x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBmHxLvaOU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ60935ITxW
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUdfxdPKe0
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV37TFNR3nz
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SySOSf90r
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhrRQvukn3
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVKaZBo15X
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLIW5oQf6j
為何記住？我解釋不了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcray4yRQXg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgJ0O5gsyd
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0DowyeJti
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsks3mrQwwo
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDY54GJKhBD
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3klFHFEpX
其中一個是他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77GX0HZ6lS
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR3la6Hihh
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DoaSEz4vy
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhU1tvilfie
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9Ct8oHIYX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoqtw4ZsTu
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcpBCqelTi
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrMJxkJp2P
「你遺下銀包。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTvSo2VPqG
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqJz7o9P2Q
「謝謝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH857H868kN
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEn62CBARI7
「不用客氣……」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfkaA1sSlz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNj0gSnQMvB
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzufvw83rE1
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjTGSaZrpK
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bJapM8Sco
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOerEUk5gW
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1l2eMaxXg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15aSk16SLh
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqoYALKCSa
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdVqFxoBoK
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPZdmTyVAK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Cus1K7B81
「我是文班許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKbsTljr1K
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiO9eqiv9io
「我是理班李浩榮。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTpD5Qwo6Z
其實我早已知道許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekk4DkweD9
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogxocmDGnM
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG14mPRmg4i
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Z6ZPjNbui
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy9AOr4RYP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0PLOlmfxv
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPx10oxQUMg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPjTq4rFPJ
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjv4YXpRvL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kVlr02ECV
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pw0ikJEj5
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9xHpf7u0W
不服氣。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxttrqZjRY3
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEl8J3VyatC
繼續觀察他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr1Amad2YC
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00TcChR3Ay
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fA8sC19iJ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjiClvkvfd
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMCLXAZ6S0
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvb4C1pCAJ
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJZqTrQRyu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCTb3z4wNc
我急步追趕許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQzmISVwOV
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHDRayJr8C
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OKcPecCME
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1MQtMfAVK
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukNfXopPmJ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvwndNvaLY
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7zG8yq7QS
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RelONV7bn
「你遺下了銀包。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOM6UgdKJpk
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPc9d8AexMV
「謝謝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjBXPAp9PV
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmr29B7RyrP
「不用客氣……」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGu6avPF9Ai
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSySZWqPjPa
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsdC9G5abH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmfAXeGCbU
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDpIo0qIG3
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4qIrhINIV
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGsQ8M6OKr
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl51bVGMz0A
我望入他雙眼。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkO4KSse4b
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRmfiRmDQb
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kFnP2WtjI
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPphVBssDL
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRoi3UxbgJ
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TGhuMMH7Z
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSWmVU6avD
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvmvSz8ioG
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkYnib7qKp
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn7PyrCZm1
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdpTKHGrjF
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OpK61VN6b
「我是文班許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdOsTIxNw5
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9OfGkNA2N
「我是理班李浩榮。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUn2ZIs9ZxL
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVfWZ0y6lx
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHm0chTzBdw
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwKXW7s9wA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvFP5aBB9e
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6psETtxq3v
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDHK0LGq6Q
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eM5Q9I8B0
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDDxBfU3U7
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrWWjGHo8r
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRSrGM9d3o
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFe2z1VuGbG
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MlMJie3JO
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJw8su8rkWX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkOx22MRZg
但我沒有阻止他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡess4S4CLMx
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbeYhLM00e
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzojdnEZML
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFtyZnjki5
我慫恿他繼續說下去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7v6K9bsLl
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXlUKYbIAP
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6x1qZwGEI2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJ3RuCjopb
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGLAqZqA7v
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GVXeGdbdp
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhURZkjmN6
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vawQtaUz6
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLejEBQVLE
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldsaRxH8FP
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIWpOT7tSH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9Tj3uimox
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBSZaeBjuW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqGl32kpu2
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueGBuSM3rX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqZvlouezc
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsADWRqLZ8
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZs0avOcyx
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yh5woZ3UW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyRHaAoGaF
但我掛念他。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPDioRRw33
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaTXWtKgQH
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYDvdQAtnu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQueC1K1Uun
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHb3LUjSq5V
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXp3NWAhI2
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTDPihwyAU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazxzPlEKzM
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNoPK2Bl84
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5V1wmH0ziR
不要說。不要聽。不要見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLFYsKp3Aq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61fHnbOb9T
希望時間會沖淡一切。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHJnboVCo9
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡji49WugQ8J
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2PXc7kO4W
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkidmLRh3aP
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kVGJCRPDf
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7gWVvioOH
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZeG14PSpu
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCJSUWn4LL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmykTWBDbKm
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42MJqdv4Vw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBw627ob1t
「我也不明白。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KR1LcL8h5
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuEmzGqpZm
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnd15iBpnsz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtf62kC1CO
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAN5SzOPPr
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZRMk8Ych3
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYCIvgQjn4
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42s3mZ7Pcp
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2lBruAezR
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8robwhJafQ
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIWdzjYpub
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGExdptvmg7
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetfwuEGN6h
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaVKE0hoeG
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GEdopIXFU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJH9r4buE9
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vhL1kbfWj
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0o82jj6Aa
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdeBBXtXYM
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKJiSr4PJC
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiK4ucShe7
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD368rhQp2
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgNKpqGLuU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTa8zNPZ2tV
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv09gzZTpKy
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpK2rG7XLU
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5rnJeesnT
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEXBVgsx8L
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHPNmUOgDg
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw3BErCZya
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL11YX7pjdB
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYrNWXo1sW
為何要走到這一步？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwD8d1o3sk
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbs184MsAwd
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmucEjWuX2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0PObJQrKE
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2EyfG8u6w
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMhGA17kxD
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqLSu5yBOX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIufetoKU5
「別倔強。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnfQUsHnAd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObqo0pNrVn
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDaou5q9pD
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUTzJKuNwK
「我想你放棄。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NfkBqGzbR
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqpFzPvDQ2
「原因？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlFmcWpmTo
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHEq9hA6TI
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzjGKuvIzd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPgSphJnyz
「我知道。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHcj1uc1i6
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3suclFJzkm
「何解還要繼續下去？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gVP6xmHhm
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59oVEu8FB8
「感情易放難收。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBk4gbXXfjd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWMqLEHbqm
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIX85yIyal
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkgFgERCwv
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvRCoiTFUA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfBP2IX9KR
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKTLVc6ZmB
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSQd7QlrzV
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1JWYIrDTt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghrk4uIDwY
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XA5tVci70
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9vf2ilHjb
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18pT6GCowI
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnihMtPSn1O
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvp6xpmG2ff
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5zhN1XHBv
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W31RYBqNk
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNqsPZe0Jd
小醉。半醉。大醉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJcnJa4e9J
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fuAqtdcCI
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYrSduKFFj
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpJtP3zV98
「直接講我愛他。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy1WyixTsV
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoesSa1izcb
「如果他拒絕？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfhI145vx2
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2F8A2IgYUS
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAWl5odJ1L
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgOAJCc5Gp
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMj4k4ruJDK
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmEECumkB2
「我當然是高興！」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObAgZkZzjn
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUb4Wu37P8O
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3dntWgfmA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfgw7XEiEA
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxCKy93wpk
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldOB9C0uql
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBhWlmcgAR
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBNRFdHbde
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRUxTg2oap
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9ycIO1xDt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6BBZGiuNb
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡky4BZdxw5m
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHTd3kNy1R
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshLNrUK4np
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNjQj6Xa9W
「你仍然單身？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aGy7t0lZA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAY1quKsfM
「是的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CMgNHhsCA
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzRXrt3t4d
「要我當媒嗎？」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDZoV7BM8g
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKdEgOHkSw
「不了。難為情。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOhckX0KOz
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnx0n3tb3f
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxFt8qxPfW
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshdXoQ2WqB
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXjdWB6NDF
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9p3nxTRFN9
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8NY4XA8Mw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTSnInGR66
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WlLtF9uQd
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RQhXE2ERV
回家吧。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUBDarzIKt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYr5FRWenjH
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSpsKt4RHU
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7n9xyXhTat
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRA09Cf38P
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kKAww2nUQ
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYvYYky7SL
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem8rGiAyRu
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ41wLciMyw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORTWi8iR7L
大概是一見鍾情吧。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4hnfRBblX
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjCy7Mz6WD
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQLLXlaUej
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjFOKCzDdp
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKb1MAULgu
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fbbdXYo9z
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcU93NHBO1X
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKeadX3cA1
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBekrW80kV
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aX3UyqB1D
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LyxcPkrvt
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFBrAAJD00
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGw47e3zR9
百感交集……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY1MsSoJDw
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnxcxy1uQT
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1spVEzgHT
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90DGE1Jbl5
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfP4oUsTrk
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiVn6XLrZo
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLKjVpsKOh
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZCnJ4SnmX
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFq57iSV0K7
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNi0pAilyf0
「認得。你是文班的。」580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WeX434udO
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqS3LQHUwdf
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNujHeMpdzn
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHwNU8XtOO
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKei9sTkHN
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQ9w1ICv1l
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWR5jRgfH8
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCuuhj1THh
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1cLpil7Uh
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpHKiodDyP
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuROBsbFMqc
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeh8e6weX7K
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1ebuTWjLI
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiblnUPzpjU
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzn5CTMZZSa
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTNvh24SgO
我哭笑不得。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIeZSFMPWt
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bB2jp1OYe
無意跟他繼續對話。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87DBq37Ra8
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbwuNVwCcA
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbns0RFbNq
580Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG04K4Hc3Sl
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
