我的目標是成為一個大學畢業生,找一份薪高糧準的工作,給含辛茹苦將我養育成人的兩老過上好生活……想得美好,奈何我資質魯鈍,記憶力欠佳,自幼學業成績強差人意,根本沒能考入大學。276Please respect copyright.PENANAVX7pf9y3US
276Please respect copyright.PENANAyXznDA6SnI
我拿著成績表,失落地離開課室,獨坐操場一隅,不禁哀嘆一聲:「我自問並非貪心,純粹想給家人過上好生活。為何上天不給我一個更聰穎的腦袋或是更好的記憶力?」276Please respect copyright.PENANA1aWauL1njO
276Please respect copyright.PENANATv4LWcnuhO
此時,一張宣傳單張被不知哪來的怪風吹至我腳邊。276Please respect copyright.PENANAWcjWqrjkZ1
276Please respect copyright.PENANAYKhNVjJNAn
「單車學會特別訓練班——體壇明日之星的搖籃!」除了一句不順口的老土粗體橙字標語外,單張上還註明「前奧運金牌得主擔任教練」及「學屆運動員升學路線」等字樣。276Please respect copyright.PENANAbSz1CDE055
276Please respect copyright.PENANA0Eov9DMJDw
我靈機一動——難道上天正在回應我?276Please respect copyright.PENANAHhGIimCqZi
276Please respect copyright.PENANAsCuzWMgcff
不假思索,我連忙根據單張資料前往報名。276Please respect copyright.PENANA5tg6JFpfmz
276Please respect copyright.PENANAa4HI9jlYVl
經過一連三日的篩選後,本校逾百名報名者只餘五人有資格接受訓練,我有幸成為其中一員,亦是年紀最小的一個。276Please respect copyright.PENANAG0xsjHg2JH
276Please respect copyright.PENANA7pkrTgkycd
首日訓練的內容相對溫和,多是運動理論和有關人體肌肉的知識。接下來的數星期,教練逐漸加重體能訓練的強度,並因應情況限制我們的飲食內容和份量,學員們叫苦連天。半年後,有一學員耐不住刻苦,提出離隊申請。教練不予挽留,馬上批准。276Please respect copyright.PENANAwV1XtaXqYp
276Please respect copyright.PENANAkHSoDeiSoi
「沒能裝備身心的人,沒有資格講夢想!」276Please respect copyright.PENANAgH9czRp5gO
276Please respect copyright.PENANAbdEIRo9XUe
我被教練這句說話深深憾動著。276Please respect copyright.PENANA5vBgr1MbEV
276Please respect copyright.PENANAakgIF8DDDj
我開始反思自己有何夢想。成為一個大學畢業生?找一份薪高糧準的工作?給含辛茹苦將我養育成人的兩老過上好生活?就是這樣?沒有其他?276Please respect copyright.PENANAWscN93fylO
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不。276Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5KtoIokey
276Please respect copyright.PENANAkDyV6ZYrAc
不知何時開始,我經常夢見自己站在頒獎台領獎的畫面——禮炮連響,彩色紙碎漫天飛舞,父母在台下喜極而泣,同學朋友們齊齊為我歡呼喝采……這才是我的真正夢想!我要成為世界單車冠軍!
如我當初所願,我以「單車運動員」的身份考上大學。曾經的我,也許會於願足矣,有意無意放慢訓練步伐,悄悄將生活重心放置於人脈關係或是事業發展;現在的我不同了——我渴求冠軍寶座,我全盤心思落在單車訓練上。276Please respect copyright.PENANAtOen6X0D4f
276Please respect copyright.PENANAKKT79NJsB6
教練告誡我必須好好處理自己的心理狀態。「不是必須要嬴,但必須安全,完完整整回家去。」276Please respect copyright.PENANADvoSuUJsWE
276Please respect copyright.PENANAFogZpg99es
我敷衍一笑,笑說自己不是幼稚的孩子。276Please respect copyright.PENANAXuAjHk7rRn
276Please respect copyright.PENANAAA5IPnANi6
迎來升讀大學以來第五個比賽,亦是首個大型國際賽事。由於之前入圍賽成績算不上標青,我被安排在中游位置,被一眾差不多程度的參賽者包圍著。訊號響起,逾三百位學屆單車好手同時起步。我有意無意瞟了瞟前方,人山人海,無盡的彩色頭盔晃晃蕩蕩。276Please respect copyright.PENANAYeAN9Uu6ZX
276Please respect copyright.PENANA5D3dgKu08B
半小時過去,我仍然沒能突破重圍。我開始焦急:雖說在此刻發力加速會大大消耗體力,實屬不智,惟被困在眾多參賽者之中,與上游參賽者距離越拉越遠,到比賽後期極大機會演變成無法追上的差距,情況不妙!276Please respect copyright.PENANAcjW577fg3x
276Please respect copyright.PENANAIkGXfT8uZv
我環顧四周,想要找出擺脫車群的方法。276Please respect copyright.PENANAup95T7KK5N
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看見了。276Please respect copyright.PENANAs5grgerxfM
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十一時方向、與我相隔著一個車位的距離,有一橙衫男參賽者的身影以不尋常的姿勢和幅度搖來搖去。許是單車零件有問題,許是參賽者腿部有傷,不過唯一可以肯定的是,這為我製造了突破重圍的良機。276Please respect copyright.PENANABL60V9BCw6
276Please respect copyright.PENANApFiBuRfLFH
察覺異樣的參賽者紛紛與橙衫男保持距離。我趁機衝前突入那段難得的空間,成功前進三個車位!太好了!可趕及在第一個大彎位前領先橙衫男。我不是重視他,而是在彎位與情況異常的參賽者為鄰會十分危險。同樣道理,橙衫男可以在彎位拖慢其他後方的參賽者。只要過了彎位,我就可以……276Please respect copyright.PENANAxzbel7r6nt
276Please respect copyright.PENANAql25065RwA
咔!唓——𠲖——嘭!嘭!276Please respect copyright.PENANAbOLnd5ld4T
276Please respect copyright.PENANA6ZDQat5rZr
我最後記憶是自己被一道強大的衝力從後頂撞,人仰車翻,天旋地轉,失去意識。
「第八十二日。兒子,你聽得見嗎?醫生說你成為了植物人——他們為你進行多次腦掃描,卻不見你有任何明顯的反應。你媽說你是個孝順子,不會就此丟下我們。看著她每天風雨不改前來為你按摩抹身,直至近日病倒,我實在不知如何是好……憑理智,我傾向相信科學和醫生;憑情感、憑我作為丈夫和爸爸的身份,我相信我的妻兒……」276Please respect copyright.PENANAKWiwjMl3AN
276Please respect copyright.PENANAPa1v2HxOQu
再次恢復意識時,我聽到爸爸在床邊喃喃自語。他的聲線很無力,略帶沙啞。我想要安慰他,卻苦苦沒能睜開雙眼,亦沒法移動身體任何一部份予以反應。我繼續聽他訴苦,聽他講述近況,聽他轉述醫生的話……276Please respect copyright.PENANAWzneDGxXkJ
276Please respect copyright.PENANA0Hb83q6vL8
我真傻,竟然相信平庸愚鈍的我會得到上天眷顧!我真傻,竟然自以為有機會成為世界冠軍!我真傻,竟然為了追求不切實際的夢想而賠上人生!276Please respect copyright.PENANA8xqh2Dds9f
276Please respect copyright.PENANA1juc04xo9f
情緒激動之際,我的左手尾指突然輕輕一動。276Please respect copyright.PENANAglVi4Z4GfK
276Please respect copyright.PENANAZDzlptfsrh
爸爸的碎碎唸驀然止住。靜默數秒之後,他忽爾高喊:「醫生!醫生!我的兒子會動!他會動!他聽得見我!」276Please respect copyright.PENANAHJCCSQoGxM
276Please respect copyright.PENANATrOlOXCULQ
我從未見過嚴肅拘謹的爸爸如此失儀放聲大叫。我感動得想要撲前與爸爸相擁痛哭,奈何沒能——我依然一動也不動躺在床上,像死屍。276Please respect copyright.PENANAQYIbYMeOjU
276Please respect copyright.PENANAsqNPfgfiEV
醫生來了。他拍拍我的手,輕捏我全身各部位,再撐開我的眼皮,用小電筒照照我的瞳孔。「先生,經過初步檢查,令郎的狀況還是沒變化。」276Please respect copyright.PENANANS6q5TmC8l
276Please respect copyright.PENANABujv8SuTw8
「但我看見他的手指……」爸爸語調急促,心情明顯尚未平復。276Please respect copyright.PENANA42tufcCBVE
276Please respect copyright.PENANAddmi3TWBpO
「先生,你很疲倦嗎?」醫生似乎相信我爸是眼花看錯。276Please respect copyright.PENANAou6COTi3rw
276Please respect copyright.PENANAcLYbVo9SAY
爸爸深深倒抽一口涼氣,回復冷靜:「我的確很疲倦……」
到了第一百日,我接受了自己成為植物人的事實,但我相信自己還是有機會康復的——我的尾指曾在第八十二日動了動。不過如今最重要的是想辦法郁動我的身體,令外界知道我尚有意識。276Please respect copyright.PENANAQHYKYdihya
276Please respect copyright.PENANAKCa9XU8Oyw
接下來的一年裡,我反復嘗試將意志集中在手指或是嘴唇這類容易被看見的身體部位,試過不停回憶多個令我情緒高漲的人生時刻,也試過憧憬未來,告訴自己未來會是多麼的美好!276Please respect copyright.PENANA562CGGDVbk
276Please respect copyright.PENANAkNyUimZvfE
只要我願意努力,我定會過上美好的生活!276Please respect copyright.PENANA90KSFUNZ5N
276Please respect copyright.PENANAwz2g55zZYy
「第四百七十天。兒子,我要告訴你一件重要事情。」276Please respect copyright.PENANA5SaovtBWm2
276Please respect copyright.PENANADl7YTWWX4v
今天前來探望我的是爸爸,想必媽媽定是病倒了。若非身體抱恙,媽媽定會親身前來。276Please respect copyright.PENANAtPUrSxQyzj
276Please respect copyright.PENANAdgVJv09PnW
「媽媽死了。她昨日探望你後、前往小巴站時,被的士撞倒了……」276Please respect copyright.PENANASwZllL3WKt
276Please respect copyright.PENANAlcSDM7c1pt
我通過床褥的微微震顫感受到爸爸的激動。我也激動,卻也沒能用任何方式表達。沒能哭,沒能說話,只能直躺躺的感受自己的激動,然後知道自己很激動。276Please respect copyright.PENANAfUb7ohhxQ9
276Please respect copyright.PENANAvwD4I62y3b
爸爸沒有哭——我聽不到哭聲。他現在有何表情?欲哭無淚?或是已然哭得雙眼紅腫,無力再哭?我無法知道。276Please respect copyright.PENANAvNVobnQBm8
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「兒子,我想死。」276Please respect copyright.PENANACXcfh5FR0l
276Please respect copyright.PENANA5k7PYLKQYB
爸爸湊近我耳邊,用世上最無力的聲線去訴說無盡的悲痛與絕望。276Please respect copyright.PENANAAyp0szoa7H
276Please respect copyright.PENANAjpWfrdxYxZ
「兒子,你也想死,對吧?」276Please respect copyright.PENANAu9bv7SQ0OP
276Please respect copyright.PENANAlxDXdkzxBl
悲痛與絕望之後,就是自毀的開始。毀掉自己,亦毀掉自己的珍愛之人或物,例如必須依賴兩老生存的植物人兒子。276Please respect copyright.PENANARIGmKT7hbW
276Please respect copyright.PENANAbkufPYcE2m
我心知不妙,奈何我依然沒能動彈半分。忽聞一陣既急且輕的腳步聲,然後是門鎖上閂的短促聲響,接下來靜悄悄的。我估計爸爸正在連接我身體的維生裝置上動手腳。是甚麼?關閉電子儀器的部份重要功能?在生理鹽水裡混和毒物?或是……276Please respect copyright.PENANAJmBsDbKz9m
276Please respect copyright.PENANA7xbAOHJN04
我腦後的枕頭突然被猛力抽走,再被覆在我的臉上。276Please respect copyright.PENANAemPi1j3quw
276Please respect copyright.PENANATperGdMjqZ
爸爸打算用枕頭悶死我!276Please respect copyright.PENANAMx8KQknx2C
276Please respect copyright.PENANAzGN0ZrGwKJ
不!不要!我還不想死!276Please respect copyright.PENANAhcZA09FoMt
276Please respect copyright.PENANAmzXmHYPCTy
窒息感令我自知死期不遠。276Please respect copyright.PENANANqRZFYgXog
276Please respect copyright.PENANAzrVhEar68L
我必須反抗!276Please respect copyright.PENANAcaGFhJ6zGX
276Please respect copyright.PENANArlz7RG5g0R
要不動,要不死!276Please respect copyright.PENANAvLVsLbaNTC
276Please respect copyright.PENANA6pjOA6fXSx
動!動!快點動!276Please respect copyright.PENANAZBtfQpyqP4
276Please respect copyright.PENANASFLzFP6OrV
「呀!」我的身體忽爾回復知覺,使勁一推,推開了瘋狂的爸爸。276Please respect copyright.PENANACdvKbo3WBe
276Please respect copyright.PENANAfUyC1eCDM1
爸爸失去平衡,跌倒在地。他沒有理會自己太多,雙目圓睜,吃驚地望著再次活動的我。「兒子……你……」276Please respect copyright.PENANAveYw2Cahw0
276Please respect copyright.PENANAkcXTxBeI8C
「爸爸!」縱然雙腿肌肉因缺乏運動而虛弱無力,但我還是強行撐起身體,落床拐步走向爸爸。276Please respect copyright.PENANA0FRVYnz5BD
276Please respect copyright.PENANADmeUZL24Vu
雙腳著地的感覺真好!對珍愛之人訴說自己的感受真好!活動自如的感覺真好!276Please respect copyright.PENANAsBxE6ltdNQ
276Please respect copyright.PENANANHC2sg3Lbk
尚有三步之距,我就可以伸手扶起為我苦撐多時的爸爸。276Please respect copyright.PENANA2079WMuS0o
276Please respect copyright.PENANA5RCNx7Z47q
「爸爸!我……」一陣血銹味自胸腔冒起,打斷我的話。我下意識掩著嘴,強行壓下噁心感。奈何濃稠的血水依然無間斷自指間滲出、滴下。雙腳一軟,雙膝著地。276Please respect copyright.PENANAQ9O42bZRkr
276Please respect copyright.PENANAXYFULyEwNP
「兒子……我沒料到……你會……」爸爸大受刺激,掩耳蜷伏在地。276Please respect copyright.PENANA3vK2sE0Sab
276Please respect copyright.PENANAVksAYQUZCM
我喉嚨劇痛,沒能告訴爸爸我不會怪責他——我只怪自己當初心高氣傲,眼裡只有夢想。276Please respect copyright.PENANA3T1dk5jtkk
276Please respect copyright.PENANAqQkyglM8UY
房門外沸沸揚揚,估是有人發現房內異樣。276Please respect copyright.PENANAGvUgLWSYHy
276Please respect copyright.PENANAj8Sp5fBOcF
快撞門吧!快救我吧!我還不想死!我還要照顧爸爸!276Please respect copyright.PENANAKIe4OpCy0w
276Please respect copyright.PENANAMNeGhjy4PD
我不想死!276Please respect copyright.PENANAng7QzyKBCK
276Please respect copyright.PENANAv3evGlsk0l
我不想……死……276Please respect copyright.PENANASBZXvd2Wc9
276Please respect copyright.PENANAnqtEWhNynh
我不想……276Please respect copyright.PENANAuHN1w6iVqi
276Please respect copyright.PENANAVS6wHvosrw
我不……276Please respect copyright.PENANADwaXg7W9oD
276Please respect copyright.PENANAplLd7S6aGL
我……276Please respect copyright.PENANAx07m9kQtrv
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……