Ben271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKsWVbCRgn
February 20, 2005
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fo2sF8MIj
I have no idea how long I've been awake, just staring at her peaceful face.
Who am I? 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNSJCRixC4
What is she doing to me?
It's probably bordering on creepy, but I'm afraid to move even just to catch a glimpse of the clock.
What if I wake her up?
Will she run away again?271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsQPmgjNXM
Will she say it was another mistake?271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KMonuDlRT
Will she ever say yes to dating me?
Pretend dating, of course. Pretend.
When I woke up last night and felt the empty spot next to me, I thought for sure Kat had left me.
Not that I can blame her. I would probably run from me too.
What a weird thought. What if Kat was messed up like me and I was like her? Would we still be in this fucked up situation?
At least she would be the one wanting more with me, instead of the other way around.
I can't even think about Kat being with a bunch of guys. Even just one guy makes me want to punch something.
She's so innocent and perfect, like an angel.
Shit, I'm not saying I'm good enough, at all, but is it wrong to wish, deep down, that she's saved herself...
For me? For our fake relationship?
Yeah, good one, Ben. You are seriously fucked up.
If she's an angel, then I'm a demon.
I will never be good enough for her. She deserves so much more.
I don't deserve her at all. She needs to be with someone who loves her.
You know, someone who cherishes her and thinks the sun shines out her ass. Like how Nate feels about Vanessa. He just knows she's the one. Is it really that simple?
How the fuck does he know for sure?
I doubt I will ever find my "One", but I'm sure Kat will.
I just hope it's long after I'm gone or I might punch the guy.
I press my lips to her forehead, before I can stop myself.
Her body jolts, before she flips onto her back. Should have known better, idiot.
Her eyes open slightly, before she throws her arm over her face, groaning.
I chuckle. She is so fucking adorable.
"So glad I amuse you." Her voice scratchy as she lifts her arm to glare at me.
"You're not a morning person, are you?" I laugh, she has no idea.
She always amuses me, even when she looks like she might castrate me.
She groans again, rubbing her eyes. "Shut up. It's too early for you be this cheerful." She rolls over to face me again, smacking my bare chest.
"I would say you woke up on the wrong side if the bed, but you would just blame me for that." The truth is, I don't want her to have an excuse to never sleep next to me again.
"Well, you technically did say it and I do blame you." The first smile of the day gracing her beautiful face. It's like the sunrise and I am so damn lucky I get to see it.
"Fine, trade me sides." Any excuse to touch her. I wrap my arms around her.
"What?" She squeals as I pull her on top of me. "What are you doing?" Her eyes wide in shock.
"Trading you sides, obviously." Shit, maybe this was a bad idea. Having her straddling me is stirring up something within me.
This feels... right.
"What? Why?" She slaps my chest, but doesn't move her hand away.
"Well, I woke up in a good mood, so obviously I'm on the right side if the bed and you... well, you're obviously on the wrong one. Weren't you listening to what I just said?" God, it's so nice to be the one giving her shit.
She rolls her eyes.
"And now we know, for future reference." Shit, I didn't mean to say that. I'm going to scare her off.
"Future, huh?" She still hasn't tried to move off of me, but if she doesn't soon, Big Ben is going to show up.
"Uh... you know..." Shit. Shit. Shit. What can I even say?
"That's awfully presumptuous." She crosses her arms over her chest. Not that I'm looking.
Nope, definitely not.
"Well, you always seem to come crawling back." I try to make a joke, but it's also a little true.
She glares at me. "Well, I hate to hurt your fragile ego, but I did try to stay in the extra room but you told me I couldn't."
"That wasn't really my fault." I don't tell her there are several "extra rooms" in this house.
"Well, if you remember, I couldn't go back to my dorm room because I was defending you and your man-whoring ways." Shit. She's right. Now I feel like an ass.
"Listen, I'm really not as much of a 'man-whore' as you might think." I use air quotes around that awful word.
"Yeah, right. Do you say that to all the girls on top of you?" If only she knew the truth.
The real me that I hide away.
"I guess so, since I'm usually on top." I lie, rolling us over. I prop myself up on my arms so I'm not squishing her.
She blushes. "Oh my gosh. You are terrible!" She swats at my chest.
"Yeah, yeah. I know." I roll my eyes. Like she would ever believe me if I told her differently.
"Okay, terrible might be a little strong." I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"Thanks..." I know her well enough to know she isn't usually nice to me without a reason.
She clears her throat. "So tell me then, just how many girls have you been with?"
I should have known my little hurricane would ask this.
What do I say? Can I really tell her the truth?
We are fake dating. I guess if she told my secret, I could just blow the cover on this. Not that I want to.
She shoots me a worried look.
Oh no, I forgot to answer her. "Uh..."
Good one, Ben. At least she knows you aren't catatonic, right?
"Are you trying to count?" Her eyes go wide. "Are there really that many?!?"
"What? No!" Shit. Being quiet is only making her think worse of me. "Why do you want to know?" There, I turned it back on here. Whew.
"You said you weren't as much of a man-whore as I thought, but I would like to be the judge of that." Damn it. Why did I say that?
"Oh..." She has a point, but can I really tell her?
"Oh?" She smirks. All the times I teased her for saying the same thing coming back to haunt me.
"Yeah, oh." I really don't think I can do this. God. It's so hot in here. Is the room caving in or is that just me?
"Ben, are you okay?" Her teasing turns into concern. I must really look like shit. She can probably feel me shaking.
"Yeah, I just have to tell you something that I really don't want to." I roll off of her, onto my side to face her. I don't think I could do this while I'm laying on top of her.
"Okay..." I hate that I'm worrying her, but I honestly don't have control over my body right now.
"You want honesty, right?" Maybe she will say no.
"Always." She gives me a small smile.
Shit.271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7CXAswYzEns220.127.116.11da2