Kat478Please respect copyright.PENANAuubgBxGP2m
478Please respect copyright.PENANAHmjmJIuWBh
January 1, 2005
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Same day
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"That's... not... I wasn't..." I try to explain, but now that the lust haze is gone, I am unable to rationalize my actions. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA7VrmULZYBk
Was that what I was doing? I wanted to stop thinking about everything and I figured with what I heard about Ben, he wouldn't complain. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAFUNQwlR6Rk
"Ugh... I'm such an idiot." I cover my face with my hands. I just want to get out of here. Laying next to him in my underwear after being rejected is so embarrassing. I need to leave.478Please respect copyright.PENANApQa3YBriAD
He pulls my hands away from my face. His eyes meeting mine. "No, you aren't. You are just hurting."478Please respect copyright.PENANARkrs5qK3LJ
Is that it?478Please respect copyright.PENANAtvgm7OnBWY
When I caught him with that whore, I was almost relieved. Maybe I'm just not processing my emotions properly... 478Please respect copyright.PENANAol60TUJAAi
I should be devastated. I mean, I am really upset, but I feel more like I'm mourning the life I lost, not the person. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAS1bNQQQwMZ
I think he wanted to get caught. He probably hoped I would join in or something.478Please respect copyright.PENANAdjMPvDSRyA
What a creep. How could I give so much to him? I cannot let myself get wrapped up in another man like that again. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAiNiZ96MCgv
I need to be strong. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA8VDWDHbRr6
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I need to be independent. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAZSMoXBomlG
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I need to make better choices. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA3yU78OyRbG
I need to... not be here. Crap.478Please respect copyright.PENANAnWhuLL1fcR
Ben makes me feel weak and vulnerable.478Please respect copyright.PENANAA2oNRsoLVj
But also powerful and wanted. 478Please respect copyright.PENANASCfBbqrztR
Ugh... I am so confused. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA1QFVMm5hVD
I do know that hopping from one guy literally onto another is not a good choice.478Please respect copyright.PENANAgikqjDwkE5
I also know that nothing casual can happen with my best friend's boyfriend's best friend. That would be all kinds of complicated. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAZlBCLWjWGH
Hopefully I haven't made things too awkward. Oh god, what if they get married? I will have to see him all the time. I will be reminded of this night forever.478Please respect copyright.PENANA0zjIt4Qjs7
He smirks, tucking my hair behind my ear. "There she is, the wheels are turning again." 478Please respect copyright.PENANAlBNC1eTdhq
I can't help the laugh that bubbles up. I probably sound insane, but this night is all sorts of messed up. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAM10Op4idWL
His face lights up and his dimples emerge. Crap. His smile turns my insides to jelly.478Please respect copyright.PENANACrFHGbiQUs
"Come on, Katarina, give the poor little hamster a break. Tell me your thoughts." He gives me a reassuring smile. I'm not sure I like him using my full name, it makes my heart flutter.478Please respect copyright.PENANA7wRGwuDvjP
"I think..." I need a light topic. I just want to ignore my problems. "I think this has been the weirdest night."478Please respect copyright.PENANA4rPlyAgDjW
He nods in agreement. "Weird good or weird bad?"478Please respect copyright.PENANACnBpWWUcij
"Hah... Both?" I wince, knowing he's going to prod for more and I don't want to go any deeper.478Please respect copyright.PENANA7IM5KZaNQX
"I am going to have to agree with you." I was not expecting him to agree. "Although, I think yours had a bit more bad than mine." His hand caresses my cheek and I can't help but lean into his touch. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAyfwjAAB5oj
I am so weak. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAqlpFGpixB9
"Hmm..." His touch is relaxing and I feel the day catching up with me. The emotions and tears taking their toll on my body. 478Please respect copyright.PENANArJnKy3uRnU
"You falling asleep on me, Kitty Kat?" I can hear the smile in his voice, but I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.478Please respect copyright.PENANAwZdAHni2z0
"I am not a cat." I say, as sternly as I can muster, but it comes out weak. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAmHL7Oay6bz
"Meow." He chuckles at his own joke.478Please respect copyright.PENANAhVkw0n3TXd
"You are so not funny." I mumble.478Please respect copyright.PENANAYmybkbpPWI
"Oh come on. You're no fun." He tries to tease me, but he doesn't realize just how accurate he is. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAEXFtjbmKQp
Maybe if I were more fun, things would be different. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAn6XDYbcXg8
"If only you knew..." I snuggle into his hard chest, hoping he won't ask anymore questions. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAFAlSny1ibv
I know I should leave, but I just can't bring myself to part with him. I'm sure he's filling some void and I'm being pathetic, but he hasn't thrown me out yet.478Please respect copyright.PENANAtf1wU2IdvU
In fact, he pulls me tighter. Resting his face in my hair. 478Please respect copyright.PENANARyCPr5cD4i
"Don't worry, I will protect you." He whispers and as I drift off into oblivion, I actually believe him. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAw4rqSrlLix
I awake to the sounds of muffled shouting. There is a heated argument somewhere nearby. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA9EdIMqUz6j
When I try to move, I bump something hard with my elbow and freeze. I hear a groan and feel the bed move slightly. I am not alone.478Please respect copyright.PENANA5xr6pOzug7
Oh no. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA0FwXg1RUQ2
What did I do? 478Please respect copyright.PENANAEcLPc7ZHYj
Scanning the room, I realize I have no idea where I am or who could be behind me.478Please respect copyright.PENANAGNXDfMt4Tk
Unless Vanessa is having a really rough morning, that was definitely too deep to be her voice.478Please respect copyright.PENANA0z3vsCDelw
Crap. I am too afraid to look, who could it be? Bits and pieces from the night come to me, but not enough to piece together anything solid.478Please respect copyright.PENANAR1gl35oBUO
I remember crying at some point.478Please respect copyright.PENANA26a7VP9sfI
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I remember drinking more than I should have.478Please respect copyright.PENANALkqiYt3cMq
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I remember Vanessa being her usual self. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAMJLJQr31qh
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I remember her new boy toy stuck to her side. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAAniIlASbth
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And I remember... Uh oh. 478Please respect copyright.PENANArXjICP6s2u
It couldn't be... I wouldn't... Would I?478Please respect copyright.PENANA0zSvARJ2Dz
Am I really asking myself this after waking up next to some random guy? Well, maybe not so random...478Please respect copyright.PENANA9PMiNg5NKd
Oh god, this is all sorts of complicated. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAHzdSumaNGg
Okay, I just have to know... I try to roll over gently, without disturbing him. 478Please respect copyright.PENANARWTvtwqnG2
I find a pair of amused green eyes staring back at me. A gorgeous grin with dimples on his stupid perfect face. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAas3f4WFtWW
Crap. 478Please respect copyright.PENANALGGt67ZYKI
I know I'm blushing hard, I can literally feel my face burning. 478Please respect copyright.PENANADUHek5w3Jq
How did this happen?478Please respect copyright.PENANACyRxUWsKqU
"You done freaking out yet?" He asks with a chuckle. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAfuV45KBsg2
Is he... laughing at me? 478Please respect copyright.PENANAEuRfOSzgXP
"Uh..." And just like that, he has short circuited the connection between my brain and mouth. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA1OqHhGRVMa
"Don't panic." He talks softly, like I am some wild animal that might bite him.478Please respect copyright.PENANAuGNp0jXw3N
I am totally panicking. I just can't decide if I want to run out of the room or stay and figure out what exactly happened. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAcUwb0hR8D4
My curiosity wins, just barely. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAoKqp25cbW9
"Nothing happened." I must look really confused, because he feels the need to explain further. "We didn't have sex."478Please respect copyright.PENANAtCjdVf6Gwl
"Oh..." I'm not sure if I should be relieved or hurt that he was naked laying next to me.478Please respect copyright.PENANA3OGJWPUlDB
Nope. Not letting my mind go there.478Please respect copyright.PENANAxHW1ERs8bm
I choose to feel relief. I wouldn't have remembered it anyway. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAWthpoIajsu
"Not for lack of you trying, of course." He flashes a cocky smirk at me. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAkt3ngqLfGg
I feel a frown tugging at the corners of my mouth, despite my attempt to keep my face neutral. No, I didn't throw myself at him, did I? 478Please respect copyright.PENANATyfnme8j0r
I vaguely remember waking up and thinking I heard my name through the wall and then... 478Please respect copyright.PENANApJ7bzBqQlv
"No way... I... Oh god!" My eyes pop open so wide, they begin to hurt.478Please respect copyright.PENANA9FrTfUywZH
Crap. Did I really climb on top of him? Yep, I was totally grinding on him.478Please respect copyright.PENANAPxKweJy8bi
I gasp, my gaze running down his body before I can stop myself. I take in his muscles, but his bottom half is covered in a sheet. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA1MegcKBASj
His eyes meet mine. "Reminiscing?" 478Please respect copyright.PENANAXynUwjAxtD
"What! No!" My voice is too high and rushed to be convincing. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAF1jzBeG9Kw
I remember licking his defined chest.478Please respect copyright.PENANAkWqGaXgaQC
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I remember... 478Please respect copyright.PENANAChibJHCdiN
he was naked!478Please respect copyright.PENANA9J775bPW2h
I inwardly groan. I totally touched him. I know how big he is and... 478Please respect copyright.PENANAJh6BIKOACr
Oh god! I know how he tastes. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAbl7PzI5QkP
"Shit." I know it's inelegant, but I can't think of anything else to say.478Please respect copyright.PENANAICpZOoa6rk
His mouth pops open as his face twists in shock. "Did you just... I can't believe you just said shit!" 478Please respect copyright.PENANANNXzApZhiL
"What? Why not?" I sit up, feeling defensive. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAgU3Lj0ZBxw
Why is he so shocked? He barely knows me. Why does he assume this? Did I say something weird last night?478Please respect copyright.PENANA1vTq7XtVVp
"You seemed kinda offended when I cussed, so I guess I just assumed..." He looks shy, almost like he was caught doing something wrong.478Please respect copyright.PENANA5Hf8Jqfnv2
"Based on?" Sure, I don't make a habit of using curse words, but it's more an ingrained reflex than an actual choice. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAoihaXHi6CZ
He hesitates, like he's afraid to say and I begin to feel slightly nervous. Crap, what did I say?478Please respect copyright.PENANAYIthA1MMKs
"You... uh... kinda flinched." He blushes and looks around the room. Insecure Ben is totally adorable. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAyaDkPKyti5
"Oh." I'm honestly not sure how to respond because I definitely can't tell him the truth. "Well, I wasn't offended."478Please respect copyright.PENANAxLqmg0nVQT
"Okay." He blows out a breath, looking up at the ceiling. "If you say so." 478Please respect copyright.PENANAdiTBbVNcLq
He looks completely unconvinced but I can't give him more than that. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAcliv8iAna0
"So." He clears his throat. "Not to be totally awkward here..." His gaze drops to the tent of his crotch before his eyes scan the floor. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAHDrArDRfOR
"And not that I would mind laying in bed with you all day." He looks down my body and winks. "But, maybe we should get dressed?"478Please respect copyright.PENANATSxJH4sp3P
I look down at myself, just now realizing I'm sitting here in lacy underwear. 478Please respect copyright.PENANArVtOqwR8Cc
When I don't respond, Ben flashes his smile. "Or not, I mean you look great." 478Please respect copyright.PENANAMbS8Cp15tV
I am unable to hide the look of shock on my face before I snatch the sheet to cover myself. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAifwrXu9tfI
Which is no longer covering "Little Ben", if you can even call it that.478Please respect copyright.PENANAA0t6ryWnjf
Oops.478Please respect copyright.PENANAaruRo3sei1
Of course that would happen to me! I take a moment to look at it in the daylight and wow, it's like a sculpture. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAUCfAuS7T0t
Unable to stop myself, I have apparently lost my filter completely around this man. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAauScGiuZR6
"Well hello, Big Ben." I try not to giggle like an immature school girl, but Ben's laugh makes me laugh harder. 478Please respect copyright.PENANACAkDsYCCsg
"Big Ben, huh?" He grins, making my stomach flutter. He shakes his head, amused. "What am I going to do with you?"478Please respect copyright.PENANANPpai4X6Rv
My mouth goes dry as my mind conjures up all kinds of things he could do to me. It feels like all the air was sucked out of the room as I struggle to control my breathing. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?478Please respect copyright.PENANAZP9vMTCdhG
My gaze returns to "Big Ben", as it seems to grow, straining to reach me. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAh4jo8CTTaF
Prying my eyes away, I meet his green gaze. He's no longer grinning or teasing, in fact, it looks like he's in pain. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAM73UrUbO4l
"So, you like what you see?" His eyes never leaving mine. I try to close my mouth and steady my breathing. I need to keep my composure, but my head nods without my approval. 478Please respect copyright.PENANApcBV0MRWfI
I lick my lips, remembering last night. I can't get my mouth to form words.478Please respect copyright.PENANA4RbSEPE7J4
"Because I wouldn't mind seeing a little more." He reaches forward, tugging down the sheet. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAgBhI1GbHiE
He sucks in a breath. "Fuck, Kat."478Please respect copyright.PENANAp3ABsYVRoE
I close my eyes, my insides turning to liquid fire. I love his cussing, like he can't control himself. Maybe it's because of my background and it makes him seem like such a bad boy, but it turns me on, like crazy.478Please respect copyright.PENANAL75wZS9PnG
He caresses my breasts through the sheer fabric. "God damn, you are beautiful." 478Please respect copyright.PENANAYIlNhT4v24
I absorb his words as another wave of lust hits me. I know this is a bad idea. I know we should not be doing this, but I'm not sure I could stop it, even if I wanted to. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAJZR0EatgnA
His hands move down my body as his mouth meets mine. His kiss is hungry and desperate and I can't get enough. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAYWdJlScdWA
His hand grazes me where I'm aching and I nearly explode. I need him. Now. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAzIufr1K6yT
"Do you have a condom?" He has to have one in here somewhere, right?478Please respect copyright.PENANAyuIYKVLkVc
He blushes and looks slightly uncomfortable. "Actually..." We both freeze as the sound of yelling grows closer. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAsNK2BlZcFN
I pull the sheet up to cover myself just as the door bursts open. All I see Vanessa's fiery hair flying around as she takes the scene before her. "What the fucking fuck is fucking going on in here?" 478Please respect copyright.PENANArqVyZKm5rW
I know her well enough to know when she can't think, she drops f-bombs. Her gaze drops to Ben's crotch, before he grabs a corner of the sheet to cover himself. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAsoBjsiWZD5
I can't help the laughter that bursts out of me at the sight of her craziness. "Calm yourself, Vanessa."
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