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Hello. I don't know what should I call you. I don't think of you as a diary. You are my friend. And friends don't use actual names you know. Guess I'll give you a nickname sooner or later.
I prefer writing on a paper more than this 'digital' Journaling. But I guess because my family is more of a spy on me, I guess I'll write it down here. You know, it's more secure and comfortable here.
I feel like I'm texting a friend of mine.
So, Today I early in the morning I decided to write the notes. All the notes at once. In a single day. That'd be about 5000 Question and Answers. But sadly, I fell asleep.
I didn't mean to. My father came in the room today when I was listening to lofi beats on Spotify and relaxing after a whole night of being awake. See, that's the thing about lofi. You don't really fall asleep but you definitely reach a point when you feel like you're meditating while listening to it.
So I was laying on the bed with my fan turned off. Because it rained in the night. And I felt a bit cold. But the windows and door was closed down that time. I guess it was like 6'o clock in the morning.
There was the smell of rain left after the cold breeze and light rain of the night. If you'd stand near the window, you'd feel as if you are not in the noisy city but a pleasant countryside.
I guess I'm a Pluviophile. If you don't know what a Pluviophile is, Wikipedia's Dictionary defines it simply as One who loves rain.
So my father came and turned on the fan and somehow I fell asleep. While I was trying not to fall asleep. Before sleeping I wrote down the time when I had to start my study session. It was 9 am. But it was not possible as I was sleeping like an owl in the day.
Here I am right now, writing this. I feel like I can write my own journal more than an essay demanded by somebody else. Today I ate food. A lot of it. Even though I woke up at 12 noon, while writing this, I still feel sleepy.
There is a tension in my head right now. I'm worring about my future. I know if I don't take my studies seriously, I'll end up with a girl who'll not understand me. I don't know. My parents are forcing me to marry. It'll be an arrange marriage. I have taken time from them. Just this year. Is all I got. To make it.
If I fail this exam. I'll end up more worse than I can imagine. I know that. Currently I'm trying the detox. I'm trying the Dopamine Detox to cut down on my social media time. I guess that will work. Because it has been three days and I haven't logged onto Facebook or Insta.
As my exam is current affairs oriented. I need to be aware of the society. But I guess twitter won't help. So I'll also try to cut down on that too.
I have a lot in my mind to say to my future wife. But I guess that. I'll do it in some another journal.
There are so many things I want to tell her. My habits. My life. My past. I know telling my future wife about my past won't be a good Idea but I think I have to do this. That's why I have decided to write down a page. Dedicated to her. So that when the day will arrive when I'll get married. I would have a book. That I'd give her. As a gift. That took years to complete.
I know telling her about my past is a bad idea. But if she will love me even after knownig about my past and my true feeling for her, I guess our bond will be strengthened. I don't want to hide anything from her.
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That's all for this day I guess. I have a clearer mind right now. I can focus on my studies.
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