It's been about two weeks since the wedding, and my lip has returned to its normal state. I can't say I'm not pleased.383Please respect copyright.PENANAT4G0pjXby2
383Please respect copyright.PENANAwmQI0hvHVW
I haven't seen David since the morning after the wedding; I've had at least one photo shoot each day, which is a 180 from the level of struggles that I was facing not even four months ago.383Please respect copyright.PENANALNpXwadYu9
383Please respect copyright.PENANANteFo2xDxl
As I walk to the kitchen in my small apartment, I begin to wonder... what does David do? He's never told me. He must have a pretty good job to own two houses, but somehow, I've been fuckíng the man for weeks now and I still don't know.383Please respect copyright.PENANA8DrGYFkmsa
383Please respect copyright.PENANAivJgtbgw0W
I shrug off the thought, and reach up to open the cabinet and pull down the jar of Jablum Instant Coffee, I feel a sharp pain in the left side of my pelvis.383Please respect copyright.PENANAb70HXelgBI
383Please respect copyright.PENANAPRjByGJ4ie
"Fuck," I hiss, bending over.383Please respect copyright.PENANAGMBn2I7r5A
383Please respect copyright.PENANApfDphqGxUH
This is what you get for not eating dinner last night. Gas pains.383Please respect copyright.PENANAnQp8ClStv9
383Please respect copyright.PENANAGG9tUL2Zia
I straighten up and reach for the coffee again, this time retrieving it, and make myself a cup of steaming black coffee with scrambled eggs and bread along with it (I'm too lazy to do anything else).383Please respect copyright.PENANAdImY1Tetgq
383Please respect copyright.PENANAnfEWzM9srA
So, back to David. What does he do? For some reason, I wouldn't be surprised if he was into some shady shit. 383Please respect copyright.PENANAbUHmP1k2xb
383Please respect copyright.PENANAOQJQIIFqU8
Oh, well. 383Please respect copyright.PENANAXbp2jF8OUj
383Please respect copyright.PENANAQEEm6xAqqu
I guess I'll just have to ask the next time I see him. I make a mental note to do so, and even though I'm extremely forgetful, I'm pretty sure that I'll remember this.383Please respect copyright.PENANA75gV38JC9w
383Please respect copyright.PENANAiGuSyozvNk
After resolving to ask David about his occupation the next time we speak, I continue to eat, not really for the taste of the food, but rather out of necessity. It's something that happens to me sometimes — I don't feel the urge to eat, but I know that I have to do I force myself to.383Please respect copyright.PENANA0d2hYk28eJ
383Please respect copyright.PENANAVsHqW6wYiY
On other occasions, I'm like a pig, consuming everything in sight until I feel as if I'm about to burst like that poor man at the end of 'Monty Python's The Meaning of Life'. 383Please respect copyright.PENANANI6FndKee6
383Please respect copyright.PENANAKI8O6hlON6
I have no idea why my eating patterns are so random — they aren't affected by my mood or period, they just seem inconsistent.383Please respect copyright.PENANAUHTdfMW1ST
383Please respect copyright.PENANAqRyqYzGmB7
After I finish and wash up the plates, I go back to my room and check my phone.383Please respect copyright.PENANAkBjTPH6eUi
383Please respect copyright.PENANAegVQxkxLRW
I have two missed calls from none other than Marcus.383Please respect copyright.PENANAzzw62uylMd
383Please respect copyright.PENANAmu9pGvPBM1
"Answer your goddamn phone," he growls when I call him back.383Please respect copyright.PENANAKzv8XsYfHB
383Please respect copyright.PENANAsgm6b9MU3a
"Whatever. Why are you calling me?"383Please respect copyright.PENANAcHkrBHDy0h
383Please respect copyright.PENANATfnPm3FTip
"You have a new job offering. It's an event. But—"383Please respect copyright.PENANAQwulvUU0y3
383Please respect copyright.PENANAutTEJhKLIC
"I—"383Please respect copyright.PENANAmTLTVgUbL5
383Please respect copyright.PENANABJFrFg87Gz
"But—"383Please respect copyright.PENANA57kHLYeQQJ
383Please respect copyright.PENANA7AAEPH5STS
"You—"383Please respect copyright.PENANAyga1n72jMD
383Please respect copyright.PENANAYY8i5fD7zx
"But," he says, drawing out the word so that I will let him continue.383Please respect copyright.PENANA0fAmacLWm8
383Please respect copyright.PENANAc4C6lAJcev
I shut up.383Please respect copyright.PENANApa4rgJmAoP
383Please respect copyright.PENANAZ05Zy3jhUd
"It's a free speaking/poetry open mic event. They're offering thirty thousand, because they're a little low on funding, but—"383Please respect copyright.PENANAeR91TJBvti
383Please respect copyright.PENANAd27rWBhQis
"I'll go," I say before he can finish his sentence. I love poetry — and he knows it. I love reading it, I love writing it, I love hearing it. There's no way I'm passing up this opportunity.383Please respect copyright.PENANAyAZYiXN6tg
383Please respect copyright.PENANA7izFsBVaXG
"Great. It's on Thursday coming at nine p.m. I'll text you the address and remember to get there early."383Please respect copyright.PENANAhWFpMLE1bY
383Please respect copyright.PENANAFYAS7wtpkM
"Yes, sir!" I say in mock salute.383Please respect copyright.PENANAypuPiViFws
383Please respect copyright.PENANAmhRGcFwDMY
I hear him laugh through the phone.383Please respect copyright.PENANAR3AG0gM8E6
383Please respect copyright.PENANAYA7SNEZWe7
"By, Leah."383Please respect copyright.PENANA4hm8KdH9wY
383Please respect copyright.PENANABjTilg9cCw
"Bye."383Please respect copyright.PENANAbqXSavomfL
383Please respect copyright.PENANAlwMi6ccEag
I sigh as I hang up the phone. Today is Monday. What is it with all of the late bookings? 383Please respect copyright.PENANATbRmSbXSZH
383Please respect copyright.PENANAIaEKY5uvFe
Well, at least you aren't broke anymore.383Please respect copyright.PENANAsAm3hL9AjG
383Please respect copyright.PENANA19ZiE8lSNT
With that optimistic thought in mind, I go back to the kitchen for another cup of coffee.383Please respect copyright.PENANAU8eGLr801j
383Please respect copyright.PENANAAj92LEZhz4
383Please respect copyright.PENANAlaKuBaCBY0
***383Please respect copyright.PENANAGppNjWZC5E
383Please respect copyright.PENANAZuunx2hfBp
383Please respect copyright.PENANA2rM7LBzkJ5
Poetic Justice is a small, intimate setting. It is located outdoors, and has a small stage area with a few small tables and a bar located at the back.383Please respect copyright.PENANAXGYVGqg9Z4
383Please respect copyright.PENANAN6YvZEWdAY
"Hello, you must be Leah," says a young woman who has just approached me, dressed in a pair of jeans and a grey blouse.383Please respect copyright.PENANANlxyqJXcw4
383Please respect copyright.PENANAnR0KDecU1T
"Good evening. Andrea, right?" I ask. That's the name Marcus gave me.383Please respect copyright.PENANA4X4BVV8N2a
383Please respect copyright.PENANA01jm9LYVwW
"Yes," she replies, and begins to walk, so naturally, I walk with her.383Please respect copyright.PENANAxKyxC7NVUK
383Please respect copyright.PENANAcitbk5ncYm
"The bar is straight to the back. Have whatever you want; I've already told the bartender that your drinks are on the house. And feel free to come up and do a little poem; putting down the camera for five minutes won't hurt," she says with a smile, then turns and walks away.383Please respect copyright.PENANAwUK8oToFPT
383Please respect copyright.PENANAPO821jv5Yd
Well that's an odd offer. 383Please respect copyright.PENANA2KdjYJ7G2F
383Please respect copyright.PENANAkuWqEeKq9Q
I sigh and place my camera bag on a table near to me and start to set up my camera.383Please respect copyright.PENANALnGg8Jqnsi
383Please respect copyright.PENANASCSFETRQiA
"Leah," I hear in a voice that is all to familiar.383Please respect copyright.PENANABnK3Qnr97D
383Please respect copyright.PENANA48r56kOTWh
"David?" I reply, spinning to face him. "What are you doing here?"383Please respect copyright.PENANARdIKOSq4qR
383Please respect copyright.PENANAqm0rAwnOGK
"I come here all the time," he replies, his eyebrows knitted together, "and I love poetry."383Please respect copyright.PENANAUrKTZ0Jb31
383Please respect copyright.PENANAkI2TIf6GSx
"So do I."383Please respect copyright.PENANAO3FfRWdvOg
383Please respect copyright.PENANA2Y1gZ3J7nP
I now have my camera in my hand, and I remember the pressing question that I had for him.383Please respect copyright.PENANANhWObW1Xe8
383Please respect copyright.PENANA3ontfNXyMn
"What do you do for a living?" I blurt out.383Please respect copyright.PENANAiGh9YWsXsu
383Please respect copyright.PENANACMqYVKPdCF
To be honest, I'm prepared to hear anything; from a drug dealer, to a pimp. I wouldn't judge him, though.383Please respect copyright.PENANASa6huNpPb8
383Please respect copyright.PENANA4bYwTTklqY
"I'm a graphic designer."383Please respect copyright.PENANAqQRM6JQoyo
383Please respect copyright.PENANA3P6SiQYOEZ
Well I wasn't expecting that.383Please respect copyright.PENANAJWbnuYyUtj
383Please respect copyright.PENANA49eh2fBx5F
"I also sell ganja on the side. I have links with a ganja farmer."383Please respect copyright.PENANAwNO2cnKtDy
383Please respect copyright.PENANAEa2WMWxH7N
That's more like it.383Please respect copyright.PENANAp6QJcjvdQN
383Please respect copyright.PENANAulvSzN5vAu
We stand there in silence for a few seconds, and then he clears his throat.383Please respect copyright.PENANA6mrlRhO7J8
383Please respect copyright.PENANAiwayUBVDzk
"I have to, use the bathroom. See you later."383Please respect copyright.PENANAFBFSorj69E
383Please respect copyright.PENANANfsbDIh5nw
"Okay. Bye."383Please respect copyright.PENANAXdR3vXXzYE
383Please respect copyright.PENANArEmyuZblCa
He walks off and I go to the bar and get myself a glass of ginger ale. I stand idly by the bar for a few moments, and before I know it, Andrea is on the stage.383Please respect copyright.PENANA8T5NkliCPQ
383Please respect copyright.PENANAyjpS1Iy2OX
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Andrea, and tonight, I'll be your hostess. So as you are all probably aware, we are having a poetry/free speaking open mic event tonight. Who would like to go first?"383Please respect copyright.PENANAPkWZehQFn0
383Please respect copyright.PENANAbemIqr0G6P
A young girl around my age walks awkwardly up to the stage, and performs a dramatic rendition of Dry Foot Bwoy by Louise Bennett.383Please respect copyright.PENANAH7Dekfz8Bx
383Please respect copyright.PENANAyXBuuex8y7
As the night continues, I find myself being more and more entertained. One man performs a ballad inspired by his daughter; a young boy performs a free verse dedicated to his mother in the audience. 383Please respect copyright.PENANAvch7woTnLp
383Please respect copyright.PENANA2tguA3DR0H
Then, a tall gentleman steps onto the stage.383Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6htZjPKqR
383Please respect copyright.PENANADyPTbmSKe7
"Hello. My name is Henry."383Please respect copyright.PENANAx0cSRNrpJB
383Please respect copyright.PENANAAItk9YV0U0
People in the crowd say their greetings.383Please respect copyright.PENANAgzrPNXitFF
383Please respect copyright.PENANAT5iiTnk0qz
"Tonight, I will be performing a free verse poem I wrote."383Please respect copyright.PENANAkqKPEWMLWd
383Please respect copyright.PENANAobLLa1P9lE
He clears his voice, then begins.383Please respect copyright.PENANAYk1w9jTGXo
383Please respect copyright.PENANAYxzGLjFncm
"Have you ever been in love?383Please respect copyright.PENANAbidVXCreQb
Had your soul so deeply entwined383Please respect copyright.PENANA1K65Ssmtwk
With another's383Please respect copyright.PENANAzDNtMX1mEI
That you cannot figure where yours ends383Please respect copyright.PENANAA9gqUcl6vB
And theirs begins?383Please respect copyright.PENANAsfIZ8xmVYD
So madly and deeply in love383Please respect copyright.PENANA4Y9na8n5gX
That that person's heart beats with yours;383Please respect copyright.PENANAol4vyFxxSb
Just looking at them is blinding; 383Please respect copyright.PENANAd94x5K2gNj
It's like staring at a supernova 383Please respect copyright.PENANAkWx5KMYKsi
But you do it anyway383Please respect copyright.PENANAJVts0mkjpi
Because when she's there383Please respect copyright.PENANAdUJJ5WS6eA
Logic and Reason die."383Please respect copyright.PENANAfdNFnwh3Tg
383Please respect copyright.PENANACHDZrwsdHH
I feel my stomach curl with unease, tension filling my body, because I know that it's going to go downhill — I can feel it.383Please respect copyright.PENANA36DkE23d3t
383Please respect copyright.PENANApomXkBOAvJ
"Now imagine what it feels like 383Please respect copyright.PENANAHuLU6kDd8W
To have that person383Please respect copyright.PENANAJDlJ7tBf0h
Ripped 383Please respect copyright.PENANA0Iffv6Fbq9
From your life;383Please respect copyright.PENANAhlyYG2zkpz
Torn away from you.383Please respect copyright.PENANAyJsdW9t38i
You can't breathe. 383Please respect copyright.PENANAd8azECsck5
You're dead, yet you aren't,383Please respect copyright.PENANAbH4FiVUs5R
You still 383Please respect copyright.PENANAUBnjRwrKtQ
Walk383Please respect copyright.PENANA5PGD2hcz4W
Talk383Please respect copyright.PENANAeJqAacrILK
Interact 383Please respect copyright.PENANAgQYPsa4wdM
With the people around you,383Please respect copyright.PENANABGmRHiXSWk
But on the on the inside, 383Please respect copyright.PENANA3jIYLEQviz
You're hollow;383Please respect copyright.PENANA4rrrbOuUSQ
Dead."383Please respect copyright.PENANAb6RwhYBEYN
383Please respect copyright.PENANAILTSz3jtMf
This is not how my night was supposed to go.383Please respect copyright.PENANAc2EaA5Brat
383Please respect copyright.PENANAf7JpTg08uG
"It's been ten years,383Please respect copyright.PENANAvGluMvO43l
My love, 383Please respect copyright.PENANA1LLoT1l7ko
And every day, 383Please respect copyright.PENANAyPP0xwk5LQ
Every hour, 383Please respect copyright.PENANAwojPhTV6dp
Every second without you 383Please respect copyright.PENANAEarREjl6vA
Feels like 383Please respect copyright.PENANAFqKkNZdaaX
Torture."383Please respect copyright.PENANAoPQVnOKLZs
383Please respect copyright.PENANA4RxviJci8g
383Please respect copyright.PENANAN3oDlZO3x0
By now, I feel like I'm being tortured. I want to leave, but as I look through the viewfinder of my camera, I know more than anything that I can't.383Please respect copyright.PENANAi10CyfEIpS
383Please respect copyright.PENANAPI0Gc1BiRZ
"I would ask for 383Please respect copyright.PENANAZhzdCTu1Pm
Forgiveness,383Please respect copyright.PENANAp3pBaw8PGY
But I can see that you've... 383Please respect copyright.PENANAou5sPQFtq7
Moved on, 383Please respect copyright.PENANA3cpBkxBRuB
And found happiness elsewhere. 383Please respect copyright.PENANA0sTEBm8g6s
And I have to live383Please respect copyright.PENANAQCmQ7sAyKi
With the consequences 383Please respect copyright.PENANAosz6Kr5y75
Of my stupid actions 383Please respect copyright.PENANAEsQKO5c7Fg
For the rest of my life. 383Please respect copyright.PENANATAZX9Ht2QX
I have to live with this 383Please respect copyright.PENANABbOs7W45py
Torture, 383Please respect copyright.PENANAL6u9vpuhCB
This 383Please respect copyright.PENANAmSCiThKqxz
Pain,383Please respect copyright.PENANAjfszd3IvMu
Because I have never stopped,383Please respect copyright.PENANAobR7DXRvFC
Loving 383Please respect copyright.PENANAUN7CIcyPOK
You,383Please respect copyright.PENANA7dU2hbMwmO
And I don't think I ever will."383Please respect copyright.PENANAqeDUuduf6n
383Please respect copyright.PENANAKJRskDUXKG
By the end of the poem, I feel like I might drop my camera.383Please respect copyright.PENANAxEGDaEYBWF
383Please respect copyright.PENANAbxbrqX6lL0
All of the emotions that I have been trying to surprises come rushing forward as Henry says his poem, because I know exactly what that feels like. I don't want to remember it, but I do.383Please respect copyright.PENANASGDEMafjdI
383Please respect copyright.PENANAij9Uka04e7
Tears fill and spill over my eyes as the audience applaud Henry; I can no longer see Henry through the viewfinder of my camera.383Please respect copyright.PENANALtvuOO5hJ7
383Please respect copyright.PENANA29FLljC1Ih
This pain, this ache in my chest, this is what happens when you suppress your emotions, and pretend that your past is nonexistent, when you refuse to acknowledge what was once there.383Please respect copyright.PENANAp1Bt8Bj1pR
383Please respect copyright.PENANA3PXIPTUogE
Pressing the ignore button on the past — repeatedly, in my case — is not only disrespectful to the highest degree, but also stupid, because the past won't change.383Please respect copyright.PENANAVyQvlrj04z
383Please respect copyright.PENANAVG0ZahmORq
The fact that I'm in a place called Poetic Justice and my stupidity has finally caught up to me isn't lost on me. How ironic.383Please respect copyright.PENANAisDqx9HA85
383Please respect copyright.PENANAAF0c4yPVW1
Suddenly, a strong arm is wrapped around me, and the camera is being taken out of my hand. I let out a broken sob into his chest as he rubs my back soothingly. I don't even know how long we stand there like this.383Please respect copyright.PENANAMGk0YC4roh
383Please respect copyright.PENANAjhXPkAvt0h
In the back of my mind I know that I'm crossing a line, breaking my own rule letting him comfort me like this, but in this moment, I feel too broken to care.383Please respect copyright.PENANADmSVCwLyza
383Please respect copyright.PENANAGKJHZs91jI
383Please respect copyright.PENANAg0xSnQxV1q
***383Please respect copyright.PENANAtCWSmWE5IR
383Please respect copyright.PENANAQLcUbzY9Wa
383Please respect copyright.PENANAFhPV3omC6x
We finally pull apart, and he looks at me cautiously, as if I'll break.383Please respect copyright.PENANAbjMOjCJ45x
383Please respect copyright.PENANAMTUe22Y9FB
"I'm okay," I say to reassure him.383Please respect copyright.PENANAE8qNo4ZNGL
383Please respect copyright.PENANAvDLIFbGCPo
He doesn't look convinced.383Please respect copyright.PENANA1cJSUC1ORQ
383Please respect copyright.PENANAcnX59877IO
I look down at the ground and sigh, then look back at him. 383Please respect copyright.PENANAiUtxz090zy
383Please respect copyright.PENANAW9UsCCXohH
Then I realise he isn't holding my camera.383Please respect copyright.PENANAexFvwFoEMm
383Please respect copyright.PENANAN0E6aQEen0
"Where's my camera?" I ask frantically.383Please respect copyright.PENANAfFkDYVp5YN
383Please respect copyright.PENANAKh9yJ5DlCr
He nods behind me, and I see my camera bag sitting on a table behind us. I sigh loudly in relief.383Please respect copyright.PENANAd2dYLrWOYr
383Please respect copyright.PENANAcgBdwge3YP
I look up at him, and maybe it's because of how vulnerable but safe I'm feeling with him right now, but what I say next just feels right.383Please respect copyright.PENANAe3LEYNOS0n
383Please respect copyright.PENANALPjmifBN6N
"I've been in love before; madly, madly, deeply in love," I say, my voice cracking all over the place. I take a shaky breath. "It hurts to think about what could have been; what will never be. I wanted to be a mother, to be the mother of his children." 383Please respect copyright.PENANAxbkPzwYVWM
383Please respect copyright.PENANAMjfLE4AyCA
I'm hyperventilating.383Please respect copyright.PENANAtwGl9vm4uI
383Please respect copyright.PENANANOAAWoyvmm
"Breathe, Leah. Take deep, steady breaths," he says to me while rubbing circles into my back.383Please respect copyright.PENANAkRrl4GABfh
383Please respect copyright.PENANA6xa7qVpkgR
When I finally calm down he speaks again.383Please respect copyright.PENANAlfxdHX9Uxl
383Please respect copyright.PENANAXy2DvgWW4y
"If you don't mind telling me... what happened?"383Please respect copyright.PENANAN0TQ6xiFoZ
383Please respect copyright.PENANAaUOpEqYCla
My chest starts to hurt, my eyes are burning, but I owe him an answer. I brought this up.383Please respect copyright.PENANAtL4mPZgkU3
383Please respect copyright.PENANAttSkPOEBFQ
I look him dead in the face as my eyes fill with tears once more.383Please respect copyright.PENANAZzet3U613i
383Please respect copyright.PENANAsH2318yz0m
"He died."
ns 172.71.254.182da2