Song: Come with the wind by yook Sung-Jae
Z’s PoV
“Not so fast, you dummy” Zaira replies to my question in a teasing voice whilst pulling my cheeks.
My heart sank, the warmth of passion that filled my eyes until now was suddenly gone and heat rose up my cheeks in ferocity. I knew I was expecting much but it took me everything to do this. Why am I always being rejected from everyone in life?
My facial expressions must have told her i was not happy because she stopped smiling and her brows drew together in confusion, i think she probably meant it as a joke.
I tried to calm myself down and spoke
“Why? Am I not enou-”
but she cut me off, realising that what she probably meant as a joke, I took it seriously.
“I meant, let’s go on a proper date first. I’ll tell you my answer at the end of it. Geez why do you look so serious?” she laughed in the end trying to cut the little tension in the atmosphere.
“Don’t reject me” I said it with a chuckle but I knew that I meant it with more intensity than I intended. It’d be the best for her sake because if she did it’d be nothing less than an abandonment.
“So date it is. Saturday evening at 5, you and me” I declare with a wink; bring back to normal, to which she just laughed and kissed me cheek to which I tried not to feel all squirmy.
Her yawn kept my attention to her and prevented me from going into disruptive thoughts.
A yawn escaped her lips as she stretched back in tiredness.
“I’m so done with this work, I need sleep” she complained while arranging her desk and packing up her things.
“Same, I’m gonna finish the last rack tomorrow”
I hugged her from behind and she laid her head on my chest and smiled. Oh how much that smile meant to me.
“Let’s finish the food and leave” I whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment.
Before I knew it she was already giving me a flying kiss from her car and she drove away from the barely lit basement into a bright street.
And I walked home, already feeling the emptiness of her presence beside me.
With the sweet reminiscence of Zaira, I went to bed with a smile on my face, feeling happy for the first time in my life.
Saturday was loaded with lots of stolen winks and kisses in the office , being careful not to be caught. Cause that would be awkward.
Just as the clock struck 1 pm I rushed home to prepare for the date. I had no idea what to do because I have never been on one. So from all the knowledge from movies and dramas came in handy now. I decided to take her to a picnic in Central Park, classic right? I hope.
The menu was simple. Pasta and sandwiches with cola, which is mandatory.
With the picnic basket and cloth in my hand, I walked out of my apartment into the noisy street. I got into a cab and gave the cabbie the address to the place Zaira was staying.
I was so happy to be doing this with her that it was humanly impossible for me to put it into correct words about how my life actually feels different now. She was unknowingly helping me forget my past. I had someone to talk to. Someone was making me feel loved after years of torture. I was ready to open up.
I picked up pretty sunflowers on my way to surprise her. Sunflowers reminded me of her pretty smile, the yellow tint in her skin and the warmth you feel when you are standing in the middle of a field of sunflowers with sunlight glinting in the eyes of your beloved.
A grin didn’t leave my face the whole time as I walked to the door of her apartment. She opened the door just as I rang the doorbell, like she was just on the door waiting for me. Her bright smile made my grin even more wider.
“Oh my god you are here!” She squealed and rushed to hug me. I laughed at how adorable she is. I pecked her lips as her hands still rested on my waist.
“Ready?” I asked, linking our arms.
“Pft. I was born ready” she stuck out her tongue
and I just booped her nose.
Central Park arrived in no time, greeting us with fresh air and people. We found a good spot and arranged everything.
“I love this” she said as she took a deep breath in and gave me an eye smile.
She loved the food I made and was genuinely surprised over how much of a good cook I was.
“Well, when you have to cook since you were 5, you learn” my voice lacked any emotion, so did her expressions. She just stared at my face.
“You have never told me this” she said in a small voice laced with concern.
“Yeah, I think I’m ready to talk about it. Maybe.” I lied down on the picnic cloth and gestured to her to do the same. Her head found its way to my extended arm. My mind was a mess, I didn’t know where to start; I had never told anyone about my past.
My eyes were fixated in the blue sky at no particular spot, I took a deep breath.
She was waiting for me to continue.
“My father left mother and I when I was five for another woman and it took a huge toll on my mother. She started drinking and doing drugs to forget the pain of rejection. We loved him but.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
Zaira was looking at me with sad eyes and I took her silence as cue to continue.
“A few years of abuse later, mother dearest abandoned me and put me in foster care because apparently I resembled my father too much, which was a constant reminder of how much pain he had caused her. High School was difficult and foster care wasn’t the best either. I endured every until I turned eighteen just so I could meet my mother and ask her how she could do this to me and avenge myself because I was treated wrongly.”
For some reason, there felt tears brimming in the corner of my eyes, threatening to spill.
Zaira hands tightened around me, giving me reassurance. She said nothing and listened attentively. My voice was trembling.
I paused.
“I loved her because she was my mother and she was amazing until dad but how she treated me put my hate over my love for her.”
I didn’t realise my voice slowly rose as I remembered everything and every pain. I took a deep breath before continuing. My hold around her tightened for support.
“When I was finally free and was able to track her down, I found out that she had married someone and is now dead because of alcoholism. Turns out she never stopped. She never recovered from the pain and the fear of abandonment settled in me”
I wasn’t sad that she was dead, I was more dejected on how I couldn’t do it myself. She turned my life hell. Her pain cost me more.
“I don’t know what to say” Zaira said in a barely audible voice as she moved closer to me. Her eyes were full of sadness.
I didn’t know that recalling something that had haunted me for basically all my life would be so hard.
Once I spoke everything out loud, I couldn’t get my mind to stop thinking about the past. It constantly bugged me about how I needed to avenge myself for how I had been treated all along.
Zaira’s soft breathing was oddly comforting.
The night sky fell upon us in no time and Zaira was already fast asleep in my arms, our chests heaved in sync.
I just stared at her face under the soft moonlight. Her hold around me tightened as she snuggled closer to me in her slumber.
The night sky was simply beautiful. The stars felt like silver dust sprinkled in the dark blue sky.
I let out a huge breath I didn’t know I was holding, the weight of my past which was weighing me down until now suddenly felt half.
I peeked at a sleeping Zaira and smiled to myself.
A tear silently slid down my eye with a bittersweet feeling.
ns 172.71.254.21da2