Derek
For some men their worst moments consist of not being able to get their dream job, getting dumped, not being able to get it up when getting it on with a really hot chick, or even drunk texting. But for me, it's knowing that a male gynecologist has my fate in his hands. I mean, the man is like an evil clown. Smiling all the time, asking if we're alright.
Seriously? Doesn't he know I'm about to have a heart attack?
Obviously, he has a right to be happy. The guy gets to see and inspect vaginas for a living.... every day. Under other circumstances, he would have been my hero. However, at this very moment, all I feel is nervousness. Perspiration soaking my clothes disputes the fact that the air conditioner is on. It definitely doesn't help when it feels like the Evil Doctor is just torturing us with his smiles and pleasantries, other than moving faster to give us the information we need. We came here for a reason stud, not so you can show off your charming personality.
Gosh! I can feel a migraine coming on.
"Geez! I wonder when he was gonna leave to get the damn results!" I sneered as soon as the doctor left the room.
"Shhhh! Someone might hear you," she whispered warningly. "Plus, you were the one who wanted to come."
I threw my hands up in frustration. "You shhhh! Don't you shhhh me! Don't you think you have tortured me enough? Having me wait a whole two weeks only to torture me some more with Dr. Smiley's face. So don't you dare shhhh me. I shhhh whenever I want to shhhh!"
She rolled her eyes while shrugging off my panic attack. "Such a child."
Now that got me. I didn't know if it was the constant stress that I was under but I just snapped. "You sure as hell didn't think I was childish when you were fucking my brains out! If anyone should be called a child, it's definitely you." I pointed at her. "If you hadn't, " air quoted, "'forgot' to take your pills we wouldn't be in this predicament."
"It was a simple mistake," she stated sadly, trying to defend herself.
"A simple mistake! A simple mistake is forgetting your car keys or staining your shirt! Not a life-changing thing like this. If you had even pissed on a stick like a normal human, I would be okay!"
"I wanted a professional's opinion. Those sticks aren't a hundred percent accurate," she stated matter of factly.
A hiss of teeth was the only thing she got as an answer.
She fidgets uncomfortably on the bed. "Plus, I didn't want false information. How would it look if I got pregnant for a twenty-two-year-old?"
Damn! She was right.
What's my mom gonna think? It's one thing to impregnate a girl in your age group but imagine.....
"Oh, God!" I clasped the right side of my chest in pain. "I'm having a heart attack!"
I closed my eyes and tried breathing through the pain. It may look a little exaggerating but what'd you expect? I'm having a heart attack!
"Oh, for crying out loud! Stop being melodramatic! Your heart is on the left side of your chest, you idiot!" she argued, clearly annoyed.
Wait! She's right!
Huffing, I glared at her while shifting my hand to the left side of my chest instead. "You should be ashamed of yourself. Is this how you treat a dying man?"
She opened her mouth to argue but clamped it back shut when the notorious doctor walked in.
"Who's dying?"
A groan fell from my lips before I began pacing the small space.
He slowly sat on his chair next to the bed wearing that God awful smile. "I know this must have been stressing times for you."
Again with the pleasantries!
"Oh God! Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?" I looked up to the ceiling for his answer but got none other than a puzzled expression from the doctor and a shrug from Ms. Suck up.
"Don't mind him, he didn't get to take his medication this morning." That only made the doctor all the more intrigued. She fanned me away. "So the results?"
My ears perked at the word results. Adjusting the neck of my shirt I suddenly felt claustrophobic. Anxiety seeping through my pores. I suddenly felt as if I was about to faint. Trying to keep strong my gaze flickered to Lisa's, and checking by her expression she too was dreading this moment. So I put my big guy briefs on and went to her side, entwining our fingers together.
The doctor started off right away. "Well, guys I'm sorry to say....."
Oh my, Cathy is never gonna be with me now. My mom is gonna kill me then dig back up my grave and kill me then bury me again. Not even going to mention my dad, he's gonna disown me for sure. No more condos, shiny new cars, excessive spending. No more.....No more...
Oh, poor Lisa! My parents are going to make her life a living hell when they find out. And the poor kid..... whatever type you are I'm not gonna let you down.
My brain decided to shut down when I saw tears trickling down Lisa's rosy cheeks.
Oh, Lisa...
Sitting on the bed I pulled her in my arms. The doctor then cleared his throat, "I should give you two some time alone," before walking out.
Rubbing her back in soothing circles, I allowed her to let the tears flow. "It's gonna be okay. I know I'm not the best guy in the world but..."
Seeing her look so defeated I knew that no matter what I wouldn't let her and our baby down. "I'm gonna be the best baby daddy you ever had."
Seeing that I'll be the only baby daddy but what the hell, we all have to start somewhere right?
Still sobbing she looked at me with wounded eyes. "I'll start practicing with the Chicago Cubs right after graduation. I know it's gonna be hard especially since am gonna be the rookie on the team. I would probably be benched for some of their games but—"
"What?" Lisa asked through tears.
"But I'm gonna work my ass off so I'll be able to support you and the baby."
"Wait, Derek."
"I'm really not sure how this parenting thing goes but I can learn. I'm gonna be with you every step of the way and I'm willing to go the extra mile for you and our baby."
"Derek, weren't you listening? The doctor said I wasn't pregnant," she explained.
Huh? Wait! What? That can't be right.
"B-but... you're.... you're crying," I stuttered, unable to believe my ears.
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "It's mostly tears of joy and the remaining stress of my life."
She's not pregnant, a voice chided. I can be able to be with Cathy!
Feeling lighter, I exclaimed, "Oh!"
The way how I felt happy everything after that became a blur. The last thing I remembered was the doctor barging back in the room to declared that he wanted to prep for his next appointment. How I drove her home was beyond me.
Turning in her driveway way, I shut the vehicle off. "I'm sorry I freaked out....or embarrassed you."
She sat staring straight ahead. "It's okay, I wanted to freak out too. In the end, you did showed how mature and sweet you can be."
A smile tugged on my lips. "Yeah, we had some good times too."
Her laughter rang out. "Remember that time we went to that new restaurant out of town?"
"Yeah, and we ordered that dish, I still can't pronounce it, and you had an allergic reaction," I finished.
She giggled. "Oh God yes! But amazingly you were my hero. You visited me every day, ensuring I took my medication and even cooked. I never pegged you for a laundry kind of guy, so I was beyond shocked by the end of the week," she ranted on beaming until her eyes met mine.
"I'm really gonna miss you....and your occasional childish behaviors... drama King," she teased.
Chuckling, I defended, "Well life can't always be black and white. That's just too boring."
We both laughed.
"Let me walk you to your door," I offered.
"Always the gentleman." She pulled her door getting out.
Walking to her door we were interrupted by someone. "Mrs. Lizzy-ann Funnel?"
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"Adrian?"
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