Do you ever just fucking feel like crying? For no apparent reason at all?

The past 20 minutes I've just wanted to cry. Why? I have no idea. But I do.

Fuck it was legit my birthday I've had an amazing fucking day. Its so weird and conflicting :/

LIKE, why the hell do I feel like this. Like I've had a lot of shit happen the past few days but what the hell.

“As the hours pass and the ashes fall, the storm fades and leaves you now, what remains- an ever mess, that life is gone, forever more.”

A figure drowned in shades of gray pressed forward in the midst of a black abyss, their coat tails streaming behind them with each and every step, darkness pressing outward from within and advancing their state. In the light their figure would illuminate a brilliant white, utterly spotless, with only the blackness engulfing their form present- short their face. Half of their face was visible, the hood and shadow cast by their cloak of gray shrouding the top portion above the nostrils. Only a partial scowl visible protruding on pale skin, a lip curled down protruding an air of disgust in the form of their frown.

Their steps echoed, metallic with each clunk, echoing off of iron walls. A glimmer of brown hair, or perhaps a very dark dirty blond, swaying around and over their cheeks. Lights up above continued to flicker, old and rusted warehouse overhang lights. Bulbs cracked, some dimmer than dim and even a little reddish. It was a hallway they prowled forward through, gliding like a serpent through the corridor in light and dark.

As the figure rounded a turn the fabric of their cloak flapped, a gloved hand raising up and wielding a mask. A mask, blank in expression, and overall relatively dull. The only features of true note- a black and white star upon the forehead, surrounded in a red and magenta painted flame. And then the scar over the right eye, diagonal right across, carved into the mask rather than being painted like the flame.

The mask was placed to their face, the hood pushed back ever so revealing their masked face entirely now. The hair, shown again in the light, now silvery white- a lone sapphire blue right eye somewhat aglow beneath that mask and very much visible. And as the lights went out yet again their form would be mostly obscured, short of part of their wardrobe, and the entirety of that mask which remained visible even in the darkness itself.

The end of the hall neared, evident by the creaking of metal and a door opening, shining a dim light upon the now-masked entity. Their steps changed, no longer thudding echoes, instead clanking as they stepped out upon a catwalk one and then two. The hatch open and to their right. Around them, several identical individuals of white hair, blue eyes the same as the figure’s right, though all of them were cloaked in black robes with red stars etched upon the shoulders, chest, and back.

Rain pounded the metal sheet roof of the outside, cascading echoes sent in. This figure themself bore a white cloak, patterned with a different symbol entirely- almost appearing to be an eye with tendrils. Their head tilted forward and their gaze moved outwards, off of the catwalk. The entire surrounding room was nothing more than a rusted worn down factory. Equipment in disrepair lay all around, broken glass scattered across the floor, ceiling panels dead upon the ground; though that is not what this figure was taking in.

Down on the factory floor before them were several more in black. Unlike the multiple lookalikes standing with the masked figure, those on the floor were all somewhat custom. One man, dressed as a gentleman with a cloak draped around their shoulders, appearing rather elderly with long gray hair. Another, a woman of blood red hair, dressed in a skintight black jumpsuit with a shortcut black jacket over top and black shorts, the former of which held red stars over each of her shoulders. And then in the middle a man in a black long coat decked with silver fur wherever the fabric ended, patterned with the dark red stars.

The last man with a lone left amber-colored eye, stared up at the masked figure. This man’s expression was particularly sour, scowling- his wavy brown hair covering one eye and casting shadow over the other. Behind them, several dozen SWAT-dressed people in nothing but black, the same red star patterned across their chests front and center. The masked figure’s eye narrowed into a fine almost-glaring glare. Water dripped through the broken roof above, streams of it dripping down and pooling as puddles on the factory floor.

“Leon,” they spoke, a relatively hoarse and distorted, deep-pitched masculine voice, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You know damn well what this is about Cylux- your little alliance with that bastard Arkaza. When did you think it appropriate to tell us, eh?!” Leon spat, his tone full of rage.

“Ah, so you’ve come all of this way just to discuss that,” the masked figure replied.

“Heh, ‘discuss’ he says, yeah we can go with that,” the woman chuckled to herself.

Leon then stepped forward, his right arm shot out, pointer finger pointing straight at Cylux, the look of total and excessive rage looming, “Your use of Arkaza, and the very essence of what you did with Azala, it is sickening. The Hive will no longer require your services as a result of your actions… and… because we can not allow for a loose end to continue lingering, we’re here to ensure that no threats befall us in the near future.”

“Hoh?” Cylux replied, unmoved, “So you’ve come all this way just to kill me? So I see; though I would very much implore you to reconsider your position here, Leon Sycamore. Do not forget that this is not yourplaying field, you’ve entered the unknown that is my dwelling.”

At once, all eight of the lookalikes stepped forward, their hair covering their eyes as they stopped at the edge of the catwalk, overlooking the Dharkanians below. The SWATs backed up a touch while the woman and the older man stepped forward, side by side with their leader, the leader of whom was now scanning the lookalikes- “Art of Dancing Shadows eh?”

“Considering your aim moving forward… anything you seek to accomplish here will not be without cost. Are you in a position to proceed with such risk that may compromise your grand plan? I would reconsider this one, old friend.”

“Nrrgh… Cortez, Tori, with me. Our combined might will be more than enough. Look alive!”

Without another word, all three shot high into the air, all with single leaps, all jetting ahead, all aimed right at the bodies and Cylux. And as they closed in the eight did not waiver, nor did Cylux, whose head simply lowered, their narrowed gaze turned into a glare. At once all of the lookalikes dropped low, their right hands touching the walk- and then BAM, out they flew, leaving the masked figure behind who simply gazed out. The three and the eight, launching for one another, not another word spoken in that moment short of the thoughts racing in their heads.

“Conflict in life is inevitable. The fire is fanned by our interactions with the world. From the flames we rise anew. We are grown by it, shaped by it, guided by it. A world of peace will never be an option- for if it were, we as humans would no longer evolve as people. Though when a fire grows out of control and ravages the lands, it falls to the cosmos or individuals to fight back those flames before they consume everything. With the fates holding out, it leaves only the latter, and for someone to move forward to answer the call.”

The crack in the wall caught Milo’s attention as he felt the cold, rough pattern against his hand. It was early in the morning, the only sound that could be heard was his light breathing as he took in his environment yet again. Despite growing up within his enclosed room – he has never felt so safe before. The rooting wood floor that creaked with each step soon became his favorite pastime. Milo knew he needed to make a dent in the wall if he genuinely wanted to live, but the young man found comfort in his own space. Soon, time passed by – as it always does. People kept moving about in their daily lives, making friends, meeting their loved ones – time passed by for them. Yet for Milo, who sat in his room all day, time meant nothing. It got harder and harder for the teen to figure out what was reality and what was fiction – his mind playing games with him as he stared up at the ceiling, enjoying the soft fabric that his bed provided for him. The walls seemed to close in, however Milo found more comfort in this. Despite his mind screaming at him to get up, he lies in bed as more time passed. Seconds become minutes, minutes became hours, hours turned into days, and days, – turned into months. Milo resembled that of a rotting corpse, his dirty skin sticking into the bed like a parasite would to its host. The walls seemed to have gotten closer, so close that Milo could feel the pressure of the four frames against his bed. Yet the young male still didn’t have a desire to move. All the motivation, the desires that his classmates have – Milo never got. So, he stayed in his room during that past year, his body making a permanent dent into his mattress as the teenager couldn’t be at more peace with himself. As he closed his eyes one last time and felt the walls enclosed on his frail body.

Truth hurts

Mint leaves leave the house

House of trees

To meet the taste

Taste of a tea

When we put mint leaves into the teapot

It gives the vibes to chill

Chill out till you meet the roots

Roots of the tree

When we can’t find the start

Start of life

We will begin to hurt ourselves

In order to kill the pain

You gotta survive through the worst nights

When you do

You will find a star

Only shine for you

It will be the gateway to the miracle

hey this is my 1st ever blog (but who rlly cares?). my name's Cameron, I write stuff, I'm pansexual. my BFF died last year. I don't have a lot to say. I guess I'm just doing this cos there's not much else to do except stare at the ceiling. tell me, someone, have you ever thought about madness? Like, will I know when I go crazy? I guess that's what this is. I lost all my friends, my family disowned me, I don't have pets anymore. there's no one to talk to, so I'm doing this.I'm finding a way to amuse myself while I wonder how crazy I am.Well, that's a fun thought. I'm serious though.gtg but if you read this, pls comment and...yeah. bye

When I first stepped onto the soil of the Netherlands, I was struck by a canvas painted with broad strokes of sophistication and quaint charm—a sort of pastoral modernity that captures the eye and the heart. The cities, resplendent with their mix of historic canals and sleek, contemporary architecture, seemed to echo the past while proudly proclaiming their place in the future. Amsterdam's labyrinthine waterways, Utrecht’s bustling streets, and Rotterdam's daring designs: each city a chapter in a storybook that promises more than just a glimpse into the Dutch way of life.

The Dutch themselves are an embodiment of this beautiful paradox. Polite and respectful, with an easy smile and a readiness to help, they move through their cities with graceful efficiency. Cyclists whir by in a blur of activity, epitomising a healthy and environmentally conscious lifestyle. It's hard not to admire their striking balance between calm composure and vibrant living. Whether it's the stunningly handsome or the effortlessly beautiful, their appearance seems to reflect their lifestyle—active, healthy, and incredibly welcoming.

Language, often a barrier thick as a fortress wall in many countries, is a mere curtain here, brushed aside with ease as nearly everyone switches to English with a fluency that is both impressive and a relief, despite knowing some Dutch myself. This linguistic agility opened up avenues of deeper connection and understanding during my stay, culminating in a medical academic conference where I stood as a speaker. Presenting on intricate matters of clinical medicine and novel surgical technology, surrounded by peers equally adept in their fields, I felt a seamless part of a global dialogue—a testament to the country’s inclusive and internationally minded spirit.

The culinary landscape in the Netherlands, much like its physical one, is a delightful surprise. From the hearty, comforting stroopwafels and bitterballen to the exquisite Michelin-starred offerings that dot the cities, the Dutch palette is as varied as it is delicious. Each meal is an invitation not just to taste but to savour and remember.

And oh, the vistas! Fields punctuated by the vivid hues of tulip blooms in the spring, the serene stretches of the countryside dotted with windmills and farmhouses, and the sea kissing the shores with a dutiful regularity. Each view seems to whisper a story of its own, a silent narrative that begs you to stop and listen with your eyes.

As my journey concluded, a certain melancholy took hold—the kind reserved for the end of delightful days and memorable sojourns. With its intriguing blend of old-world charm and new-age dynamism, the Netherlands had etched itself into my memory, inviting, almost imploring, for a return. And return I shall, for how could one resist such a hearty embrace of life and living? Indeed, the Dutch have mastered the art of inviting you in and making you yearn for just one more day in their picturesque land.

dear diary, its 04/22

SOOO A LOT CHANGED LIKE I SAIDDDD!!!

me nd L arent friends anymore. so this thing happened with a guy and she was having a panic attack over roblox and I told him cus i was worried and she got mad and blocked me and I also told her santa wasn't real bc apparently she didn't know and she got so mad so like shes lit a kid so idfc anymore abt being friends w her it was kinda immature on my part to be 14 and friends w an 11 year old.

i don't rlly play fortnite anymore, I'm tryna get back into it bc i miss it.

i also had like a short friendship with this guy ill call him "I' and basically he was super like idek he had crazy attachment (i do too but not this crazy i have boundaries) and within like 2 days he was telling me he loved me and saying "u better not be talking to other guys" and making me feel rlly uncomfortable in general. and ig most of it was my fault because I didn't wanna say anything so I js let him tell me those things i didn't tell him to stop and i js like was over it and i told him i didn't wanna be friends and i was rlly strict w it because after i told him that he was like "() don't leave me" and its js a crazy situation in general. i feel like i got a little attached also bc after the fact i kept checking to see if he messaged but i stopped doing that so yeaaaa anyways.

UPDATE: i dated that one guy. relationship lasted a couple weeks, we broke up js before our  1 mnth and i think he's like deadass gay now bc on tikyapp he was reposting how he's queer so uhm like i swear he confessed to me first bro. its always me falling for the zesty guys smh. KILL ME NOW

friends: m, b, k,

“Did he rizz up the half-fish girl?”

-S

ive been so absolutely stressed lately, all my assignemtns are wack, its the 2 weeks off from school and ive still been bombarded with work. a whole business report that was due last sunday i spent half my fucking rest from school stressing over, my art homework i havent even looked at, my english extension 1 fucking thousand word short story which im almost certain i goofed up beyond belief, 2 whole novellas for english advanced, remember, i was given TWO WEEKS. TWO WEEKS. business studies only gave me ONE. im STRAPPED for time. as well as hanging out with my boyfriend, hanging out with my family, my birthday, my sisters birthday, i signed up for the gym as well close to my house because i kept having the worst fucking breakdowns to mum about my mental health and shit id get from my sister for totally nothing. i couldnt take it anymore. oh and to replace E, we're friends with K now. from the easter show, idk if i mentioned him or not, its not like anyone is actually paying attention to whatever im yapping about.

last friday i was hanging out with B and we bought condoms in town and we wnet back to hijs place to try them out. they were cappuccino "flavoured" but actaully it just tasted like nothing but holy crap could you smell it. he tried putting it in and we couldnt work out what we were doing wrong (we're both virgins btw, never come this far). i postioned him to yknow like my entrance and all he had to do was breach it n boom both our first times but it hurt like a BITCH like holy fuck OUCH i couldnt do it, i cried and cried it hurt so bad. thats all im gonna say bc im still just a kid (happy 16th birthday me btw) n exposing so much like this on the internet it weird, im only doing it bc im anonymous.

we were supposed to hang out on the following sunday but couldnt bc his dad said his mum said she just wanted time to herself n obviously i was heartbroken bc i spent ages convincing my parents to visit again on such short notice but fine, if she needed a rest day then so be it, i couldnt be mad. until it come out that she didnt say that, his dad was straight up fucking lying. so whats the issue??? what did i do??? i barely even see that dude and whenever i do its always been positive. so what, he just doesnt want me in his house??? own up to it then, dont blame it on your wife dawg geez louise.

so obviously B was pissed and we scheduled another hang out on tuesday (yesterday) so that everyone would have plenty of notice and cant cancel or fuck anything up. keep in mind B works like forever, 5 day weeks, always like 8~9 hours (i reckon thats illegal for someone of his age but wtv.). i ask him times bc its always usually 12-5 but this time it was 3.30 (the time his mum gets off work) til 8.30, i was staying for dinner. some reason his dads got this weirdo creep paranoia that if his little wife isnt in the house when i am, im gonna accuse him of RAPING ME???? has that happened before, Joe??? are you projecting??? Joe?? i dont even see him when i am over, hes always in his room and im NEVER away from B??? god knows what his issue is but thats why i couldnt be over til his mum came home. anyways, i baked cookies for B's family as a thank you for housing me all the time and always an 'i love you' bc B always does stuff for me n i hardly return the favour (he doesnt let me). its almost close to 3pm and i ask B when his mum gets off bc he said "like 3.30~4 usually" earlier, i was checking if there was a definitive time now. he messaged back sayinh he hates his parents and they can suck ass bc AGAIN the plans were RUINED. she agreed to work until SIX and she didnt want me over bc then she'd have to take me home again (my mum can pick me up?? that was never out of the picture??) so i was absolutely distressed at this because AGAIN?? i was SO EXCITED we were hanging out, i was losing my mind. i cried like a baby. it was embarrassing.

its wednesday now, B, with his totally full schedule of work and work and work and sleep decided to go out with his little boyfriends out bowling! then go to work then go for a little boyfriend homoerotic sleepover! frankly i was pissed. i was so jealous that his little friends got to see him and i didnt. it wasnt fair. the only reason i was ever leaving thw house was for B and i couldnt bc B has so much work all the time. and here he is, with spare time, spending it with other people. not even spending 5 minutes with me. not even messaging me. yeah sure maybe one or two messages but thats not good enough. and now i cant call him because hes gonna get bummed by his friends (my ex boyfriend will be there too! its his house! the one that bullied me after he dumped me! and got his other friend to get in on it to! both will be there, how amazing!)

i've been treating B like absolute dogshit and i cant tell if its my whacked out hormones, the stress of school work, lack of sleep or what. i get mad at him, i dry text him, i go mute and he has to put up with it. i addressed it last night and he said "yeah i noticed, i just let it slide, im being patient w you ik youre stressed" like thank you baby but WHAT you noticed?? and said nothing?? you let it slide??!! :( felt awful, i apologised a million times over but i still feel awful. somethings wrong with me.

he was at tenpin today and my sister (his ex, idk if i mentioned it but i lost readers due to lack of interest so idc anymore) decided to go to for her best friend to see her boyfriend (who lives in sydney now, hes down for the week) and i was STRESSING. i dont know why, B loves me so dearly but i keep thinking back to everythng my sister used to cry at me when i was just dating him and i freak out. theres a pit in my stomach just remembering it all.

it got particularly bad when he got home from bowling and said he was having a sleepover. i cried and cried, i was sobbing and got into an arguementn with my mother bc i wasnt contributing anything. its my sisters birthday so she wanted me showered and dressed to go for dinner but i felt so shit i didnt wanna go, i kept crying, snotting n wailing. i couldnt walk 5 steps without sobbing a little. i took a panadol for my headache and all i could think of were the intrusive (not impulsive!) thoughts telling me to overdose, telling me i dont deserve anyone around me, im such an asshole that they'd all genuinely be better off without all my drama and negativity. it was hard swallowing the panadol, i didnt know if i was strong enough to not take them all and just push through.

i didnt, obviously. but it was hard. i still dont feel all there.

im only writing this because i was talking to J about how im overthinking a lot and all my thoughts are in my head and she told me to write it down like my english teacher said all those months ago. i didnt immediately, but this was the breaking point. i cant keep thinking and not writing it down anymore. if i had more time id be more consistent but school is a bitch im drowning.

-vinsie

Sexuality equal to Humanity

When no ones think about the lifeless

Prices will be increased till we see the mindset

Which will help to escape From the mindless

If you go seeking out the happiness

You might get know about the cross roads

It’s Will lead you to the wildness

Seen by the virtuousness

I got to know about the righteous

Greatness will be meaningless

If Can’t help the helpless

Helpless will seek out the solutions

To come out from the population

Consumption won’t be enough till realize the imagination

What can do the generation

If we could destroy the pollution

Which cave into our mind, since we are from the aggravation

Expectations will be vital

To the future population

To go ahead with the imagination

To win the Life by the acceleration

In order to find the hallucinations

You have to have the sensation

Get your feet from my mind

I gotta think

Think of the way

How I’m gonna escape

Escape from this uncertainties

Till I met the devil

I’ll search throughout the universe

How I’m gonna survive

Till I see the stars to show me the road to heaven

Way down we go

As long as we able to see

We see the full of lies of reality to keep us on the ground to make the mistakes