It's been about two weeks since the wedding, and my lip has returned to its normal state. I can't say I'm not pleased.395Please respect copyright.PENANAtT5XoKt1D9
395Please respect copyright.PENANAJYfXkv1D1c
I haven't seen David since the morning after the wedding; I've had at least one photo shoot each day, which is a 180 from the level of struggles that I was facing not even four months ago.395Please respect copyright.PENANAyo9XHlWmdI
395Please respect copyright.PENANAH3uo7kEqs7
As I walk to the kitchen in my small apartment, I begin to wonder... what does David do? He's never told me. He must have a pretty good job to own two houses, but somehow, I've been fuckíng the man for weeks now and I still don't know.395Please respect copyright.PENANAACOvSiDEON
395Please respect copyright.PENANAgS7drkNYa2
I shrug off the thought, and reach up to open the cabinet and pull down the jar of Jablum Instant Coffee, I feel a sharp pain in the left side of my pelvis.395Please respect copyright.PENANA8vtako4GQZ
395Please respect copyright.PENANAOMRWMlYdPx
"Fuck," I hiss, bending over.395Please respect copyright.PENANA1nLwiRY5Zc
395Please respect copyright.PENANAOH7nFKzQAL
This is what you get for not eating dinner last night. Gas pains.395Please respect copyright.PENANAzN89ivuv6a
395Please respect copyright.PENANA8pUTYzkAVO
I straighten up and reach for the coffee again, this time retrieving it, and make myself a cup of steaming black coffee with scrambled eggs and bread along with it (I'm too lazy to do anything else).395Please respect copyright.PENANAgdCQtNiyEK
395Please respect copyright.PENANAbngFpR7oT3
So, back to David. What does he do? For some reason, I wouldn't be surprised if he was into some shady shit. 395Please respect copyright.PENANAF1FatT6WbE
395Please respect copyright.PENANABqO8x0vGvS
Oh, well. 395Please respect copyright.PENANAo6v3Tx5n7C
395Please respect copyright.PENANAwT6LwYhR6s
I guess I'll just have to ask the next time I see him. I make a mental note to do so, and even though I'm extremely forgetful, I'm pretty sure that I'll remember this.395Please respect copyright.PENANAmay97u5QO3
395Please respect copyright.PENANAlzHHvvTJ6r
After resolving to ask David about his occupation the next time we speak, I continue to eat, not really for the taste of the food, but rather out of necessity. It's something that happens to me sometimes — I don't feel the urge to eat, but I know that I have to do I force myself to.395Please respect copyright.PENANAPomgjUViVc
395Please respect copyright.PENANAKF0LJrLo4r
On other occasions, I'm like a pig, consuming everything in sight until I feel as if I'm about to burst like that poor man at the end of 'Monty Python's The Meaning of Life'. 395Please respect copyright.PENANAQBvcadwYEa
395Please respect copyright.PENANAYETwgNTTyg
I have no idea why my eating patterns are so random — they aren't affected by my mood or period, they just seem inconsistent.395Please respect copyright.PENANAb56lQlES1Y
395Please respect copyright.PENANAS6JK2Lz0ux
After I finish and wash up the plates, I go back to my room and check my phone.395Please respect copyright.PENANAv7YSfJS48M
395Please respect copyright.PENANAfvOUnC3WIb
I have two missed calls from none other than Marcus.395Please respect copyright.PENANAkVJqtK7Pfk
395Please respect copyright.PENANAk4CnTJBgMx
"Answer your goddamn phone," he growls when I call him back.395Please respect copyright.PENANAOgih0s5rTX
395Please respect copyright.PENANAnR6QkSTNmh
"Whatever. Why are you calling me?"395Please respect copyright.PENANAocHBJ2UUb6
395Please respect copyright.PENANAdrFpppRA1a
"You have a new job offering. It's an event. But—"395Please respect copyright.PENANA7VIlJDBnHz
395Please respect copyright.PENANAMyIN5pb7Kq
"I—"395Please respect copyright.PENANA67itTKVLsS
395Please respect copyright.PENANAMrFvA43RP8
"But—"395Please respect copyright.PENANAkHwBs9O2YQ
395Please respect copyright.PENANA6k4WlGICal
"You—"395Please respect copyright.PENANA2jvIx7HA2k
395Please respect copyright.PENANAmz5CQRIT7R
"But," he says, drawing out the word so that I will let him continue.395Please respect copyright.PENANAMtltKwMMlG
395Please respect copyright.PENANA9FJrCXYt44
I shut up.395Please respect copyright.PENANArI142YU4qB
395Please respect copyright.PENANAWB1EDTAlWM
"It's a free speaking/poetry open mic event. They're offering thirty thousand, because they're a little low on funding, but—"395Please respect copyright.PENANAjLNc24iFeY
395Please respect copyright.PENANA8ughH8xfex
"I'll go," I say before he can finish his sentence. I love poetry — and he knows it. I love reading it, I love writing it, I love hearing it. There's no way I'm passing up this opportunity.395Please respect copyright.PENANAnhFDtDiGlc
395Please respect copyright.PENANAtrLRr2jRDo
"Great. It's on Thursday coming at nine p.m. I'll text you the address and remember to get there early."395Please respect copyright.PENANACfdS4jnDtY
395Please respect copyright.PENANATbYHtfMskG
"Yes, sir!" I say in mock salute.395Please respect copyright.PENANAFou3Cn9K9l
395Please respect copyright.PENANA1iv7KMUjb5
I hear him laugh through the phone.395Please respect copyright.PENANADivQLjygul
395Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5M3AtJ3hO
"By, Leah."395Please respect copyright.PENANAeiOu9ii1wm
395Please respect copyright.PENANAQQDuuayC3W
"Bye."395Please respect copyright.PENANAoqYitXt02q
395Please respect copyright.PENANAtOPbL4Y1s6
I sigh as I hang up the phone. Today is Monday. What is it with all of the late bookings? 395Please respect copyright.PENANA2y3vnyo8WX
395Please respect copyright.PENANAfoLXfvluBC
Well, at least you aren't broke anymore.395Please respect copyright.PENANAXub52Kk53T
395Please respect copyright.PENANAVmlGT4Himh
With that optimistic thought in mind, I go back to the kitchen for another cup of coffee.395Please respect copyright.PENANAPHZly3S5d5
395Please respect copyright.PENANARVGl7A6qN3
395Please respect copyright.PENANA1WLwvzXUmY
***395Please respect copyright.PENANA8UCvylLD9f
395Please respect copyright.PENANAUWDLDZQpog
395Please respect copyright.PENANAnsmvtIXqcj
Poetic Justice is a small, intimate setting. It is located outdoors, and has a small stage area with a few small tables and a bar located at the back.395Please respect copyright.PENANApCDX012OC1
395Please respect copyright.PENANAnVIUg8LWws
"Hello, you must be Leah," says a young woman who has just approached me, dressed in a pair of jeans and a grey blouse.395Please respect copyright.PENANA5nEIFMSZcv
395Please respect copyright.PENANAv4LPmwKhYE
"Good evening. Andrea, right?" I ask. That's the name Marcus gave me.395Please respect copyright.PENANA4ykOgqJnlf
395Please respect copyright.PENANAmSvH0yw2AN
"Yes," she replies, and begins to walk, so naturally, I walk with her.395Please respect copyright.PENANAGFq99Yz923
395Please respect copyright.PENANAZmeyLGneOZ
"The bar is straight to the back. Have whatever you want; I've already told the bartender that your drinks are on the house. And feel free to come up and do a little poem; putting down the camera for five minutes won't hurt," she says with a smile, then turns and walks away.395Please respect copyright.PENANAr4SAdK4095
395Please respect copyright.PENANAevV1LUpEt1
Well that's an odd offer. 395Please respect copyright.PENANAO7ABzxPNpG
395Please respect copyright.PENANA0JQ6yuGMsK
I sigh and place my camera bag on a table near to me and start to set up my camera.395Please respect copyright.PENANACJboHGe3lw
395Please respect copyright.PENANAVWtAcd6yGZ
"Leah," I hear in a voice that is all to familiar.395Please respect copyright.PENANA4YHvKAMADA
395Please respect copyright.PENANAWa4caTA207
"David?" I reply, spinning to face him. "What are you doing here?"395Please respect copyright.PENANAz1t12mIfkg
395Please respect copyright.PENANAUGCjOmhZzf
"I come here all the time," he replies, his eyebrows knitted together, "and I love poetry."395Please respect copyright.PENANAXelDFb6Wzj
395Please respect copyright.PENANAGBOG5PuPx5
"So do I."395Please respect copyright.PENANAEirO3ifNcY
395Please respect copyright.PENANAqyUEECMsa4
I now have my camera in my hand, and I remember the pressing question that I had for him.395Please respect copyright.PENANALLNckk2pfb
395Please respect copyright.PENANA9079a9qRte
"What do you do for a living?" I blurt out.395Please respect copyright.PENANA49Sh8Xdiod
395Please respect copyright.PENANAShFQXs4vNx
To be honest, I'm prepared to hear anything; from a drug dealer, to a pimp. I wouldn't judge him, though.395Please respect copyright.PENANABjgcyaeKNW
395Please respect copyright.PENANAtufQQfGGhj
"I'm a graphic designer."395Please respect copyright.PENANAXpfLdJaUQc
395Please respect copyright.PENANA4XHmWNGZHT
Well I wasn't expecting that.395Please respect copyright.PENANAcTfuvIVfNG
395Please respect copyright.PENANAHxpEoVTSto
"I also sell ganja on the side. I have links with a ganja farmer."395Please respect copyright.PENANATgy0ATt8kk
395Please respect copyright.PENANAyJGphZdF8s
That's more like it.395Please respect copyright.PENANAp3ZXhH7yvE
395Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0adyPkfQk
We stand there in silence for a few seconds, and then he clears his throat.395Please respect copyright.PENANAXWuwoeG4qY
395Please respect copyright.PENANARR1tp5GDrA
"I have to, use the bathroom. See you later."395Please respect copyright.PENANAHswGC1BcMf
395Please respect copyright.PENANA1jQrQM5bXI
"Okay. Bye."395Please respect copyright.PENANA9I0AbAmsGF
395Please respect copyright.PENANAPL3vFZbDBF
He walks off and I go to the bar and get myself a glass of ginger ale. I stand idly by the bar for a few moments, and before I know it, Andrea is on the stage.395Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2ft7Hwi5z
395Please respect copyright.PENANAiIQEE04IBA
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Andrea, and tonight, I'll be your hostess. So as you are all probably aware, we are having a poetry/free speaking open mic event tonight. Who would like to go first?"395Please respect copyright.PENANAxRCHojPYgz
395Please respect copyright.PENANAB2xZ74Mazu
A young girl around my age walks awkwardly up to the stage, and performs a dramatic rendition of Dry Foot Bwoy by Louise Bennett.395Please respect copyright.PENANAW72ErttfLN
395Please respect copyright.PENANAXS4phaa8B2
As the night continues, I find myself being more and more entertained. One man performs a ballad inspired by his daughter; a young boy performs a free verse dedicated to his mother in the audience. 395Please respect copyright.PENANA4xpAGbTt0c
395Please respect copyright.PENANAqZgbL5hfgB
Then, a tall gentleman steps onto the stage.395Please respect copyright.PENANAeak7TRDxrh
395Please respect copyright.PENANA1GCXSWnJcr
"Hello. My name is Henry."395Please respect copyright.PENANAXYUoC5EOLL
395Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7nFdbexat
People in the crowd say their greetings.395Please respect copyright.PENANAZEe1yLLEey
395Please respect copyright.PENANAbFflXqEK2d
"Tonight, I will be performing a free verse poem I wrote."395Please respect copyright.PENANAE8ZCyL24qN
395Please respect copyright.PENANANtm2EhQt2u
He clears his voice, then begins.395Please respect copyright.PENANAKa8S74GT8I
395Please respect copyright.PENANAAk7bSUByIa
"Have you ever been in love?395Please respect copyright.PENANAedOxghYSaV
Had your soul so deeply entwined395Please respect copyright.PENANAOAUxdkhJAl
With another's395Please respect copyright.PENANApvSjs2Hq3Z
That you cannot figure where yours ends395Please respect copyright.PENANAJATbI2V6OO
And theirs begins?395Please respect copyright.PENANAocAlGzlgUq
So madly and deeply in love395Please respect copyright.PENANAAJbggqYwAW
That that person's heart beats with yours;395Please respect copyright.PENANAAxoWLL3ue1
Just looking at them is blinding; 395Please respect copyright.PENANA9dhOR1TFYi
It's like staring at a supernova 395Please respect copyright.PENANANmzKyBPSAe
But you do it anyway395Please respect copyright.PENANAiX4o5zlKaU
Because when she's there395Please respect copyright.PENANAt4SP7oZLxk
Logic and Reason die."395Please respect copyright.PENANASDQopdjXT4
395Please respect copyright.PENANArf3SoYbkhK
I feel my stomach curl with unease, tension filling my body, because I know that it's going to go downhill — I can feel it.395Please respect copyright.PENANAi1nvAP0zJx
395Please respect copyright.PENANAhPNRTDjvtP
"Now imagine what it feels like 395Please respect copyright.PENANAa0ocKwEfCA
To have that person395Please respect copyright.PENANAcLmmxNgyDQ
Ripped 395Please respect copyright.PENANAjKtgSgv3NP
From your life;395Please respect copyright.PENANAjejwgweOsV
Torn away from you.395Please respect copyright.PENANALw1clSGXrh
You can't breathe. 395Please respect copyright.PENANAP3pffvr048
You're dead, yet you aren't,395Please respect copyright.PENANAKRD3C09PAl
You still 395Please respect copyright.PENANAJNqJdd1wkX
Walk395Please respect copyright.PENANA9HdOyoeHIt
Talk395Please respect copyright.PENANA0kG6nYTquT
Interact 395Please respect copyright.PENANAxvBu8iWSNL
With the people around you,395Please respect copyright.PENANAx6LlWQZWwo
But on the on the inside, 395Please respect copyright.PENANAEZn6hOwKqw
You're hollow;395Please respect copyright.PENANAURYhLbsNjS
Dead."395Please respect copyright.PENANASaKa8z5Sty
395Please respect copyright.PENANAIl7cNpShsx
This is not how my night was supposed to go.395Please respect copyright.PENANA3DMsyQVK4E
395Please respect copyright.PENANAz5HLFzT9bg
"It's been ten years,395Please respect copyright.PENANAlFCG7ebcTN
My love, 395Please respect copyright.PENANApDcCykef52
And every day, 395Please respect copyright.PENANAtkAvSKWBCv
Every hour, 395Please respect copyright.PENANAjy5R4oYacg
Every second without you 395Please respect copyright.PENANAO2JqJ4Hjtb
Feels like 395Please respect copyright.PENANAcAyPE9Y5Ap
Torture."395Please respect copyright.PENANARsp6g7b9Os
395Please respect copyright.PENANAFaxgYlAZSk
395Please respect copyright.PENANAmkK5K7FErr
By now, I feel like I'm being tortured. I want to leave, but as I look through the viewfinder of my camera, I know more than anything that I can't.395Please respect copyright.PENANAQMHbIADRNr
395Please respect copyright.PENANAKDCv6NEKXM
"I would ask for 395Please respect copyright.PENANAyoxtNno8Qe
Forgiveness,395Please respect copyright.PENANA1gwnaz4Vlg
But I can see that you've... 395Please respect copyright.PENANAM36NYstcWx
Moved on, 395Please respect copyright.PENANAbR3mLKNjSv
And found happiness elsewhere. 395Please respect copyright.PENANAuYvoULaPsr
And I have to live395Please respect copyright.PENANADI3ld4qjBh
With the consequences 395Please respect copyright.PENANAr58KFzlBNE
Of my stupid actions 395Please respect copyright.PENANAPWorcIRPey
For the rest of my life. 395Please respect copyright.PENANAMClbZLDEXr
I have to live with this 395Please respect copyright.PENANAdsMAjxTcyv
Torture, 395Please respect copyright.PENANAHtqPpq2uy3
This 395Please respect copyright.PENANAO7kexuNlFm
Pain,395Please respect copyright.PENANAzAAeUZzXvh
Because I have never stopped,395Please respect copyright.PENANAsicggBbYsr
Loving 395Please respect copyright.PENANAWRZm2SmidK
You,395Please respect copyright.PENANAXXoLu1X9Do
And I don't think I ever will."395Please respect copyright.PENANARbPQ0EUuiC
395Please respect copyright.PENANAqR5KSEyctC
By the end of the poem, I feel like I might drop my camera.395Please respect copyright.PENANAlaq5Z4gDLg
395Please respect copyright.PENANAttSfMCrZZO
All of the emotions that I have been trying to surprises come rushing forward as Henry says his poem, because I know exactly what that feels like. I don't want to remember it, but I do.395Please respect copyright.PENANAdqTP9S7sXN
395Please respect copyright.PENANA3XUjK3ZHF6
Tears fill and spill over my eyes as the audience applaud Henry; I can no longer see Henry through the viewfinder of my camera.395Please respect copyright.PENANA7wjgEGjr61
395Please respect copyright.PENANAbWooe3iCKp
This pain, this ache in my chest, this is what happens when you suppress your emotions, and pretend that your past is nonexistent, when you refuse to acknowledge what was once there.395Please respect copyright.PENANAW2vO2UgiOs
395Please respect copyright.PENANAauuzbx8SNO
Pressing the ignore button on the past — repeatedly, in my case — is not only disrespectful to the highest degree, but also stupid, because the past won't change.395Please respect copyright.PENANAtHOgoaGI2e
395Please respect copyright.PENANApm8SV76raT
The fact that I'm in a place called Poetic Justice and my stupidity has finally caught up to me isn't lost on me. How ironic.395Please respect copyright.PENANA4Avqn4Er0l
395Please respect copyright.PENANA0TstahnwGS
Suddenly, a strong arm is wrapped around me, and the camera is being taken out of my hand. I let out a broken sob into his chest as he rubs my back soothingly. I don't even know how long we stand there like this.395Please respect copyright.PENANAT7csBZCJUp
395Please respect copyright.PENANAyBMdpew66z
In the back of my mind I know that I'm crossing a line, breaking my own rule letting him comfort me like this, but in this moment, I feel too broken to care.395Please respect copyright.PENANAc5pZTc7SjC
395Please respect copyright.PENANAbgnW7bVCZF
395Please respect copyright.PENANASttL9sNPGf
***395Please respect copyright.PENANAOqurPUZMUS
395Please respect copyright.PENANANODtkrqXvu
395Please respect copyright.PENANAr3lOwACm7u
We finally pull apart, and he looks at me cautiously, as if I'll break.395Please respect copyright.PENANAmdIQSsxWET
395Please respect copyright.PENANA8xDNVKejPv
"I'm okay," I say to reassure him.395Please respect copyright.PENANAriOTriJnyl
395Please respect copyright.PENANAudqL1Dvd7e
He doesn't look convinced.395Please respect copyright.PENANAI4GKGwgqf4
395Please respect copyright.PENANA0VWkqLztrv
I look down at the ground and sigh, then look back at him. 395Please respect copyright.PENANAbV4ePCpTiQ
395Please respect copyright.PENANABaNwyUuHy0
Then I realise he isn't holding my camera.395Please respect copyright.PENANARhNFww0EAR
395Please respect copyright.PENANAmre9hcjvYD
"Where's my camera?" I ask frantically.395Please respect copyright.PENANAxW6RXS9spx
395Please respect copyright.PENANAdVCd2vXwAw
He nods behind me, and I see my camera bag sitting on a table behind us. I sigh loudly in relief.395Please respect copyright.PENANAbBpo1cCSSt
395Please respect copyright.PENANAUd6d7LLcDH
I look up at him, and maybe it's because of how vulnerable but safe I'm feeling with him right now, but what I say next just feels right.395Please respect copyright.PENANA1rRWChQWw8
395Please respect copyright.PENANA9NshOQQnx7
"I've been in love before; madly, madly, deeply in love," I say, my voice cracking all over the place. I take a shaky breath. "It hurts to think about what could have been; what will never be. I wanted to be a mother, to be the mother of his children." 395Please respect copyright.PENANAjD1oMlul6T
395Please respect copyright.PENANAXv949iM1L9
I'm hyperventilating.395Please respect copyright.PENANARvAcyKbSaU
395Please respect copyright.PENANAFBSaPCHY8P
"Breathe, Leah. Take deep, steady breaths," he says to me while rubbing circles into my back.395Please respect copyright.PENANAcoRs5Zosup
395Please respect copyright.PENANA2xbXNNF678
When I finally calm down he speaks again.395Please respect copyright.PENANAwpwkvyw8eY
395Please respect copyright.PENANASs0TtKMQD3
"If you don't mind telling me... what happened?"395Please respect copyright.PENANAUlT0PoFCyc
395Please respect copyright.PENANAydFqYJdvHw
My chest starts to hurt, my eyes are burning, but I owe him an answer. I brought this up.395Please respect copyright.PENANA1ANzAJ7URq
395Please respect copyright.PENANAk0ZVynkJME
I look him dead in the face as my eyes fill with tears once more.395Please respect copyright.PENANAniPhXvNYcM
395Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5Un0AeVmO
"He died."
ns 172.69.7.134da2