Lucien’s been gone a while now, you wonder if she’s okay. She didn’t seem like it. You decide to head over to the bathroom to check on her, you know she might just need a minute by herself but it’s been more than just a minute now. You walk through the shop and turn the corner of the hall, the bathroom door is wide open and there is clearly no one in there. Did she… Did she ditch you? Your heart sinks and a lump begins to form in your throat. No, no, she wouldn’t have. She probably just ran off again like the time at the gas station. She’ll come back.
There’s no point in running off to find her because it’s best to stay put so she knows where you are. You start walking back to the front of the store where she last saw you, though part of you is telling you that you have to go find her. The motorcycle is still parked out front and you take a seat on the ground next to it; the sun is pouring over the horizon, shining directly onto your face and making the glare in your glasses impossible to see through. You scoot over so that the handlebars of the bike block out the rays. You start to wonder where it was Lucien could have gone to, it’s not like there’s much in this small highway-exit town anyways, just a couple of shops, a motel, and a gas station. Maybe she went to the gas station by herself? If she did then she should be back soon, it’s only a mile or so down the road so you guess maybe 40 minutes till she gets back, assuming she finds a gas can faster than last time.
It’s a bit boring sitting here by yourself so you decide to grab your backpack. You struggle with the half-broken zipper for a second before it opens and you blindly shove your hand inside it and feel around, navigating through the clothes, you think you found your journal but when you pull it out you see that it was just a book. You scoff and shove your hand back in, this time digging further down and find that it had sunk to the very bottom of the bag. Frustrated by the amount of time and effort it took to find it, you drop it on to the ground with little care and zip up your bag. When you turn back to grab the journal, you can see that there’s a small piece of paper sticking out from one of the pages. You flip open the book and the paper flutters to the ground. Your hands fumble in the air to catch it but it slips through your fingers and lands in a patch of weeds growing from the cracks on the pavement. A small, annoyed chuckle escapes your lips before you reach down to grab the slip. Turning the paper over, you notice that the writing on the paper is odd, the handwriting is in cursive, the type of cursive that makes you reread everything over again in a sad attempt to decipher it. It takes you a couple of minutes but you finally figure out what it says:
“The stars will welcome our arrival.
The planets will celebrate our presence.
To be human is to temporary.”
You’re not really sure how to interpret this. Did Lucien write this? And if she did why would she have put it in your notebook? There’s no way she would have even known that you brought a notebook, this is the first time you’ve taken it out of your bag since you first left Marshall.
You start to get lost in your head, ideas and questions flow in and out as effortlessly as the air in your lungs. A wave of bitter cold suddenly washes over you, you begin to visibly shake, and your mind stops mid-thought. You get the uncomfortable sensation that someone is watching you from behind like you’re being stalked. It’s an effort to fight the chills and fear but you turn your head to check all around and though there’s no one around that you can see, the feeling is still lingering inside. You stand, your legs quiver underneath you and you have to grab onto the motorcycle to ensure that you don’t fall over.
“H-h-hello?” It’s a long shot that anyone would even answer you but you never know, “Hello?” Of course no one replies but you continue anyway, if anything it makes you feel better, “Is th-th-th-th, is there anybody there? Lucien, please d-don’t mess with me right now. I don’t d-d-d, I’m not good with s-s-scary stuff.”
You really don’t handle scary things well so instead of doing something stupid like looking for whatever it is that’s making you feel watched, you sit on the motorcycle and hold your pen and journal in your hand, thinking they might make a decent weapon in case there is someone out there.
Time seems to drag on forever and you forget how long you’ve been sitting on guard. Nothing and no one has shown up and the feeling has slowly begun to fade but there’s still a pit in your stomach, Lucien hasn’t come back yet. You look at the time on your watch on guess you’ve been waiting about 2 hours for her. Maybe it’s time you went out to search.
You shove your journal back in your bag but hold onto the pen before hopping off the motorcycle and begin walking towards the gas station. There isn’t any telling if you’ll find her but it’s been a concerning amount of time since you last saw her.
It takes you a little less than 15 minutes to fast-walk to the gas station, fear is a hell of a motivator. You don’t see anybody outside, “Lucien?! Are you here?!” You pray for an answer but there’s nothing. The door to the store is glass so you press your face against it and peer inside. It’s difficult to see so you go ahead and open the door, “Lucien? Are you in here?” It’s just as small as the last gas station so you don’t bother looking around, you can easily see above the aisles and there’s no one in here. You cross your fingers that she’s in the bathroom and walk around the perimeter of the store to find it. You circle it twice but there’s no door.
“Fuck!” You’re really starting to think that she might have in fact left you this time, that she wasn’t coming back and you’re gonna be stranded in the middle of the shitty little town until you can either find gas and figure out how to drive a motorcycle or give up and walk across 2 states back to Marshall. “I can’t believe th-th-th-th, I can’t believe th-th, FUCK!” You can feel the heat spread across your face as you scream out into the open air. You start to pace and come across a half crumpled soda can, it’s neon green color insults you for no other reason than the fact that you’re upset so you swing your leg back and kick it as hard as you can. You watch as it flies through the air and skids across the road. Words start to pour out of your mouth, mumbling, grunting, and cursing. There’s a tickling sensation across your cheek and you reach your hand to see what it was. It’s wet. You’re crying. “No, no, no! Stupid!” You mutter to yourself as you break out into a sob. Tears are flowing down your face and dripping onto the ground, a couple of drops land on your chest and leaves big stains. You drop to your knees and continue to wail like a newborn, there’s no one around so you let everything erupt, all your pent up emotions begin to express themselves through your cries. You haven’t been with your family in almost 4 weeks, longer than you’ve ever gone before and you can bear it anymore. You want things to go back to normal, you don’t want to be on this stupid quest to Portland, you don’t want to be sobbing in a gas station, you don’t want to have been ditched by the only person you thought could help fix this whole mess. You bury your face in your hands and try to take deep breaths through your nose. Each breath is interupted by small hiccups and you can feel the snot and tears on your palms so you pull your hands away. The hiccups continue as you take larger, deeper breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. You can feel your heart start to slow and the hiccups fade so you take one huge breath and hold it in as long as you can before letting it all out in a big sigh.
You give yourself another few minutes to collect yourself before you start to head back, not towards the motorcycle but towards the motel that was a couple blocks past it. Your mind is numb and empty during the short walk back, you mostly just stared at the ground. After walking for a while you recognize the area in your peripheral vision and look up to see the gyro shop. Letting out a long sigh, you try to ignore the motorcycle and the memory of this morning, how the two of you were talking so casually talking and joking like you had been friends for years.
When you pass the corner and the bike is no longer in sight, you hear a small bell behind you, it sounded far away but you turn anyways.
“Johnathon!” Lucien turns the corner, running and waving her hands, “Johnathon, wait!”
Her ponytail swings back and forth behind her, she’s wearing a big goofy grin on her face while staring straight at you. You get butterflies in your stomach from seeing her coming towards you but as quickly as they developed, they dissolve into a sour mush. The nerve she has! Disappearing for like what? 3, 4 hours without telling you? Again!?
She catches up to you and lets out a laugh, “Where’d you go, dude? I was looking all over the place!”
Where’d you go? Where’d you go!? “What do you mean: where’d I go?! You d-d-d-disappeared for hours, again, so I left to find you!” You don’t think you’ve ever been this mad before, you don’t want to hurt her feelings but you can’t control it, you don’t know how to control it, “You left me alone without ANY explanation and you have the audacityto ask w-w-where I went?!” You turn away from her and start to walk away, you can’t handle this unfamiliar feeling and you can feel it eating away inside you. There’s no way Lucien knew how upset you’d be but it was still an awful thing for her to do, so part of you wasn’t the least bit sorry when you saw the confusion and hurt on her face.
“I.. I’m sorry..”
Her words were spoken so softly you could barely hear them. You stop walking to turn around and face her. She’s looking down at the ground but you can’t tell she’s tearing up, the way her voice trembled and her refusal to look you in the eye gave it away. You can feel the lump in your throat returning and your own vision starts to get blurry from the tears.
She sniffles and wipes her nose with her hoodie sleeve, “I, I didn’t mean to..”
You rush over to her and wrap your arms tightly around her shoulders. She stands still for a second, processing what just happened. You can feel her body relax into you as she wraps her arms around your waist, her head presses up against your chest and she squeezes you hard while letting out a soft whimper. You too are trying to fight back the tears, the pressure of her against you is comforting and you can’t help but break into another sob, tears are flowing into her hair because of the way your face leans against her head but you can’t help but let them. She cries with you and the two of you hold each other tightly, rocking and shaking with one another. Your cries echo in the empty roads but all you can hear is the sound of her heart beat in time with yours.
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