Mason POV
So now that Isabella has hit her five-month mark, we had to go check. the doctor said that Izzy didn't need the tube anymore, but I was so nervous because I wasn't sure if this was going to work or not. I was so lost in my thought that I didn't hear Delilah. She tapped my shoulder and sounding worried she asked me "Baby are you okay"
"Huh...oh um I'm fine"
"No you're not. Don't lie to me"
"Okay...look I'm just scared that it won't work"
"I'm scared to but...we have to have hope." she put her hand on my back.
"She is brave our little girl will get through this"
"You're right"
"Aren't I always" she can be so cocky sometimes. I have to admit I love that side of her. Sometimes. Before she rolled off the bed to go fix Izzy a bottle she gave me one last kiss. While she was doing that I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and decided to take a picture of us. My phone made a sound in which I received a message. Shit I forgot to turn off my sound and it startled Izzy awake. She woke up crying and I picked her up and baby talked to her
"Aww ja ja, daddy's sorry for scaring you. I know Mami is going to kill me for that" as she cried hysterically I took off the breathing mask and turned off the monitor.
Seconds later Delilah came back into the room and said "Aww why is my baby crying? What did daddy do?" baby talking to Izzy. I gave her an angry look. She got on the bed and grabbed Izzy from me so she could feed her. "I didn't do-" she raised her eyebrows "okay I kinda forgot to turn off my sound"
"What did I tell you about that?" She asked while feeding Izzy her bottle to shut her up
"I'll put it on silent"
"You better. Now can you go get her back ready and get me an outfit and a diaper and wipes"
"Sure" I kissed her lips and went to go get all that stuff she asked for. Then I headed to Izzy's room to get the stuff. When my hands were filled with all this stuff I went back to the room setting it on the bed.
"Thank you, babe" she said, finishing her bottle before putting Izzy on the bed and unbuttoning her onesie and taking off the nasty diaper. While I watched Izzy, Delilah went to get an outfit out of our closet. She picked high heels, her black shredded jeggings, her AC/DC shirt, and a black cardigan. She didn't even bother with her make-up because we didn't have time, and she knows my rule. No makeup unless it's necessary like an interview or something. Other than that, I won't even let her look at makeup. She just put on red 24-hour lipstick and that was just about it. Then she took a turn watching Izzy while I got dressed. I put on my biker boots, red hood and white v neck shirt with some denim jeans. When I was done, we headed out the door to the doctors. It was difficult getting there because of the traffic. When we arrived at the doctors we had to wait in the patient's room for about thirty minutes before we saw the doctor who delivered Izzy. He asked Delilah "How is the family?"
"Good"
"And this little one...she is getting so big"
"Yeah she is.... today her stool was solid"
"That's great progress that means we can move her up to actual foods. How many teeth have grown?"
"None but one is growing in"
"That's good. So how is her breathing at night?"
"Its normal"
"That's good. Let me look '' he put on his stethoscope to hear her heartbeat and breathing" after hearing in different spots he took the earplugs out and said "Minor wheezing but that will go away soon. She is cleared, let me go get these papers and I'll be right back." he left the room and I excitedly said "Yay now we don't have to have this thing with us at all times" "I know right...but I'm scared for tonight...what if it doesn't work...." "She will be fine baby the doctor knows best.'' I reassured her.
"You're right"
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Last night Izzy slept well but Delilah kept on waking up every five minutes to check on Izzy. But I reassured her that she was okay. She didn't get enough sleep last night because of her worries so I let her catch her rest while I took over taking care of Izzy. While I was feeding Izzy her formula my phone buzzed. I picked it up and talked low
"Hello?"
"Hey Mason is Lizzy up?"
"No"
"Well ask her how do she feel about coming down for Abuela's 70th b-day"
"I'm sure she will love to but you know her anxiety on planes especially when it comes to Izzy"
"True but can you try to convince her"
"Sure mom"
"Where's my grandbaby"
"Right here drinking her formula"
"Awe" When Delilah Woke up from a long five hours of sleep, later in the day, I said "Um...listen
babe....mom called me and she was wondering if we could go down there to see Abuela"
"Oh hell no not with Izzy fuck no"
"But baby the family wants to see Izzy"
"No I'm not risking her getting hurt"
"What if the plane gets wrecked or she gets sick and we wit be able to get her to her regular
doctor?"
"I swear your what if syndrome is getting worse"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" she said in anger. "Meaning you worry too much" I put my hands on her shoulders and started to massage her to relax her tensed muscles.
In which she did relax and I kissed her head then down to the back of her ear and begged
"Please baby it will be a great time for her to memorize her family"
"F-fine but I'ma kill you if something happens to my baby" My plan worked perfectly to convince her. With that last said a few days later we went to west Virginia. While we were driving on our plane, Delilah was about to have a panic attack worrying about Izzy's safety. But I reassured her that Izzy was okay. When we made it to a stop she was okay. We went to our house to drop off everything and pick up Abuela's present. When we got to her house where the family greeted us they said oh's and awe's to how big Izzy was. Ha that's my side of the family that did that. Her side just gave her the cute dimples like her Mama.
While I was getting everything settled Delilah grabbed the gift bag from my hand so I could get Izzy out of the baby seat. She found mom and asked where to put the bag. We got her a snuggie and a necklace that had her name and a custom-made charm bracelet that had all her children and grandchildren on it. It was Delilah's idea by the way. She always knows how to warm a heart. That's what I love about this woman. As I picked Izzy up they asked if they could hold her. I asked Delilah and she said yeah but to be careful. So, violet took her niece and everyone wanted to hold her and feed her and make her laugh. It was a success. While they played with Izzy I went up to Delilah who was talking to mom, and wrapped my arms around her waist hugging her from the back and kissing her head. She jerked her head for a sec then she relaxed when she realized it was only me. I kinda forgot she had anxiety when someone touches her without her knowing it was you. I asked "What are y'all talking about?"
"Oh nothing just girl talk" Delilah answered nonchalantly.
"Oh okay"
"Um...my daughter?"
"She's with viy and her cousins"
"Okay"
When Abuela got here we all yelled happy birthday. It made her cry . She looked so cute in her outfit. We all helped her open her gifts but when she saw me and Delilah's gifts she started crying tears of happiness. I'm glad she loved it. What I didn't expect was a gift from her. She gave Delilah and I a blanket that had "Isabella" on it with pink flowers. Footies and a little hat. All for Izzy. Delilah started crying because. It was sentimental to her. She couldn't wait to see how Izzy looked in it. When we finally got home around 9ish I lied to Izzy in her crib that was across the room from me and Delilah's bed. While I was taking off Izzy's outfit to put it in the hamper I whispered to Delilah, who was getting undressed
"Baby can you get me a diaper?"
"Sure" he went and got me a diaper from the baby bag." I grabbed it and changed her pissy diaper. Then when I turned around to join Delilah, she was relaxed waiting for me. I crawled into bed and gave her a kiss then said "I love you. Night"
"I love you too night"
Later that night, all through the night Izzy was asleep but I would wake up whenever I hear her crying. That was about every three hours. I had just woken up the second time to Izzy crying. Delilah groaned and I whispered "go back to sleep baby I got her" I got out of bed and switched on the lamp and walked over to Izzy. I picked her up and rocked her side to side telling her "shhh Daddy's got you. It was just a dream" When she stopped crying I put her back into her crib. I just needed some more sleep. When I flickered, my eyes open the sunlight beaming through the room. The second time around I was about to get out of bed but Delilah said "No baby I got it I'll do it you sleep" I kissed her forehead and got out of bed to go check on Izzy. When I went to the room I flicked on the lift to check on her, when I went up to the crib I picked her up. But I was mortified by what I didn't feel. I heart beat. Yelling in a panic I say "DELILAH SHE'S NOT BREATHING!!!!"147Please respect copyright.PENANAtOi3iAi8wR
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She ran to me who was shaking like crazy as I tried not to cry. I was holding our lifeless pale daughter. Delilah was just stunned. She started shaking nervously, crying senselessly as she dialed 911. When we got to the hospital my hands were shaking and I could feel my blood boil as minutes went by. In the operation room, I hear them call for different things and seven hands working at her to save her last chance at taking another breath of life. Suddenly I heard the meter go flat. I just knew that when they opened that door.... she would be gone. Just as I thought of that.... the doctor came into the room and said "Mr. and Mrs. Cortes, my team and I did all that we can to save her.... unfortunately, she was too far gone for us." Delilah cried out "no-n-no what have I done!" She broke down in tears, I tried to hug her. "No don't touch me" she tried to push me off but after punching my chest she stopped and she surrendered. I had to hold her before she did something stupid. I was incapable of holding back my tears as well. I know they say the man was supposed to not cry but this was something no man can hold back from this. I said to the doctor could he give us a second he respected that. I tried to let her calm down but she didn't. So, I said " look at me"
"no I can't let you"
"why just please?" I lifted her head for her eyes to meet mine. When they did I wiped her tear off her face although I was a mess too and I said sniffling to "If you don't want to tell them I will"
"Please"
"Okay baby" I kissed her lips and hugged her again and whisper "everything will be okay baby"
She didn't wanna see Izzy in the incubator because she wanted to remember the good moments. I know that the last moment she had with her was the last and I knew that that was going to destroy her. I understand her pain when we lost our first child although we didn't know the gender because she was only two months into the pregnancy. We never once got the chance to spend time with or baby . It was one of the worst times of our lives especially mine....and now I have to go through this again. It's not fair lord? This time I had to break the news to everyone. It hurted so bad to tell them seeing their faces fall in disbelief. I tried to get Delilah to sleep because she didn't sleep all that night or for almost three days straight because I just knew she blamed herself for Izzy's death. I knew that same guilt in her heart when we lost our first. That same numb expression represents the same body movement. The same depression all over again. I decided to help her fall asleep. She was barely eating and when she did she didn't eat much. I only got her to eat as much as half the meal. made her go to sleep, she slept for the whole day.
The day of Izzy's memorial service Delilah didn't want to go but I forced her to because I wanted her to say one last thing to her. She asked for a closed casket ceremony. They respectfully did that for her. I could tell that She forced herself to hide the rage she had inside and tried not to over-exhaust herself from crying. As much rage that she had.... I had something so much darker and I myself was scared of it too. I didn't know what to do or how to react.
It's been nine months since we lost her. It broke my heart that night. She felt so...lifeless, heavy like a raggedy ann doll that was soaked in water. The look on her face still haunts me in my sleep. Some nights are difficult because I suffer from insomnia...I don't want to see that moment replaying in my head over and over again. It hurts every time I see her smile or anything she wore.... I wish I could've saved her. I wish...I could have done something. Delilah on the other hand isn't doing no better than me. For the past few months, she has been numb. I can tell it was hard for her to cope in this state of mind and it wasn't healthy. Time and time again I tried to talk to her but either she ends up ignoring me completely or we will just end up arguing over dumb shit. I love her with all my heart and soul.... but I feel like she is hiding something else from me. Not just anything but I feel like she is still hiding a dark thought but I didn't know what. While Delilah sit in bed as usual watching TV on their iPad silent as a mouse I said "Baby I'm going out with the guys I'll be home soon okay?"
"Yea...I guess" she said, not even paying attention to me, which I'm sure of. I kissed her cheek and she tensed up in that second when I touched her hip. When I got to the bar to have some drinks I texted Delilah real quick saying "Baby I'ma be at the bar I'll be home a little late tonight"
When I got home around two in the morning, I was taking off my shoes when suddenly I saw Delilah's angry face. I knew what was to come. "Um, excuse me where the hell have you been, do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Don't start with your shit. Not tonight."
"Its two o'clock in the fuckin morning"
"Maybe if you would stop ignoring everything and everyone around you including me and check your phone. I told you that I was going to chill with the guys a little later. you didn't even bother checking your phone anymore."
"I don't want to be on my phone because you know what will happen if I touch that phone"
"True but maybe your family is worried about you. You have been changing up on me Delilah"
"Don't you dare say I. No honey you, YOU are the one changing up on me. You are repeating exactly like you did when-" she immediately cut herself off.
"When what Delilah? Go ahead and say it. What when we lost our first, is that what you were going to say?" I wasn't impressed when she decided to bring him/her up.
"Yes Mason, that situation"
"And how about you. I'm not dumb I've known how your mind work, you're blocking out your feelings as you always do."
"Don't you dare be the pot calling the kettle black because you're doing the same thing so don't even go there"
"You're angry because I'm calling you out on the truth you can't face the simple fact that I caught onto your mindset?"
"You know what just for that your ass is sleeping g downstairs. She gripped my pillow behind her on the bed, and shoved it to my chest then she went to the closet to get a blanket and she said "Good night asshole"
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