I knew that Mel would not spare a second off my back after the earlier incident.
I sprinted away the second I got the chance to take a breath of fresh air from Chemistry class, where the torturous air of tension nearly suffocated me to death. Although we had gotten to the friendly stage with one another, with me stupidly offering to show him my very-private sketchbook nobody else had seen before, we still kept our distance with one another. Well, I was the one who kept my distance from him still, while he seemed rather relaxed about the entire situation, with his shoulders slumped and his eyes seemingly too focused on the teacher to actually be listening. I could’ve sworn he snuck secret glances at me when I wasn’t looking, as he would always smile to himself as if he was the smartest man in the world.
And so, as expected, I did not encounter her and therefore didn’t have to face mortification from her constant teasing—which was still friendly, by the way, unlike the mocking others would do to me. Literature was my next subject, then it would be Algebra and finally the break period, when I hoped I could evade Mel even more by escaping to the one place in school that would be the last place she would try to look for me. I needed some time alone to myself, away from any bothersome transfer students and pestering friends. Not that there were many of either.
I thanked the Heavens upon seeing that the last row of desks was completely empty, allowing me to avoid any human interaction for a while. Dropping my bag by my side, I settled down into my seat and took out my sketchbook. I hadn’t realized its age, although I’ve had this one for a while now—it was all tattered and folded around the edges, a few of the pages were being torn from its bindings, and they were even starting to turn yellow around the sides. I have quite a few more back at home, all collected over the years spent since I first found my passion for art. I would occasionally look back and be thankful that there was some progress seen in between each book as each drawing gradually became more detailed.
It was really just a hobby, something I used as a temporary escape from reality other than drowning myself with music. Although I wished I could do both right now, I knew that I would be caught and possibly sent to detention once the teacher would enter. It was Literature at the moment, and the teacher was Mr. Spedding, who was a no-nonsense kind of person and one of the strictest teachers in school but possibly the one most passionate about it. What was even worse was that he would often over-dramatize everything, like the entire world around him was his own Shakespearean theatre. It didn’t help that he was the supervisor for the Drama Club as well. He would slip in little bits of literary references in his daily conversation, which was just as annoying as having to listen to somebody speak entirely in Disney lyrics, an occurrence I did not want a repeat of.
I quickly stashed my sketchbook back into my bag just in time, when the classroom door burst open to reveal the school’s self-proclaimed master of both fine and visual arts, as he practically pranced into the room with his chest thrusted forwards in utter confidence. Sometimes I would think that he imagined himself strutting in with light bursting from which he came from, allowing us to physically see his make-believe jaw-dropping glory. In reality, we all just groaned knowing that we had to suffer through an entire period of this bullshit.
He went on to discuss few of the famous proses in history, and for the life of me, none of which I could even remember the titles, much less the central themes of each one. I struggled through this subject just like I struggled with almost all of them, and I could only hope that he didn’t give us a pop quiz or something like that.
Fortunately, by the end of the period, he merely gave us an assignment to research on one of the lists of proses he would be discussing during our next session, something that I was fairly capable of as long as I still had my laptop and goddamn Internet connection that would occasionally cut off in the middle of the night, often leaving me buffering in the middle of a YouTube video. I gathered all my stuff, and headed for my next lesson.
Just as I left the classroom, however, the students who had Literature for the next class began piling in. In the midst of the small crowd that had formed in front of the door, to my dismay, was a familiar-looking boy with black hair and wearing a dark hoodie, and I accidentally glanced up to immediately lock eyes with his grey ones, and I stopped.
A couple of grumpy classmates bumped against me, and I was just standing there, acting awkward and stiff like a fish out of water.
“Hey there.” He had been the one to break the odd silence between us, as his face seemed to light up as though seeing me had literally saved his life. Although, since I was the only person he knew here so far, I figured it wasn’t really that surprising at all.
“Hey,” I weakly said and managed a smile until I was shoved away by another person I was actually blocking by standing in the doorway. It caused me to tumble forwards and I nearly kissed the floor if I hadn’t quickly regained my balance. The unfortunate fact about me was that I often starved myself too much that I could easily be tackled and pushed down to the floor with extreme ease. Maybe I should’ve taken those martial arts classes Mom suggested to me the other day.
When I turned back around, he was gone and out of sight, presumably into the classroom. Regaining my composure, I reminded myself that I had my own class to get to. Lucky me, my next lesson was Algebra, which I was unfortunate enough to share with the short redhead I called my best friend, again.
And boy, was she grinning like a leprechaun finding a pot of gold the moment I entered the class.
“Finally finding yourself some new friends, eh?” she remarked the moment I reached the back row. I opted to ignore her as I sank down into my usual seat, with her sitting right in front of me. She turned around in her seat and smiled. “FYI, I’m not judging you. I just didn’t know that you literally can’t tolerate anyone else in this school that you can only be friends with new transfer students.”
“We’re not ‘friends,’” I murmured, crossing my arms on top of my desk and resting my head on top of them. “He just happened to be my seatmate. Twice.”
“But he seems kinda like a nice person.” She paused, pretending to be in deep thought. “Even though he doesn’t look like it. But you can’t judge a book by its cover, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “In terms of the people here, you can judge anybody by its cover.”
“Which is why it’s good that he’s an unexpected one,” said Mel. “It’s always the unexpected ones that make the most memorable impressions.” Her expression turned soft as soon as she saw the sour one across my face. “Just try to be nice to him. If he’s trying to be nice to you, then you respond it with equal kindness. I know you have a heart of gold somewhere beneath that ice cold encasing. You just kept it in a freezer this entire time.”
“Mel, I don’t need to take a class in Socializing 101.” I sighed. “And that is if he really is a nice person. This place is literally Hell on Earth. All the worst demons of the world gather here for a feast of poor innocent souls such as you and I. And probably a bunch of other students who lost the coin flip, too.”
“Maybe he’s another lost soul,” she said as her eyebrows rose and glanced at me with a look of pity. “Maybe he’s another unfortunate one who wandered his way here just to get his soul devoured by one of the wretched, filthy demons here. And maybe you should stop reading too many fantasy novels or listen to too many creepy emo songs and stop talking figuratively.”
“And maybe you should stop reading too many drama novels so you won’t vainly think that everything’s hunky-dory here in Wonderland.”
“Well, we’re all mad here.” She smiled despite my grumpy remark, and turned around just in time as the teacher finished prepping up for the lesson of today and close the door just as the last student, one of the jocks, slipped inside and wasn’t considered yet late. His more punctual friends started laughing and high-fiving him, leaving the rest of the class including myself in confusion why the heck would they celebrate something like that. It wasn’t like they won a game in the state championship or anything.
I was legitimately trying to solve the questions written on the board to hopefully pass the class, when all of a sudden Mel turned around again to face me with a somewhat serious look on her face. “Hey, do you happen to know what class Jake has right now? Maybe you got a sneak peek into his schedule or something?”
“I think he has Literature,” I said, although it came out more like a question than a statement. “I saw him entering the class just as I exited it. Why did you ask?”
“No reason,” she simply replied in return, smiling mischievously. I narrowed my eyes her, which she ignored as she changed the subject. “Did you at least greet him like a normal, polite person would?”
“I’m normal, so yes, I did. Again, why are you interrogating me like some fucking psychologist? Shouldn’t you be focusing on solving those sums up there?”
An annoyed look crossed her face. “Hey, unlike you, I’m actually decent in mathematics because I do advanced studying for everything beforehand. I’m in the Student Council; it’s kinda part of my job description to learn stuff before we actually discuss them in class, otherwise I’m gonna flunk everything.”
She indeed never told me the reason why she asked that question earlier, but I had an uneasy feeling that I was going to find out very soon.
***
I wasn’t wrong about that feeling, because when I’d already settled myself into one of the benches inside the cafeteria, I heard a deep voice calling my name and I instantly looked up to see the last person I wanted to see right at that moment.
The pencil in my hand was left discarded with its tip barely touching the half-drawn sketchbook paper and it never made another scratch on it for the rest of the day.
“Jake,” I couldn’t stop myself from saying out loud, confused as to why he was here. Was this Mel’s plan all along? Beside him was the redhead herself with a strong grip on his arm as though she practically dragged him all the way here. “Uh, what are you doing here?”
“I dragged him here,” interrupted Mel, grinning proudly like a cat that had just brought in a mouse and presented it to its owner. She took a seat down right next to me and motioned for Jake to sit opposite from us. “Come, sit. Oh—I forgot to introduce myself to you. My name is Melody, but you can just call me Mel because I’m not a little kid anymore.”
She extended a hand toward him, which he took rather hesitantly as he gave me a nervous glance. I shrugged; anybody in Mel’s grasp was just as good as dead. The friendly smile she would put on her face and the hospitality she would treat people with was all a lie for all I knew.
“Look, the only reason why I brought you here because we—well, I—need to talk about something with you,” Mel continued as she reached into her leather backpack, a gift from her parents last year because she was still one of the rich kids despite being friends with me, and pulled out a Snickers bar. “Also we’re inviting you to sit with us. I overheard a bunch of the guys boasting about what they wrote in paper balls thrown to you with their chicken scratch handwriting, so I’m assuming that you’re not doing good in the socializing side of school.”
His eyes widened. “How did you—”
“’Overheard’ meaning that they flat out said that to your face while you were chatting with your sister, didn’t you?” I immediately cut them both off, glaring at the girl next to me.
Mel gave me a half-smile with a faked look of innocence as she turned back to the perplexed boy sitting in front of her. “Madison is the school’s most popular girl, head cheerleader, council president, resident queen bee and, unfortunately, my step-sister. My father married her mother, so I have to talk to her every now and then. But every single kid here must have an unpleasant encounter with her, whether you like it or not.”
“Great,” he grumbled, scowling. “I’m guessing I have to avoid her to prevent myself from having a slushy thrown at me or a rumor spreading around about how I have HIV, huh?”
Mel looked surprised by his response. “So, I guess we’re on the same page here. And if they act like they’re not one of those assholes who will screw up your entire life here in Willowside High, they’re lying. They’ve done that before to this girl from Italy whom I tried to befriend, who was apparently amazing at cheerleading so she joined the squad. Within a week, she’s gossiping stuff about us behind our backs, and Hayley over here became another victim when that girl tore several pages off of Hayley’s sketchbook the other day and threw them away like discarded pieces of tissue.”
I scowled when Mel’s words immediately helped the buried memory resurface into my mind. It happened during the first year of high school, and I’d thought I would get a fresh start after getting slaughtered during middle school. Madison, being Mel’s step-sister, got into the same high-school we did, and that was when her cruel rule over the student body began. Nina was actually a nice girl and was really enthusiastic in becoming friends with us for some reason, to the point that she invited us to her family dinner a few weeks into the year.
Unfortunately, once she started hanging out with Madison instead, the worst happened and it felt like a vicious stab to my back, especially seeing her tear out the very sketches that she complimented the other day when we first met her. The teacher hadn’t arrived yet that day and the class was thrown into complete chaos, but I chose to mind my own business and started doodling when their group started mocking me.
Apparently pissed that I wasn’t giving them the time of my day, I could see Madison in the corner of my eye, whispering something to Nina. The next thing I knew, she hopped off the table she was sitting on, walked over to where I was and snatched my sketchbook away from me. I was too stunned to do anything, and unimaginable pain shot through my heart when I saw her walking to the trash can in front of the class and began tearing them to shreds.
To some people, it might’ve not been such a big of a deal, but I spent literally hours on them and I cherished every single one of them, and she had to take it away. Not only my trust on her was ripped away, but also trust for any other ‘friend’ who wanted to be friends with me, because I knew that it would eventually hurt me even more than it would hurt them if they happened to betray me like that.
It was eventually worsened by another incident that I would never want to bring up ever again, because it was far more worse than the incident with Nina. When that happened, I lost trust in everybody completely. I built concrete walls around me and never let anybody else into my life, which was why Mel was desperate to help me find friends when I didn’t want any.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
I’ve been fooled twice, and I didn’t want to be fooled a third time.
Seeing another new kid in front of me, an image of Nina flashed through my mind and I found myself wary of him again. I don’t want to be fooled a third time.
“Oh,” he said at first, glancing in my direction with a pitiful look on his face. I didn’t need anybody’s pity, and quickly looked away. “I can tell how much they mean to you. Everybody has one thing that’s most precious to them. I’m sorry she did such a terrible thing.”
“It’s not your fault,” I harshly said, probably coming off as ruder than I intended to be. I refused to meet his eyes and tried to focus back on the book in front of me now, but seeing it only made the aching feeling in my heart even worse. And I even offered to do the same mistake I did when I first met Nina, which was to show my precious belonging and expose my weakness to people who could potentially use them against me.
Staring at the sketch I had spent hours doing, I grabbed it roughly and slammed the cover shut, stashing it back to my shoulder bag beside me.
I stood up, and was about to leave when I felt a hand latch onto my wrist, and I turned around to see Mel’s pleading expression directed straight towards me. “Hayley,” she began, sighing deeply. She then leaned towards me, probably to prevent Jake from listening in. The boy himself looked helpless and somewhat bewildered of my sudden departure, but at the moment, I couldn’t care less about him.
“Leave me alone,” I hissed lowly while glowering at her. I tried to snatch my wrist back but her grip didn’t budge. I swear she has the strength of a thousand men despite being a midget among us…
“He’s not Nina,” she quickly said before I could even say anything else. “He’s not going to take the thing closest to your heart and rip it away from you—literally or figuratively.” I shook my wrist violently. Still no avail. “He’s not going to betray any of us, I know it.
“He hasn’t, yet.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “That’s what they all say. They say that they want to be friends with you, and then they get close to you enough, and then they’ll just stab me in the back when I least expect it. You wouldn’t know how it feels like, because I was the one who got hurt.”
“Nina was my friend, too!” Her voice rose abruptly, which was unnatural for her. She quickly realized what she’d done when her eyes widened for a split second, then went back to normal with the desperate look on her face still evident. “And believe me, I won’t ever forgive her for what happened. I’m sorry that you had to be the one whose most cherished item got ruined and taken away, but I was a victim, too!”
My patience grew thin, and I gave her a dark look as I immediately took my hand away from her as soon as her grip on me loosened. With a bitter tone, I hissed, “Nina wasn’t the only one, remember? And were you hurt by him? Did he hurt you, just like he’d hurt me? No, and you have absolutely no idea what being hurt by him felt like.”
Without saying another single word to her, I immediately started walking away from the table, before I paused about a few feet away and turned back around to face Jake. “Don’t listen to whatever the redhead has to say. Go ahead. Befriend anybody who you want to be friends with. Just stay out of my way and neither of us will get hurt, all right?”
He didn’t reply; his jaw just dropped and looked at me with pleading eyes, but I refused to let him change my mind. And so, I turned around my heel and walked away, narrowly dodging away from an empty carton of milk and several paper balls thrown in my direction, something I’d done numerous times throughout the past three and a half years of high school.
A tiny spot of guilt appeared in my heart as I headed for the cafeteria doors, cannot helping myself but recalling back to the dismal look in his grey eyes. He looked so sad, which was the last thing I expected for him to do. Maybe he wasn’t like Nina. Maybe he genuinely tried to be nice to me, but this time, my distrustful self was the one trying to push him away, just like I pushed even the people closest to me away.
But I couldn’t risk it. I was a wounded dog who hadn’t fully recovered yet, and I wasn’t ready to take on another fight with another, healthier dog with a nasty bite that could take me down for good.
I was a wounded dog, and if I didn’t want to get injured any further, I wasn’t going to bark up the wrong tree when I’d already done so two times.
Fool me thrice…
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