I woke up at eleven in the morning, had breakfast and left for home. The drive back was easier, mostly because I was so excited to see Damien after three days.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSat0bWLCcB
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmCwylLOZq
I was planning on going home, do laundry and find Cleo. I wanted to try and talk to her one more time. We were best friends since we were babies, her opinion meant the world to me and I wanted to be clear about that; even if she haven’t contacted me at all since I left town.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWe6WCfZNN
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ojJqxnZmT
As soon as I arrived I went towards my parents kitchen; not even bothering going into my garage.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWUogDTeS6
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“Hello,” I greeted my mom as I entered the kitchen from the back door.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUMIIpOJtT
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“Welcome home baby,” mom replied “How are you?”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcQ78cpWsD
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“Fine, you?” I smiled and left my bag on the floor.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUvrEelPnE
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“Got dirty clothes?”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xTlbgE4pf
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“Yup,” I grinned “Why aren’t you at the office?”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAO4LZbn9li
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSjGtpT46M
“Have to visit a client in a bit,” she explained and narrowed her eyes when she noticed I was smiling at her. “Don’t look at me like that, do laundry yourself.”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q7jdE3cge
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYr5btpSrC
“Fine,” I groaned and I retrieved my bag before walking towards her. I kissed her cheek as I passed her by and exited the kitchen. I turned right and entered the laundry room. I left the bag on the ground once again and took my mobile out of my back pocket. I dialed Damien’s number and put it on speaker phone. His phone was disconnected. I put the phone back into my pocket thinking he must be at work.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mSiB62rYh
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWn2CQNF6IY
After putting all my clothes into the washing machine I sat in the kitchen with my mom until she left for work. I tried calling Damien again and like earlier his phone was disconnected. I sat into my parent’s living room to watch some television, though I should probably be into my garage and try and study.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v6jOjyFs7
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLMnfYCndz
I dialed Max’s number and put the phone on speaker. It took three rings before he picked up.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zZLVGovoE
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvaDvEqcjP
“Hey,” he breathed, sounding weird.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MhNIqTuZL
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjMYpFvP4U
“Hello to you too,” I frowned a little bit “Are you okay?” I asked referring to his weird greeting.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYQcE7oQ2v
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzZTfpsyv5
“I’m okay, how are you?” he asked, still sounding weird.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09h849xj77
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP5UrK2RYx
“Fine,” I replied “Where are you? I’m home!” I smiled. He didn’t reply for a moment.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluVeToINWW
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDiwWaFr2h
“Fuck,” he mumbled “Dude, I’m gonna have to call you back,” he said; the word rushing out of his mouth.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUdfMeJUK3
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPC3GAgVvE
“Okay, don’t be late because I’m so bored!” I replied and hung up. I wanted to call Cleo but something stopped me. So I texted her instead. “I’m back home, if you want a coffee.” I remained on that couch until three o’clock in the afternoon when Max finally called me.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFIXvhJaDF
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ65jSvARxY
“Hey, “ he breathed “Offer still stands?” he asked.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OrDbNgA5H
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxRbT18sdR
“Of course,” I replied “Come over!”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIeFGC7eTQ
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgGpAXICJO
Max turned up soon afterwards. He said Cleo was trying to finish a project that she working on since I left. She was trying to keep herself occupied as I understood.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEtKXLDJtZ
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡao1nqWn7gY
He told me she had a date with Mike two nights ago and that she looked very optimistic. It looked like Max was trying to avoid mentioning Damien, so I left it at that, doing the very same thing but not really understanding the reason.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxHYwPM4YJ
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUq3pkanE3
About an hour later, that I still haven’t heard from Damien, my mom returned home. I refused to cook for myself because I was cooking the whole time I was living with James, so her arrival made me extra happy.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQ0lebfpv4
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiajz6oYD5
I was sitting with Max in the kitchen sofa playing cards until the food was ready. Thankfully mom had prepared the meat and now I only had to wait half an hour until it was grilled. At some point I heard mom talking on the phone, telling someone to bring a soda for us. A while later Evita, the twin’s mother, walked through the kitchen door.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqPgaeN8Or
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgusrbugeiv
“Hello guys,” she greeted us “Welcome Erica.”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkqSpM0p1J
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuUodKqoMJ
“Hello Aunt,” I smiled and got up to take the soda that she put on the kitchen counter. “How are you?” I smiled.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyRXWEzdqO
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDaIUAp3Eh
“Here,” my mom said at the same time and left some money on the counter.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRjgCdkn0Y
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudcDLMpA6w
“Don’t even think about it,” Evita replied to her. “I’m still trying to digest the fact that my baby left again,” she sighed.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsu6gEobYh
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqzKWUzRxD
“Which baby left?” I frowned with a half smile as I walked towards the cupboard with the glasses. Max was here. Cleo was at home. That only left one person that could leave…414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEIdx9N9oU
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf93QSDGC4
“Damien,” and a deep sigh escaped her chest the same time the realization hit me. My heart fell. I blinked; staring at the shelves. My chest started going up and down quickly as my heartbeat increased. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took one glass in my hands.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqNFimDLHh
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCDpz2lgNs
“Wasn’t he supposed to leave in two weeks?” I asked trying to sound as casual as possible. I took another glass out of the cupboard and opened up the soda bottle.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOpMMnEltw
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjaUHyJoH2
“Yeah,” Evita said “But he said he got a call this morning at work from some friends and he’s meeting them in Rome before going in Tuscany,” she explained. I felt a strong pain in my chest as I tried to keep the tears back.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDLtukWXfw
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fnvKWxacN
“That’s nice,” I noted and put the soda into the fridge; never turning my head towards Evita or my mom. I wanted to keep my expression hidden because I didn’t even know how I looked like.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkBsmKG9a1
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaitwljtYGm
“You kids should go and visit, using those tickets he got you for your birthday,” she suggested as I was walking towards Max.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquWHSmU1qs
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALU6BTLQDn
“Maybe after their exams,” my mom spoke. I put the soda on the table in front of Max, never looking at him.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPNsgRT4E7
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVQYUt8KPH
“Yeah, after the exams,” I replied and sat down with my back towards the kitchen. I didn’t care if Max saw me crying, but I didn’t want Evita to see me. I took a deep breath and focused on my cards.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk0zu22vNC
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3KwHnNBzn
“Your turn,” I said to Max. He didn’t move for a moment.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZiXiqqXIM
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tZubpJGTe
“Yeah,” he breathed after a while and put a card down. I sipped my soda and took a deep breath. I couldn’t stop staring at my phone. We haven’t even finished the game when I grabbed it from the table and dialed Damien’s number.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZjPd82NOb
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0B7jtVyNo
Nothing. His phone was disconnected. My breathing started to increase and I leaned forward, touching my elbows on my knees, as I tried to calm myself down. “Why would he leave like that? Things were fine last night” I was thinking over and over again.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0GSmBnW2n
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFUn7JT3zD
My mom approached us then, holding two plates with grilled chicken and left them on the table. I thanked her, not really talking, and pulled the plate in front of me.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsOH3THBWc
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Max closed the door behind us as we walked into the renovated garage. I took small steps towards the bed and sat down; my chest aching.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuKG1yNVX7
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PY22bqD7K
“Did he…” I breathed “Did he really left?” I frowned looking at Max for the first time.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIw1uX9uba
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bbmPCJUAx
“Fuck,” he mumbled and leaned against the door “You didn’t know. He said everything’s okay,” Max frowned.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAmxWxavvs
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYu12E2nL2
“When did he say that?” I asked; my voice fainted.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ws7SF4dw6
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Zj2p0wFvl
“He woke me up this morning,” Max breathed and took a step from the door “And said he’s leaving. I asked where he’s going because I got confused because I knew he went into the office this morning and he said that he got a call from a friend and that he’s meeting his old buddies in Rome before going up to Tuscany,” Max explained like he knew I needed to hear the story one more time.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUDyuNFT9h
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4jF8bGvN7
He walked towards me as he spoke again “I followed him to the door and I asked if you knew about this,” he said and finally sat down beside me. I swallowed. “He said “everything’s okay kid”, hugged me, hugged Cleo and left,” he breathed.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXo2OyiMFBM
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFnfrA4FEx
I couldn’t speak. Everything was fine last night. He was excited that I was finally coming back home. What could possibly change overnight? Or if nothing changed, and everything was okay why he left without calling or texting? Or at least answering his phone?414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoL2Kkbw1It
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgOdb389uE
“I…” I stuttered “We spoke last night…” I breathed. “I don’t understand,” I whispered and pulled back on the bed, pulling my legs against my chest. Max turned towards me and put his hand on my ankle; stroking my skin with his thumb.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU04uvpcodW
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aGsnrVyW3
“I’ll talk to him. He’ll call sooner or later,” he said.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoljbUBvGjc
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“No, no,” I rapidly shook my head.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaQ9TknlDD
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“Why not?” Max frowned.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWJzF1uV1u
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“Don’t get involved please,” I shook my head again but slowly this time.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkWI2SXxBG
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrhuqpfosc
“I wanna know too,” he blinked.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJTIboOIeU
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“Please don’t. For the past two months I’ve been trying to keep this casual, like I wasn’t dating your brother. You getting involved will cancel all that out,” I explained.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInfaqnAnEK
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjp88YLLqcp
The truth was that I was afraid. I didn’t want him to feel pressure about anything. If his brother got involved he would probably feel pressured and that would pushed him further away from me. If it was possible to be further apart.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFJa0wLvd9
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[+++]414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWDkC2Mzqh
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I should have left. I should have taken the chance to go away for university. Then none of this would have happened. Even if I have taken up on Alex’s offer. I wouldn’t have stayed and Alex wouldn’t have broken my heart and most importantly I wouldn’t be around to fall in love with Damien once again.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRX7nGY4vF
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOOEpGppsc
It hurt so badly. What I was feeling now was nothing compared to how I felt when Alex cheated or when we broke up. My heart was shuttered into a million little pieces inside my chest and everytime I had a thought of him it was like those little pieces cut through my flesh; burning my insides and killing me even more in the process.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fLW8EP0R7
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlptOo3q9IN
I even made my mother cry when she came to check on me that day. And it hurt more. I was avoiding the mirrors because I didn’t want to see how I looked like. The way I felt was enough.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRCDnCIn3Q
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEghBphYdh
There were moments that I couldn’t understand why he would leave like this. Moments that I was going insane, running our last conversations over and over and over again into my mind trying to find what went wrong. And I would pick up the phone and dial his number.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmncv0wXOU
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmOXfWGxtl
He never answered; even if the phone was now working, two days after he left. And why would he? We didn’t belong together. I wasn’t enough. Why would he stay with me? It was a miracle we even had those two months together. I should be happy I had those two months. I should be happy I got to taste his bittersweet lips, stare into his mesmerizing grey eyes. Deep down I was glad I never got to tell him how I really felt because he would probably laugh.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0aUAo1yES
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTVsQbyfSA
But what about all those times he held me into his arms and stared into my eyes? The times when he wanted me to say I was his. Why would he do that if he never cared? Or when he assured me that he would never cheat on me. Why would he do that? He knew I hated big words. He knew I hated promises and yet he would say those things.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAl6AdANqv
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfPj15wMn6
Every time the phone rang my heart fluttered. But it was never him and the soft pain in my chest returned again. Max was calling regularly to check on me; trying to get me out of the house. Cleo had texted me, asking if I was okay but I wasn’t ready for her or the outside world yet.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7BsUcMfyo
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6u7Ab3orcR
Only the third day I got up from the bed and opened my laptop, trying to slowly have a connection with the outside world. Yesterday and the day before that my mother came home from work to cook and bring me food; that only made me feel more pathetic but I never argued.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbgPdlPI6T
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapONN4HsZr
After I was done eating and I was ready to sit on the couch and ignore the world around me, including my examinations, my phone rang. My heart fluttered but fell when I saw that it wasn’t him. It was Alex. I had completely forgotten about him.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8KWC4TwVT
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZwfzUgzvB
“Hello,” I answered; my voice completely lifeless.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHkeUfiIRV
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“Hello,” he said slowly and I could hear the frown on his features “Are you okay?” he asked, sounding anxious. I breathed sharply.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXP6CqHosAT
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“Yes,” I lied automatically.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6ntDyaZIN
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“I thought that by now you’d know better than to lie to me, love,” he said softly.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalq7WbIEL8
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZgS5OplzX
“I’m not in the mood Alex,” I replied; the impatience coloring my voice.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbzwCHayyk
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwUnArJbnN
“I’m coming to pick you up,” he said but by the time I refused he had already hung up the phone.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLpj4WbcDn
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9Dw2ulSox
He arrived sooner than expected; right when I was done getting ready. Not that I made an effort. I just put on a pair of jeans and a simple black top. Thankfully it was daytime and I could hide my red puffy eyes under my black sunglasses.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1Mk3wNPhG
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPBiDOwfLR
I greeted him heartlessly as I sat beside him in the black Aston Martin. He breathed a greeting back and never spoke again until we were at the mansion.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡss4TNEj21W
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJBFV1gb0A
“When did you arrived?” I asked as we got out of the car.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9L9XSeeng
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUdZBoLWls
“This morning,” he replied as he walked beside me towards the double doors of the entrance. “How did you know?” he smiled.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ffI3ezJil
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmMJauNXpR
“You came too fast,” I made an attempt to smile but failed. Smiling felt strange. He looked at me for a moment and then turned around, opening the door and walked inside.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcnPPkSf4h
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TKixwMCOV
I never thought that I could talk to Alex so freely about what I felt. Maybe it was because when we were together it was the only thing I never wanted to do. But I didn’t care anymore. I knew he wouldn’t judge me for having feelings for Damien.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAKBCukgO5
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICocIGhMEM
When, at some point, I burst into tears he pulled me into his arms and held me there. And as he kept me I realized that maybe I shouldn’t have talk to him at all. Three days ago our positions were reversed, maybe it was selfish talking to him; after all he had his own problems to deal with. I pulled back and wiped the tears from my eyes.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JPmwHhXpJ
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwp7Z2oaiao
“Are you okay?” he asked softly.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6WnSXPJkQ
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmc4FC6dkE
“I’m better, thank you,” I swallowed and pushed my fist against my chest, trying to ease the pain. “How are you?” I looked at him, trying to keep my mind occupied. I saw him looking at my hand that was against my chest before looking at my eyes.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvGIKDtPcf
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“I’m better too,” he smiled.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKefFQ5eBh
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“Have you gone to the cemetery?” I asked. He turned forward and looked at the floor, brushing his face with his fingers.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1wTyp7nTq
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“No.”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYJNJyiAbt
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHXBHlldfH
“We’re gonna go together,” I told him “I’ll be there with you,” I assured him. He breathed and nodded. “What about your father? Have you talked to him?”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUlkD7gi7Q
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOe0rBWdf3
“No,” he said his expression hardening “My father and I don’t talk.”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr72cfMCbkt
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hLmknn3wJ
“Well, he’ll notice when you’re better and everything will be okay,” I told him and took his hand in mine. He turned towards me and looked at me; his brown eyes liquid.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1OXGUhA9J
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQM2yeYTFQS
“I admire you for being able to do that,” he mumbled.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7BvFWRaeP
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“Do what?” I blinked.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqnZZLMcVS
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0Vphc0BjN
“Be so strong.”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWf8k6iiM5p
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“There’s no strength left in me,” I whispered, shaking my head lightly and looked at the floor.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk40lo79acT
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXhMWekyvL
“Hey,” he said and searched for my eyes. I turned to look at him before he spoke again. “You’ll get over this,” he said sounding confident.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIscxCtrvmC
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“I can’t,” I winced and my tears betrayed me once again. I turned my head away from him and tried to wipe the tears away.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYMYwbQWjy
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“Come here,” I heard him saying right before he pulled me to his arms again. He put his palm against the side of my head as my cheek was laying against his collar bone. “Calm down,” he whispered and a déjà vu hit me; Damien holding me as I was crying over Alex. I pulled away abruptly from him as my breathing fastened and the pain in my chest hardened.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBfVb5urD2
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“I’m sorry,” I breathed. Alex looked at me shocked.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqgCukBKbt
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“What?” he asked confused “About what?” he frowned and I got up.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QkbMSRGYH
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“It’s my fault. Everything’s my fault,” I mumbled as the air filled my lungs quickly; my chest going up and down rapidly. “Four months ago he was the one holding me,” I begun talking quickly and started hyperventilating “As I was crying over you. Now it’s happening again but in reverse. It’s me. I keep doing this,” I rambled, tears oozing from eyes.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoPmWiV7Cy
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I was doing this. Alex was never the right guy for me and maybe neither was Damien. Maybe that’s why it hurt so bad, because I wanted him to be that guy so bad. My chest was going up and down quickly and aching. I didn’t noticed Alex moving, until he was standing in front of me.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCAgXG5zwC
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“Erica, calm down,” he said, putting his palms against my cheeks and looking at me. I bit my bottom lip trying to calm down with no success. Everything was great before he kissed me that day in the swimming pool for the first time. Why would he do that? I was fine before. I was fine just imagining that kiss, imagining him looking into my eyes with care. I was fine before.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX27VG4OpoV
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But I was glad I lived it. Grateful that I was free to caress his beautiful face and that I saw the way he looked and smelled after sex. I was thankful even if now my insides were aching and burning like a demon’s flesh that’s being touched by holy water. I breathed out a whimper and put my palm against the center of my chest.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvwGamNzwj
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“It’s the same thing isn’t?” he asked; looking at me. I just stared at him. “Let’s go,” he said and grabbed my hand.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IVC5UGhaG
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“Where?” I asked breathlessly.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJk94y4kalc
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“To the hospital,” he said; his voice colored with his intimidating tone.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JJeqAiDis
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The ride towards the hospital helped a little bit, mostly because Alex had my window wide open. If I cared the slightest about myself at that point, I would be worried about getting pneumonia.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9XVLzYSiT
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At some point I heard him talking on the phone to one or two people but I didn’t pay attention. I was just glad that he didn’t know the twins or my parent’s number. Or at least I hoped he didn’t. I was too lost in my trance to worry about that. My mind was spinning and I had lain back enjoying the ride.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffuo6YpIbL
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Only when we walked into the Emergency Room I became aware of what was really happening. The pain in my chest wasn’t so bad anymore but I still felt something. Maybe it was my heart that was ripped out.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXNDA2KPfv
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I guessed that the phone calls that Alex made as he drove me to the hospital were to a doctor because we didn’t have to wait at all. A doctor led the way towards one of the beds and told me to sit down. When he asked how I felt I was very tempted to say that it felt like I was hit by a truck but I thought it would be better to avoid my bitter humor.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9L4FSt164
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“Does it still hurt?” he asked as he took my pressure. Alex was standing on the end of the bed, his one arm against his chest and the other over it as his fingers were tracing his mouth; the whole time staring at me.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSB2FN7PsC
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“No,” I replied “But it tickles,” I frowned not sure if that was the right word to describe the feeling.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9cQpxQjwB
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“Mr. White, can you please pull the curtains close?” he asked Alex and then turned towards me. “Lift your shirt please, I need to listen to your heart,” he told me. I nodded not even thinking that Alex was there.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeWE1FrsIx
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“Do you want me to …” Alex told me, pointing outside. I shook my head politely. It wasn’t like he would see anything he hasn’t seen before. That thought brought a scoff to my lips that I chocked as the doctor place the stethoscope to my chest and then my heart rate increased again.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHgjVO1gzG
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“Take another deep breath please,” he told me and I noticed a light frown. My sight blurred for a moment but then I controlled myself and did what the doctor asked. “Okay, turn around,” he asked and I turned towards Alex; my top still upwards. I blinked to control the tears and gave a weak smile to Alex. “Okay,” the doctor exhaled and removed the stethoscope. I pulled down my top and turned towards him again.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHCam4sTmC
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“You just had an anxiety attack,” he looked at me.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbJW71oJWC
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“But I’m not anxious about anything,” I frowned. I didn’t give damn about my classes at this point.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXiTTOO83P
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“From your symptoms, pounding heart, shortness of breath, hyperventilation and insomnia I can come up with one answer and that is anxiety attack,” he begun. “But I can say that grieving can also be a cause. Grieving is a powerful emotion that can have physical effects on our autonomic system and can even cause arrhythmias or bursting of weakened blood vessels,” the doctor explained. I wasn’t surprised he thought of “grief”; my red eyes were one of my symptoms.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcZAgIldDj
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“Oh,” was all I managed to say. “What can I do?” I asked.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMp5i3Py6PJ
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“Because this have happened again in the past, I’m going to prescribe something to just calm you down,” he said.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5ep1BBjfs
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“Anti-depression drugs?” Alex asked.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ecd1S9qEY
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“What?” I frowned “No,” I turned towards the doctor as I realized what drugs he meant. “I have my exams to study for,”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaI1sw75D5
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“Alright, take one before you go to sleep for two nights in the row. It will help you sleep and rest. Then take them if you start having any symptoms again, okay?” the doctor smiled and wrote something on a paper and left it. “Though I don’t think it will happen again soon.”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWbV8hJdVT
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“Thank you Dr. Wallace,” Alex said as I nodded. The doctor smiled at him and shook his hand before leaving us alone. I exhaled deeply and got up from the bed. Alex walked next to me, his hand on the back of my waist as we exited the hospital.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVWb1FgwJq
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“That was interesting,” I smiled as approached the car. “Many people have been dumped before but how many were they diagnosed?” I laughed.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOrnt6rTsx
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“I need to know that you’ll be okay,” Alex told me as he sat opened the passengers door for me.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHYVImaf7I
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“I’ll try,” I mumbled.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHHpyxILkh
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The next two days I did sleep well thanks to the drugs the doctor gave me but the third night was as the same as the first night I learned Damien left. I tossed and turned, curling up into a ball. I tried to avoid taking a pill again because I’ve heard that you can get addicted to anti-depressing’s.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlYvsul1br
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I wanted to hear his voice so bad; to hear that everything was okay. And I made the mistake to pick up my phone and call him; because this time he picked up. My heart almost exploded.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8MK3bCDjA
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“What?” he asked so abruptly that made my heart shutter into a million pieces.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dJZO1tFfc
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“Hi,” I breathed.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEI6OoBi4S
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“What the hell Erica?” he asked. I never thought it would hurt this bad to hear him calling my name “It’s four o’clock in the morning!” he replied; his tone cold and distant.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDgPPqjT2w
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“I’m sorry,” I whispered “I just needed to hear your voice,” I swallowed hard.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01jH0EJQGg
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“So what?”he breathed out. He sounded like he was struggling too but it still hurt so badly. Tears filled my eyes and I hung up the phone before throwing it at the end of the bed. I wasn’t ready for this. I fell against my pillow, covering my face and smothered the sound of my sobs.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQA4A8lYsry
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And that’s when it happened again; the pounding pain returned to my chest. I sat up trying to calm down and looked at my phone, thought of calling Alex but I didn’t want to wake him up. So I stood up and walked into the shower. But again, tears came out of nowhere. I couldn’t calm myself down. I wrapped my towel around my body, between sobs, and walked into the room again.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByPHU9C3NO
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“Yes?” Alex answered his phone sleepily.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSvFFka1bf
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“I’m sorry,” I said softly “I…” I trailed. And that’s when Alex must have realized it was me on the phone.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutX3voI44W
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“Are you okay?” he asked anxiously.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9grSUp5PSV
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“I don’t know,” I whispered but my breathing was still quick.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVtaZQO8tg
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“It happened again?”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88ri7hqT4K
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“Yes,” I breathed.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM2LAWm7op
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“Get dressed.” He said and hung up the phone; not even giving me the chance to argue with him.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8feief4NA6
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This time the doctor that examined me thought it was best to keep me in. He said that it was suspicious for a girl my age to get those episodes so regularly. I tried to delay notifying my mother as much as possible as I didn’t want to scare her. I was lying in a bed, with stickers against my chest and my heart beat was beeping through a machine for the entire room to hear.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9yVA06lVv
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“You need to call your mother,” Alex said from the foot of the bed. I studied him for a moment and noticed that I never saw him dressed so casual and I frowned.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRe2kcsbMOg
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“You’re not wearing a button up shirt,” I stated. He chuckled and shook his head.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPYeZH0pCh
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“Yeah, sorry,” he smiled “I didn’t have time for a formal outfit,” he mocked.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkPdWxmFLr
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“Thank you for coming,” I smiled at him. He looked at me for a moment and then sat down at the end of the bed; exhaling deeply.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLWIZRxpcA
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“Three days ago, when you’re having that episode, you said something,” he begun “You said that you keep doing this to yourself,” he said. I felt uncomfortable and the beeping sound on the machine picked up. He looked at the machine for a second and then took my hand in his. I swallowed waiting to hear what he would say next. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time,” he sighed.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCECcLyrQ2k
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“What? You’ve lost me,” I frowned.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHGlgdwbrK
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“If we haven’t met that night, you wouldn’t be in here now,” he explained but I was still lost.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK47KdnNK9C
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“Alex, what are you talking about?”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxj7WiAg2u
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“I’ve been thinking about this since that night at the club you had the first episode,” he explained and that’s when I realized what he was talking about. That night when we were out together after the second time we got together. I couldn’t breathe inside the club and accidentally told him this was happening often since he left.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3uUqI2NGH
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“Oh my God,” I frowned “This isn’t your fault,” I breathed and tried to sit up.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxdQJEKsDN
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“Stay down,” he said and stopped me from getting up “This is my fault. I damaged you so badly and he…” he trailed. The thought of Damien brought a sharp pain into my chest that made me ignore what he said.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtmpK2mZ3r
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“He broke me,” I smiled a humorless smile; the machine giving me in. Alex looked towards it and stood up.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcPht15oar
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“Damn it, I shouldn’t have brought this up now,” he frowned. “Here,” he said and gave me my phone “Call your mother. It’s seven a.m.”414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKbpvkwocP
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I looked at him and sighed. It was best to hear it from me that I was in the hospital; to see that it wasn’t anything serious. Or at least I hoped it wasn’t.414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvJUowTYES
♠ ♠ ♠
Title Credit:414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsPWxcGH8i
Conjure One - Tears From the Moon414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ250OxaJ5nG
