Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Summary: Dean enlisted in the hopes to help secure enough money for Sam to be able to go to college. Of course, he didn’t tell Sam. Why would he? Sam would understand, right? Turns out, Sam didn’t get it, and is giving Dean the silent treatment for over a year. In Dean’s desperation to reconnect with Sam, Dean reaches out to his brother’s best friend. Little does he know that the hurricane named Y/N will turn out to be the reason he wants to stay alive and go back home for.
Chapter Warnings: Minor angst, fluff
WC: 36445Please respect copyright.PENANAHQlQ1yx0Z6
Y/N wakes to a faint beeping of a machine. The back of her one hand hurts when she tries to push herself up on the mattress. The short pain reminds her about the existence of the intravenous catheter jammed in there. Apparently, she was dehydrated and while they were at it, they pumped some drugs into her veins to keep her head or her brain from exploding. Quite literally.
“Hey,” The weak sound of Sam’s voice greets her from next to her hospital bed. His hand folds over hers - the good one, the one not penetrated by needles - his thumb rubs along her fingers. “How are you feeling?”
“Ugh, you know what would make me feel better?” She huffs out the question with a certain amount of bitterness she doesn’t even know she has in her. But right now, all she feels is an annoyance and maybe she’s spent too much time that morning cursing the world that this is happening to her at all. She takes a quick look at him - a mistake, she realizes. The frown lines are etched deep into his forehead, and it makes her madder. Mostly, mad at herself for dragging her friend into this mess in the first place.
“What?” The younger Winchester quirks one eyebrow up his creased forehead while he tilts his head to the side, waiting for her to elaborate. His hair is slicked back, probably from running his hand through it one too many times. She makes a mental note to tell Jess to help her hold him down while she cuts it back, just a little.
“If people would stop asking me how I feel.” She snaps, can’t really help it, and she’s sorry for snapping, she really is. Can’t take it back anymore now.
“Oh,”
“Yeah,” She ends up succeeding in pushing herself up. Her head feels a little woozy being in a sitting position. Y/N groans as she tries to settle against the mattress and she doesn’t have to look at him to know that Sam’s worried but he’s trying his best not to annoy her more by keeping his mouth shut and not rushing in to help her.
“Are you hungry?” He asks with concern in his voice, and god, she hates that. She hates that Sammy was here all the time while he should be at school.
She shakes her head no, “Sam, I’m fine. I’m just exhausted because of all the tests today.” She shivers slightly as she remembers needles, x-rays scans, and the big tunnel she had to lie in for hours on end because the doctors wanted to find the cause of her severe migraine.
Y/N only remembers the last two days fleetingly. It was the day Sam found her on the floor of her shower where she lay when she slipped and passed out from the migraine attack. The water was already running cold, he said. And while she should be embarrassed about Sam finding her butt naked, she can’t find the strength in herself to care about it. The next thing she knew, she woke up in a hospital gown with both Sam and Jess, the latter volunteering at the hospital at that time, next to her bed. And while she had the feeling that her head was going to explode, she let them do tests ever since and today was the second day already.
Testing, it turns out, is beyond exhausting and it needs every ounce of her strength, not to mention patience.
Sam’s up on his feet to grab the glass of water by her nightstand before holding it out for her, “You should at least drink something.”
Y/N sends him a glare, not really feeling comfortable enough being mothered by her best friend, but all arguments leave her because of the buzzing inside of her head. Most of the time, she’s able to push it to the back of her mind but sometimes, it makes a return and those times are almost unbearable. She takes the glass and drinks it, not because he told her to, but because her mouth feels dry. Or at least that’s what she’s telling herself.
Setting the glass down, she turns back to Sam who has reclaimed the seat next to her bed. She notices that the sun is already setting outside of the window. “Don’t you have anywhere else to be? Papers to write? Finals to study for?”
“I don’t have to be anywhere but here.”
“Sam,”
“Y/N,”
“Sam,”
“Y/N,”
She makes a sound of a dying animal in her throat.
“Pretty annoying, right?” Sam challenges.
God, he can be so fucking stubborn.
Sighing, she lets herself fall back on the bed moving down a little so her upper body is still propped up, “I’m gonna be fine. You should go get some rest and then go to school tomorrow.”
“I’m-”
“-Don’t. I’m fine.”
“Tomorrow they will decide if they will operate or wait,” Sam mumbles and for a moment, she feels that he’s more nervous than she is, so she takes his hand into her good one and gives him a reassuring squeeze.
“Sam, I’ll be fine. Please do me a favor and go home.”
“Okay,” He nods but he doesn’t sound like it’s okay and part of her gets suspicious that it was way too easy for him to agree. She can’t dwell on it, though, has zero energy to do that. Sam seems to be reading her mind, like he often does, so he offers, “You’re lucky that I have somewhere to be.” Before he gets up, he sends her a shy smile, one that shows his tiny dimples. “Call me if you need anything, yeah?”
“I will,” She promises and her friend nods in understanding before he leans down to place a kiss on the top of her head, “Now go and pester Jess.”
Sam groans with an eye roll, to which she has to giggle.
*
There’s just no position on this fine earth that can make her feel remotely comfortable in this narrow bed. At least not with tubes hanging from her hand and she feels that the reason for her not being able to sleep is not coming from the lack of exhaust, because she’s got plenty of that covered, but it’s more the fact that she isn’t home, and maybe the fact that she absolutely hates hospitals. Y/N contemplates ringing the nurse to come and sedate her so at least she can get some sleep. It’s not that she needs it per se, it’s more than when she sleeps, the drumming in her head eases and it gives her an escape. In the past forty-eight hours, she’s probably slept more than the whole of the last two weeks.
She scrunches her nose as she reaches a hand out towards the nightstand to grab her phone and it seriously astounds her that she can unplug it even with that slight pain still throbbing in her head. Y/N checks her student emails, not that she can answer the emails for her professors anyway. Somehow, she’s made her peace of not finishing this year, or not graduating at all, but that’s something to be thinking about when this is all over. Health comes first, Sam said and maybe that’s the wisest thing he’s ever said, not that she takes it seriously. What gets her attention the most is the lack of a certain name that she was hoping would appear in her inbox. Dean hasn’t written back to her yet and it’s pathetic of her to look at her phone every half hour, but that’s just who she is and she really hopes that nothing has happened to him.
After the last Skype call where Dean spent the majority of his computer time talking to Sam, he told her that he’s going to be away for a little over a week, so she thought that he might be back already, and that maybe he’s worried that she hasn’t replied to him but apparently, he isn’t. She wonders if he’s back.
Thumbing through her phone, she opens the text messages, deciding to send him a text just to tell him that she’s okay and that she’s going to email him as soon as she gets the chance, avoiding going into detail on what was going on with her, of course. Instead, she tells him that she’s looking forward to hearing from him. It’s almost upsetting to her how much she misses him, how much she misses hearing his voice.
What she didn’t account for, though, is to see her phone light up with a text right after she has sent one out to him.
D: I’m glad you’re okay, Y/N. Sorry, I’ve been busy.5Please respect copyright.PENANAp0e4zbCiXw
Y/N: No problem. I just miss you, is all.5Please respect copyright.PENANAqGXlDpgEPp
D: I miss you too.5Please respect copyright.PENANAzz0VknjAvr
Y/N: Can I call you?5Please respect copyright.PENANAKiR18ixKIa
D: Now?5Please respect copyright.PENANA1RtXqlE6he
Y/N: I get it if you don’t have time5Please respect copyright.PENANAt0Iku6QZUX
D: No, no. It’s okay. Just call me on my cell, not the satellite phone, I think Cas is talking to some chick.
Y/N has to chuckle at that and before long, she finds herself laying down, her head buried into the sterile-smelling pillow as she presses on the call button. She still doesn’t know how to tell Dean about what happened in the last couple of days. Doesn’t know if he’ll be mad for not telling him sooner. She decides that she doesn’t want to mention it as she doesn’t want him to worry.
Dean picks up on the second ring and it sounds like he’s in a moving vehicle, “Hey,”
“Hi,” She breathes out and it’s really pathetic - there’s just no other word for it - but she feels so much better just hearing him. All of a sudden, the tiredness overtakes her and already, she has to fight to try to keep herself awake. She’s sure his voice has some crazy magical power over her that manages to calm her.
“How are you?” He asks after she hasn’t said anything else.
“I’m good. Not great, but good.”
“That’s good to know,” He hums.
“Dean?”
“Huh?”
Somehow, keeping a secret from Dean weighs on her and before she knows it, she finds herself sighing as she’s ready to come clean, “Promise me not to get mad?”
“I could never get mad at you, Y/N,” She can almost hear his grin. He sounds so sincere, “But if you’re calling about the aneurysm, Sam’s already got that covered.”
She sucks in a sharp breath and takes her time in digesting the guilt she’s feeling deep in the pit of her stomach. “I’m sorry, I should have told you and not Sam.”
“It’s okay. As I said, I’m not mad, just worried,” Dean sighs. He sounds so exhausted and she feels sorry for having to add her problem onto the pile of the other shit on his agenda. “But I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, right?”
“Right.” It’s actually the last thing she wants to talk about. The doctors will have her results by tomorrow. So, while she tries not to think about it, she asks, “Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything,” Dean replies way too quickly, “You just name it, Y/N.”
“I’m really exhausted but I can’t seem to fall asleep. Can you just… maybe stay on the phone and talk to me, like, until I fall asleep?”
There’s a soft chuckle on the other side and the vehicle is still moving. She wonders where he’s going, wonders how his reception is so great even if he’s in the middle of the desert, but somehow her brain is too tired to care about little details. She just wants him to tell her about his day, tell her about life away from home. Hell, she doesn’t even care if he recites her the fifty states in alphabetical order front and back, as long as Dean just keeps talking.
“Of course,” He agrees, and then she hears the clearing of his throat before he starts to tell her what has happened since the last time they spoke on Skype.
Every now and then she would chime in with a chuckle or a snort. She listens to him until her eyelids start to droop, listens to him until the darkness wraps her into a blanket and pulls her deeper into sleep.
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“Y/N?” Dean asks softly after he finished the anecdote of how some new guy hid the towels of the soldiers while they were showering, which ended up him seeing too many dicks on that day, careful not to wake her up again should she already be asleep. “Hello?”
He keeps on listening to her even breathing for a while longer, listens until he can really be sure that she’s sleeping. Only then did he hang up and push his phone back into his pant pocket in the cramped space of the car while he turned his head to look out of the window. The streetlamps are passing him by, lighting the inside of the car up with a yellow glow. Shop signs blinking back at him in all the colors imaginable. It’s shocking how much he’s forgotten that on the other side of the world, life went on while he lived on the bare minimum to try to save… he doesn’t know what he’s trying to save.
“Did she finally fall asleep?”
The voice next to Dean tears his attention away from the traffic sign, the green of it vibrant in his eyes. Dean’s almost in awe.
“Yeah,” Dean smiles weakly, he’s more exhausted than anything, more so if he tries to keep himself together, “At least I think so. She didn’t answer. I guess I’ll know as soon as I’ll see her.”
“Dean, you don’t have to go there now, if you don’t-”
“-It’s okay, Sammy, I need to see her for my own peace of mind.” He tells his younger brother.
Peace of mind. Who is he kidding, he doesn’t think seeing her will give him real peace but it’s better than not seeing her, right? Right.
After Sam told him about what happened over the phone, he barely managed to stay on his feet. Cas had to help him stand upright and all of a sudden, for the first time in probably years, Dean didn’t know what to do.
Cas had to drag him to their Captain with the help of Benny on Dean’s other side, and god, he was so fucking embarrassed that one phone call could do him in. And it fucking did - so much that he doesn’t even have the strength to walk on his own.
After Captain Walker agreed to his furlough, his friends somehow managed to carry him over to the showers and tell him to take one because the next flight home was leaving in less than an hour and they would take over his duties for him. Somehow and by miracles alone, they managed to turn up at the airport with more than ten minutes to spare and Dean found himself in a seat, not really knowing where his first stop would be, but it all didn’t matter because all that mattered was that he would somehow get home to see Y/N.
“How is she really?” Dean asks his brother. He managed to get in contact with Sam on his layover. By now he had been traveling for two full days and even though he has spoken to Sammy before, the young man still hasn’t forgiven him but Dean senses that they will bury the hatchet - for now - as there is something more important that needs their attention than their petty fight.
“Jess and me, we’ve taken turns being with her,” Sam says. His voice is not as strong as Dean is used to and he can hear the fear and exhaustion in it too, “They did a lot of tests, and there’s an awful lot of waiting around to know where to go next and to hear the results but you know Y/N, she’s tough as nails. I think she doesn’t even realize what’s going to happen or she kind of doesn’t want to acknowledge it.”
Yeah, stubborn, that she is. But that’s not really news.
“I’m gonna stay and you can go get some shut-eye, Sammy. I’m sure you have classes tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Sammy sighs loudly, probably resigning himself to the fact that Y/N doesn’t want him around anyway. Dean doesn’t really know if that’s true but he has the feeling that Y/N is pissed that Sam already missed his classes for the last two days.
The rest of the drive was spent in silence. Dean knows that he probably should apologize. Saying something along the lines of I’m sorry for not being here when you needed me, but then again, what good would it do? It would just uncover the hostility they started to bury between them, so Dean stays mum.
*
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The hallway of the hospital is almost empty but the scent of antiseptics is strong in the air. Sam leads Dean around and the night nurses are staring at him because he’s still dressed in full uniform with just a small duffel bag slung around his shoulder. His boots make an awful sound as they scrape along with the linoleum flooring. Dean tunes everything out until their chatter and the emergency calls in the back become white noise.
His heart picks up its pace as they stand in front of a room. The door’s already open and there’s a nurse checking on Y/N’s vitals. His eyes don’t leave the fragile girl who’s sleeping in the bed though. The phone is still clutched in her hand and he watches as the nurse takes it away to place it back onto her nightstand.
Shit.
He had dreamt about seeing her again more often than he cares to admit but the reunion he dreamt up was never supposed to be like this.
“Hi,” The nurse greets them both. Her eyes flit from Sam to Dean and he has the impression that Sam knows the nurse or at least has seen her during the two days of Y/N’s stay here.
“Hey,” Sam greets her back, “Uh… that’s my brother. Dean. He’s family. He’s going to stay here tonight.”
The nurse smiles, “I’m Carmen, my shift is over but I can bring you a cot for the overnight stay.”
The fact that Sam was here last night and the cot was nowhere to be found dawned on Dean and yeah, the answers right there too because there’s literally barely enough space for Y/N’s own bed.
“And where would you want to put that?” He asks curiously.
Carmen chuckles, “I can just move her bed around a little-”
“-No, no. That’s okay, don’t bother. I’m going to be fine.” Dean interjects. The last thing he wants is for her to move Y/N around and wake her up.
“Right,” Carmen nods, “Call the nurse station if there’s anything.”
“I will,”
With a last bright smile that somehow was directed only to Dean, Carmen disappears and closes the door behind her.
“Dude, what was that?” Sam snorts.
“What?” Dean hisses as he makes his way over to the chair sitting next to her bed. He lets himself fall down on it and takes off his jacket only to toss it on top of his duffel that he left next to him. He takes her hand, the one that doesn’t have all sorts of tubes sticking out, and just holds it while he rubs his thumb over the back of it. His attention is solemnly on her and while he watches her chest rising and falling, Dean feels like he can breathe again after holding it in for two fucking days.
Sam’s still hovering by the door, and probably Dean should be embarrassed about his feelings. Should be embarrassed by how nothing is important when he sits here because all he can see is her.
“Nothing,” Sam shakes his head. “I’ll be here tomorrow before my morning class.”
“Okay,” Dean says but he doesn’t look up at Sam. “I won’t go anywhere.”
He ends up sitting there, with her hand in his. His thumb keeps on rubbing circles on the back of her hand, as if he wants to make sure that this is real. That he really managed to be here for her.
There’s a knock at the door and Dean tears his eyes away from Y/N’s sleeping face to look in the direction.
Carmen comes in, a paper cup of something steamy in her hand. “Thought you’d like to have a coffee,” She says with a shy smile and Dean stands up to take it.
“Thank you, you didn’t have to,” He tries to smile back but he doesn’t think it’s as sincere as the one Carmen shows him. He’s just too exhausted and too distracted.
“I wanted to,” The nurse smirks and this time Dean catches what Sam was trying to tell him all along. He can clearly see the pink in her cheeks. “Well,” She turns to leave, “I’m off for tonight, have a good night, Dean.”
“Night,” He waits for Carmen to close the door behind her before he lets himself sink back down on the chair, only realizing now that he’s been holding Y/N’s hand the whole time.
He quickly drinks his coffee and sets the empty cup back down next to his duffel, hoping that he won’t forget to throw it into the bin when he gets up from the chair next. When he gets up at all, because right now, he doesn’t want to go anywhere because he has the feeling he’s right where he needs to be.
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