song: i almost do by taylor swift
ZAIRA POV
Z and I have been dating for almost a month now, time flew by so fast. This past month had been great with him. I thought I won't be able to get over dean but I have almost forgotten him. He still sometimes takes little detours through my heart; but whenever I looked at Z, I seemed to forget all about Dean and the pain he had put me through. His hugs were very comforting and relieved me of my stress. I could share my frustration of work with him and he would know exactly what I was talking about. We haated the same people at work so it was convenient to be bitching about people together.
I was busy completing the catalog for this month’s issue when suddenly Z’s beautiful face flashed into my mind. I loved having him around me all the time, we got to spend so much time together cause we worked at the same place. Even though we worked at different levels, we could still just see each other. He was so fun to be with. happiness was so simple with him. He was sensitive yet there was a wild side of him that came out in fractions.
The other day when he told me about his past, I was so shocked. who knew his bright smile held so much pain and trauma. i couldn’t even imagine how hard his childhood must have been for him. my heart broke for him. I could only think of how hard it must have been for him to recall all of it and tell me about it.
He smelled amazing--garlic and coffee.
Garlic noodles were his favourite. It was weird that I found this combination good.
Dean used to smell amazing too.
Shit.
Why was I thinking about that jerk? He doesn’t deserve my precious thoughts. It was him who decided that I was annoying and that he needed space. I don't need pathetic people who don’t feel my importance.
I decided to get my mind off of things. I picked up my phone to text Z.
‘Date today?’
‘damn definitely, lets cuddle’
‘can you come over to mine? i don’t want to move today.’
The casual dates were cute. I quickly finished the layout and sent it to Mr. Brown and dressed up.
I kept it casual cause it was just us at his home.
An ochre v-neck knitted sweater with dark blue ripped jeans seemed a good fit for today’s chilly weather.
I drove to his place while blasting ATEEZ and blackbear. I was surprisingly in a good mood today. Boss’ constant bugging didn’t bum me about either. no one can ruin my mood today.
Music engrossed me so much that I didn’t even realize I had arrived.
Z’s home’s street greeted me with bustling sounds. noisy as always.
On arriving at his door I saw that he had left the door open. I could smell the aroma of ramen cooking from the end of the hallway.
Just as I entered his house, I saw him on the couch with his arms wide open for me to embrace.
I walked into his warm arms and rested my head on his steady heartbeat which grew a little accelerated with passing seconds. He smiled at me and his sweater paws held me tighter.
“What do you want to do today?” I looked up from my position as my chin rested on his chest.
“Umm nothing” he mumbled.
“So, you want to stay until your ramen is burned” I joked and he came back to his senses.
“Oh shit, my precious garlic ramen” his feet quickly shuffled across the small living room and towards the kitchen as the aroma of garlic thickened.
I could hear the clutter of utensils; within a minute he came rushing out of the kitchen with a pot in his hands which he held only by his sweater paws.
“Quickly! Put something down” he came in five big strides with huffing and puffing all over the pot.
I hurriedly picked up the closest thing I could find, a newspaper.
I came back with two forks because he knew my clumsy ass couldn’t handle chopsticks.
These were immensely delicious, now I know why he loved these so much.
" I want to play something,” I whined as I got up and walked towards the kitchen to put the dishes in the sink.
“When will the toy store from downstairs come in handy?” I heard him say with a hearty laugh from the living room.
“I’ll be back in fifteen” I felt him behind me, he kissed me on the temple. I smiled to myself, I could feel the warmth spread through me. He grabbed his wallet and wore his shoes and went out.
I heard the front door close from a distance.
His comforting couch invited me to lay in it, and I walked towards the couch when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out from my tight jeans pocket and the screen automatically lit up.
The colour from my face drowned and my heart raced as I read the familiar number from which I got a text. I reread the number on my screen countless times, tried to tell myself that I was reading it wrong, or if I reread it, suddenly the number would change and I wouldn’t have to ponder upon what to do next.
My feet couldn’t seem to be moving. I was too shocked and pissed at the same time.
It was Dean’s.
I got a message from him.
‘I miss u. I don’t think I need this break anymore’
I don’t know how long I stood there just standing there; contemplating whether to answer the next or not. If yes, then what.
No, there was no way that I was replying to him and no way that i would go back to him. He found me clingy and did not talk to me for days without any notice.
Was I a pushover in his mind? Someone who will let him in every time he decides to barge in and out of my life? Absolutely not.
I didn’t realize fifteen minutes had passed already. I was pulled out of my trance when I heard the front door open. I fiddled with my phone and quickly shoved it into my back pocket.
I saw Z remove his shoes from my peripheral vision.
“Everything okay?” he questioned after taking in my pale face.
“um oh nothing, it’s just my mom”
I have no idea why I lied to him. Maybe, just maybe I wanted to talk to Dean without Z freaking out.
For the rest of the evening, I wasn’t able to focus on anything.
Not the game or pictureka, nor the romcom we watched or on Z.
My mind kept drifting back to Dean for some reason. My hands wanted to take out the phone and text Dean a big fat ‘WHY?’. I didn’t want to tell Z just yet. I didn’t know how he would react to this or probably how pissed off he’ll be when he finds out how I almost texted him.
I was just waiting for the movie to end so that I could go home and think over this without being cautious over my expressions.
Just as the movie ended, I waited for about five minutes before pretending to remember about the important layout change and email that I had to send before midnight.
“Oh shit! I completely forgot! I need to send the layout for the weekly magazine release by midnight. I need to rush home. Sorry honey. Let’s continue this some other time, okay?” I thought something else and ended up eating half of it. I suck at lying.
I quickly got up on my feet and looked for my bag.
“Okay.”
He watched me look around for my belongings.
I pecked him and threw him a short wave before exiting the door.
Just as I heard the door close behind me, my heart involuntarily made my hands text
‘Why?’ to Dean before I could even understand what I was doing myself.
ns 172.69.58.110da2