I meet Veronica with a gaze that doesn't move.
[I don't know you by The Marias plays]
In a dark room with the only bright thing a TV on mute, he watches Veronica who watches him back in a daze. There's music murmuring in the background, and they're on the couch in their signature position: Him sitting upright while her head rests on his thigh. Veronica softly pours herself into him with her gaze, and he silently consumes with starved eyes.
Unfortunately, she doesn't know that it's him.
It's Jacob, in a black ski-mask that only reveals his amber orbs and a sharp nose. Of course, he knows that it's Veronica in a tight, red plaid dress fitting her earthy and smooth skin. His stare crawls over her face, so lucid and flawless before moving to the space where her heart should be. The top of her breast are like clay and a mole sits above one. It hurts him to switch his attention back to the TV.
But not as much as seeing her with Michael. The heart-ache was constant and sharp upon seeing Michael wrapped around her, caging her in. He remembered drowning his rage in alcohol because of how Michael's fingers carelessly touched her lips.
Yet, his heart bled seeing Veronica sobbing, dancing alone in the middle of the floor after some ordeal with Michael. It was only painful because he knew he couldn't comfort her with Lizzy and Michael not too far away.
For two days, Jacob anticipated her, collecting every emotion he could command in his body into a prayer to see her tonight. He couldn't eat, never dared to because all he could taste was her skin. When he blinked, her face was there. Asleep and awake, Veronica still stained his thoughts. He'd gone blind to the outside world due to her beauty overshadowing. Above all, he was frantically anxious about how this night would go. He wasn't at ease til' he executed the mysterious men who came uninvited, but seemed to be there for Veronica. The music was at a screeching volume when he shot them on the dance floor before Paul and George cleaned up behind him.
Surprisingly but easily, he lured the woman he adored, the one his kind wouldn't stop conjuring for days, years to a private room at the club. Victory was an understatement for how he felt in this moment.
He quickly glances down at Veronica and then back to the TV. He assumes this is the most drunk she's ever been in her life- judging by the fact she's still on his lap staring at the wall absentmindedly.
Though nothing he planned was done, he still accomplished his goal. Veronica, wasted yet adorably and oblivious to her surroundings, including him, was the only thing he desired infinitely. He wouldn't dare take the mask off, though. Jacob knew, even drunk, she would recognize him and that thought alone was paralyzing.
Suddenly, Veronica sits up and focuses on Jacob. Her face that was usually a canvas for her emotions was completely numb, yet a small smile played on it. Jacob looks into her and knows she's gone. When she draws closer to him, noses almost touching, he strangles back the urge to close the gap between them.
"Why...you...wearing a mask?"
He doesn't mind the liquor on her breath and the sloppiness of her words as he wasn't sober himself. To calm his nerves, he swiped white inside his mouth, his nose, and smoked a pack of cigarettes to level it all quickly ten minutes before she awoke. Jacob remembers the feeling of his head exploding before the unbearable dullness rushed in to weigh him down.
However, around Veronica, not only does she make his head explode, she puts him into the bonfire without effort. With her smelling intensely of vodka, cherries, and chocolate, the constant heat flashes never cease throughout his body.
Veronica lowers her head so that she's looking up at him. He looks down back at her, dark gold peeking through heavy lids.
"...sick."
"...COVID sick?"
Jacob watches her pout and he answers with clenched hands, "No... slight cold."
She slowly nods and squints. They don't talk for a while until she brings herself up again and turns to the TV. Heathers plays and Veronica makes a messy grin before turning to Jacob. Nonchalantly, she places her petite and burning hand on his thigh.
"I love this movie." Fingers scorch into his slacks.
Tortured and low, he replies, "mm...".
She couldn't be doing this on purpose but he wants her too. He knows he's just a stranger yet can't get his heart to agree as he grips the edge of the couch, hands turning ghostly with veins resembling bulky rivers.
He must reek of pathetic, horny desperation because the longer her hand lingers, the faster the flames inside him lick till he's red. Aroused and trembling, Jacob continues to watch her and let her touch purify him.
I can't take it anymore. If she continues like this...I'm not going to make it.
When she lifts her hand off his leg, he finally let's go of his breath and exhales with relief but sadness. A familiar hollow settles in making him wish for her warmth back.
Jacob, struggling, grunts softly, "Here."
He grabs something from the inside of his jacket and hands her a water bottle. When Veronica's fingers sweep over his they send shrills to his heart that makes him retract his hand. He's grateful she can't see his flushed face and continues staring intently at her be unbothered while drinking from the bottle in a rush. Finished, Veronica lays back on the other side of the couch and nestles herself in it's far corner before planting her feet on Jacob's lap.
"...Are you comfortable?" He struggles to let the words out. She has to be doing this on purpose....Jacob smirks perversely to himself and his hands itch to grab at her ankles.
So fragile...what if I just... The thought doesn't even need to finish before he's smiling loosely under the mask.
She brings him out of his head by nodding with a dopey smile. Next, she whispers back, "Mmhm...Nice couch...Nice voice..."
"Reminds me of someone..." He witnesses her eyes clouding at the last word. Jacob, eyes going wide and jaw tightening, could already feel her growing despair.
"...Is that good?"
He sees multiple expressions on her face, many different but not as clear as the sorrow that finally settles with anguish. Off to the side, she holds something again in her gaze that makes her bottom lip tremble. If he could...he wouldn't hesitate to know what's in her mind right now.
"I don't know."
Veronica covers her distorted face with shaky hands causing him to turn away. As they protect their eyes from each other, his hands travel to clutch her ankles. He shuts his eyes like his palms, tears held back and he lowers his head listening to Veronica's sobs.
[Vacating by Indie Anthony plays]
Veronica doesn't want to see you.
Maybe it's better if I leave...Never see her again-
It ticks in his head almost louder than her cries.
NO.
That idea, rather than bringing relief to a solution, it makes him furious. It brings no relief yet sureness that Jacob would rather die than resort to that option. He hates it more than Michael. He doesn't even understand why he keeps having that thought because he'll never let go of Veronica. How could he when it was obvious with her being here, she belonged here.
Belongs with me...Jacob's jaw flexes and he rubs his thumbs against Veronica's skin. Yes...death would be the only ending and if he couldn't have her...
Distress flashes in his eyes as he fights between what he wants to do, everything from the very beginning-all their beginnings and the choice that ensures her protection.
Without warning, he picks his head up and quickly stretches her legs over his lap, dragging her closer till he's able to reach out to Veronica's face. He gently brushes her hair out of the way before plucking her fingers from her cheeks. The light from the TV strikes his eyes and illuminates the greed they embody.
"Don't cry...please." He removes her tears with a strained smile and caresses her bloated face tenderly. So soft, he thinks before murmuring, "You cry too much. Give your eyes rest."
I'll take away all your pain. Give it all to me.
"...Or cry. I'll wipe them for you anyway. "
Give it all to me. Give yourself to me...I'll take care of you.
"I'm a bad friend..." Veronica mumbles.
"...Don't say that."
"But I a-am...can't even tell... them I think of him."
She rest her head on Jacob's shoulder to catch her breath while he holds her steady by the arms. He soothes her, rubbing them up and down before asking, "Think of who?"
"Jacob!"
As if burned, he lets go of her and tries to look at her face. I didn't hear her right, no way Jacob thinks but his heart is hammering so fast because of what he can see of Veronica's sincere and teary expression.
"Ver-"
"They don't understand...he never fucking left."
Fuck.
For the first time, Jacob doesn't know what to do. How did she know? How did she know and-
Yet, Veronica can't help but let her feelings spill over. In her inebriated state, fully unrestrained and emotional, she lets the words vomit out of her, words she could never have the courage nor the sanity to say to her therapist.
"But he did...he's gone." She digs her palms into her eyes. " In my mind...he stays as if I could bring him back with my thoughts...manifest him."
"Whatever inferno he planted in my head... inside my chest...I entertain it. I feed into it. I sleep with it. I take it to work. I can't eat without thinking about him. The thought of him empties me... and I let him...I want him to. "
She mutters the last bit to herself, and the TV cuts off, leaving them to blend into the darkness of the room. It's quiet except for her heavy and trembling breathing. It reminds her of her bedroom, of her dreams where only her subconscious can confess to her draining desires in the dark.
"Lizzy...Michael...they try to protect me but I don't want them to. I don't want them to protect me from him. I want him to come back so he can fix what I didn't know was broken. Only he can take care of it. "
Everything, even the silence, drops on their shoulders and, despite both being intoxicated from their own guilty pleasures, they feel the intensity of each other. Veronica feels the sharp shift in energy from the man in front of her, heightening her sensitivity to his fervor unconsciously. And Jacob, who at one point tried to blind himself from Veronica's sadness, now absorbs her with hope.
"When I was attacked...I saw him. His hands reaching towards me, like a ghost behind the fucker before I crashed and...Fuck," She drawls, talking to herself," I woke up the next morning in the best place I've ever seen. I used to think of my mom when I was in trouble but since meeting Jacob...he's like..."
"What?"
She laughs lightly but it sounds like shame.
" He's comforting. I used to be comforted by my dreams of mom but I find myself searching for him instead. I wait for him and he appears... then I'm sick to my stomach when I wake up. I think it's because I secretly wish him back without knowing."
As she rants softly, Veronica begins to imagine Jacob in front of her. She slowly closes her eyes and allows her mind to pretend it's him who she's leaning on. Somehow, that signature scent Jacob always wore smolders her while smelling like the leather jacket she recently owns. She leans into the burning cedar, sea salt, and copper and clings to it.
"You...someone who makes me so scared it ills me... so cold and frigid...so consuming like an ocean but I miss it..."
Veronica didn't bother to hold back her tears again and proceeded to fling herself into the couch, her back against the sofa.
"I can't feel anything anymore...nothing from anyone ...all other feelings I could muster...you took them when you left with no explanation..."
Loud and crying like an abandoned child, she exclaims, "I want you back...I miss you ...I miss you, Jacob."
Veronica nearly sobs herself to sleep and tries to not slip back into the darkness of her mind. she knew if she did, the dream would be over and she desperately didn't want it to end.
"...Do you really mean that?" It's his voice in front of her, a distant murmur and low as the seabed.
She sniffs and responds softly," Yes...Where he used to make me feel so intensely all over...that I got used to it...addicted, but now I live with this intense...vacancy." Crisp fingers trail her arms making shivers and waves inside her stomach.
"I never understood him...but I felt him too much to where I think he wants to...take care of me...explain to me why everything happened...why he kill..."
She yawns and slightly opens her eyes at the touch of something, someone shaking her.
"What about Michael?" It's so soft yet so close she could feel the words graze her face.
"Fuck Michael!" She screams and rolls her head away from the voice , laughing. "Fuck him-"
She burps and hears an airy chuckle.
"He...doesn't need me to make Lizzy jealous anymore."
It's quiet for a while before she continues in a pained tone, " He didn't love me anyways..."
He was never mine. Never. Veronica begins to curl inside herself, the thought of Lizzy and Michael making her feel small and insecure again.
[ I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski plays]
Veronica's face is caught between hands that feel like snakeskin, and fingers grip her chin to force her head upwards...at something that, though she can't see, profoundly sets off her fight or flight instincts . There it is....she thinks, shaking as fingers wrap themselves around her ears, there's that chaotic . There's -
Jacob, seeing her clearly in the dark, whispers to her in a dead tone, "Can I kill him?"
"...What?"
"Do I have your permission, to kill Michael?" His words don't match his hands that lovingly fondle her face.
Jacob doesn't care anymore. Just like she erased his pain and tragedy, she erases his fear of her rejecting him by her words. The reassurance she gives is better than godly and he convinces himself that she finally sees him. He pushes further without hesitation.
"You said he doesn't need you...that he's used you till he's made his goal. So...can I kill that worthless, disgusting, arrogant piece of shit that had no intention of ever loving you? Can I finally kill him?"
It doesn't make sense to Veronica, this dream. Usually, they were vivid yet vague. In them, Jacob's presence was complex yet distant like the moon, only a soft glow on her mind which did the work to psychologically torment her. But this...
"Please, Veronica. Let me put him out of your life for good," The bitterness from his words drown her and his hands have moved to her neck," Let me repay you for keeping space for me in your heart all these years. Please."
Yes, this dream was too different. Despite Veronica was still dealing with the effects of alcohol, the seriousness of Jacob's words made her surroundings almost seem real. This was too real like the nightmare she'd had years ago on the night he killed his parents.
"He doesn't love you..." there's a pep to his words and Jacob snakes his fingers through her hair as desperation and passion force his mouth open.
"You said it yourself! He never loved you, never will and I've had to sit here and watch him use you, touch you, kiss you...fuck you," He chokes out, tears ready to fall at the memory of falling upon that horrid scene George's camera caught in her room," I've had to wait years and watch him claim and taste every piece of you without even loving you."
A tear falls and he grabs her face to pull her in.
"But what do I get for loving you, Veronica?"" He whispers near her mouth before setting himself between her legs, hips joined to her trying to ease the ache eating him inside. Veronica soft gasps make him rip his mask off, and rope his arms around her frame, one keeping her neck in place and the other gripping her waist.
Veronica can't make out the rest of his face, but she swears she can see his amber eyes in the dark- acute, open, and preying on her. Welcoming the frostiness that he cloaks her with, she feels his hands snake down to her jaw then her throat again,breath sweeping over her lips.
"I love you so much, and that's all that matters. You're mine, not Michael's. Always been and now that you're done with him, you can look at me now."
"Wait..." Veronica slurs out the words and lifts her hands to Jacob's face to push him away but comes into contact with his scar. It distracts her, fascinates her that she outlines the shape of a crescent over his skin and he pulls her in tighter, wrapping his legs around her.
"We won't do anything tonight, but just know..." He kisses her wrist then down her arm. " I'm not waiting anymore. Only look at me. I've waited too long. You too...I'm sorry for leaving you this way. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. But you're right, Veronica. I never left. I can't because you belong to me."
Veronica winces at Jacob's hands gripping her wrists but strangely all the fear in her body has left only to be replaced with concerning astonishment. To her, he's a stranger, a ghost, a dream within a dream. To her, she's dreaming of Jacob's hands washing over her, purifying her from Michael and Lizzy. He always confessed to her in sleep, but somehow this one makes her heart heavy and almost fall out her chest. He holds her so tight that she feels safe enough to surrender just as she does in all her dreams of him, regardless of how real it feels.
She allows him to cage her in and feels him curling himself into her as he continues, "We're chained together, you and I. That's why you miss me. Just as much as you belong to me, I belong to you."
"You won't leave anymore?"
"No. I will never leave you, so you don't have to cry anymore. You don't have to live with those idiots anymore. Give nothing to everyone."
"All the things that you gave so freely to Michael, someone who will never amount to the love I have for you, give them to me."
Jacob's voice is breathy and he slides his fingers down to Veronica's chest. He imagines red spilling from his touch and coating her skin. He smiles at the sound of her breath slowing down, knowing she's close to falling asleep.
"Hmm? And what do I, someone who lays down their heart for you, sold their soul to you, and will die by you willingly get?"
He's close enough to where one move from her and their lips would meet.
"Do I get to touch you, Veronica? Do I get to hold you? Will you let me?"
In a hush but needy whisper, he asks her," Will you let me fuck you,Veronica? I need you so badly it hurts. "
As if it aroused her from her sleep, she groggily replies, "Is that... what you want, Jacob?"
He laughs and is glad she can't see his face. He wouldn't be able to mask his canine grin and starving eyes from her.
"I want to kill Michael for tasting what's mine."
I'll kill him. I'll kill him so you only look at me.
He cups her face in his palms as his murderous intent grows.
"I want to kill anyone that keeps you from me. I want to shoot them all dead to keep them away...far away from you and me."
You will only look at me.
" And then...I want you to let me devour you, Veronica. For all of who you are, I want it. What you left me...was a huge space that was shaped like you...only filled by you. "
My deer. My bunny. My dear. Mine.
Mine.
"I can't take it anymore. I can't wait any longer to swallow you whole. I want to engulf your love so much that I choke and die from it." He releases a sinister and excited laugh then wraps her hair around his fingers.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
"I want it to kill me and then you live inside me. I want to live you, Veronica."
MineMineMineMineMineMineMineMine-
"All of who you are, belongs to me. You're mine. I want you to be finally mine and love me...So, fill me...love me. Love me. Love me."
The corner of his mouth slightly brushes hers, but he doesn't steal the kiss. He laughs bitterly at the ounce of morality he has left, the one that keeps the red inside him tamed. Jacob settles with burying his face in Veronica's shoulders as she sleeps until a striking light washes over the room. He doesn't lift head from Veronica's neck and speaks up without being greeted first.
"Alice, not now. I need to..." The slow strides approach him and stop at the foot of the couch. Jacob stops talking because these strides...he knows they don't belong to Alice.
Slowly, he looks up and, in one punch, Michael pull his hand back and connects his fist to Jacob's nose with enough strength to bring him off Veronica. Jacob can handle physical pain, but the pain that tops the night is watching Michael pull Veronica off the couch towards the door.
"No!"
In a panic, Jacob pulls himself to his feet clamping his nose to keep it from bleeding any further. He power walks to the pair where Michael only kicks him to the ground and throws Veronica over his shoulder. He stares down at the bleeding man with intense disdain.
"No!"
She'll never want you.
That's how worthless you are. The fact you're not even good enough for her to want you.
"You should be behind bars. You shouldn't even be alive, you sick fuck! If you try to come around Veronica again, I'll kill you. "
Michael was tired of this. He was tired of playing this game with this freak...this psychopath who acted like he had rights to Veronica. The audacity Jacob had, Michael abhorred hit and stared at him wishing he would die on the spot.
The swelling of Jacob's nose spreads to his eyes, shocking, red-rimmed, and vicious.
"You can't take her! You can't-"
One last time, Michael gives a strong kick to Jacob's head who hits the floor. "Leave her the fuck alone! She doesn't want you! She hates you! You're a psychopathic murderer!"
He turns his back and walks out the door as Jacob's chilling cries and screams play in the background. He doesn't turn around to be a witness to the destruction Jacob creates in the room. Michael continues to walk down the hallway to the main floor, clutching Veronica tight until he could find Lizzy in the sea of people on the dance floor.
ns 172.70.135.159da2
