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Henri-Léopold Lévy, The Young Woman and Death, 1900.
"And it was Death itself who stood behind me, with his arms wrapped around me as tight as iron bands, and his lipless mouth kissing my neck as if in love. But as well as the horror, I felt a strange longing."
-Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace
---80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc40Rwej5VF
"Please m-move." Amber penetrates through her.
"You hurt him..." She whispers softly," And you killed Anthony."
Remembering Anthony's face makes her tremble more as they stare at one another. Jacob tilts his head with his signature deadpan face. Veronica can't tell if he's faking or genuinely seems to not remember what he did. It makes her afraid to find out if he's done something like this in the past.
Jacob leans into Veronica closer with his knee positioned in between her legs comfortably. She can count the freckles skipping around his cheeks.
"No."
"I saw his head get bashed in...w-we all did."
Jacob hums quietly and watches him smirk. Is he joking?
"He's not dead but he should be. "
"That's not possible," her gaze flickers from his face to the bathroom door," There was b-blood everywhere. His face was fucking s-smashed- "
Her head snaps back by the force of his rough fingers encompassing her chin before titling her head up towards him. Veronica can't look away from his pink lips.
"Are you scared of me?" Jacob asks after a low chuckle.
Abruptly, as with all their encounters, a faculty member Veronica recognizes as the lunch lady comes in interrupting them.
"What the hell? You're not supposed to be in here!" She yells directly at Jacob, becoming suspicious as to why him and Veronica were so close to each other. Veronica slips through his hold walks towards the door. She feels Jacob's brush his hand against her wrist.
"Sorry about that," She mutters before leaving the bathroom while Jacob compresses the sink.
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"Seen you from afar.
Wondered who you are."
She followed him from a distance, skipping while she played with the object in her hands. The nerves that wracked her body felt familiar and much more intense, as if her body couldn't handle it. However, these nerves made her giddy with excitement. She was confident about something, and it had something to do with her target ahead.
The back of his head was the only thing she could see. The wind playing with his chestnut hair as he walked without fear. He always walked with a sureness, a strong but silent confidence unlike the other kids his age. He moved with absolute direction, never distracted. He didn't even stop when an old lady needed help crossing the street! He just kept going.
Veronica, as if the memory was being played like a movie, felt she had seen this before but not at the same time. This scene, this setting was playing out as if she were experiencing it the first time. Involuntarily, her eyes glanced at the shiny, round thing in her hand that gleamed pink. She could feel her heart beating faster in her small chest in anticipation.
"Wondered what you're like.
Think you're just my type."
She was close enough to smell the scent he left behind in the breeze: an aroma that reminded her of the trees and soil of the forest that resided in their neighborhood. Emotions of giddiness and adoration came over her, making Veronica confused. However, as she sniffed, she smelt something copper like. Veronica, deep in the back of her mind, felt woozy. She didn't know what from.
Thrill consumed her body and Veronica heard herself murmur, "Ex-excuse me- "
Abruptly, her back was turned and pressed against a chest. No longer did the adoration sit but terror quickly came. She could feel her lungs failing as she gasped for air with his arm wrapped around her neck.
"Who sent you?" His chest rumbled quietly against her back as her legs thrashed," What's that-"
Veronica wakes up with a gasp and clutches her throat. She wants to scream but doesn't want to alarm her mom downstairs.
The hell was that?
Everything about the dream was so familiar but she remained dumbfounded. The hands, the hair, and the smell all felt too familiar. Even the voice but she still can't understand why. She closes her eyes but the image of the boy's gaze stares fiercely back at her. They had that touch of indifference she was so used to seeing on someone else.
"And now I'm dreaming,
dreaming,
dreaming,
dreaming,
dreaming of you."
What the fuck?
Veronica lays on her bed, trying to catch her breath as the music plays from her TV. The breeze from her window helps to cool her thoughts. Her plump lips are bruised from all the anxious chewing before her nap, and her hair is drenched with sweat due to her 'nightmare'.
When she left the bathroom at school, she ran home. Now, checking her phone, she see five miss calls from Lizzy before sending her a text to let her know she was at home and fine. Despite she wasn't, Lizzy would know Veronica wouldn't want to talk. She would probably bring it up later but in this moment,, she just wants to keep anything associated with Jacob away from her. Unfortunately, as always, his voice rings.
Are you scared...of me?
Of course! Is he fucking for real?
Veronica digs her nails deeper into her blanket. He always seems like two different people and she didn't know which part of him she would interact with first. Even worse, she couldn't shake off his touch. Veronica wanted the same hands that ruined things to caress her face. No matter how much she wanted to forget, his fingers still left her body vibrating with euphoria and panic. The way he brushes his fingers over her chin, his eyes almost like gold when they look at her, and his aroma alone makes her feel safe. But his voice...
"AH!" Veronica throws her pillow across the room and jumps off her bed. She doesn't think this is right. She doesn't want to feel this way because she know no good would come of it. The evening breeze from the window enters her room before closing she enters her bathroom and closes the door. Veronica prepares for a cold shower in hopes it would help to distract her from the dream and Jacob altogether.
In the shower, Veronica lets the water wash over her. From her hair follicles to the crevices of her toes, she makes sure to scrub herself with the loofah vigorously. She recites a ritual inside her, chanting to the universe to banish Jacob from her thoughts and her skin. Yet, every time she says "God", Jacob's reclusive yet refined face consistently flashes before her eyes.
Veronica wraps her dark coils in a white t-shirt before wrapping her favorite towel around her body. She spots herself in the mirror for a few seconds before entering the bedroom while checking her phone. One missed call from Michael and two from Lizzy. If they were that worried about her, they would have called more than twice. She appreciated they didn't. As she walks to her drawer, a strong scent follows her. Patchouli attacks her nose and she looks up to find her window closed.
Weird.
Veronica thinks nothing of it, but when she turns towards her bed she yelps.
"Oh my god!"
She backs into her drawer, petrified when she sees Jacob. He idly twirls her bracelet with the pink shard between his wispy fingers, it's shine complimenting his ivory skin. His hair was more disheveled than usual, and his eyes stayed focused on her bracelet before slowly moving to her face.
"What are you doing in here? W-why are you here?"
Veronica was beginning to think she was cursed, or she did something in a past life. Whatever she did had to justify why he kept coming back to her like this. Was this a dream?
"Why do you keep this?" He lifts the bracelet up towards her and she doesn't reply.
"I... wanted to g-give it back."
He's silent for several moments, examining her as if waiting for her to say something more. Then, he licks his lips and asks in a voice that sounds tortured," Do you remember?"
Jacob leaves her dumbfounded and they look at each other, waiting for the other to make the next move . He gets up and takes a step towards her until footsteps from outside the room can be heard. They were coming towards them fast.
"Veronica, is everything okay in there? I heard a scream," Her mother's voice pipes from the other side of her door and panic fills her. When she turns back to where Jacob was sitting, he's nowhere to be found.
"What the fu- "
"Veronica, didn't you hear me calling you?" Her mother's voice enters her bedroom while she stares at her empty bed. His smell lingers.
"Um...," She gulps and meets her mother's worried expression," Yeah, sorry. I'm good."
"I heard you scream, what's going on?" Suspicious eyes follow her. "Why you still in your towel? Put some clothes on."
"I'm fine mom." Veronica mutters while trying to hide the fact she was trying to find something. She grabs her clothes and guest into the bathroom to change. However, when she enters the bathroom, Jacob's sitting on the edge of her bathtub inspecting the inside. Before he turns around, she slams the door.
"Why you slam that door?"
"I...," Veronica can barely get the lie out," I didn't want to change in there, it's t-too wet." Making sure the door is completely closed, she changes into her pajamas while her mom speaks.
"Look," Her mother's change of voice catches her attention," I know things seem hard at school right now, especially since you just started High School. I understand you're a bit stressed out. But you're just going to have to hold it in for a little while. We can't afford to have you switch schools again. Besides, Liz and Michael mi- "
Veronica puts on her shirt then releases a groan. "What do you mean switch schools again? You keep saying that but I don't-"
"You don't remember? When you were a kid like about...five or six- I don't know what happened, but you wouldn't come out of your room for weeks!"
"This is when your stuttering problem started too, but one day you were so excited about something, a present you were going to give to a classmate for valentine's day. When you came home-"
A generic ringtone silences her mom who looks at her phone then at Veronica apologetically, "I gotta' take this, but Veronica... just promise me you'll hold out a little longer. Okay?"
Before she could reply, her mom leaves the room where the room. Veronica doesn't move from where she is. She's rigid with from confusion yet an anger build inside her. Why can't she remember? Why can't she remember any of that-
Involuntarily, her eyes glanced at the shiny, round thing in her hand that gleamed pink.
She quickly covers her mouth with a trembling hand and tries replays her mother's words. The phrase "Valentine's Day" makes her breath quicken. There was no possible way the dream had anything to do with that but it aligned with what her mom said perfectly. How could a dream bring back memory like that so vividly?
Why now?
Abruptly, her back was turned and presses against his chest, feeling his heart beat against her back as he wraps his arm around her neck gently. His chest rumbles against her back and she feels a strand of her hair moved.
"It's still wet. I'll help you."
Veronica swoons not really registering his words. She's too comfortable in his hold. No matter how cold he looks or sounds, his body was like the sun making her heart burn.
"J-Jacob," His arm tightens around her," You have to l-leave- "
He grabs her shoulders, spins her around, and pushes her to sit on the edge of her bed. She looks up at him startled to see a comb in his hand.
"What are you doing?"
"Helping you."
She scoffs softly, honestly finding it funny until she sees his smile.
Focus.
"You see this?" She uncovers her head to reveal tight mahogany ringlets. "A comb won't do shit, but Jacob- "
"No stuttering?" He questions with that striking smile of his, teeth white and canine it makes her stomach do somersaults.
She only stuttered when she was nervous, shy, or frightened. Yet, around people who she was comfortable with it would be slightly nonexistent. What did this mean about Jacob? As Veronica stands there, thinking it over, she doesn't notice Jacob disappear and come back with one of her detangling brushes. In his other hand, he carries her spray bottle that contains a combination of conditioner and water. When Jacob reaches for a strand of her hair again Veronica backs away from habit.
"W-what are you d-doing?"
"I want to help you."
"I don't know i-if you should be here. I thi-"
Suddenly, he pushes her slightly down on the edge of the bed.
"Then ask me to leave," Jacob spins her head around softly to have her back face him," Call the police."
Veronica can't speak and she's glad he's not facing towards her. He's challenging her but it feels like he already knows what she'll do. She was well aware of the fact that a tall, strong, and insane person was in her bedroom. There were many reasons why she shouldn't allow him in here. But she imagines if she screamed, her mom would question why he was in her room the whole time and didn't say anything. If she calls the police, would he leave before they get here? What would he do before they do?
Unusually, none of these reason mattered to her. The answer was in his hands, where Jacob was rough with her hair for ten minutes but became so gentle could barely feel anything. There was no way she could convince herself she was safe, but she didn't want him to leave.
"Do y-you know how to twist?" She mutters, not expecting anything from him, and he stops for a moment She feels him in her hair and shows her a neat twist that surprises her. How does he know how to do that? She doesn't ask him, though, and gives him an approving nod letting him continue.
The atmosphere feels foreign but intimate to her. It's silent besides Jacob's brushing and she's too afraid to ask him anything. She wants to ask him why is he doing this, but more so she wonders why she's letting him. She wants to ask what the bracelet means but there's a possibility it could ruin the moment they have. All parts of him keep her engrossed, but his gentleness is what makes her serene and lulling her to sleep. After 45 minutes, Veronica's drowsiness takes over and she snores with her chin to her chest. Jacob, without hesitation, gently pulls her head into his lap and continues doing her hair with intense concentration.
That night, she dreams about him but it's different than usual. She dreams she's in a dark bedroom with three other people. They can't see her and only two are talking. She sees red all over the walls, the floor, and the bed.
Shut the fuck up.
Veronica tears her eyes from the limp body in the bed and looks up to find Jacob standing over a woman laying next to it. She walks closer to the scene.
Shut the fuck up! You don't know her-
It's that tar girl you're constantly stalking. Constantly following and going over to her house just watching her. Did you think we didn't notice?
You're so enamored with her to where it's sickening. Do you think she would choose to like someone who kills for a living?
Veronica can't understand what's going on. What does that woman mean by for a living? By killing? She watches Jacob for any clues but her heart feels like shattering when she sees his face. His brows furrow with the most agonizing expression.
You're an intelligent boy yet you're pathetically stupid.
It's because of you. The pain in his voice consumers her and she watches him wipe the tears away from his face. It's because of you I'm this way!
Suddenly, a hand touches her shoulder causing her to turn towards it's owner. Veronica looks up and comes face to face with a man much older than her. He looks like grown version of Jacob, but that tiny light in his eyes that meant everything is gone and it's vacancy scares her. He turns her body back around to watch the scene before then and leans down in her ear.
Don't look away.
You'd rather I be filled with toxins, poisoned from my head to my fucking toes so you can make yourself look better to the organization. You don't care about the emptiness and filth you put inside me.
She doesn't notice the gun until he presses it further into the woman's head. Her heart pounds uncontrollably.
These fucking dramatics, please Ja-
Don't look away, Veronica.
Mom. The crack in his voice brings her to her knees and she wants to close her eyes but can't.
They put stuff in me that kept me so starved. I didn't want to breathe anymore.
I tried to kill myself and you didn't care, not one bit. You wanted me to keep going even though my mind was somewhere in the ocean.
Make it go away.
Her stomach drops when she sees Jacob position the gun between the woman's eyes. The same fear she holds in her gaze is identical to Veronica's.
Please I can't.
You need to look and make it go away.
Please, no. Veronica tries to turn away but strong hands keep her head in place and force her to watch the two. Jacob's cold face melts to reveal hatred. She wishes she didn't see that deadly glint in his eyes. She wrestles in the arms that hold her captive.
Please, I can't look!
Then you want to punish me because the only thing I have left is her?
The bullet goes right through the woman's head, adding blood to Jacob's face as he looks up. He looks at Veronica with tears until amber eyes turn black. She screams as a deep voice lingers in her mind.
You're all I have left. You're all I have.80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxNjfkFXCN
___
"Jacob, they said you went over to that girl's house again. We will state this for the last time, stay away from her."
"It's for your own good."
He imagines the deafening voice of the shore, a still silence as the fog washes over the night sky to distract him from the ticking in his head.
"From now on, you are forbidden from going there. You need to focus on your duties, responsibilities, and future. We will not have these...adolescent feelings get in the way of our growing empire."
A bitter shriek erupts from the base of his chest, poisoning his thoughts. He keeps his mouth closed and glances past his parents who do the same. Their faces hurt his eyes.
"It's for your own good."
"Because you have disrespected our wishes twice, you will be punished. Be ready at three AM."
The waves in his head grow louder and screams from the inside of his mind.
Make it go away.
ns 172.70.135.160da2
