"Why the hell is this so hard?" I mutter to myself.423Please respect copyright.PENANAGC8O18eFCV
423Please respect copyright.PENANAVWwW5WEduh
423Please respect copyright.PENANA1I2omgLsc4
Remember how I missed two of Evetta's birthdays? Well, I've decided to buy her two presents — one for each birthday that I missed.423Please respect copyright.PENANArU8gdyeWKj
423Please respect copyright.PENANA5OcRETCnQx
423Please respect copyright.PENANAVSIRjzgBnk
I already got a violin bow for her. It isn't some grand, expensive, £2000 bow from 1752, but it's from me; I'm pretty sure that she's the sentimental type.423Please respect copyright.PENANAxBrFrvDttY
423Please respect copyright.PENANAbmWif5f2pg
423Please respect copyright.PENANAmkWrYscgNw
Now, I'm looking for a black doll, and none of them seem perfect. Every single one that I've seen — which is actually only a total of two dolls — have processed hair. For some reason, I feel like she would want a doll with natural hair.423Please respect copyright.PENANAYl2aMXFDkc
423Please respect copyright.PENANAULM4uv9BVa
423Please respect copyright.PENANAVRI3wi82mJ
I'm about to give up and just get her a bracelet or something, when I see it through the window of a store. It's called "little Jamaica", and a black rag doll with what looks like twists on her head is smiling through the window.423Please respect copyright.PENANA8i5UIp9KYj
423Please respect copyright.PENANAvRDVK4zjOV
423Please respect copyright.PENANApCashe63SM
I walk into the store, which smells like lavender, and am immediately greeting by a middle aged woman with locks. Her face looks halfway between black and Chinese; full lips, dark skin, sharp cheekbones, tiny nose and slanted eyes.423Please respect copyright.PENANAlBCzvQzFG8
423Please respect copyright.PENANAEUxukHqAol
423Please respect copyright.PENANA3f7Y4HdzvT
"Good afternoon sir," she says in a warm voice, but with an accent that sounds identical to Evetta's.423Please respect copyright.PENANAJoGObSrsUM
423Please respect copyright.PENANA9Vh4mB9Wzp
423Please respect copyright.PENANAhWw0cGd4Rz
"How may I help you today?"423Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2d3NYvvl3
423Please respect copyright.PENANAChBCEjI6gD
423Please respect copyright.PENANAcoc3LAa0Uo
I look at the window, and see the doll.423Please respect copyright.PENANAcgQuJfByOe
423Please respect copyright.PENANAOOGhcspnnf
423Please respect copyright.PENANAptPVVi8tOP
"I want that doll; the one by the window. Upon inspection, I realise that it has "Jamaica" written across the front. She looks like she's crying, and she's facing me. 423Please respect copyright.PENANA43V96ySHU1
423Please respect copyright.PENANAUeK5XYXbIw
423Please respect copyright.PENANAl72X71X2G8
I think I might be losing my mind. Maybe it's more than just amnesia. What if there's temporary brain damage? What if I'm going to completely lose my mind, and have to live the rest of my life in an asylum?423Please respect copyright.PENANAyVO1RJB4Ho
423Please respect copyright.PENANAiRA1h07dJ5
423Please respect copyright.PENANA0IQmqJ41az
Before I have a full blown panic attack, the woman speaks again.423Please respect copyright.PENANAkayR0QljmV
423Please respect copyright.PENANADi6GYIBRs4
423Please respect copyright.PENANAblRW6Rl4it
"The doll has too faces; one side is smiling, and the other is crying," she says, seeing my confused expression, and following my gaze to the doll.423Please respect copyright.PENANA7D7DmpuerZ
423Please respect copyright.PENANAXrW98lTnBZ
423Please respect copyright.PENANAUC4uzoufg1
I walk over to it, pick it up, and flip it. Sure enough, it has a face stitched on the other side — the smiling face that I originally saw.423Please respect copyright.PENANAiJrRabGjbr
423Please respect copyright.PENANAfm6OqzSwdi
423Please respect copyright.PENANAuvChbQ3DaQ
Thank god. I'm not mad. Yet.423Please respect copyright.PENANAmrbAHziukA
423Please respect copyright.PENANAvSYv1wPm2H
423Please respect copyright.PENANAOl63AM0fEZ
This is so... special. I love it, and I know that Evetta will love it, too. 423Please respect copyright.PENANA5dnqR8mrn4
423Please respect copyright.PENANAIvky7Nvmsj
423Please respect copyright.PENANAoNIakeqBlI
I pay for it and walk out, feeling rather proud of myself.423Please respect copyright.PENANAfMicAJeAXK
423Please respect copyright.PENANAwhRsKEz6KO
423Please respect copyright.PENANAnZsJoStPNZ
Yes, she's gonna be so pleased.423Please respect copyright.PENANAJNpNFAHqYJ
423Please respect copyright.PENANADr5P8CPA5F
423Please respect copyright.PENANAMYVmP1M6H9
Of course, my day can't possibly be that easy.423Please respect copyright.PENANAg8b4cWfFrG
423Please respect copyright.PENANASAFLzWzKlX
423Please respect copyright.PENANA50WScC8IXB
As I'm walking on the sidewalk, one of the pink ear rings from the doll fall off and break on the pavement.423Please respect copyright.PENANAazITCUeJT9
423Please respect copyright.PENANA4nBJUcANIa
423Please respect copyright.PENANAtaJNWsGqX2
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.423Please respect copyright.PENANAF0vXlXLizc
423Please respect copyright.PENANAyw2vz5Fo4G
423Please respect copyright.PENANAjkIdgW19kR
What the hell am I going to do now? I can't give it to her like this.423Please respect copyright.PENANA9refwqdn7J
423Please respect copyright.PENANA8Sr7PRwjLX
423Please respect copyright.PENANADgI6UYhlO4
Think Caleb. What else can be used as ear rings?423Please respect copyright.PENANAAgFxtOkzoX
423Please respect copyright.PENANA422uDREYrW
423Please respect copyright.PENANAbXS5uFnLW3
Paper clips?423Please respect copyright.PENANAgMGuDtWrKv
423Please respect copyright.PENANA4l7TrgfUyG
423Please respect copyright.PENANAEF3Nme9Q2A
No.423Please respect copyright.PENANAd9yIxCVqEJ
423Please respect copyright.PENANA9TMhspKK4S
423Please respect copyright.PENANAlk11Eq3w48
Hairpins?423Please respect copyright.PENANAclXaDoJrZl
423Please respect copyright.PENANAOs2PrYtihU
423Please respect copyright.PENANAcblzS00k3z
Am I stupid?423Please respect copyright.PENANAwQ6xnSWxYM
423Please respect copyright.PENANAXWFIyaoipf
423Please respect copyright.PENANAiaPRjsanGE
Nose rings?423Please respect copyright.PENANA2cH2pVeOIy
423Please respect copyright.PENANAXx78t77Y3V
423Please respect copyright.PENANArGxEo6JAUb
Wait. That's not a bad idea.423Please respect copyright.PENANAYWdYRVVlmY
423Please respect copyright.PENANAbkAnaIHjOh
423Please respect copyright.PENANAty0lsqO3c6
At least this isn't that hard to find. 423Please respect copyright.PENANAygLgCfxyBl
423Please respect copyright.PENANAPALJum3ZAT
423Please respect copyright.PENANAfyYdtJTb9A
After a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a shop that is stocked full with all kinds of body jewellery, and I pick up a pack of nose rings. Now that I see them, they look far thinner and flimsier than I'd imagined.423Please respect copyright.PENANAWwulMyyS1p
423Please respect copyright.PENANABGOPbZE2NN
423Please respect copyright.PENANAFS52d3pzLg
God, I really hope this works, I think to myself looking skeptically at the tiny golden hoops.423Please respect copyright.PENANAJrCKKetFws
423Please respect copyright.PENANA1j6JY4HFWv
423Please respect copyright.PENANAQluGURXSAt
423Please respect copyright.PENANAfV3JqX37XX
423Please respect copyright.PENANAuCZqzGn2sb
***423Please respect copyright.PENANARvi2WuBIUT
423Please respect copyright.PENANA518ToqP4ed
423Please respect copyright.PENANAF9yBIUXO5I
423Please respect copyright.PENANAM5iZHx0dK9
423Please respect copyright.PENANAYW9B2fwNW9
The nose rings actually worked, much to my surprise. You'd never be able to tell that anything ever went wrong with the doll on the first place.423Please respect copyright.PENANAYQqTBReHsd
423Please respect copyright.PENANA0t4LUH4PTy
423Please respect copyright.PENANAOxZ176rqwY
I'm finished walking the streets for today, so I've decided to take the tube back to the area in which I live. Throughout the entire train ride, I can't keep still. My knee is bouncing like a tennis ball, and I realise that it's more than me wanting to give her a doll and a violin bow; I want to see her again; hearing her voice through a phone isn't enough. Still, I call her as soon as I get out of the station.423Please respect copyright.PENANAwFBSr1xoMa
423Please respect copyright.PENANAqYhRInd7TD
423Please respect copyright.PENANARnBbV4OjqM
"Hello?"423Please respect copyright.PENANALIZhtII1dN
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423Please respect copyright.PENANAqYn24YEfXy
God, her voice is beautiful. It makes me feel warm, from the inside out, even though it's freezing outside — snow has just begun to fall, and now I deeply regret not bringing a winter coat — and the cold air biting against my skin seems inconsequential.423Please respect copyright.PENANAMC7RzSuyoh
423Please respect copyright.PENANAegX9g2HcDs
423Please respect copyright.PENANAW2SiX1ehpJ
"Can you come over?" I ask. 423Please respect copyright.PENANADGsCdrw3bp
423Please respect copyright.PENANAwy0z3G7iUZ
423Please respect copyright.PENANAq5xqrLPY7H
But a better idea comes to me.423Please respect copyright.PENANA70E92c5eg5
423Please respect copyright.PENANAFCfiVmWVSc
423Please respect copyright.PENANAcYQzdxLbri
"Are you at home?"423Please respect copyright.PENANAVJBgU6Crri
423Please respect copyright.PENANA6Hb06D9a4D
423Please respect copyright.PENANAMydWB94Dft
"Yeah."423Please respect copyright.PENANAqSBP9lUijP
423Please respect copyright.PENANAXhWXZd5OLz
423Please respect copyright.PENANAwdEWdmqT7f
"Um, can I come over? I mean, you'd have to give me your address, and I'd try—"423Please respect copyright.PENANAS4wHRP2AwU
423Please respect copyright.PENANAef3nOBCgsZ
423Please respect copyright.PENANAYY7P40CFfd
"Caleb, it's very cold — you sound cold, as if you've forgotten you coat — and I don't want you to get lost, and die of hypothermia. I'll come over. I'll bring you over to my house one day — show you the path."423Please respect copyright.PENANAvb5M811Ep0
423Please respect copyright.PENANALPL5SI5vxy
423Please respect copyright.PENANA0qO7jUaukS
"Fine. But please stay."423Please respect copyright.PENANAYUOdSfzm7u
423Please respect copyright.PENANAnAqpmchB1n
423Please respect copyright.PENANAfcXOrtd8hH
"Okay, but I have to leave early tomorrow. I have work."423Please respect copyright.PENANAjDezCru4kJ
423Please respect copyright.PENANAE2WtWpHkDn
423Please respect copyright.PENANAIqQpa6Aewp
"That's fine," I say as I walk through the front door of my house. 423Please respect copyright.PENANA5Y7kefirXM
423Please respect copyright.PENANAnjSdJvX605
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The call ends and I make it to my room, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. 423Please respect copyright.PENANA4mjQUjuAQc
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However, I fix an image of her face in my head. I tell myself to stay awake for her. And I do.423Please respect copyright.PENANARV2NfLan5G
423Please respect copyright.PENANAVs1pwoXNT3
423Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0t60rcMyA
"Caleb," I hear from the bedroom door, and instantly perk up, exhaustion forgotten. She's shrugging off her winter coat by the threshold of the door.423Please respect copyright.PENANAPfSPhy6d5L
423Please respect copyright.PENANA4BQ02tcOU0
423Please respect copyright.PENANAKSFYnqS1Md
"Evetta. Thanks for coming."423Please respect copyright.PENANA3KkkEaPGoF
423Please respect copyright.PENANAkvLhamQcGB
423Please respect copyright.PENANAiSo982vG8n
"Of course, baby," she says, and when I hear the word "baby", I get that warm feeling all over again.423Please respect copyright.PENANA40HgF1XVzc
423Please respect copyright.PENANAPPI1KcPKe2
423Please respect copyright.PENANAGiKPrjssjo
"Um, I got you some stuff."423Please respect copyright.PENANAzvjAB0uOZb
423Please respect copyright.PENANAHrS19u4Evu
423Please respect copyright.PENANAZSBYrK1xTL
"Yeah?" she inquires as she walks over to the bed and sits beside me.423Please respect copyright.PENANAzvwLWeAcM1
423Please respect copyright.PENANA2USiJaH4CL
423Please respect copyright.PENANAo3wbzCbDtC
"I realised that while I was out, I missed two of your birthdays."423Please respect copyright.PENANAJLV7DCA3Cr
423Please respect copyright.PENANA52CKt1DdkW
423Please respect copyright.PENANAzFydUrmqTG
"Oh, god, Caleb," she says to me, catching on, and her voice sounds so... touched.423Please respect copyright.PENANAsOyMQT7y5f
423Please respect copyright.PENANAA0BcYpJH3p
423Please respect copyright.PENANAJc37mqRpWy
"So I got you some stuff."423Please respect copyright.PENANAruj7SvaH6w
423Please respect copyright.PENANAt1vO6Ex7ui
423Please respect copyright.PENANAFTu5dG5vs9
Her eyes actually have tears in them. Good god, I never expected her to actually cry.423Please respect copyright.PENANAPyFTGYGUuS
423Please respect copyright.PENANAUDe1sB5eOW
423Please respect copyright.PENANArjWsioI5PF
Before I can even decide which one I want to show her first — the bow or the doll — she throws her self on me and gives me a bear hug.423Please respect copyright.PENANAn5MYKG4jEg
423Please respect copyright.PENANAl3iDC7zNch
423Please respect copyright.PENANAJiXMcyg577
"I love you. Thank you so much. You're the best."423Please respect copyright.PENANAexAZTfjsMM
423Please respect copyright.PENANAFmPa8LZalw
423Please respect copyright.PENANAajJzAkCdvS
"I love you too."423Please respect copyright.PENANACF8qPq4PS2
423Please respect copyright.PENANAll0Rdp4Hpp
423Please respect copyright.PENANA5Yvn9ueZII
We stay like that for a while, just holding each other, and when we finally untangle ourselves from each other, her eyes are red.423Please respect copyright.PENANABEluRgZe0p
423Please respect copyright.PENANAYCjmUdEnlj
423Please respect copyright.PENANAYLC5UUnksp
"I got you a violin bow," I say as I present it to her.423Please respect copyright.PENANARkq8whvhNm
423Please respect copyright.PENANAmIhygUQNDb
423Please respect copyright.PENANAGNh2kXN46k
Her eyes widen and fill with tears again as she removes it from its casing and inspects it.423Please respect copyright.PENANAeZAqG7vPkE
423Please respect copyright.PENANAuhgqhPKDTe
423Please respect copyright.PENANAVXDpp9BgaR
"I mean, it's not great, but it works—"423Please respect copyright.PENANA8euYCpQR6g
423Please respect copyright.PENANAlBjM9tco8X
423Please respect copyright.PENANAsRYttnJbHQ
"And it's from you," she says. "That means so much to me."423Please respect copyright.PENANATPto3XFasz
423Please respect copyright.PENANAOy2JfDnpGF
423Please respect copyright.PENANAT9W64gk0AG
I was right. She's sentimental.423Please respect copyright.PENANAwMsTbetHBs
423Please respect copyright.PENANAy2TfzX2GzE
423Please respect copyright.PENANAkE4LSW4emc
"I also got you a doll. A black rag doll."423Please respect copyright.PENANAsEJpFI5b7g
423Please respect copyright.PENANAFoOL5N3PiY
423Please respect copyright.PENANAwnahak6OV7
As soon as those words leave my mouth, her eyes become filled with what can only be described as utter vulnerability.423Please respect copyright.PENANAIH039sWtLi
423Please respect copyright.PENANAPfJQDMFHTx
423Please respect copyright.PENANAtM8s9xfCKQ
"Really?" she asks, her voice getting high pitched.423Please respect copyright.PENANA7THnFSgnNq
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423Please respect copyright.PENANAZTTaFkQRgb
Damn. I really didn't foresee her being this emotional.423Please respect copyright.PENANANDABghBLN1
423Please respect copyright.PENANAjKaQhWq4lp
423Please respect copyright.PENANALBBmV4bCqd
"Yes. I found it in a Jamaican store," I say as I pick it up and hand it to her.423Please respect copyright.PENANAriVG4RAumy
423Please respect copyright.PENANArWB1FV96l4
423Please respect copyright.PENANAJJzrpTJdPg
"Oh, fuck. This is... Caleb, I don't even know what to say," she whispers, turning the doll over, her eyes widening in surprise as she sees the other face.423Please respect copyright.PENANAB4SZRm9xJC
423Please respect copyright.PENANAfFntKlK9mF
423Please respect copyright.PENANAXFQ3natgA8
She hugs me, and kisses my cheek, before retracting and rubbing her eyes, smiling at me.423Please respect copyright.PENANADKWZbPlKPC
423Please respect copyright.PENANAgWiZhPZU2E
423Please respect copyright.PENANAqKGIPKEiWv
"Incidentally, I brought something over here for you, too."423Please respect copyright.PENANAGEmBM1KxQv
423Please respect copyright.PENANAx3ipoGNs1Y
423Please respect copyright.PENANActGDCaSFyg
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.423Please respect copyright.PENANAGpKeH2z2R1
423Please respect copyright.PENANAsUYdfMiSjS
423Please respect copyright.PENANAjHQ11hjn65
She takes out a tiny black doll which is attached to a card that says "Watchover Voodoo" at the top, and has some writing on the bottom.423Please respect copyright.PENANADpFWjs8GoR
423Please respect copyright.PENANAiggvxB2Es2
423Please respect copyright.PENANAIW3bAnMy62
It's supposed to guide you," she says. "Now, I don't believe that some tiny doll on a piece of cardboard has magical powers, but I do believe that if you read an inspirational quote every day, you'll probably try to follow it."423Please respect copyright.PENANAgHpaxhDLaI
423Please respect copyright.PENANAMuug469772
423Please respect copyright.PENANAoWgsvkWANs
I read the bottom, and it says:423Please respect copyright.PENANAspvgHwpgGL
423Please respect copyright.PENANAj19lH8VPKn
423Please respect copyright.PENANAfZbDZjBYla
Reggae Kid423Please respect copyright.PENANAofE54LsZJf
Keeps you in rhythm with nature and at peace with those around you.423Please respect copyright.PENANAV967xh2GVg
423Please respect copyright.PENANAMikctj4nAa
423Please respect copyright.PENANAQs3HLQ4iXz
"You lost your rhythm and piece of mind with that accident, and by extension, the piece that you had with those around you. I can feel the unease within you every time I hear your voice, every time I see you, every time I'm near you."423Please respect copyright.PENANA8a6DYSg6fy
423Please respect copyright.PENANA95bDsSe3fs
423Please respect copyright.PENANAv7LTrOYIoJ
I think about it; I never realised that she knew just how much all of this is affecting me.423Please respect copyright.PENANAF5Y9UZ2pHC
423Please respect copyright.PENANAK23wVnGHjH
423Please respect copyright.PENANAkgVpeUWnmG
"You need to find your peace and rhythm again."423Please respect copyright.PENANAZFCjCgcs61
423Please respect copyright.PENANAXF6id3RtXg
423Please respect copyright.PENANALCnx5RPYBI
"Thank you, Evetta," I say, taking the doll from her.423Please respect copyright.PENANAfVP0Kf2oeu
423Please respect copyright.PENANAosaVi3F8i6
423Please respect copyright.PENANAdKKSnDMauN
Thank you for noticing.423Please respect copyright.PENANABlMCQy9IKA
423Please respect copyright.PENANARkkSnhN7zK
423Please respect copyright.PENANAvtEIrKhsTr
Thank you for caring.423Please respect copyright.PENANAnqP34VS9Eq
423Please respect copyright.PENANA5VrW1iox5Z
423Please respect copyright.PENANAucjmXm4VWO
Thank you for loving me.423Please respect copyright.PENANALAdbSjFBV3
423Please respect copyright.PENANAFOBkPJDxHx
423Please respect copyright.PENANA6qMECmpQrW
And I do something that neither of us saw coming.423Please respect copyright.PENANAyG0HWM6Cp0
423Please respect copyright.PENANAyziMFZmLDf
423Please respect copyright.PENANADlgNaoJjzV
I kiss her.
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