JhWzYr
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOiNegNj52
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3EPL8HGz7
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIheiVWnAsh
「你仍然單身？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6v3XD8cW6
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSjqIlFCMW
「是的。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEb60uiJu7G
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfIknvsRKk
「要我當媒嗎？」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDriLIr8Bs
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1hrjxGT6X
「不了。難為情。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTVTHUD749
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VUtiQepyi
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVYjpDWEqk
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9IMCRZTvY
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8mI98Ktbv
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOEglaSw2N
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBu5PR9EJX
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvcGNoTjBB
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpay7352pa
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhp2NfFpv8y
回家吧。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlkV6hdDxX
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMwCgdecxq
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DtpTcyj21
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmVXtd9GAO
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoerjMbpKAR
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EJHgb7Ems
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDC2oLlCFfz
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWvfPZFfFW
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJufg16MI5F
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiCGGdzYNo
大概是一見鍾情吧。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWNXO2cyG5
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQXJofBXDg
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfwZniPlMy
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeR6N2BDjS
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoY6nLuk2Ve
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KjBzPKrwi
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1tNzc5Uma
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7BAngBU2N
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpvcAXx716
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi5tJmwE8G
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCmk3u05bz
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4sSWnuGhh
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAXRKZTIkv
百感交集……577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKN4dTpsMdP
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuhEE7raOt
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkNaybMxaU
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUJiFUhDTI
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlc3AqyDeAI
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AlQgjgxtp
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9XMSSc98G
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7xuA4mLjW
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxMI1xqAko
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZioIoaqaX
「認得。你是文班的。」577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXg5LYSlws
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTd7HFRrmaT
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsp6tlWojBN
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24KNqTkejr
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdL105kgb1k
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbqP1c6OdX
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdq5UPMALVw
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoGSkN380Y
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStOWReb7le
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjF1K6hXLz
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeqD7JGrVx
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaos7az1yb
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQw0TH9cVq
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYCkvyFZtq
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95gMK20Dyk
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4FiAfWlvG
我哭笑不得。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Ej4yRqmFV
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyxMC6pbJX
無意跟他繼續對話。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLGSyDaX6a
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrtMHDzdKZ
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KpuIkNtXZ
577Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYOyyFLCsg
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
