Jim had dozed off for about thirty minutes when he heard the doorbell ring. He opened his eyes and wiped off his face, which was still damp from all of his tears. Jim really didn't feel like answering the door right at that moment, but he decided to be polite and see what that person wanted. Still clutching all of the girls' belongings, Jim wheeled over to the front door. The words "only twice a year, only twice a year" rang in his head.609Please respect copyright.PENANAb86RbMbHgk
Jim opened the door to see Chris, who was smiling largely. Jim hadn't seen Chris since the day he returned from rehab and they had only communicated once by phone in the past few weeks. Chris had mentioned that he had been busy "taking care of college business" and "getting situated" in his new apartment, which was why he hadn't been able to stop by for a visit. As much as Jim would have liked to have talked to Chris and seen how he was doing, it wouldn't have made him any less nervous about the custody trial.
The instant that Chris saw Jim, his giant smile disappeared and a shocked expression appeared on his face. Jim let out a snort.
"What...what on earth happened to you?!" Chris asked with a very shocked and puzzled tone of voice.
When Jim had talked to Chris on the phone, he had mentioned that he and Julia were getting divorced, but he hadn't mentioned exactly what had happened in detail the night she had left. All Jim had said was that he and Julia were separating and that he would need Chris to back him up in the girls' custody trial (which Chris refused to do). Needless to say, it was obvious that Chris didn't expect to see Jim in a wheelchair.
Jim sniffled and took a deep breath before he spoke.
"It's a long story. If you want to, you can come in."
Jim then turned his wheelchair around and rolled over to the living room, not saying a word.
Only twice a year...only twice a year...
Chris followed Jim over to the living room and sat down on the couch. The shocked expression remained on his face.
"Well, I'm not too busy at the moment," Chris said. "So why don't you tell me everything that happened? How'd you break your legs? What happened to your face? Also, why are you holding onto all that stuff?"
"How've you been, Chris?" Jim asked, staring at the wall.
"Uhhh...well...I've been doing pretty good. I was coming by to tell you that I got into A&M. That's pretty cool, right? I thought that would be exciting news. Yep. Going to be starting school pretty soon. Uh huh."
"Cool."
"Uhh...I've also finished moving into my new apartment. Everything's looking good. Uh huh. Yeah. So...yeah...not much else really going on. Sorry that I've been busy. Just had to take care of all that stuff."
"I understand."
"Jim, is everything okay?"
Jim said nothing.
"I was going to ask how...well...the you-know-what ended...I really am sorry I didn't go. I just...I just...I..."
Jim held up his arm to motion Chris to stop.
"It's fine, Chris. It's fine."
Tears begin to form in Jim's eyes again. Sniffling, he said: "I'll tell you...I'll tell you what happened."
For the next half-hour or so, Jim explained everything that had happened in detail since Chris came back from rehab. He explained everything that Julia had said to him the night she had left, how he had tried his hardest to keep Julia from taking the girls away and failed, the court siding with Julia in the custody battle and making him look like a horrible person, and him now only being able to see the girls twice a year. Tears flowed from Jim's eyes the entire time he spoke.
When Jim was finished speaking, Chris stared at him in silence for a moment. He then said: "I'm...I'm so sorry, Jim."
Jim hugged all of the girls' belongings tightly and closed his teary eyes. After another brief silence, he said: "This was why I never left Julia. Even when I was so sure she didn't love me anymore. I didn't want this to happen."
Jim started to sob once again. Chris walked over to Jim and put his arm around him.
"I...I really am sorry Jim," Chris said. "I really wish it hadn't turned out that way."
Jim continued to sob.
"I was so sure you would get custody of them. I really was. That's why I didn't go to the trial. I didn't think you would need me. I saw no reason to be involved. I thought there was no way Julia could get custody. I thought that the courts were smarter than that."
Jim continued to sob.
"You're an amazing father, Jim. Before I saw you and your girls, I had never seen so much love from a parent to their children. You deserve to have custody of your girls. I just can't believe the judge couldn't see that."
"AND I TOLD HIM THAT!!" Jim shouted, still sobbing. "I made it clear that my girls are my world and I love them more than anything else! Everything I said to him came straight from my heart! But it just wasn't good enough for him. Nothing I say matters to him just because I'm not the mother. I'm just not good enough."
Jim cried for another few minutes. Chris stood up to go find some tissues, but couldn't find any. Jim had already used up all the tissues in the past three weeks.
Chris sighed and sat back down. Jim sniffled and wiped off his face with his arm.
"I really wished I had told you," Chris said. "The day I got out of rehab. I really wished I had told you exactly what Julia had been hiding from you all these years. But I just couldn't. I didn't want to make you upset."
"What?" Jim asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Julia had feelings for me for a very long time. Ever since her final year of high school. Yes, at first it was only a friendship. But she slowly became more and more attracted to me as time went on. She was just to nervous to admit it. I guess she just thought it would be too awkward to suddenly tell her best friend that she liked him. Julia had had hopes that she would one day have the courage to tell me exactly what she thought of me, but those hopes faded when we lost connection with each other. So after that, she eventually gave up and just started looking for someone else to be in a relationship with. It just so happened that that someone else ended up being you. And then I came back, and...she...well...had hopes that she could have her...second chance with me. Yeah, I don't understand it, either."609Please respect copyright.PENANAP7TCq1uyOi
"How do you know all of this?"
"Julia told me herself. Back when we were...secretly dating. No, she wasn't drunk when she said it. She meant every single word of it."
"So Julia never really loved me to begin with?"
"No, of course not. She just didn't start having feelings for you until after she gave up on trying to have a relationship with me."
"Why would she marry me if she still had feelings for someone else?"
"Well, imagine it this way. Let's say that you really wanted to date a woman, but were too nervous to ask her. Then when you finally get the courage to ask her out, she suddenly moves away. She moves away and you have no idea where she went. Would you just wait around, hoping she may just one day come back? No, you would probably move on! And that's what Julia did with me. She moved on! So, her feelings for you were real. It just took a while for her to develop them."
"If she truly 'moved on,' then why did she see it as a 'second chance' when you came back?"
Chris sighed.
"Like I said, that part confuses me too. I guess when I came around, her past interest in me just sprang up and overtook her. Julia probably just doesn't know how to let go of the past. She probably got this crazy idea that her past fantasy of being with me could possibly still happen and she just began to obsess over that possibility. I honestly don't know everything that goes through Julia's head. I don't think anybody really does..."
"I honestly don't even care anymore."
At this point, Jim couldn't care less about how Julia had once felt about him or Chris. He wouldn't even have really cared if it turned out Julia had never loved him to begin with. It wasn't going to change a thing at this point.
"I just want to say one more thing," Chris continued. "I never really loved Julia. I never really saw her as anything more than a good friend. I even told her at first that I didn't want to turn our relationship into anything romantic. But then we started getting closer and she started telling me about all her past feelings for me and then I got nervous...and...I...I...I just didn't want to make her sad. I didn't want to break her heart. She was still my good friend."
"I really don't care," Jim said. "I really don't care."
There was another brief silence. Jim stared at the floor, still hugging all of the girls' belongings.
"Jim," Chris suddenly said. "I'm really sorry that I screwed up your life."
"You didn't screw up anything," Jim said without picking his head up. "You never had any control over how Julia felt about you. It was all her."
"But if I had never come here to begin with, all those feelings she had had for me would've remained in the past."
Jim said nothing.
"If I had never come here, none of this would have ever happened."
"Chris, please don't look at it that way. It's not your fault. It never was. Please don't think that way."
"Jim...I really, really am sorry. I really am."
Chris stood up and walked over to the front door. After standing still for a few seconds, he opened it. Before leaving, Chris said: "I'll see you later, Jim" without turning around. That was the last time that Jim ever saw Chris.
Only twice a year...only twice a year...only twice a year...
Jim continued to sit still in his wheelchair, hugging all of the girls' belongings (the drawings were now almost completely ruined by his tears), and staring at the floor. Several hours passed and Jim remained in the same position. The only real difference was that tears were now running from his eyes again.
Until the girls' first visit with him, Jim knew this was mainly what he was going to be doing with his time. Just sitting around and feeling upset. Then after that visit was over, he would have to wait another several months for the next one. And then the process would just continue and continue. As Jim thought more and more deeply about all of this, tears began to pour from his eyes much faster.
Only twice a year...only twice a year...only twice a year of happiness...
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