x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4cZJ2z3XP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QTC8JQjQp
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcl2IG6aHFg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUEuQKYFux
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIrQJUnBkk
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5sYIyD2N2
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGGiGiSBqb
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftJoMTkPro
為何記住？我解釋不了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbwFhzwIAq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD02YUXqvd
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFEJZTliiz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigh9mavut5
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5oeQE3gE2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPB30wKDMOT
其中一個是他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwjcbiqZUc
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUp4JRY836
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsslwXiSwO
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2OtadtuJu
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchWrVOSk53
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH71LBilpxF
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0yEwZjbfN
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjAERY0A1w
「你遺下銀包。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreVj7AzQqi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfldbFhBecu
「謝謝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qPtAvR63j
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHARev7Rcv
「不用客氣……」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwX5QoGxfR
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaiNjFVA6P
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65CTMT6y1p
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaJF97gG8I
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN7A6yQspi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukn5ZO97ld
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaqeh0e94b
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxvLy0yHM7
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZDfin0V6k
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzyyiJDG7S
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFiT7D0FRP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2gRTsxLj3
「我是文班許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQG7rkB2vH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8UINUJFfw
「我是理班李浩榮。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdfstFdJoJ
其實我早已知道許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Sp5e5nAyd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh9a0Qf82Y
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSJBO9wkDD
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOD4duAmPY
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVGYjFZdEh
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhBijCSJWt
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuJbfVd5gw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDPixifUy8
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMea5taEvbh
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw6fZNNQpU
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbEbRG9fNG
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQTVlieqqU
不服氣。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTiYj5Z1Oe
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rE9QfvB5M
繼續觀察他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8E4XKREPx
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudiUxCBwtA
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HPaP2p4hY
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DrasFpyXz
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HPRuPuUmV
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtZuxRksuM
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQGPNveVgp
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUOVCxOeqA
我急步追趕許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGHCMvqFvi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr14HKmshPX
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqopFv1M5MW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2xV2Kg6Ca
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BX0Yod9zH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJOR5AOEaS
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJjSxRifvx
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkirg8cWZc
「你遺下了銀包。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYWnh5wglD
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E5wVzuRDM
「謝謝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIWoclgqsr
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOyeZhuNXf
「不用客氣……」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBguCeGj7J
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZquQfdIAi
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WSn1If6He
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wmlfQweqh
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNB26yCAjd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcU0gKWeYHF
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5Mywft26C
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmUGwTDTER
我望入他雙眼。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeYR2m4mU1
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0sLH8TajO
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmPwz5gQzS
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0LyxYsG3m
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfZmydlTqJ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOmsZAr6DU
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFod1gbYiA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiSJ3DBf5Z
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDPcnw28tF
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZDK4B2dOt
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbxDwfN0bA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd16EDiCx1t
「我是文班許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc15up22SJ3
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWDRYL321f
「我是理班李浩榮。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkNYvrf7Fk
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcWHUf63tg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tawFUKV5W
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquOQFvRG9Q
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmwN4oGMJi
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgnQCqBK4D
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL967dssAh1
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRVnWoRDyE
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUxWSt8Uov
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZVzn4Q15Z
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddPC8OR94b
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZHUGKesBn
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJiLgCxt2c
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvF4HnaNK71
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn08t6TYlE
但我沒有阻止他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ534PmG7GoV
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95cTYU7Mij
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkq9FbrrvH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEQHp7vpu1
我慫恿他繼續說下去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtowT7IW6h
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ277ngUYcP3
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5Bouv5Azl
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2anCGBDBO6
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWhclM1HAM
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACz64OZ1Z0
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOpyZm36d9
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjuiwbYlEW
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmb80Tk4e2M
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrM7kWQv7MJ
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Gk7lpfQ3G
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcVf9WAqEN
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEAyjmQcUL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡollNAPIKti
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9kk2nDBTF
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteFMV9gBwO
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjxDQUzuCZ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrnrBrPbYe
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTC0ioGcqX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXL0pHtR1c3
但我掛念他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHM1kkObUiq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxO4IwXrvQ
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUxue3YrTf
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeltMVjLkn
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinwbz0EVGg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jNeolEYPN
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIL1UIi9Hza
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBJ8rDal9u
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXyVLW8Vwz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1TMzzmZPn
不要說。不要聽。不要見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn0PFCIwlF
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EEG1vfEjt
希望時間會沖淡一切。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBITmEzXcL
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDlEXczAYP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRaGK3Kgim
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbJMMSvmqX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8IgjCa0gN
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zYGItpXXf
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeAiZqdBKB
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAzpjSg1ty
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJJfOzabxc
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdOF6kYbED
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqu7Ws6wDE
「我也不明白。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEBPGdLhOX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5X8SsPSXe
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88oUAKM3iY
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZ3NKfj0h3
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdoJVQrIGJ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqUSxjith1
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULu1Sm6hSC
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr89wKE3Qhl
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABPQzlByiA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJf1sTu1k1
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mEGi1j2Y1
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7UrUYjwWk
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDJCzvTML8
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrzOkkuyfW
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneTjIDZHUr
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqCiKL4ttI
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10WmQi40w4
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFB0bCGzbo
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJfuYXHdOr
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Dl4vypIW2
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu68nPzE8tS
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4vT2evkkL
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZxG46hAo0
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzBHYeDjIM
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShCglzr7j2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HwAPgVLDs
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHjyv2Firs
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9SZ9xM3yN
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lxwQj34o8
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNPXU8QyIY
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXcrZLUXxm
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyWShbPwL5
為何要走到這一步？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6arcDrHQo
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJAzbudp9X
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCmorFzGFT
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezSvYOWj2q
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCB5yNZw0b
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyV2qhdahd
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknCwvSIBlS
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyz3YKv3vB
「別倔強。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbdI9Nl2qP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIe81yN646I
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo07GpMfZ2T
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mlUfOAk7E
「我想你放棄。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Rjw6awPUZ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi74FB3EQVV
「原因？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsWA91ofWX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAEvtwKfjF
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6LupWBFZO
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwbtkaNKFL
「我知道。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnB3akOeNP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhsvllDr9q
「何解還要繼續下去？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFERxCBVs17
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cf4GQeFwl
「感情易放難收。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRAEN92nOA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufENDsUqPn
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OgUs24Whi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoFcAs73O9
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIrqXVlcAt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4HedLjhXs
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhELi6ZAtx9
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUo5V62ZXh
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmtlye2vND
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKhlHgEVW8
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaTHmB7PKu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO2buq2PG8
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhva6soaRQz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaXm6TuNRl
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCWsXgiIax
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXb9MMekMVF
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJKZR4xIcu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3u90AggJq
小醉。半醉。大醉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNK8Z6hDke2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYx1C1HxUk
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOH6TtoxjfA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZLB8z25Sl
「直接講我愛他。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5iQGcEiPd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TXe3SZ2u3
「如果他拒絕？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08fFwgRUdj
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdfGMl6Gls
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoV1PuRUMf
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Dc5wRjlhR
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNgTzSXEPM
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p3L3yprnw
「我當然是高興！」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOxrasgpFq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZSvqpGLVP
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSlGg1RjXg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0pEQO350z
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwCk0t5RTK
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjtUNOoLbK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW77tkXzHhB
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoHLQ9BPzx
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6Uv81IinT
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU7qxgnQnW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5uctbDQHQ
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHLPKnwxJZ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tTOuvNX99
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZIm7EQBr8
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzuzf38oOA
「你仍然單身？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tpp7cEb8Q
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwemN1RIE08
「是的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOc2buZXt5c
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GtmCX0deY
「要我當媒嗎？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUluFqmu1RG
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ41DUgGRgj
「不了。難為情。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nluzP8ruQ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mv6aYVKZd
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB85hWuSDig
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ExfqhVPxT
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhc4eWkWqrw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpslGwhecKg
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxVZee0NLu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax4Asddvsr
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bhmWX6i3x
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Stem1abVD
回家吧。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTUG6E6WGT
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq02K0vKJxo
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl65v0ppHeV
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHL7Ac03hM
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2L9zdwvlwA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dk9ldYFQl
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDw0RPbDeR
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhj8cUFup3O
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2n2I4Zbxtx
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgX0bft4DY
大概是一見鍾情吧。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFjg4ID5e6
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvR1A3MR7a
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw1dd5dZj5
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WpTOtjTKp
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgusWqmKjkY
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeMfHqwafs
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FzmkHQAyv
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ruCMTg1it
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtxv0ywQ9j
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3OG5nvCuI
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuf56fcUMq
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjySZ1G8f4
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFw97VsHKYm
百感交集……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpZRpKD1MW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgXKs0wCTi
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJPkXY70Gt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5w2zyegVGe
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnXjB21Alv
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡww08u8YdPP
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIttGI86fX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdest0Wlpq
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzRDoMZJuG
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH49kHy1Dlq
「認得。你是文班的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFobBqbjtz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbwvDxAGOr
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W4vW2Sk4H
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgKFlCD10g
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkr7pO4xlE
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZequpimBVr
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltMAxxEyHi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwZnVc8ucb
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3puyaCJKk3
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHH6XV66zFT
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuz5GhjWzr
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMnfn30vQ1
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5F85qBN8V7
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDpa3OvmGg
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUHPq0mpJu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxw6br8cpq
我哭笑不得。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTE5DGN2Hxw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCNq3fOfIb
無意跟他繼續對話。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfUVoMzX1F
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMf4p39EjB
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgVpl0CaJq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9FjhfZpi7
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
