Amanda woke me up for breakfast at around 7:30 the next morning. The smell of fresh eggs and bacon filled my nose, I couldn’t help but become excited. I opened the drawers in the dresser to find all kinds of clothes. I picked a gray short sleeved t-shirt, light blue jeans, and a black long sleeved jacket. 112Please respect copyright.PENANAgZgIevU2Re
I could hear Amanda talking to the other kid that I saw last night.
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“Good morning Ethan,” I heard Amanda say. “We have a new person joining us today.” 112Please respect copyright.PENANAaGxUJWJpO0
“For real? Who are they?”
Ethan. That’s his name.
“A girl, her name is Nicole Walker.”
“Oh?” I could hear the inquisitiveness in his voice. “What’s her story?”
“I think it would be best if I leave it up to Nicole to tell you that.”
“Oh. Okay.”
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I decided to walk out of my room, shutting the door behind me. Me and Ethan made eye contact. I didn’t smile of course. How could I? I just looked down, sighing before walking to the island and taking a seat across from Ethan.
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I stabbed at my eggs with my fork, I had absolutely no appetite...
“Honey, you should eat something,” Amanda said concerningly. “I don’t want you getting sick.”
“Hm.” Was all I could muster in response.
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I decided to eat my eggs, That way they would stop paying so much attention to me. They were fluffy and salted perfectly. The bacon was crispy and warm. I ate all of it in a few minutes. When I was done I took my plate to the sink and rinsed it off.
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“Why thank you Nicole.” Amanda smiled.
“It’s just Nicci.” I replied.
“Alright.”
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When I was done, I turned around and saw Ethan looking at me. He diverted his attention elsewhere when he knew I saw him. I just chuckled softly before going to sit outside on the porch swing. I closed my eyes, and listened to the birds chirping and distant cars passing by and suddenly It was like I was back home. My moment of peace was interrupted when I heard the door open. I opened my eyes to see Ethan coming towards the swing. 112Please respect copyright.PENANARTq9p0nmQs
I scooted over to make room for him to sit down next to me. His hand grazed my leg as he sat down and it caused me to flinch.
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“Sorry.” He blurted when he realized my distress.
“It’s alright.”
“So, what brings you here?” He asked. “Did your parents abandon you too?”
“You could say that.” I replied.
“So what happened?”
“Well, aren't you persistent?” I joked.
“Sorry. I’m inquisitive.”
“Well, I won’t go into detail but basically my parents are dead.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I sighed.
“Any other family?” He asked.
“Not that I know of. My parents and my little brother are dead, I have no grandparents on either side of the family. No aunts or uncles to speak of, my mom had no siblings and apparently my dad’s brother recently committed suicide after hearing that he had passed.”
“That’s horrible, I'm so sorry.” He looked very apologetic so I knew this was sincere.
“What’s worse is that the funeral is tomorrow and I’m not too thrilled to go. It won’t be an open casket funeral because my family is unrecognizable from the burns.”
“Jeez. How’d they get burnt so badly?”
“House fire...” I paused for a moment before speaking again. “So um, how long have you been here?” I asked.
“Going on eight months now.”
“Jeez, does no one want you or somethin'?”
He laughed. “Funny but no. Amanda just hasn’t found the right fit for me yet.”
“That’s unfortunate,” I cleared my throat as I stood up from the swing. “Hope it all works out for you.”
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He grabbed my hand to stop me from walking away. He stood up, his gaze not wavering from my eyes. Then, without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around me. I was frozen, stiff. I wasn’t expecting him to do that. He only hugged me for a few seconds before letting me go.
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“What was that for?” I asked.
“You just seemed like you needed it.” He smiled. This time it was genuine.
“Oh, thanks.” I replied.
“So, what are your plans for the next 12 hours?” He asked.
“Um, not much. I’m probably just going to find something to watch on TV.” I shrugged.
“Hm,” He smiled. “Sounds boring.”
“Yeah. But there’s not much to do around here besides sleeping and eating and watching television.”
“That’s true.” He sighed. “Wait here for a second.”
“Okay.”
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He went inside and from the window I could see him talking to Amanda who was sitting on the long sofa in the living room. After a few minutes of them talking he came back outside with a set of car keys in his hands.
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“You’re comin' with me.” He laughed, dragging me along by my hand.
“Where are we going?” I found myself laughing as well as we ran over to Amanda’s small, four-door Prius. 112Please respect copyright.PENANAa4WwBa0xuw
“Only one of my favorite places in the world,” He looked at me with a smile on his face from over the roof of the car. “DairyQueen!” He exclaimed.
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We both sat down in the car. When he started it he turned on the radio and the song “Secret” by Joshua Bassett came on. I turned up the volume and we both jammed out on our way to DairyQueen. When we got there we both ordered an Oreo Blizzard and sat down at a booth.
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“Is this better than TV or what?” Ethan laughed.
“Yeah,” I took another bite of ice cream. “I gotta say though. I’ve never been here before.”
“Like, ever?” Ethan gawked.
“No. My mom didn’t really take us out to eat. Everything we ate was homemade.”
“That must have been cool.”
“It was.” I frowned, stirring my ice cream around absent-mindedly. I was only halfway done with it but I had lost my appetite. I got up and threw my ice cream in the trash before walking out.
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Talking about my mom made me sick to my stomach, and left it in knots. The last time I had seen her, her face was wrinkled and deformed and I could see her bones. That’s how deep the burns went. When I close my eyes I still see it. I still see her leathery, red skin. Her singed hair, and how petrifyingly content she looked to be dead. 112Please respect copyright.PENANAr5YO2p2kVM
I’m scared… Scared to close my eyes in fear that the moment will be burned into my memories. I’m afraid of my anxiety, and the way I tense up, will leave my eyes glued shut, unable to be opened. They said death was scary and hard to deal with, but this is harder than any death I’ve had to deal with. The trauma alone was enough but this… this is darkness… and I’ve seen darkness before, but this is cold, this is empty, this is numb. And it hurts like hell to be alone, and to be with people. I can’t find a happy medium with the darkness that hangs over me. After each passing day I feel more and more hopeless. I feel like I’m drowning, and everyday I sink deeper, losing more and more light as I sink down, down, down like a stone. 112Please respect copyright.PENANAsIIJbA02Y5
I feel like ending it, getting rid of the pain. And the more people that tell me that they can’t live without me, that they love having me around. The more people that say they need me. The harder it gets, the deeper I fall, and the bigger the urge to give up grows.
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“Nicci?” Ethan blurted, breaking into my thoughts.
When I opened my eyes I realized that I had been crying and I was trembling with my legs held close to me as I sat against the passenger side door of Amanda's car. I got up off the ground and sat inside the car. Even when he got inside and tried to talk to me I just stared blankly out the window, not being able to face him. Even when we got home I went straight to my room, not saying a word to anyone. I decided to go to bed early even though Amanda had planned on taking me clothes shopping for the funeral tomorrow. I took some melatonin from the bathroom and I was asleep in about half an hour112Please respect copyright.PENANA7AGVjnNKBd