x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvcPZk3CP3
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWvnfhnxFu
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9cBfa9oe7
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNY0W2bOJH
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0BmMBfBq9
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmldRmOLZ3
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAepeD9u8ug
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhABTmvYAh
為何記住？我解釋不了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13NCgvTHPY
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaz6El6QKS8
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIGN291qAL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9L2TUIxdhf
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGwbkWMKtn
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCZwED8SmE
其中一個是他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXMd9kpedw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1qsfbkfpz
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqdtHCWUwL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7m0zickeW
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfToFJ4dgN
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ99YSprFFq
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUX0EaFMvKL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOkFxiDiAm
「你遺下銀包。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1BemXWg2V
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJporcpaOkJ
「謝謝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5G5OueOwIg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReyjr7pYyy
「不用客氣……」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4nBvXu50b
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU812FjEPRH
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAspkkQh5rd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuYUj7QX7s
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeN1QqJ6FP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWGvghFwhk
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJk29IfpqHv
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFjsJcMc0O
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7n3SFl6rh
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHwshRG4zn
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZq4TeOcMo
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2jJWhs54Y
「我是文班許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjk8ezqz23
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvFrI6qMwp
「我是理班李浩榮。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFgeMA9HwJ
其實我早已知道許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAO58YLdUj
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfslPPls6T
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeht5ndy606
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYhNil5roL
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4F1rwOd8Ef
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElRcFPlveC
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNU5m0cbDh
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsPaekSfgM
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ViKrptZ1N
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKYV9b15wi
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIYBCDJikN
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuLFCrJomW
不服氣。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfB2ihBWqK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCuXqmcTeI
繼續觀察他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0RHCCYnt3
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrs4xcqdSex
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdSBeGK7Oo
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdv8bvrfsP
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQq0ftSjS58
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywl6Ob3d84
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRjQxm9mls
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4o3L4H61up
我急步追趕許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqW6vjbBrKS
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SiaICoWDm
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgNufGRPnH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdH2TpflJu
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61aYn3qa3H
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA1sRl8aQB
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDHFmMCc6e
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUe02SZG5uN
「你遺下了銀包。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52p40pKSkB
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRm1mlTa9u
「謝謝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPeo6ml6tA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HTiDFnWWl
「不用客氣……」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LVxLDrxoq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeMrejqTR0
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvarhrIPtc0
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTph4oVW5p
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNa9SCEGeMM
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oXswYbLiA
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyY688R9E4
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5L6eakDmZw
我望入他雙眼。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxW4HhyDWcW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtmR9UFk1Q
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboQMXv5GTv
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsutszGzC8
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFg9Ojgs8Ct
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8KC0NYjjx
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VtqEZ16xg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2E6ZOeohBL
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXQasfi3nS
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsX6KkRbVz
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5D0RO6zSt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETTZwMiJow
「我是文班許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo83MEvb3DK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6dcsdXphs
「我是理班李浩榮。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAEsjBYjSp
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzJsPCmeYs
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0j78dTtZR
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyiFUHkrGo
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbWY86C6QV
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aH1ji2Di9
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeavTN7nLgt
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaX7XvceLCy
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRRYDYYdYq
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFcZF7F0qD
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT8o2H56lq
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGetLqDlsC
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngOMKd6Vwy
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPdB8JQxpc
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1K5wcdn6Wl
但我沒有阻止他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsptDNQzd6V
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5xUsjRB8Z
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsYhJ2K2VY
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZdVRZLRbe
我慫恿他繼續說下去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qUpFAJdad
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ociJhebpm
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52QSR4gmMG
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBu8WGLxVQ
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Y9nXCvLR4
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxeSwZ1WZv
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0dnV0syaP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgLOZHYwLz
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS79qVf9kDW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYCh5W4xYu
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6qzdYEo3X
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4rHd2acCU
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1r3cJ2GYpc
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2cQTq3tiW
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJk3kFnZ7y
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4HmFbDniT
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPnRHu5iy2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCPzA1JoYj
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS172L1Thgi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPCKWT1feq
但我掛念他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4m9kvIPRQ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC51Q6ZOW0n
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnW8Ck3KXTC
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4ZIoCMA1w
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLw8nhAEI5
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2Itg4mezs
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR56KCm0Oa
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDO8P6lGjhG
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FVvY9t75D
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbLNYQZfMH
不要說。不要聽。不要見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Km1EDbexH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoNMqTygmF
希望時間會沖淡一切。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSWhdzimIq
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9HjyqiZ8g
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65l4RwJV9t
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29UoH2TIhi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQFzVPtS4i
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRecCN4GYzC
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8JX6KmcKp
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL8r6827Ua
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6R7z0nTVR
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtukNlZagq0
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSSRCVHjRu
「我也不明白。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHDbPYV1Ky
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiPi5W1hMX
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM7gfroFLD
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDoo1kVjzd
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9eA2fzRRV
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPQ4Jm1vEN
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLGt6amhyH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAoLXQpJdo
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJYyGg3Fz4
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuz0emJO9vb
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLJDlAuNoh
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvvR7eaShl
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oaWC0bbRB
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtC4yWZZe9
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64YZRCb9sK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeY2Y83cI5
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7fJNfmhTt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Y2onEu5s3
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNecs2R8yUd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK02G8x5E4q
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4dKB7PWJ0
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMAj70fMV8
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pCAnLBQbK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAJC9Dpfab
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IYnpNP3u3
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGcGNwmDj2
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOW0C34TeuC
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4av3TZaQF
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUp23WS86r
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqQ8UtJDE6
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO6r2hxqiU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbj7u9WAQRs
為何要走到這一步？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6yBexWFbx
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY8bE0RooZ
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfqrK9M0L1
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hxBsl6uBU
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUMl0GM7Lj
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPT06Gh33lV
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5N2WQQf1R
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbA5KmELdz
「別倔強。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR52hk9VBr
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RQpynfB81
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IOne3fUOQ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAx0hkU0sUK
「我想你放棄。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFE2uyGoVb
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S7Fo2wnpV
「原因？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04GmQasMjm
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWA59xjqTLr
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpL7QlGSR7o
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoOz6IxDd1
「我知道。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8rf44oFwl
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebkiuMgyjA
「何解還要繼續下去？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRFFqNITxL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDu9Y1U2OI
「感情易放難收。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYgPe8x1Sq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhxUh6xHjQ
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksp0j7puKk
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudgsF2e1b2
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyTqVAtXcu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOfIJ0rowQ
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQg3X7z2VI
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDqcUvj7da
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6PdO0KnSA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xtuPC7oJL
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyTHsjFu3L
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdffM9BzjZ
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVnU7K7VVY
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxVqbOtnrq
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzslGXD8cHv
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZRzWgC1er
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0KaBZBzks
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrF2w8LEcY
小醉。半醉。大醉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡan43kXAqDk
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdg8QqnLUV
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MFf45wKZo
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkPX3bkS89
「直接講我愛他。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxVj9Ue0hN
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡov2wmgvD7t
「如果他拒絕？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYpnwwCxu2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEabAJNUi5
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQphztJugWv
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg73E3KGWP7
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmVviXFTUR
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9kOsnYT03
「我當然是高興！」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKLbmeH8Du
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprkGCRL6pY
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2VFGtGXki
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjiVmjZczF
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiIBo27TAO
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3aZMleJnu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QeAzZGfUz
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lxm8pQRaJ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUowo508XK
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡql074j7qTz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Y4bf4pVLD
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHIVogAwEL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60wfjtk5fa
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55PeA5S2AK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcCGGVMDbt
「你仍然單身？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXSuycwRDU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PYgX4cdem
「是的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0s3D7lqrj3
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6cP27aeg0
「要我當媒嗎？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGf3scwaXu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLI9aCPIFL
「不了。難為情。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVzySkM2R2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eTrKCleCK
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYoAOS7Znm
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKsfkMol1m
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmp7MZZVcSf
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYlceGLWMn
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aXQa6z3k6
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7sMVBTuCV
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQg087vyrq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XbDkxHNp0
回家吧。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZOXYbCYVq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudnTpZABUY
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFbcu2R3t9
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjSuKa5h7b
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXSUclyeon
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5IT7UgbPi
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIa3bQ2629Z
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEprHjIGR5x
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxur5w4Bfg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYLq9HpBDm
大概是一見鍾情吧。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3kU2VGRpU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoThbn1X05
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqGOz2uVkg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkfNNGaqKJ
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIET1W2MlH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dlYlsRXny
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQR1EidJiZ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuSEkHMrsq
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpmh8gXAnR
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuFNCSDMfG
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiNO9N1Qam
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1pZW6pVJa
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDyhLnqLRG
百感交集……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB7Q7GDOvx
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnESbEofLv
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdRsDuIQAt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEACJlm6T2
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGJJZZHyjn
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1olAxUckXJ
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZewULbfsse
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYfhRfblhu
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnHdvc6OnM
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhZGarHP6R
「認得。你是文班的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUk23g91f9
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmhh1yKme6
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTkvMmwIgz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5J6VDdHvk
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBANg3VZ5m
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEHAY0iJHd
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXe4LQeeeUe
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTdbB9tfw3
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIW9dx1id8P
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNKhfqbv8R
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxN7QK5UgEv
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8obI6uTKp
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTaG6C8xoU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nEg882Wlx
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ417FmnKllc
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeuJTM7Bzz
我哭笑不得。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQ3AqBmkx8
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96yOcNhvkt
無意跟他繼續對話。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgQR9HssZP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaBuSjo5VC
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WslofUSpK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjG80GQOjX
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
