My daughters are my world. They are more important to me than my boxing career, my friends (or what's left of them), and pretty much anything else. They are the loves of my life and I would sacrifice just about anything for them. They're the greatest gifts I've ever had and I can't imagine life without them.
But...they weren't too crazy about having to move. Or, at least one of them wasn't. That's not something that entirely surprised me. Having to move and leave your school and friends behind is never fun, especially when it's to an entirely different country. Since Yulia didn't really have that many close friends or even like her school that much (more on that later), she wasn't really affected by the move. Elena, however, was absolutely heartbroken. When I first told the girls that we'd be moving out of the country in just a few months, Elena cried nonstop for at least three days and kept on begging me to stay. I kept on trying to comfort her and tell her that America's a wonderful place (which I know is a very debatable statement) and she'll make plenty of new friends, but it never helped. Although she seems to have gotten over it a tiny bit by now, it's very clear that she still feels sad about the move and really misses her school and all her friends.
I actually planned on moving in April, but I decided to wait until summer that way the girls could at least finish school first. I figured that was the most I could do. We even had ourselves a little going away party at our house a couple days before the move and that went really well. I almost cried when all of Elena's friends lined up to give her giant hugs.
At the very least, Elena is smiling again now and still gives me plenty of hugs and kisses whenever I get home from work or MMA, before she goes to bed, or whenever she sees me and just wants a little love. At the very least, it's clear that Elena still loves me very much and that won't change no matter how many times we move. Like I said before, my daughters are the greatest gifts I've ever had.
Right now it's the middle of August, around the time that Elena should be starting second grade and Yulia should be starting kindergarten. I was actually thinking about how school was going to look like for the girls back when I first moved to Dallas. The thing is, I'm not sure what type of education I need to get for them. Mainly because they don't understand a word of English. Before the move, I was really hoping that I could not only find some sort of program where the girls could go to school, but also a program where they could start learning English. So far, the elementary schools I've talked to don't have any programs for Russian-speaking children. I guess because it's so uncommon a language for children in America to speak. I have heard of some programs for Spanish-speaking children, but that is pretty much it. See, this why schools need to offer more languages than just Spanish and French. Ugggghhhh...
And no, I'm in no position to home school. Last time I checked, I'm a single parent working a full-time job and also earning additional income by being an MMA fighter. Don't exactly have additional time to teach math, science, and the hardest and most confusing language in the world (seriously, English is a freaking weird language). Not to mention I just have no idea how to be a teacher. I can be a boxing trainer, but not a kindergarten and second grade teacher (especially not at the same time). I'll keep on looking around. Thankfully Dallas is such a big city. There has to be someone out there who can help us out. I just hope the girls don't miss out on so much school before I finally find an American elementary school teacher who understands Russian.
So since the girls are not in school at the moment, we're pretty much always together when I'm not working. When I go shopping, they go with me. When I go to the laundromat, they go with me. When I go to the DMV, they go with me. When I go to the bank, they go with me. When I leave the house for five minutes just to grab toilet paper or milk, they go with me. My girls are always by my side as long as I'm not either busy working or beating people up in MMA. Other than some very rare exceptions. Elena and Yulia weren't with me the night I beat up those two thugs. They were actually in bed at Hayley's house (I didn't have my apartment yet). I really, really hope I never have to use self-defense whenever they're with me.
Because of immense stupidity, people seem to love to stare at the three of us when we're in public. I'm mainly talking about the people who work at the stores and DMV. The ones who frequently see us. Maybe if they saw us together just once, it wouldn't raise as many eyebrows. But seeing me alone with my two little girls so frequently just seems to come off as off-putting to them. Like a man being around his children so often without his wife is just one of the strangest things in the world. Or maybe people just find it strange because of how young I look and they think it's weird to see a teenager out with his little sisters/nieces so often. Or maybe they're wondering where my parents are at. Or maybe they just think my hair is weird. Or maybe they're just sexist idiots who can't accept a father choosing to be around his children so much.
There are two things you should know about me as a parent. Number one, I do have maternal instinct. Just like I said before. Call it paternal instinct or fatherly instinct all you want, it's the exact same thing. My love and natural instinct for my children is no different than what a mother would have. I'm nowhere close to being a stereotypical father that isn't nurturing or is basically a secondary parent. Ever since my daughters were babies, I've always been the nurturing parent. Even when Anna was still around, I was always the more "motherly" parent. I was the one who my girls were a lot closer to and would go to for everything. Whenever my girls were hungry, that would go to me. Whenever they got hurt, they would scream: "Papa!" and go running to me. I was the one that did all the stereotypical "mom" stuff. I was the one who got them ready for daycare and preschool. I was the one who did their hair every morning. I was the one who they were excited to see when I picked them up from school. I was the one who stayed at home with them if they were sick. I was the one who bought and washed their clothes. I was the one who gave them fun bath times. I was the one who took them on play-dates. I was the one they would cry for if they got lost in supermarkets (this only happened once with Elena, I swear I nearly had a heart attack that day). And like I said before, I've always been on extreme high alert when it comes to my daughters. When they were babies and toddlers, just thinking I heard a cry was enough to make me jump up and run over to them to see if they were okay. I wasn't exaggerating earlier when I said I can hardly get a full night of sleep because just one sound can cause me to freak out. If I hear just one odd sound at night, I will jump on my feet and go running to the girls' rooms (or just room now that they are sharing a room) to make sure that they are safe. I'm just that high-strung and protective as a parent. And that brings me to my next point.
I'm extremely protective of my daughters. I'm like a mother lioness. Just the thought of somebody hurting or kidnapping my daughters causes me to grow extremely tense and angry. This is why it's very hard for me trust babysitters. I usually don't let anybody watch them unless they're a very close friend or a relative. And this became a huge problem with all my friends in Russia turning away from me. The only person who I was willing to let watch Elena and Yulia was Rafa, who is actually very good with kids. He always had a lot of fun playing with Barbies and having tea parties (I still have plenty funny pictures of that). But Rafa wasn't always available, so I sometimes had to put all my trust on some random teenage girl that I barely knew. Oh man, the number of times I came home extremely worried and nervous...
This is why I'm so glad to live close to Hayley. I would never trust anybody in this city to watch my daughters. Man, I can't even imagine what would happen if somebody actually did try to hurt Elena and Yulia. This is why I'm terrified at just the thought of their first boyfriends. Not just because of what the boyfriends would do, but because of what I would do.
So yeah. When it comes to my daughters, I'm nurturing, I'm protective, and I'm their dad. If you think that last thing doesn't fit with the first two things, then you're a moron. If you don't think a dad can love his child the same way a mom can, you have subnormal intelligence. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. Hey, my kids have a mom. And last time I checked, she's in Novosibirsk (I think) with her hot tall guy, not even bothering to call her daughters on their birthdays. Tell me my ex-wife is more of a parent than me.
Yeah, I get a little upset when people act like it's a freak of nature that I'm taking full responsibility for my daughters. Everyone's just so comfortable with the fifties status quo that men should leave all the parenting responsibilities to the women. That my nonexistent wife should be the one taking care of my daughters instead of me.
Societal norms when it comes to parenting have never really existed in my family. When I was a kid, my dad was a stay-at-home dad. When Hayley was first born, my mom wasn't willing to give up her job as a nurse because of how important it was to her. From what I heard, she worked extremely hard to become a nurse and she didn't want to just quit everything so easily. My dad, on the other hand, worked as a history teacher and the job wasn't really all that important to him. Sure he liked history, but he eventually realized that teaching wasn't really his thing. Mainly because of how stress-inducing it was to deal with a room full of obnoxious high schoolers eight hours a day, five days a week. My dad just realized that being a parent was more important to him than his job and he decided to just quit and stay at home and take care of Hayley and then eventually me. So while our mom was constantly working, our dad mainly took care of us and did all the "mom" activities, such as getting us ready for school, washing dishes, doing laundry, and keeping the house clean. Me and Hayley were a whole lot closer to our dad when we were kids and saw him as the more "nurturing and motherly." Like father, like son, right? I was a huge daddy's boy when I was a kid and I'm still a pretty huge daddy's boy today. My dad's always the one I call whenever I need help with something and is always the one I go to for comfort when I'm stressed or upset. I think I called him at least a hundred times when I was going through that two year period of hell back in Russia.
Going back even further, my grandma on my mom's side was raised by her single father after her mother died when she was one. And my great-grandpa did a wonderful job raising her on his own. According to my mom, she had a happy childhood and grew up to be a wonderful woman and amazing mother to my mom and her three siblings. Sadly, I never really got to know my grandmother on my mom's side since she died when I was three. But it's still such a wonderful story to hear. It makes me confident that my girls will grow up to be wonderful women and mothers as well (that is, if I don't end up killing their husbands).
Anyway, I really respect my dad and great-grandpa for stepping up against society and not feeling ashamed to be loving and nurturing fathers. And that's exactly who I want to be as a dad. My daughters are the greatest gifts I've ever had and I will always love and protect them. So stare at me awkwardly in public all you want. Nothing's ever going to change.
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