His smirk was just as repulsive as I remembered it to be.
"Hayley Rose Montgomery." His voice was like nails scratching on a chalkboard in my ears, but to other girls, it would make them swoon and faint in an instant. I grew past that phase years ago. "Fancy seeing you here! How long has it been since we've talked? How have things been, actually? Patrick and Katherine and Gwen..."
"They're fine," I scowled, turning sharply away from him with my arms crossed across my chest. I took another sip of punch. "I'm fine. Perfectly fine, without you."
Even without looking, I felt him taking a step closer to me, and suddenly his face appeared beside me, with one hand lying flat on the table as his support. I looked away again.
"Aw, c'mon, Haze," he said with a whining voice, using the same nickname he used to call me when we were still together. I always hated that nickname. "Don't be so sour and grouchy all the time. Put a smile on that pretty face. Just like you always do every time you see me."
I continued to ignore him, and turned around to leave, retreating back to the corner of the room by the bleachers where I knew he wouldn't want to get caught dead in.
"But then again, the only time you're smiling nowadays is whenever you're around that new kid, right? What's his name again—Jacob something?"
I stopped. An unknown wave of energy washed over me as I sharply turned around my heel, forcing myself to face him and glared straight at his steel blue eyes. If I was as weak and naïve as I was two years ago, I would've melted at the sight of them, his high cheekbones and perfect jawline like any other girl would, and it wasn't helped by the fact that his height exceeded mine by a few inches, aided by his expertise in sports in his part.
But I wasn't weak anymore. I knew how dangerous his looks were—how fatal they were, even—and I wasn't going to fall for them any longer.
"Leave Jake out of this," I hissed through clenched teeth. It only became fuel to his ego, seeing how his smirk broadened as though my threat was as empty as his heart.
"So you guys are at the nicknames stage now, huh?" He gave out a throaty chuckle. It was nowhere as heartwarming as Jake's. "Tell me; can he make you feel the same way I can when he holds you like this?"
All of a sudden, his hand snaked around my waist and grasped it tightly that it hurt, and out of instinct, I immediately tore myself away from his reach. I was quickly reminded of the scars he left on where he tried to touch me—the same scars that had yet to disappear even after so long.
"Fuck off," I whispered under my breath, making sure to give him a death glare as I spun around and marched away from him.
My eyes quickly found its way to the gym doors, hoping that at the same moment, Jake would come bursting through and keep Justin at bay where he should be. But when one of the doors parted a little and I straightened my back to see who it was, I found myself dreading in fear when instead of Jake, another random student walked in before he rejoined a group of his own friends, leaving me with no help to deal with the asshole hot on my trail.
"Or maybe you don't know," he called back, only fueling my anger even more, "because he has never held you that way before."
My knees were shaking but I was still walking.
"Maybe," he said, "he's just holding back. I've seen the way he danced with you, Hayley. His hand on your waist was barely an inch away. Maybe he's doing that because he doesn't know how good it feels, having a fragile little doll like you in his arms. Maybe you're just falling into the same trap because you're so desperate for attention. If so, you should've broken things off with me, Hayley. I could've given you what you want."
Tears brimmed my eyelids. The sight before me was wavering and blurring and soon the black spots appeared, my mind taking me back to the night of the party. Nausea overwhelmed my stomach and suddenly the world was spinning around me. My palm laid flat on the wall beside me as I doubled over, trying to regain my breath and composure as he continued to torture me with words that only triggered the memory more than ever before.
I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes.
"Please." My voice was a distant echo, and everything else around me evaporated. "Just leave me alone."
His laugh was as sinister as the devil's. "Sorry to say, but I can't do that, little Hayley."
All of a sudden, his hand grabbed my arm and held it firmly in his grip, yanking me towards him until I fell straight against his chest. I froze, unable to do anything, rendered helpless just like that night.
I felt his presence mere inches from me, his lips barely touching the tip of my ear.
"You were mine, Hayley," he whispered with a hoarse voice and I winced when he tightened his grip on me. "And you still are."
"Excuse me, but what the hell is going on here?"
We both turned around to see Jake standing a few feet from us, a perplexed but upset look across his face as his eyes darted back and forth from Justin and me.
I breathed a sigh of relief, searching his dark eyes while silently pleading for help.
He got the message.
"That is my date and my best friend you're hurting right there," he continued as the frown on his face deepened. "So unless you want to get yourself a bruise in the eye, I suggest that you unhand her and walk away with your limbs intact."
Justin released his grip on me but maintained eye contact for a second too long before his glare turned to Jake, who had inadvertently turned into my knight-in-shining-armor, as much as I didn't want him to be.
"All right, all right, hands off the prize, I get it," he said and raised his hands to the air, but the smirk had yet to disappear. Seeing my chance, however, I quickly backed away from him and retreated back to Jake's side, who quickly stepped in in front of me, increasing the distance between us.
Justin raised a curious eyebrow at this, then unexpectedly stretched his hand out to Jake. I almost scoffed at his false attempt at being civil, and when Jake merely eyed the outstretched hand suspiciously, the hand dropped back to where it belonged.
"Okay, not the friendly type, I see." The corner of his lip twitched. "Just for the record, the name's Justin Miller. And you, new kid, are unwelcomed here, so I suggest that you back away from my business and I'll leave you alone, got it?"
Again, no response. Agitated, Justin took a step towards us. Out of instinct, I flinched and cowered behind the young man standing between us, but Jake stood his ground, facing Justin head to head as the two men stared down at each other, possibly moments away from breaking into a fight right in front of the crowd that was still intoxicated in oblivious bliss of the Homecoming Dance.
"I've dealt with too many people like you—worse, even," Jake spoke with a dark look on his face. "And one thing that I've learnt is that too many of them are all bark and no bite. I'm not afraid of you, but I ain't gonna get myself into trouble with assholes like you who don't know where they should keep their hands around women. But if you touch Hayley like that ever again, I'll make sure you won't be able to touch anything again."
Justin narrowed his eyes on him, pressing his lips together. I could literally see a vein popping up on the side of his forehead, but just as I was readying myself for the hurricane of an outburst that was about to come, he instead backed away and put more distance between us, his eyes darting towards me for a split second before glaring back at Jake.
"You win this time, new kid," he retorted back, his lips curling back to form a scowl. "But remember for the record that I was first. You're nothing but a replacement—and a shitty one, at that."
He made his exit as he stalked his way back into the crowd, easily blending into it when he rejoined his group of friends, all equal bastards as he was, and swallowed by a group of fangirls who were all still oblivious to the monster he truly was beneath the façade. I cursed myself knowing that I used to be part of that second group, the one thing I regret more than anything else in my entire life. I felt disgraceful now, foolish how I fell into the trap so easily back then, just like every other unknowing girl out there who would fall for his fatal looks and actions.
When I turned back around, Jake's expression had softened completely as he looked at me with a great deal of concern, particularly to the red mark on my arm left from Justin's agonizing grip he had on me earlier. I hissed silently in pain, almost unable to suppress the fragments of memories that rushed into my head upon the sight of the red mark. Still feeling self-conscious about it, however, I turned away and hid my arm from him, hoping he wouldn't make that big of a deal about it, but of course he did anyway.
"Hayley." He touched my shoulder and I flinched a little too much for him to not take note of it. "Hayley, please, just talk to me. What the hell happened while I was gone? Who was that guy?"
"Nothing," I murmured, but it came out more like a whisper, barely audible with the loud music in the background. I rubbed my wrist and prayed the mark would disappear soon. "Nothing happened while you were gone."
Another lie. I didn't know how long I could keep this up—lies after lies to my family, my friends, and now Jake.
The memories were coming back. I wasn't going to let them.
"Well, it's not 'nothing' when I came back and all of a sudden this guy was hurting you and standing a little bit too close for comfort." There was a short pause, then his voice turned from hoarse to gentle. "It's okay, Hayley. He's gone, he's not going to hurt you. Who was he?"
"Somebody you shouldn't piss off." I looked down at the ground and was soon overwhelmed by the uncontrollable urge to get the hell out of this place and back home—my safehouse, my sanctuary. Away from the cruelty that is life, away from people who were going to judge me. I've watched the news, I've read personal accounts on Tumblr. There were still people who thought we were victimizing ourselves.
What if Jake was one of them?
Inhaling sharply, I found myself breaking into a sprint as I got the hell out of the gym, bursting through the doors without hesitation but was aware that Jake was hot on my heels as I heard the gym doors flying open behind me moments after I walked out. I refused to turn around—refused to look at him in the eye, even when he was calling my name repeatedly, his voice showing his despair.
"Hayley, wait!"
All of a sudden, I felt him placing his hand on the bare skin of my arm and instantly I flinched away, spinning around only to lock eyes with him. The concern was still there and was doubled as he winced and drew back his hand, as if he was the one in pain instead. Guilt started to rise inside of me as I realized that I was pushing him away again, in exactly the same way how I pushed my friends and family away during the first few weeks since the incident happened. And look where it got me to now.
By now, I was too afraid of losing anybody or anything else again. I lost too many people ever since that incident happened—I couldn't bear the thought of losing Jake, too.
We both stood there for as long as eternity, simply staring at each other with despair in both our eyes though for completely different reasons. An invisible thread was tugging me back to the direction I was heading towards, out the school and out of this hellhole, as fear crept up my spine—fear that he might reject me for reacting so harshly at the slightest gesture, that he might think I had too many issues for him to handle on top of his own.
Worst of all, I feared that he might figure out exactly what happened between Justin and me, and found out the truth of the secret I kept from him and practically everyone in my life so far.
How would he react then?
"Hayley," he started again, sighing as he was visibly struggling to find simple words and sentences to say. Was there anything to be said at all, though? "Please. I want to help you—I really do. I'm your friend, Hayley. I would never do anything to hurt you. You can trust me."
He took a cautious step forward and I took one backward, which was only met with even more pain fueling the hurt look in his eyes, like the entire floor was lava and he just took a giant step right into a deep pool of it.
"Hayley." His shoulders droop and shrugged, his eyes searching mine and pleading for answers. "Please. You can tell me. I won't judge you. Just tell me—who was he?"
I stared at the ground in front of us. I didn't know what to say—could I trust him? I was sure as hell that I had absolutely no intent on telling him the whole truth—maybe sugar-coated white lies that served as decent answers to his questions, but nothing more.
Seeing how desperate and pained he looked, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
"He was... my ex, okay?" I bit my lower lip. I hated saying that word. It reminded me of how he used to mean something in my life, even when he meant absolutely nothing now. I didn't even want to be associated with him in any way, but seeing how we were talking about an asshole who rubbed it in my face every chance he got, it was impossible for people to not be aware of what happened between us, as vague as their knowledge of the events were.
Jake frowned, and it did nothing to help me with the gaping feeling in my chest as I heaved for more air. "No, Hayley. I know there's more to that. It can't be just as simple as that. And for the record, I don't care if he's your ex—I just care about what he did to you that made you as guarded as you are now." He paused and gave a second thought. "Do you still, like... have any feelings left for him? Is that why?"
I was in shock and disbelief. I winced at the thought of it. If I could kill myself on the spot, I would. "How could you... say something like that? After seeing what happened back in there, you think that I feel have anything else other than pure hatred and loathing towards that sonofabitch?"
When I noticed Jake flinching in response to my outburst, something that even I was surprised at myself, I allowed myself to calm down but felt the tears brimming up my eyelids again. I wanted to look away, to not let him how vulnerable I truly was. It didn't help that the more I stared at his look of utter defeat, the more I felt like punching myself straight in the stomach.
It was always like this. Everybody around me, no matter how innocent they stand in this matter, was going to get hurt the more they tried to help me. And I would be the one to hurt them. And no matter how hard I tried not to, I couldn't stop it. It was like a curse, slowly eating away anything good left in my life until it was all gone.
"Just..." I sighed. I didn't know what else to say. What else could I say? Nothing would make this better for either of us. "Just leave me be. Leave me alone. Please."
The mask was on his face again—the one where I could not tell what he was thinking or feeling. Just a blank, unreadable expression that made me both curious and terrified at the same time. Staring into his dark eyes alone felt like I was living a thriller movie in real life. Sometimes I'd like to think they were going to be the death of me, too.
I lacked the patience to wait around for his response, and so I promptly turned around and left without a single word. I didn't know if he was still following me afterwards, nor did I care at all. He could run after me if he wanted to, but some part of me started to think that he might just turn around the other way and head back to the dance, where the normal people are, after realizing how weird and pathetic I was and decided that being friends with me wasn't worth all the trouble I was inevitably putting him through.
This is the end of our story. I was sure of it. I was going to leave this wretched place alone, possibly walk all the way back home until my feet starts cramping, then maybe finally arrive at home by around ten or something, and I was going straight to bed. Maybe, if my thoughts consumed me more than my will to live, I'd be reunited with the tiny little friend I kept hidden behind the bathroom mirror.
Or maybe, I'd let myself die once Monday came around, when both Jake and Justin would drive me to the point of literal insanity that I might be admitted into the nearest asylum as soon as possible. The latter would no doubt rub tonight on my face and maybe harass me with more bullshit that might make me question my purpose of living. And Jake...
I didn't want to see him again. At least, not for tonight, tomorrow and the whole week, if possible. I couldn't bear the thought of that Nina incident happening all over again, but this time at a much larger scale than back then. I couldn't imagine Jake switching over to their side—or the 'dark' side, as Mel would say—hanging out with people as ignorant and vain as them. It was possible but the chances were incredibly slim, because I knew that Jake wasn't like that. Nina, maybe, but not Jake. He wasn't like that. At least, I'd like to believe he wasn't like that.
The worst case scenario right now that was still likely was him moving away for good. He talked about how his family jumped around from place to place because his mother's boyfriend forced them to. Maybe this time, Jake would be the one to suggest on moving somewhere far, far away from here just to make sure our paths wouldn't cross ever again.
Maybe, just maybe, distance was the best cure for everything after all.
The next thing I knew I found myself outside again, breathing in whatever fresh air I could fill my lungs with considering all the pollution around coming from the factories from the other side of town and the incredible winds tearing through the city at the moment. I couldn't help but recall back to just a little over an hour ago when we just got here and how pretty the night looked. We should've stayed here instead, gazing at the blinking stars above us and enjoying the scenery while it lasted. We could've danced out here instead underneath the stars and the moonlight, with maybe a song played from his iPod, just like the first time we danced. Things would've been much better that way.
Life would've been so much better that way.
I glanced over to the lonely oak tree again, sitting in the corner of the courtyard as autumn leaves gathered around it, having withered from its many winding branches. If the tree had represented the course of our relationship, I dreaded to think about what would happen once winter would come around; at the end of the summer, it was still healthy and lively, its leaves green and vibrant. As soon as autumn arrived, they turned into various shades of orange and brown but were withering, just like our relationship.
I didn't know what would happen once winter would come around. Would everything literally freeze over? Cold, lifeless, unforgiving, just like the city would turn into once December arrived?
Sighing, I let shoulders droop as I found myself compelled back to the tree, and regardless of the fact that I was wearing a dress, I sat right back down at my usual spot, using the fallen leaves as a comfortable cushion instead of the hard soil beneath it. I stretched my legs out, fully aware that I was wearing barely nothing underneath this stupid dress, crossed them so one leg was above the other, leaned back and closed my eyes.
I focused on the silence humming in my ears and my breathing, which turned from short and ragged to long and choppy, but calm enough to clear my head. That was until I heard the sound of the pile of leaves rustling beside me, and when I opened my eyes again, I saw a familiar pair of gray ones staring back at me.
"I know you need your space," he murmured lowly as he leaned towards me until our foreheads were almost touching. It scared me how close our proximity was, but somehow the fact that he was right beside me again calmed me down, as a feeling of warmth began to envelop me and heated my insides. "But I'm not going to leave you alone when you need someone the most. You can't just bottle everything up and pretend everything's okay when it's not."
I flinched slightly when I felt his hand on mine, but relaxed as he intertwined our fingers and gave my hand a light squeeze. "I won't leave you alone because I care for you, Hayley. And it hurts me seeing you hurt like this. I wish I can take your pain away but I can't literally do that, so the next best thing is offering my undivided attention to you for as long as you need it, because the only cure for depression you can get anywhere in the world is social and moral support from those closest to you."
He brought both our hands up so that I was staring right at them, then his other hand reached up to clasp mine in between both of his. "And I'm right here. I'll always be here because I'm not leaving you until I can see a big bright goofy smile on that pretty face of yours. Kapish?"
I rolled my eyes. The tears instantly went away and I replaced it with annoyance. "You did not just say that."
"I can't bear to let this conversation end with a depressing, dreadful note," he reasoned, shrugging, but kept my hand firmly in his. "And I mean it. I told you, I'm not gonna let you frown all day, every day and possibly rain on someone's parade—that someone being either me, Mel, your parents, your sister or anyone else who truly cares for you, the numbers of which are more than you think. But we're all here for you, Hayley. Remember that."
"I will." I pressed my lips to a thin line and subconsciously fell onto him, setting both our hands down to our laps as I rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and sighed. "I will."
Maybe it wasn't the end after all.242Please respect copyright.PENANAAfqJEBPqMX