Z’s Pov
The image of Zaira and Dean kissing in front of the diner kept blocking my mind so much that it refrained me from going over the possibilities of why she did that, and honestly, I didn't want to go over those possibilities.
She is perfectly well aware of my thoughts about cheating and how it had sabotaged my complete youth. She knew better than anyone I'd be pissed if I found out about her unfaithfulness.
My mind kept over to how mother and father cheated the same way and ended up ruining my life over their selfish desires. I kept connecting those two incidents.
The fear of abandonment which was pushed to the corner of my brain over the years just jumped back like a ball bouncing back off the floor and hit me square in the face. I don't think my mental health can go through the same process of hurt and disownment yet again.
Suddenly, the fear vanished and I knew that I had to do whatever that I needed for myself this time. I knew that I wouldn't let people walk over my feelings and trust again and again. I wouldn't let it slide this time. I won’t let her get away with leaving me for some other guy like mother.
Mother got away with it, she won't. I will take care of it myself.
All the worst moments, which was basically half of my life, kept replaying in my mind like a film and everything was blurry, not just my head but also my vision.
My knees and legs felt as if they were twigs and stones. The dim lit corridor outside my apartment looked like a dead end with no light and in seconds without a warning, my brain shut down and my heavy legs gave out and hit the floor.
I don't know how much time passed when I laid unconscious there on the corridor floor, but my head was hurting like someone was hitting it with a hammer. I managed to squint my eyes open and tried to get up with the support of my palms.
I probably passed out from the stress this situation was giving me. I cannot justify the emotions I'm going through. I needed something that would get my mind off of things, the noise in the apartment always did the task, yet today, it was still as water just occasional ripples.
I managed to open the door and drag myself to the bed and just lay down because I cannot bring myself to do anything.
For a moment, the anger and the feeling of betrayal just turned into hurt and I let it all out. I somehow managed to endure everything in my life without havin a final mental breakdown, who knew Zaira would end up hitting the last nail.
I felt hot tears slide down my face and get soaked into the pillow as I let the ache from my heart finally consume me. My sobs echoed in my noiseless empty apartment and I hated every second of it. I hated how the empty house acutely described how i felt at this very moment and also how i had felt my whole life. Loneliness overwhelmed me as I cried over everything that I was ever put through.
I love her so much, I tried to give her everything I could. I was kind, sweet and fun. Was being accepted and loved too much to ask for?
If she is willing to stay with me even after she cheated on me then I can make my peace with it. If she decides to leave me, then it's over.
I’m not letting anyone leave me again ever again.
The mixed thoughts gave me a headache. I slept with my traumatic moments still intact in my brain.
-----
I woke up to dry eyes and a wet pillow.
Even though I was hungry, I had no appetite.
Today was our one month anniversary. She had no clue that I had seen her making out with Dean in tears. I decided to act like i don't know anything and see what she has to say about it. My next steps depend on what decision she makes either to leave or to stay.
Even though I felt angry, betrayed and hurt, I sent her a message which my normal self would.
‘Baby it's our one month <333 get ready! I’m taking you on a fancy date ;)’
She replied an hour later with just ‘okayy :))’
Just as I expected, her tone in the messages seemed off.
I couldn’t wait for the evening, not only because i wanted to get the truth out of her but also because i wanted to see if she had a sense of regret and guilt or not.
I wore dull clothes usually which didn’t bring out the blue in my eyes. I hated my eyes for being just like mother’s, so I always tried to wear clothes that didn't make them noticeable and brighter. Today, black suited the best. I paired them with a pair of blue jeans and converse.
I rented a car for today. I didn't wanna drive her car, also because I was pissed.
I picked up the rented car and drove to Zaira’s at 8 in the evening. I rang her just as I reached her building but it went straight to voicemail.
Was this bitch planning to come or not? The grip on my phone tightened as more minutes passed by and the phone didn't ring back. Dread And anger surged through my body.
I started to get restless to the point where my palms were sweating. I had been waiting for ten minutes, staring at the stupid enterance. Was she with that asshole Dean?
Few minutes later she came out of the building wearing a dress which was hugging her like a second skin. This is not a day for her to be reminding me more of mother.
I tried to mask my displeasement and gave her a smile. She closed the door as she got comfortable in the car. I moved forward to kiss her, just as our lips touched within mere seconds she pulled away. Either away from guilt or was it because you wanted to be faithful to Dean now? Huh Zaira?
My eyes stayed on her as I started the car and she fidgeted under my gaze. She shifted in her seat and I took it as a sign of nervousness. Her eyes were fixated out of the window.
I’ll show her something interesting outside. The soft music from the radio cut the silence in the car.
“Hey zaira, do you see that brown building at the end of the street on your right?”
I said pointing to it.
“Yeah.. what about it?”
“I used to live there as a child, it’s abandoned now cause it has to be rebuilt”
“I see. It seems lonely” she commented with a low voice, not sure about what her answer should be.
“Are you okay? Do you want to tell me something?” i hinted, not taking my eyes off of her. I wanted to see how she was going to react to it. Her body tensed instantly and she buried her hands in between her legs.
“Uh y-yeah, yeah-h, i’m fine! No no no there’s nothing. I was just thinking about the template design I need to complete '' her hands dug deeper into the seat. Her voice stuttered as she tried to rush her words and lie.
I was taking her to a gazebo restaurant, it was away from the part of the city. Even though I'm pissed as hell right now, I wanted to have a good date with her.
As we reached, I got out and extended my arm for her to take. When she did, I could feel her clammy hands and nervousness radiating from her whole body.
The whole time we were having dinner she didn't meet my eyes for more than two seconds. Her eyes screamed guilt at this point.
I didn't want to tell her that I had witnessed her cheating, I wanted her to come clean on her own so I just pushed her to do so because if I did tell her first, it wouldn't be in the sweetest way.
“You seem kinda out of it? Are you sure you are okay? Would you like to talk about it?”
“No, i’m totally okay” she said with a stressed smile which didn't reach her eyes.
This lying bitch. My fists balled and my nails dug into my palms. I kept my arm on the table and it was louder than I intended. She flinched and almost dropped her fork. I quickly tried to mask my anger because I didn't want to create a scene here in public. I almost demanded for answers.
“Would you like dessert?” I spoke through a forced smile and gritted teeth.
“Ice cream would be nice..” her words trailed off.
I have never seen her so quiet for as long as I have known her. Usually she wouldn't shut up.
She silently finished her ice cream with just a few words saying that it was delicious.
Zaira Pov
I was trying so hard not to cry, not only because i was feeling guilty and i wanted to tell him that i was going to break up with him because my heart belongs to Dean but also because he for some reason seemed to get infuriated minute by minute. I wasn't sure what it was over, but my subconscious was telling me that he knew something about Dean and I.
I wasn't able to get words out of my mouth. My mind was trying to find the right words to tell him that this is probably the last time I see him and then break his heart. I was distracted.
I quickly gulped down the ice cream so that we could get out of here as fast as we could cause the atmosphere was getting tense and not in a good way.
We exited the restaurant and got into the car. I know he didn't know anything but if i kept being awkward and silent he’d know something is wrong.
“Today was nice”
I should have thought before saying that because that was clearly a lie and he knew it too. I saw his fists get curled and a vein pop on his temple from my peripheral vision. A shudder ran through my body and I clutched my purse harder.
The ride home was hella awkward and tense. His grip on the steering wheel was so tight that it turned his knuckles white. His eyebrows were knitted together. We were ten minutes away from my home. I needed to tell him.
“You should tell me what's on your mind.” he grumbled in a slow voice. He seemed so scary, I had never seen him this way. I didn't know this side of him existed. I cornered myself to the door and prayed for the time to pass faster.
It was dead silent in the car and suddenly he broke the silent and it was not like the sweet Z i knew. This was someone else. The words, the tone, everything.
“YOU LYING BITCH. I SAW YOU KISSING DEAN, I SAW YOU CHEATING ON ME. YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. HOW COULD YOU. ”
He slammed his fist against the steering wheel and the sharp horn made me jump out of my skin. His body heaved in outrage as the car speed accelerated and I was thrown back into my car with the sudden speed. That was it, my body gave up and tears started flowing. I was having difficulty in breathing. I managed to spit out my confession and it only deteriorated the situation.
“I-i-i lo-ove D-Dean”
The car sped increasingly and my anxiety worsened and I started shaking. Z’s heavy breathing and my sobs filled the car. The car came to a sudden halt in front of my building and I was flung forward. I hit the dashboard hard but right now that wasn't my concern. I wanted to get out of the car. I wasn't sure what he was going to do. Innocence in his eyes had vanished and it was replaced with rage and betrayal.
I fiddled with the car door and the second it opened I rushed to the glass door of the building entrance. My whole body was shaking and my legs were about to give up. I stumbled to the glass doors. For a split second I glanced back and I saw him coming towards me in slow and heavy footsteps.
My hands were quivering so hard, I wasn't able to hold and turn the doorknob. He came closer every second. He was a feet away when i opened the door, i looked back before entering and he had fastened his footsteps. My mind was about to go blank any second because I started to hyperventilate, I tried to close the door behind me to stop him from coming in.
He stepped his foot in before I could close the door. My feet shakingly backup up against the wall. My back touched the cold wall and any means of escape was not visible to me, he walked closer to me and trapped me in between the wall and his whole body.
His eyes were burning with anger and his whole face was red. Veins popped out from his whole neck. His intense deadly stare made me lose my balance and slide down the wall.
He held me by my arms and pinned me against the cold wall, his hot breath fanning against my face. I closed my eyes because i didnt wanna see angry Z.
“LOOK AT ME THE WAY YOU USED TO”
My legs felt lifeless but he kept me held against the wall and spoke in very slow and angry words.
“Your grip..its hurting me Zion..please” i begged.
For a split second, his eyes softened but it was just for a second.
“Yeah, that’s right. That’s a mark, you are mine now. Only mine.
You.will. never. leave. me. Do. you.fucking. Understand?” he hissed. He was marking territory and setting ground rules.
I saw a tear slide down his eye before I lost my consciousness.
ns 172.70.126.64da2