x
"In this world
love has no color-
yet how deeply my body
is stained by yours." - Ono no Komachi & Izumi Shikibu.
Trigger Warning (TW): Explicit content on murder, violence, blood, and obsession.
They both hear it: the snap of wood towards Veronica's far left. Jacob can't get to her fast enough as they drag her into the void of the trees off the pathway. He starts to panic and could feel the adrenaline rushing through his body. He pulls out his gun trailing them as if he were a ghost.
This familiarity of the situation scares him. The past haunts him and springs up old guilt at failing to protect her as a child. It makes him paranoid. In the distance, he can hear her screams and how faint they are. Hearing the tear of fabric pushes him from panic to a lethal calm.
He watched them pull her into a dark corner then tore at her hair and her clothes, hurting her delicate skin in various ways, then threw her around like a rag doll.
Jacob pulls out his phone.
"Yeah-"
"Get me a ride. I'm dropping my location now."
"Whoa, what? What's go-"
Jacob urgently hangs up the phone and moves through the woods cautious and smooth as the mist of rain touches his face. As he walks further, the rich smell of oak and pine becomes stronger. The moon pokes holes into the forest and the world becomes made of light blues, greens, and blacks.
"Pleas-"
His eyes sharpen and he points the silencer at the figure that seems to be searching through a bag. He slowly walks behind them, aiming the gun at their head until he's close enough to get a good shot. When he's ready, he uses one hand to pull the trigger where the bullet shoots out from the attacker's head. Jacob glances back at the other one making sure he wasn't heard. He moves quickly to pull out his leather belt and walks up to the second attacker with the same wary movements.
"Shut up."
He inwardly smiles, proud swelling inside him from watching Veronica bite down on the man's hand and hearing the bones break. Yet, when the man punches the side of Veronica's face, knocking her out as a result, his anger scorches his eyes and pure red embraces his impulse. As Jacob hears Veronica's clothes tearing again, he wraps his belt around the mugger's neck while pushing down on his back with his foot. The man tries to get up, but Jacob puts all his strength into the leg that was keeping him down, forcing him further into the belt. He wraps the ends of the belt around his fist tighter and a chuckle escapes his mouth uncontrollably. A side of his face twitches as his giddiness increases knowing the man is close to death.
He continues to watch him squirm and wrestle to get the belt off, clawing at it with hands that go from red to chalk. Jacob presses his foot down harder and within 45 seconds, he lays limp with his head hanging against the belt. Jacob swings the man away from Veronica then quickly kneels to her side. He turns his cell light on and carefully lifts her neck, his eyes focus and scanning over the bruises and scratches on her arms and face. The side of her cheek was already growing swollen and the skin turning a shade darker.
He exhales heavily and mutters with lowly," I'm going to kill him. "
But...if you touch her again, I will.
"I'm going to kill Seth, I swear to God, Veronica," Jacob takes off his jacket," I'll kill him. I promised."
He sits Veronica up and wraps his jacket around her cold body. As soon as the coat is placed on her, she draws her body closer to Jacob for warmth. He can't control the goose bumps that trail up and down his body. Suddenly, he hears honking outside of the woods. Jacob snakes his arms under Veronica and scoops her up with ease. He carries her bridal style out of the deep forest, squeezing her tight for security.
Jacob walks up to the path leading towards a black range rover parked on the pathway. Paul, one of Jacob's closest aids, sits in the driver's seat waiting. He has the same amber hair and height as George but is slimmer with light brown eyes. He carries a look of disinterest, and a lit cigarette hangs from his hand as Jacob carries Veronica into the vehicle.
Inside, Jacob places her next to him by the window as Paul drives away. It was warm in the car, but Veronica still shivers, and, in her sleep, she clings to Jacob by burying her face in his arm. He pulls her body closer and wraps an arm around her frame. Jacob buries his own face in her neck with eyes closed in relief. He can finally melt into her.
"It's okay, I'm here. I'm here." He says to her, but more so to soothe himself. As Veronica's scent surrounds him, his fingers press into her back deeper. Their proximity makes his head cloudy with euphoria with her heart beating against his own. In the past, Jacob didn't know which part of him would reveal itself first if he were ever to touch her again. Whether it was hurting her or kissing her, he didn't know which impulse would come out the strongest.
"It's okay. I'm here."
Jacob clings to her like they were made of the same flesh. He presses his lips gently to the bruise on the side of her face and pulls back to admire her, eyes that were once filled with panic now carrying worry and warmth. With one palm placed against her cheek, he uses his other hand to cradle the back of her head and lets his thumb graze over her skin, her cheeks, brows, and lips causing Veronica to stop shivering.
Suddenly, his eyes pierce through Paul's in the rearview mirror.
"Roll the window up, Paul."
Paul doesn't respond, but he rolls the window that separates him from seeing Jacob and Veronica while continuing to drive out of the city. When they arrive at his family's estate, Jacob carries Veronica across the yard on his back all the way to the green house.
It used to be an abandoned and gigantic shed house but after his eighth birthday, Jacob wished for it to turn into a greenhouse as his own private playroom. Before Jacob was sent to boarding school in Russia, he spent two years transforming the shed slowly, installing over 100 species of plants. Ivy and vines hanging like streamers across the skylights. He installed an inside pond and jade flooring while feeding off fruit trees, including pomegranates, and a vegetable garden he built close by.
When Jacob came back from Moscow, he began to live in the green house to gain more distance from his parents. When he left the States, he had Alice look after it while he was busy conquering.
Jacob enters and walks towards a queen size bed. He lays Veronica down then takes off his jacket and her shoes but leaves her work clothes on. He puts the apricot comforter over her body and tucks her in. In response, Veronica stirs slightly but shortly after enters a deeper sleep. Jacob places Veronica's bag and cell phone on a small wooden table beside them then turns on the lamp. He couldn't really see her before due to shitty bus lights, musky forests, and dim vehicles. Now, he's able to see her perfect skin, softly radiant against the lamp light. Her hair, that was once straight frames her face in its natural and tight mahogany coils. Jacob sits on the bed and encompasses her hand in his, intertwining their fingers while his thumb caresses the knuckles. He leans in closer to hear her breathing, making sure it's even. He sighs in satisfaction knowing she's calm and relaxed.
It was late in the night, around 12 AM, and he could hear the shore of the beach in the distance. The crickets make their presence known and the rain knocks on the greenhouse windows. For several moments, Jacob sits on the edge of the bed deciding whether he should stay or go. Yet, his body moves on its own and he lays next to Veronica's sleeping form. He turns his face towards her and lifts his hand back to her cheek.
"I don't care if you can't see me," He whispers lowly," I don't care if you don't remember me and... I don't care if you hate me, Veronica. All I care about is that you're safe, you're alive with me, and I can see you. I can stand being in the shadows, in the forests, and in the dark if I'm still able to see you. "
Jacob grabs a strand of her hair that spirals around his index finger.
"As long as I can watch you, I don't care where you want me. I'll do it so you can stay in the light, living the way you want to," He stares at her lips and licks his own," I can't leave again, though. The aches will just come in waves if I do, and I can't stand it. Being away from you makes everything worse...makes me worse."
He inhales sharply," If I can't be with you then I can't protect you and if I can't take care of you... what use am I? What's the point?"
Jacob brings Veronica's knuckles over his mouth. His face burns as he delicately brushes his lips over them. He doesn't say much for a while, simply wanting to enjoy being close to her until whatever he's thinking about shows on his face. His brows scrunch in agony then he moves closer to Veronica for comfort.
"But I'm scared." He chokes out in pain but lowers his tone to prevent from waking her.
"I have gotten worse and I'm afraid I'll ruin everything. I feel like I have control but then it disappears when it comes to you. I'm afraid I'll hurt you and it would ruin me. It would be best to stay away but...," He scoffs shortly, "Fuck it...I'm selfish. I'm selfish and would rather do the thing that everyone told me not to do. But I'll work harder to control myself."
He uses his other thumb to smooth the lines on her lips.
"I'll do everything in my power to keep you near me and alive. I want you alive. I want you next to me. I want you only for me, Veronica."
Michael's face pops into his head and his possessiveness rises from his throat into a gruff, strained voice.
" You're mine, "He grips her hand tighter with his gaze growing dark, "And I'll never let you go."
He realizes this is the moment that he has been waiting, working, and fighting towards for almost a decade. Despite she's asleep, Jacob is more than content with it. There is no one keeping him away from her. There is no one who can stop him from claiming what was always meant to be his. He rests his forehead on hers.
"I'll never leave you." He doesn't hold back the tremble in his voice. He closes his eyes and lets exhaustion take over him while never letting go of Veronica's hand. Before he fades into a deep sleep, he mutters tenderly," You're mine and I love you. I love you. I love you."
---
"She'll never want you."
The gun feels heavier than usual in my hand. I fall into the dream like this, finger on the trigger and fury making me sick. My heartbeat moves as if it wants to leave my body. My eyes trail to my arm, hand, the gun, then the head I'm aiming at, and my jaw tightens when I see what has been causing so much rage inside.
"Even after all these years, she still doesn't want you. Does she even remember you?"
Stop.
I clutch my ears to stop the words from plaguing my mind. II close my eyes to stop my mother's face from poisoning me any longer.
"I never wanted you. What makes you think anyone else would want you, Jacob?"
Stop stop stop.
I pull the trigger, but nothing goes off. No bullets, no blood but I keep pressing.
"You were such a nasty child growing up." Somehow, she has moved from my line of view to behind me. I hear her from above then I open my eyes and look down at my hands. They are small and covered in blood. I look past them to the ground and immediately tense up.
"You were such an evil child growing up," mother's 'tsk' sounds like the wind," Poor animals. No wonder you were in that forest so much."
I can feel the child in me start to sob and try to hug the dead cat. It was the one my relatives got me for Christmas when I was homeschooled before being sent to Moscow. I just wanted to see inside.
I didn't mean to. It was so soft.
I grip tighter but the blood expands everywhere.
"I had to lock you in your room because you wouldn't stop destroying everything. I had to tell you to keep the animals you murdered outside."
I'm sorry.
"You were born unlovable. The moment you came out of me your eyes held no soul, and I begged your father to make another baby."
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
"I begged and just as I thought, you grew up to be worthless. Completely worthless and disobeying us multiple times. Chasing after some негр - "
"Don't call her that!" I feel like I'm 10 again. Valeriya's statements send sharp pains throughout my chest and the wounds reopen. I rock my body back and forth.
"-who you bring more chaos into her life than anything else. I feel bad for her because you're sick in the head. You need to stay away from her. You cause trouble because of her."
"I don't-"
"And what makes you think she'll even want you?"
" That's how worthless you are," father's evil chuckle fills the air," The fact that you're not even good enough for her to want you."
"I do," my begging leads to screeching," Please, just let me have her! I'll be good, I swear-"
"You'll never change," he hisses," You don't even deserve to live. You should have died in the ocean. You should have died in the school."
"I did everything you told me to do." My voice is deeper but not quite, as if I'm in my teens again." I did everything without a fight- "
"You'll never be good enough for her. You're something from hell and she'll see right through that mask you call a face."
I close my eyes again. I want out of this.
"You'll never change. You were born to kill so it's only a matter of time you'll do the same to her. And she knows that. "
I look down again and instead of the dead cat, Veronica lays in my arms with her throat ripped open.
My hands shake as I try to cover up her throat, but the blood keeps coming. The blood spills over her hair and the ground and my tears fall like heavy rain. The hollowness eats me and all the grief in the universe shackles my body.
"She can't fix you and you'll kill her trying."
I'm thrusted into the red and release a miserable wail. Inside, bloodlust is my own poison, and I grab the gun and press it against my temple. As I pull the trigger, my wails echo even after Jacob wakes up. But he doesn't move. Not one bit. Instead, he opens his eyes slowly to be met with grey skies and a light rain sliding down the skylights. Jacob takes an inhale so deeply his chest seems to expand then he exhales only to cover his eyes with his hands. The tears come down one by one, and he tries to keep quiet because he knows Veronica is next to him. However, this seems more like a dream than the one he awoke from.
He must remember she's dead. He must remember Valeriya can't tap into his brain like that anymore. Yet, he is still angry. He still has that craving to kill, to destroy, and he still struggles with these memories trying to keep them at bay from his subconscious. However, in the end, he knows none of it matters. He will always be broken because that's what they wanted, that's what they did, and it's what they succeeded at. Suddenly, Veronica's phone vibrates, and Jacob snatches it off the table before it could wake her. He turns her ringer off and looks at her notifications on the front of her screen. She's had 13 missed calls from Lizzy, 3 from Michael, and 9 from Aya with several text messages. Suddenly, a text pops up on the screen from Michael saying:
Babe, please let us know you're okay. Lizzy is worried sick and feels awful about yesterday morning. Love you, bye.
Jacob grips the phone but restrains himself from breaking it. He stops crying and quickly his expression is wiped from any visual despair to an intense vacancy. Half of his face twitches as he wraps all the feelings he felt before into a box and plunges it somewhere out his mind, out of his body. The remorse he feels for his selfishness is gone with his self-hatred unrecognizable now.
She'll never want you.
But he can feel the red creeping inside him and growing with every heartbeat. He bites the inside of his cheek as the jealousy wraps around his brain. Jacob begins to look back on moments where Veronica would tell him to stay away and how it made his chest ache. He hated it so much because it hurt him to think she may not want him. And he hates to admit it, but he doesn't care, and he won't accept it. He hates knowing someone else has her and that they're able to do more things with Veronica than he could ever wish for.
He puts the phone back on the table.
He hates it even more knowing that person is Michael.
Jacob turns to face Veronica's back then grabs a piece of her hair to twirl it around his fingers. The impulse to grab a fistful of her hair comes but he reminds himself the importance of waiting.
Fury is best served when you are patient and strategic.
He'll find a way to give her the world, the planets, the universe, and everything in between. He will still hover over her, making sure to give her all the freedom in the world without any obstacles. Surprisingly, Jacob would be fine doing this without seeing her at all. Regardless, at some point, Veronica will only need him. She would never leave him. She would never turn her back or belong to anyone else. A bizarre smile plasters his face as the thought of Veronica depending on him excites him.
He edges closer to her body and positions his legs into the crook of hers. His hand hovers over her arm, just barely touching as he moves it down her body. Jacob decides he would spoil her to the point she would be too sweet and soft for the outside world. He would be her only connection to it and the idea alone makes his dick twitch.
He feels his pants vibrate and pulls out his own phone to see multiple messages and missed phone calls from Alice.
I'm at your place, where are you?
I'm in the greenhouse. Be inside in five.
Jacob checks his home screen and sees it's 5 in the morning. He leaves the bed quietly trying not to wake Veronica up. He puts his shoes on, grabs the leather jacket, and goes over to his pomegranate tree. When he was 15, Jacob planted the tree after witnessing Veronica bite into one at a park. He remembers how the juice slipped from her lips, staining it maroon. He always admired how her displays of joy and pleasure were so vivid. He wanted to consume them and taste the sweetness of them. Even then, he wanted to seize all the good parts of her.
He put his leather jacket on a single branch then slips out a brown, crisp paper from the pocket along with a pen.
Hello. Text this number once you wake up: 000-000-0000.
He strides over to the table beside Veronica, places the piece of paper next to her phone, and places a kiss between her eyes. He pulls away slowly and looks down at her lips before leaving the green house.
ns 172.70.42.89da2
