***
~Unknown~
The gentle breeze of this haggard morning twirled in an elegant harmonious ballet the great layers of silk that covered the pits dug in the corners of my sinister room. Indeed, these gigantic satin curtains protected me from the sun.
Hum... The sun which for many of us makes hope shine, which under its warm radiance makes the courage of adventurous spirits waltz, those who are not afraid of losing themselves in pursuit of their dreams. The same sun that sees the blossoming of loves and wearily buries them in the coldest ruptures. The sun under which the child filled with admiration bids his last goodbyes to his hero, who out of a sense of duty, wearing a final smile of gratitude to his five-year-old sailor, will perish in war for the pride of nations. This sun that many wish never to see again but that life forces not to capitulate, because they are for it what the poor are for the rich, a cup of pride.50Please respect copyright.PENANASUcUXylkGb
I am therefore one of those fallen pawns in the game of existence. If the sun is a blessing for some, for me it is a huge ordeal. A bath of its rays, and my skin begins to fester with cracks. For what ? Well, I'm sick. Barely three years ago, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and bone cancer after I collapsed on my piano, drenched in a column of blood while performing one of my favorite symphonies; ‘I Love You’ by RIOPY.50Please respect copyright.PENANAfofpXwpmzC
I have osteoblastic metastases. My body can't destroy worn bones and regenerate new ones, so my little body is cradling a large pile of unhealthy bones. The disease quickly spread to the point of affecting my spinal cord and paralyzing the left side of my body. Another chance to still be alive, isn't it? Maybe. I don't know. What I am sure of, however, is that if it only depended on Hadj's will, my body would already be six feet under; and my soul, my soul? Certainly in hell, with mom whom I didn't know. That's what Hadj told me all the time, I had come to believe that if I hurt myself more often with kitchen blades and edges, I would get used to the suffering of the eternal fire reserved for bad souls of my kind; and I would go and join mum, whom I did not know.50Please respect copyright.PENANAU1c5ioUQLD
And that is the most terrible part of the story. In fact, I don't really care if I'm sick. At least I know my body is preparing me for my last breath. Death is preferable in my situation, close your eyes and never wake up again. That... that looks so simple and peaceful to me! No ? …. Admittedly, I will have a little pain when the tumor and the cancer strike me down for pleasure before I die, but as I said, that at least, this pain at least, it hurts less than sleeping with an old man, isn’t it ?50Please respect copyright.PENANA1trRvADxz0
My paralysis did not slow him down when drunk and horny, he vitiated my rectum with his micropenis. Yet he says he wanted to heal me. I might escape hell if I let him. I let him? Forgive my lie, I had no choice but to let him.
Even today the pain had returned, and today more than any other day it was particularly excruciating, though still bearable. My elbow riveted to the side of the piano, held my head in place, the eyelids plastered on my face were weighed down by fatigue and sadness. I had fun tickling the keys of the piano in abyss to try to forget my bones which were tugging me under my bits of pale skin and damaged by the intensity of the disease. And even though I hummed being ready many times, I kept wondering what it really felt like to die...50Please respect copyright.PENANAE6PfmBVeNq
50Please respect copyright.PENANAx9pekQsdAK
"liir (baby), are you still sleeping?"
50Please respect copyright.PENANAhbrJL6sAJg
Fatum's voice echoed my hearing. Those were the only times I felt safe here, when she was around.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAWWgYHYsfTp
“Liir?… LIIR!!!”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAVzF6b3U9kU
She was panicking, sputtering all over the room looking for my pills. And she would come back all stressed, carry my body on hers, wide and drowned in wrinkles.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAvwZsYtxTIg
“Liir, why ain’t your lal (bed) sle-sleep? Look how tired!'
50Please respect copyright.PENANABJ07pKeHIO
I smiled at her distorted expressions of grief and a little anger. She made an effort to speak despite knowing almost nothing about the language. I loved this little woman. If she had not been there, I would already be in the cohort of angels at this hour, oh! No ! I forgot, I will go to hell, sorry! Sorry!
50Please respect copyright.PENANAIxrH0tnLAd
“Fatum, am I heavy?”
50Please respect copyright.PENANA0rgAkTgJMb
“Not even, light as a piece of fabric too”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAbMyP1tKiwB
"We say as light as a piece of fabric" I laughed softly at her mistakes, that weren’t so bad to be honest.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAuNpDqjUiPn
“But it's great. At least the people carrying my coffin to the grave won't have much to deal with. A heavy corpse? EMBARRASSING!!”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAUpA0qP1HLg
I started to laugh again, alone, I thought I was funny in the end... a humor that she certainly didn't share. She was afraid to face the facts. I was going to die and that is a fact. She continues to hope that God in his mercy will obtain a miracle for me... a miracle.. for me?
50Please respect copyright.PENANARnlBu0KO81
“Yàlla tere! Subanallah! don't go m-death! Stop saying that!”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAp0vMTQf8UQ
We passed in front of the large mirror that Hadj had installed in the center of my room. He wanted it there because he made me stare in the mirror while he chased me away from my demons with every sexual ritual he performed. He wanted to break me. completely. And he had succeeded! Just one look at my reflection, and I wanted to vomit. God, I was excruciating to watch! Large dark circles surrounded my livid eyes hollowed into my face, as in a hole. My partially black skin was damaged by the cracks caused by the symptoms of the tumor. Then, to top it off, I was just a burden, useless. A burden that an illiterate old lady carries on her back. God, how ugly I was!
50Please respect copyright.PENANAh63ZkbS6KQ
"Fatum, please, can you take this mirror away from here?”
She never answered. I knew she couldn’t.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAATCY6Si6LT
“Y-You know, I think make he you keep that mirror be-becase he wants you to think of yourself as a monster, at least he will feel better about you”
50Please respect copyright.PENANA12DvqMjk9a
“And what does he gain by doing that?”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAYZ7Hg3LjF2
“…” she never answered.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAGbp4J6HFRO
"You know, I think he's scared to admit he's... how to you do describe someone with a gangictic head…”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAZhfzhZuzGp
“How do you… to ask questions we say how do you and it’s GIGANTIC!” I exclaimed
50Please respect copyright.PENANAfF2OwtgtRE
“…big snail-like eyes, with a nose..." she ignored
50Please respect copyright.PENANAvykXHqN5Y6
"ugly?"
50Please respect copyright.PENANA2HttMe3OKg
"NO! A MORE STRONG WORD!”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAoEP7Fuqfp4
"hideous?"
50Please respect copyright.PENANAAHYGudsfVD
“Hmm.. a little? That's it...and let me tell you a secret...his breath stinks!!!" she whisper-yelled in my ears as if she were telling me the secret of the 8th wonder of the world.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAV1ozdIHYNK
"REALLY?? Wait...I'm disappointed! I thought I was the only one who noticed!!”
50Please respect copyright.PENANA4TZK6fG3Tm
"Absolutely NOT! I learly…”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAIzQwWERd3v
“nearly” I quickly corrected.
50Please respect copyright.PENANA5zOmMRQL2V
“…fainted last time when he asked me to do she laundry. His breath smells like…like…like a…”
50Please respect copyright.PENANArIE1K2Ev8G
“Like a garbage dump. I mean why do you think I always have a running nose whenever he’s around?”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAD18fA3ZrsN
We both looked at each other and burst out laughing. We laughed at tragedy, not at a funny story. And that's what humans do, they bound over tragedies.
50Please respect copyright.PENANASB2QjoR5bj
"Are you scared too?"
50Please respect copyright.PENANA6Icu4EdDbi
“…” she never answered. She was!
50Please respect copyright.PENANAS3F62Msiyr
“I know he scares you. I know he even beats you. Why don't you go live somewhere else, start a family and have children?! You will end up like me at this pace, waiting for the angel of death.”
50Please respect copyright.PENANA9GKiwuyo63
“Liir, dama la nob (I love you), me I won’t leave s-s-alone here.”
50Please respect copyright.PENANABgPMXyRlH3
Love is not enough, especially when you have to love to sacrifice yourself. Loving someone like me is not enough to save me... but I didn't tell her that, I won’t tell her that.
50Please respect copyright.PENANA0ojkxEiTYd
She was smiling and with all her strength pushed the piano to my bed. I know what she wants. She wants me to be cheerful, smiling with sincere intent and not sarcasm. And immediately, with her help, my fingers were bumping against the keyboard of my piano. Today I would play her one of my best. Riopy's Golden Gate.
It was a miracle to have both hands still working. It was a miracle to hear my soul quiver with every note that my instrument moaned. My fingers danced on the side of the piano, composing a foreign symphony, music from nowhere that healed my mind. When I was playing, there was no more death, no more sickness, no more me. I was no longer in pain, I was no longer sick. No, I wasn't! I existed! I lived ! It was as if all of nature had bent to listen to me shape life and every fiber of my being was igniting a new form of life. Even in my hells, I had created my paradise.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAA0T3iY4CG4
However, I had not known that he was trying to expel me from my trance. I hadn't known he was there, with me, until I saw Fatum fluttering in the dark and crashing into the mirror.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAPTtOnnKPyF
''S-STOP ! stop-it-stop-it-stop-it-stop-it! FUCKING STOP IT!!! DANG!YOU LITTLE FOUL! S-STOP!''
50Please respect copyright.PENANA47oSx8ahQD
"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I FORBIDDEN you to play that DAMNED INSTRUMENT Eh ? How many FUCKING TIMES?''
50Please respect copyright.PENANAgT90cPsmIA
"And you, stupid woman, I ordered you to see that he didn't play THAT thing again! NO?''
50Please respect copyright.PENANA7YTYH5AGpC
“mu am tiis… (he was sad)”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAdz4e0EhV0m
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT HIS EMOTIONS! My roof, my rules!”
50Please respect copyright.PENANAoJcOk8kN9u
The way he swirled his tone when he talked made me stiffen. He looks like a psycho.
I had read somewhere, "Violence is the last refuge of incompetence". Hadj suffered from his incompetence to love, and his incompetence to be loved. Only incompetence at love can cause him to beat an old lady to the point of smashing her face against a mirror and laughing at her face torn by the shards of glass. Only incompetence at love can cause a man to force a child with cancer to submit to the desires of his crotch and leave him there battered, his body in a fever knowing that he can die at any moment. Only incompetence at love can lead him to rape a child in front of an old woman in the name of God.
I had thus understood that the lack of love was also a form of death, if not the worst of all deaths.50Please respect copyright.PENANA3dUPbIrho5
50Please respect copyright.PENANAQAR2OrOUvn
///
~ I think this is my best written chapter so far. I’m so proud and happy about it. Be careful, as I said at the beginning of the story, the events are lost in times!!! So this soul’s pov might not be happening at the same time as Jeremy’s one & every other character to come
And Please leave your opinions in the connect section and vote and share the story if you like it ofc🫶🏾
ns 172.71.254.69da2