I wasn't the only nervous wreck tonight, and I could understand why.
Sort of.
I found this out for the first time when Jake nearly lost control of the truck and nearly crashed it with an incoming car from the opposite lane, and as I held on to my life, a bead of sweat was trailing down the side of his forehead as he clenched his jaw so tightly that it almost hurt just seeing it, but he refused to make any eye-contact with me throughout the entire ride there. When his phone buzzed, I took the initiative to answer it for him only to see it was a text message from Conrad.
Judging by the all capitalized message, he was worse off than both of us combined.
"I take it the two of you are best friends now?" I asked jokingly, smirking up at him as he glanced over to my side, definitely unconvinced by my attempt to cut down the uncomfortable tension between us.
It felt weird being so distant from each other this time, even when we had grown so comfortable talking to each other like we were long-lost best friends. It just never occurred to any of us that it would come to this, because frankly, if he hadn't asked me to the dance, I would rather sit and stay at home and could've invited him over just to watch another movie or something.
Maybe it was because of my safe assumption that tonight was just gonna be like every other day we spent for the past two weeks. Just some small talk turned random conversation, maybe a few morbid jokes or two about how terrible life is, perhaps even making fun of the school's cool kids behind their backs as we got ourselves drunk with the spiked punch—well, not that drunk if possible since I wouldn't have a ride home otherwise.
But right now, seeing how we maintained our distance between one another for the first hour or two, I wasn't ashamed to admit that I was wrong.
"Uh, I wouldn't say that we're that close just yet," he said with clear uncertainty. "He has his own buddies and I have mine—well, two, but that's still something. And, well, you two are also friends with him, too, but if I were to call anybody my best friend here, it would be you."
"Would be?" I raised an eyebrow, suppressing a laugh.
"Well, the position isn't open, is it? I mean, Mel's your best friend since practically forever, judging by what you've told me."
"That doesn't mean I can't have two best friends, now can I? I don't see any official rule against that."
He chuckled once then smiled. "Then I'd be honored."
I frowned once hearing this. "Not such a big deal, so why?"
"Because," he then said, glancing over at me for the second time tonight, but under a better mood with the amused spark in his eyes that got me curious about his thoughts from time to time. "You're the type of person who doesn't really give people much of a chance to get to know you. I know you still don't want to talk to me about whatever happened in the past and that's okay—the past can remain the past for all I care because I understand that. But I get it now, which is why I really appreciate the fact that you're giving me a chance. Like, what the hell did I do to deserve it—it'll probably remain a mystery of the world until proven otherwise."
I raised both eyebrows, surprised by the fact that he could come up with that, but couldn't help but admit to myself that he was right, to an extent. I didn't give people a chance only because I didn't think they would want a chance. Why would they—I was nothing more than a laughing stock and a target for slushie attacks to other people except for those I used to be friends with. Madison and her gang were only thrilled to torture me on a daily basis, so much that I thought of myself as nothing more than a humiliation to myself and my family and never thought other people would actually want to be friends with me, lest they want to be a laughing stock, too.
"You're not like the others," I found myself mumbling quietly. I didn't even know if he was able to hear me, but I hoped it served as a decent enough answer to his question. "You're new to this place. You don't know what happened. You're not like one of those snotty assholes and bitches who'd rather hang out with the popular kids, thinking they'll be bringing that street cred with them for college. You're not a straight-up book nerd either, I guess, so that's bonus points for you. You just... understand better. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad, but if you wanna know why, then there's your answer."
"If it means that you give this thing between us a shot, then it's definitely a good thing."
It didn't make me any less nervous of tonight still. I kept my hands to myself and fidgeted with my fingers a little, just to keep me distracted from the deafening silence between us. He tried turning on the radio, but just like the truck's heater that did not free us from the grasp of the cold night air, it broke down at just the right time so that the situation was even more awkward between the two of us.
Then we got to the school's parking lot. He parked the truck in its usual spot and killed the engine as I got out, which evidently made him disappointed just because he wasn't able to open the door for me and everything. When I looked around, I realized that we were probably late judging by all the cars that had filled up most of the lots.
"Should we wait for Mel still?" I asked as I took my phone out of the purse Mom lent me. When I opened the most recent text message from her—in between the ten others she sent to me as well—she only stated that she was still on her way here.
I turned back to Jake to see him scratching his head nervously. "Well, I mean, if you want to. I'm the one wearing the jacket and I'm already feeling cold here."
I glanced in the direction of the school building. I could hear the obnoxious music coming all the way from the gym. I could almost feel as if I was already amidst the mass of bodies just rubbing against each other like a teen house party, the only difference being that we were all invited and we were all in semi-formal outfits. It almost made me gag.
Then I looked up, at the night sky, at the stars. Somehow, outside seemed more appealing than staying indoors now; the moon was glowing a brilliant white and the stars were like glitters against the dark blue backdrop, visible for once despite the light pollution from the city lights in the distance. It was completely cloudless, too, giving tonight the best weather I've seen in an entire year. The courtyard complemented the sight perfectly, too, as the lush green trees slowly began to lose their color, shedding their leaves of different shades of autumn colors.
"Is it really that cold?" I murmured distantly, unable to tear my eyes away from the sight. "I mean, we can just stay here. The courtyard's really pretty tonight—well, it's the first time that we both see this place in nighttime. But it's beautiful, and I really don't want to go inside because what's the point. Just the same old, terrible people who have been making both our lives a misery here. I shall rejoice the day I get out of this hellhole."
He laughed, shaking his head jokingly at me. "Oh, don't tempt me, Hayley," he said, making me confused at first until he continued, "But it's called a Homecoming Dance for a reason, and it is not to sit outside and enjoy the view of the school's courtyard at night while stargazing. I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but at least... just give it a shot. Just like how you gave me a shot. You'll never know until you try."
"Hey—I haven't decided if giving you a shot was something I'm gonna regret or not."
He laughed again and took a few steps towards me, putting an arm around my shoulder. "Well then, I'm gonna make the most of this chance while it lasts, so I'm gonna say this to make me lose that chance a little faster because I'm such a daredevil, but—the night is pretty, my fair lady, but, as cheesy as this is going to sound, it is nowhere as pretty as you."
The blood rushed to my cheeks faster than I could think up of a witty remark to respond to his cliché one. I almost laughed at it, actually, because I initially took it as a joke—but when I saw the serious look on his face that told me he was not shitting with me, I found myself speechless instead.
"Well," I said, staring at the ground in front of me and suddenly feeling conscious of the arm draped around me. "It is cheesy—it's terrible, in fact, because by saying that, you're only making this more awkward than it already is. I'm your best friend, remember? You shouldn't be saying things like that to your best friend."
Or admit the fact that you like me, but that statement, too, is as vague as our current relationship status.
"I know, I know." He pressed his lips to a thin line. "And that's okay. Because frankly, we need something as an ice-breaker because believe it or not, I'm just as nervous as you are about tonight. I'm literally internally freaking out right now. The world can end tonight as we know it."
I rolled my eyes as his second poor attempt to lighten the mood. "If whatever apocalypse is gonna dawn on us, it can take the entire school with it, for all I care."
He glared at me before giving me a light shove. "No—if an apocalypse is gonna happen soon, then we will have to enjoy the dance while it lasts. Just—c'mon, let's just get this thing over with and maybe if we survive the night, we can watch a movie together at your place, all right? Your pick this time."
"What about Mel and Conrad?"
"What about them?" he retorted back, shrugging. "They'll forget about us once they get here, anyway. In the meantime, we can dance for a little bit because I am not gonna let you waste what I've spent my energy on teaching you the other day, then we'll just sulk in the corner and make crude remarks about how everybody else looks and maybe, if we have time, we'll sneak out and stargaze here in the courtyard, at our usual spot. Deal?"
Okay, so maybe I wasn't the only one with an assumption of how tonight would unfold.
I sighed when we finally reached the front entrance of the building, which he pushed open with one hand as the other continued to guide me as we walked, as if he knew I wouldn't move if he hadn't forced me to. "I don't get why you're so adamant on wanting to go to this stupid dance. I figured you would be the type of person who hates this stuff."
"Oh, don't get me wrong—I do hate it. The only reason why I'm doing this is because of you."
I frowned, turning sharply around so I was facing him to stare at him straight in the eye. "Again, why me? I wouldn't have gone if you hadn't asked, anyway."
He sighed, gazing at me with an unreadable expression across his face. "Because, Hayley Montgomery, I've told you once and I'll tell you again—you need to give this a chance, all right? I'm doing this for the sake of you, so that you can be like a normal teenager again. Even when your natural hipster self demands to break away from society, but we're humans and we still need people to depend on, whether you like it or not. Not that I mind having you depend completely on me or anything, but you know, I'd rather not take full credit."
I got another text message update from Mel once we were in the hallways, which prompted him to release his hold on me as he allowed me to grab my phone again. I could feel him looming over me, peeking at the brightened screen of my phone even when I used one hand to block it away from his curious eyes. Ignoring him, I read it anyways.
GO! GET IN THERE! DANCE WITH UR PRINCE CHARMING & FORGET ABOUT ME! :D
P.S. if I get there & u backed out of this, I will force Conrad to turn around, get to ur place & drag you there myself.
I could almost feel Jake just brimming with confidence and his ego fueled as soon as he leaned away from me.
"Don't you dare say a word about this," I said, turning to him with a death glare ready.
He merely shrugged and ignored me. "I was just gonna say that I would be honored to be your prince charming, if anything, but okay. I'll shut up."
I rolled my eyes. "I do not want to be a helpless, spineless damsel-in-distress, okay? I don't need some prince or knight in shining armor to save me."
"Well, if by any chance you do, you know where to find me." He nodded at the hallway before us. "But I think we should better get going. I mean, Mel specifically said that she'll be expecting us there, right? And, again, as unbelievable as it may seem, I'm still scared of that bitch. I wouldn't be surprised if she trained martial arts at one point because she looks like she can kick some ass, and hopefully not mine."
"She did, actually." His eyes widened precariously, glaring at me. "But there's no reason to be afraid of her, I don't think."
"Still, I'm also a little hungry. And parched. So we're heading there whether you like it or not, even if there's no coffee because all they have is probably spiked punch. Should be fun trying that out for once."
But when we did get to the gym, where the dance took place, we realized we couldn't even make our way to the refreshments table, which was all the way on the opposite side of the room across from where we entered. The dance turned out to be just as cringe-worthy as I expected it would be; all the flood lights were turned on and applied neon filters which meant that one look at them and we would be blind for sure, and some overrated pop song that kept playing over and over again in the radio was also currently played at the DJ booth, while the room was practically filled with a giant mass of bodies worse than the hallways during lunchtime as the pungent smell of sweat, cheap cologne and spilt soda filled the atmosphere. The air was quite humid even though all the air-conditioners were turned on, but I knew that I had to get out of here at least before we reached the three-hour mark.
"This is why I don't go to these things!" I had to literally yell over the deafening music just to hear myself speaking to Jake, who already had a nerve twitching on the side of his forehead.
"What?" He yelled back with a confused look on his face. "I can't hear you!"
Sighing, I grabbed his arm and brought him over to one corner of the room beside the bleachers where there were much less people around and further away from any of the blaring speakers situated in the room.
"This is their idea of fun," I spoke almost as loud as earlier while gesturing towards the dancing crowd. "Is this your idea of 'having fun,' too?"
"I mean, it's not that bad," he said, giving a lopsided smile. "It's 2013, not the 1980s. What else would you expect? Then again, we can just sneak over to the refreshments table, grab everything we can and hide back here underneath the bleachers or something—or just sit on top of them, since I bet we'll find a bunch of gross things under there, and probably some questionable fluid residue that we can only hope is dried milk or something." He winced at the thought produced in his head. "Would you rather do that instead, then, while waiting for Mel and Conrad? It'll just be like sitting in the courtyard, only that we're surrounded by a bunch of people who still won't notice us here anyway."
Hearing his idea, I actually considered it; I turned towards the massive crowd and couldn't help but search for any familiar faces, even if I knew I shouldn't. Madison was nowhere to be seen, just like her sister, though I wouldn't be surprised if she came later than Mel so that she could claim that she was 'fashionably late' as usual. Most of the girls in her squad were already heating things up in the dance floor, along with their respective jock partners, all of whom wore actual proper formal clothing, much to my surprise. There were a few teachers around just to be our chaperones but those who took their jobs a little too seriously kept roaming around the room, pulling couples apart whenever they spotted any lip-locks.
After a quick scan around the room, I could breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the person I was subconsciously searching for was nowhere to be found. For now, at least, because I had a strong feeling that he would show up later on because practically all of his friends were here already. I just hoped that I wouldn't have to bump into him at all.
"Sounds like a plan," I said with some hesitation, but he seemed to have not noticed it as his face immediately lit up brighter than the overhead lights were and suddenly I felt his hand slip into mine, almost too casually and with no effort at all. I nearly flinched at first, out of surprise, then when I realized he was actually holding my hand as we headed for the red-clothed table, guiding me on our way there, I decided to banish any thoughts of attempting to escape his grasp. Not only would I feel guilty for acting so rudely, but also mainly because I didn't want to let go.
I didn't know why I was thinking that way now, but somehow, I thought that letting go would obviously lead to the two of us eventually being separated from each other because of the multiple layers of people we had to slip through. But the way his hand grasped mine so easily like two puzzle pieces fitting perfectly together, sharing his warmth with mine, made sparks that shot up my spine and jolted me awake, more than the ear-piercing music did.
But just as we were about to reach the safe haven of this party, the repetitive pop music suddenly stopped and was immediately met with groans of disappointment, only for the disc jockey to quickly grab a microphone beside his booth to address the crowd.
"All right, let's tone the atmosphere down a little bit over here," the DJ, whom I recognized to be one of the school's notorious troublemakers, Riley, practically shouted as her voice echoed across the entire gym. "Let's not forget that this is still a formal dance—"
"Semi-formal!" someone immediately shouted back from amidst the crowd.
"Okay, okay—semi-formal dance," Riley continued, "and the fact that there are more than a few guys out there who grew a pair and asked their ladies out to the dance." She pointed randomly at known couples in the crowd as some began cheering and clapping while others laughed. "So why not have a moment to... acknowledge these couples and allow them to take over the dance floor with none other than the traditional..."
She paused, pressing a button on the MacBook situated at the booth, and immediately a slow song began to play from the speakers, one that I knew all too well and considered to be undeniably overplayed—Christina Perri's 'A Thousand Years.'
I cursed under my breath. Damn Twilight and those stupid, fake, sparkly-ass vampires.
Personally, I considered Ed Sheeran's 'Give Me Love'—the song Jake and I practiced dancing waltz to earlier this week—a lot better, but I couldn't help but admit that this song worked, too, I guess.
The crowd gave a short cheer before it dispersed with the exception of the couples, as the men took their women's hands in theirs and led them back to the dance floor with huge, almost idiotic-like smiles on their faces as they finally got the chance to dance with their respective partners, which, to some of them, was without a doubt the highlight of the night.
And when I turned back to Jake, he already set down the plastic cup he just took from its stack and had one hand stretched out to me, a soft smile upon his face that almost made my heart lurch just by looking at it.
"Well," he said expectantly, his dark eyes staring straight into mine with so much intensity that it nearly scared me. "Would you care to dance?"
Sighing deeply, I couldn't resist smiling back as my mind instantly turned off all logic sense in me and declared 'Fuck it, let's do this,' prompting my hand to stretch out and take his as he once again guided me as we walked a little further towards the center of the room, and when we stopped, he placed his other hand firmly on my waist, just like he did when we first practiced it, as I rested mine on his shoulder, then the first verse began.
And it was as if Christina Perri herself was describing the moment between us a little too perfectly.
True to the first three words sung through the speaker, my heart was beating faster than ever that I might get a cardiac arrest. I was aware that we weren't the only couple dancing right now, since majority of the student body came with their dates, but I couldn't help but feel self-conscious about myself, afraid that people might stare and call names at me again. Because as much as I wanted this to feel just as strange but magical as our practice dance, I couldn't because of all the prying eyes that might subject me to even worse humiliation than ever before in my life.
Jake, too, noticed how tense I was as he chuckled slightly before giving my hand a short squeeze, forcing me to look back up at him instead of focusing on the pacing of my feet.
"Hayley, relax," he murmured lowly enough so that only the two of us could hear him. "Nobody will judge you for this. It's a dance—we're supposed to waltz. They won't stare and make fun of us—of you." Then, further to my surprise, I felt his hand on my back push me a little forward so that I was a little closer to him, but strangely, I felt a wave of calmness overwhelm me, almost as if I'd completely fallen into an embrace he was almost gladly offering.
"Hey, it's okay," he said to me again, his voice almost turning into a whisper. "Just focus on the music. Don't think about anything else—just think of the music."
And I did.
And I drowned myself in it so much that soon, just like the song's lyrics, I was able to imagine myself alone in the room with him, just like back during our practice dance, forgetting the fact that we were surrounded by people, and immediately all the doubts went away, replaced by nothing but bliss.
One step closer...
Words could not even describe how I felt right now. It was better than our practice dance—dare I say, it felt like a fairytale. Like how Cinderella was dancing the night away during the ball with the prince and forgetting the fact that her fairytale moment was going to end by the stroke of midnight, I simply did not care about anything else anymore other than his hand on mine and the other on my waist, guiding me as we danced across the floor along with the others. Even if there were people talking about us behind our backs, I didn't even care of having to deal with them when I could instead enjoy this fleeting moment, right now, while it lasted.
Then when we got to the second verse, he smiled at me again and whispered, "You're a natural."
As we continued to revel in the blissful moment, my mind suddenly wandered back to another line from the first verse, one that stuck out particularly to me because of how true it was in my part.
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
I thought about Jake as I thought about this line, then to our relationship and where we stood now. I couldn't even define my feelings for him anymore, not after realizing how I felt just from dancing with him alone. Not to mention all the time we've spent the past two weeks and how far we'd gone from strangers to even best friends in such a short period of time. It almost seemed impossible, too good to be true, and it would be something I didn't think would happen to me in a million years, especially after every shitty thing that happened in my life that led up to this.
But he just came crashing into my life, and despite how much I tried to guard myself and distance myself from him as much as I could, I eventually relented and allowed him into my life, a decision that I might cherish for the rest of my life or regret, because right now, I didn't even know where our relationship was heading.
He was different from all the others. He made me laugh, he made me cry, he made me feel doubtful of things I was initially so certain of. He made me worry about him and scared for his well-being when he first came to school after that confrontation with his mother's boyfriend. He made me think about things I shouldn't even be thinking of—feel emotions I've kept locked away for so long, even after all the attempts done by my parents, my sister, my best friend and even my therapist to do the exact same thing.
And now, as I inadvertently stared back into his dark eyes filled with unknown emotion, there was only one question that stood clear in mind:
Am I falling in love with him?
I was unaware that the song had ended, once again, until the rest of the student body started clapping and cheering at the end of the song. I snapped out of the haze I was in and, despite not wanting to pull away from him, I forcibly dragged my hands back to myself, but, as an attempt to keep things friendly between us, I pretended to curtsy. Blinking a couple of times, he soon responded with a formal bow and a smile.
"See?" he said as he nudged me slightly on the shoulder while leading me back to the sidelines. "That wasn't too bad, now was it?"
Half-convinced, I shrugged, but still had a heavy heart as I struggled to ponder my feelings over him. "I guess it wasn't too bad." I paused. "I can't help but think of how furious Mel is gonna be, knowing that the romantic couple waltzing session is already over once she gets here."
He didn't reply until a few seconds later, when he suddenly seemed as though he was just struck by lightning, though only for a split second, then the amused smile returned. "Wha—oh, yeah! God, we'll never hear the end of it for the next few weeks, I don't think."
Then, in a brief moment, his eyes widened as some realization dawned on him. All of a sudden, he started fumbling around with his outfit, more specifically his pockets, from the ones in his pants to the ones in his suit jacket. Then, as he inhaled sharply, his expression returned to normal with the exception of him biting the edge of his lip while looking at me half-hesitantly.
"Um, would you mind if I leave you here for a moment?" he asked, his eyes staring at me with great caution, like he was studying my reaction. "I... just realized I left my phone back in the truck. As much as I want to enjoy the thrill of the moment and perhaps another dance with you, I just... don't want my mom to worry too much about me, especially when I'm not answering any of her calls or texts, if there are any. And, well, you know—in case some emergency comes up that requires me to head back home just so that her asshole of a boyfriend won't beat on her again."
Hearing him say this, I immediately nodded without a hair of a doubt—not because I wanted him to be as far away from me as I attempt to regain my bearings and decide the next move on how this weird relationship between us is going to go, but because I was full aware of how things were back in his home and they were definitely not good. I even recalled him mentioning something about how his mother's boyfriend would be pissed if he knew that Jake was attending the dance, and in his late father's suit, too, sometime during our ride here.
Without wasting much time, he gave me a grateful and relieved smile before slowly backing away into the crowd that was regathering at the center of the floor, and I didn't take my eyes off of him until he finally exited the gym, but even then my gaze lingered for some time at the blue-painted double doors where he disappeared into until I felt someone bump into me, and only then did I snap myself back into reality as the person who accidentally ran into me just sneaked away without even saying sorry, rendering me once again as nothing more than a bothersome fixture in the side of the room.
As EDM started playing over the speakers that was unfortunately right beside the refreshments table, I opted not to join in the fun this time and turned around, my eyes quickly catching the sight of the bowl of punch as I was suddenly overwhelmed by thirst. Regardless of the questionable substances in the liquid, I poured myself a cup anyway and sipped a little of it, allowing the explosive taste of sugar mixed with the sour taste of fruit extract to overwhelm my mouth for a bit while distracting me from my own conflicted feelings.
I didn't realize anything that was happening around me until I felt someone tapping my back. I expected it to be Jake, of course, or maybe even Mel, finally arriving at the dance with possibly a thousand questions and maybe a never-ending rage from the fact that she missed the couples dance.
But instead, when I turned around to meet them, I suddenly felt myself shrank as a tall shadow loomed over me, and when I looked up, my heart literally dropped and I instantly forgot how to breathe.
"Justin."
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