Kat255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0TJes7fjh
May 21, 2005
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqjgsnCpIh
I hesitate, turning the knob to Nate's house slowly. I have the key ready in my other hand, but the door opens easily.
They are either stupidly trusting, forgetful or someone is here. Hopefully they are just forgetful.
I slip off my shoes, carrying them as I sprint as quietly as possible to Ben's room with socked feet. I breathe a sigh of relief once I gently close Ben's door. Hopefully it's that easy to leave.
It feels strange in here. There's absolutely no noise, not even the TV was left on. There's always shouting or laughter filling this house.
It's almost eerie, like the rapture happened and I wasn't taken. Not that I would be surprised, God's probably pretty disappointed in me lately.
I know my dad would be, if he knew the real me. If he ever found out, it wouldn't surprise me if he disowned me. I can hear his disapproving voice echoing inside my head.
"People like you will never inherit the Kingdom of God, Katarina."
If only he wouldn't judge the real me.
Aren't dads supposed to love you no matter what? 255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTevy2Igt8j
Forgive your stupid mistakes? 255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftodC3nNJS
Not terrify you of the outside world?
Crap. I got distracted. I need to get my phone and get out.
I head straight for the jacket. He barely has clothes lining one side of his massive walk-in closet. What a waste. I would kill to have this much space just for my clothes, not that I have that many, but this is almost the size of our dorm room. I could live in here.
His jackets are together on the end. Just glancing at them, I count at least five. The one I borrowed isn't here.
Dang it. He must have wore it. Why didn't I think of that?
Surely he's found my phone by now. Maybe he put it somewhere in his room!
I check his nightstand. My eyes land on a picture frame with broken glass. Is that what I knocked down? It feels like so long ago.
There are two young boys looking back at me. Neither one looks happy to be in the picture, but they are still hugging each other affectionately.
Suddenly, it hits me. The skinny one with curly brown hair must be a really young Ben. And the other one is a husky redhead, could that be Nate? I know they've been friends for a while, but they are so little here.
I wonder what it would be like to have a friend that knew me that well. Someone who would be by your side from start to finish.
I think Ness is the best friend I've ever had and I hope we stay that way, even after college, but she doesn't know the me from before. She doesn't know my dad or understand what I went through with my mom.
My thoughts are cut short by the found of the front door opening. Oh crap!
Clutching my shoes, I move quickly to the bathroom. Maybe I can hide in the spare room until everyone falls asleep.
Why did I think this was a good idea?
I didn't even find my stupid phone!
Not like I could have taken it anyway. Ben would have noticed, idiot.
As soon as I close the bathroom door, I turn around to find the lights are on and someone is sitting on the bed.
Cole looks up at me, giving an awkward wave. "Uhh... Hi?"
I rush closer, whispering. "Please, don't tell Ben I'm here."
He lowers his voice to match mine. "Why are you here?"
"It's kind of a long story." I sit in the chair across from him, taking comfort in the fact that he hasn't told on me yet.
"Does it have to do with your phone?" He smirks.
I feel the heat rise to my cheeks. God, I'm so stupid. I should have known he would know.
He chuckles silently. "Don't worry, you're secret is safe with me."
I breathe a sigh of relief. I just hope I can trust him.
Bang.255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizUFereCjs
Bang.255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbWXgTNJIr
Ben's voice comes through the door. "Cole, who are you talking to?"
Our eyes both go wide, as we stare at each other, confused on what to do.
"Uh... just... talking... to Mom. She called to check in. Do you want to talk to her?" He shrugs, giving me an apologetic look.
Ben just laughs as his footsteps move farther away. Guess he doesn't have anything to say to her.
"Phew!" He pretends to wipe his brow, while continuing to whisper. "That was intense."
I just nod, afraid to speak. Ben could hear us whispering? Or does he somehow know I'm here?
"So, Mom, why are you hiding?" He tries to joke, but it weirds me out. I wrinkle my nose, I am definitely not Ben's mom.
"Sorry, guess that is a little strange after everything with my brother." Oh my god. What does he know? I feel like my eyes are about to pop out of my head.
"Not that he said anything!" He puts his hands up in surrender. Yeah, right, like I believe that.
"What did he tell you?" I feel a little bad trying to get information from him, but my curiosity has taken over. If I don't find out, it will consume me.
"Oh, you know, just the typical breakup stuff. He misses you and wishes you were still together." He rolls his eyes like he's annoyed, but I'm in shock.
"Did he really say that?" Why would he still be telling his brother about me?
It wasn't real. 255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYQi33qYyD
It's been three months.255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNiA0vXuz3
He shouldn't be talking to anyone anymore if it was fake.
"Yeah, and loads more. He talks about you all the time. It's annoying." They are so much alike. He even rambles like his brother does sometimes. But can I really believe what he's saying?
Does Ben miss me?255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn85yQEypOi
Does he wish we were still together?255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6iVeCAy9Q
Not that we ever really were...
I can't wrap my brain around this.255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYekc1Sudb
What does it mean?255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAWCuNbO8d
Or does it even mean anything?255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGrxFAJazm
Is he just keeping up pretenses, even with his family?
Crap. Cole's been talking this whole time! Why wasn't I listening? "And then Samantha tried to blackmail him, but he wouldn't break your heart. She's still being annoying though, which I'm sure you know."
My mouth has been hanging open the whole time. Did he even take a breath?
"What?" My head is spinning. Samantha? Blackmail? Break my heart?
"I said she's annoying, right?" He scrunches up his face, looking totally adorable. I think he might just be my new best friend.
"Not that part, the other one. Blackmail?" Seriously? What is going on?
"Oh, you didn't know that? Oops." He looks at the ground, his cheeks glowing bright red.
"It's okay, Ben would tell me himself if we were talking." I believe that too. If I asked, Ben wouldn't lie to me. "How is she blackmailing him?"
He looks back up at me, his confidence returning slightly. "Well, she is threatening to tell everyone his secret."
He slaps his hand over his mouth for a second, before peeling it back to whisper. "You do know the secret, right?"
I can tell he's kicking himself for telling me too much again, but this time he has no reason.
"Yeah, he told me that much but we haven't really talked since Samantha started coming around." I want him to keep telling me stuff. It makes me feel a little closer to Ben.
"Okay, well I guess she wanted him to hurt you, but he refused. He told her to tell everyone, but-" A ringing from outside stops him mid sentence.
Why would he refuse?255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr8nQe2Mxs
Why would he care if he hurt me?
The ringing sounded like it was right outside the door. Judging by the look on Cole's face, he just had the same realization.
The ringing moves away as a door shuts. Was Ben standing outside listening?
Was that my ringtone?
I can barely hear Ben through the wall, but he sounds agitated.
Should I try to leave while he's distracted? I'm not sure I'm ready to face him. I need time to process all this new information.
Cole's eyes dart around the room as he tries to come up with a plan. We both look up at the sound of Ben's door shutting.
I head towards the bathroom, ready to flee if he comes in. Cole's jittery, but I can't tell if he's worried about me or just afraid to get caught.
Ben's voice comes through the door again. "Hey Kid, you off the phone yet?"
"Uh... yeah. What's up?" Cole's voice comes out a little shaky. Come on, Kid hold it together.
The door swings open, so I back into the bathroom. I make it into Ben's room, but now I'm stuck. He could come back from either direction and I have no warning this time. It's not like he will knock on his own door.
I try not to make any noise as I sit on the freezing wood floor. I set my shoes down next to me, still afraid to put them on. I pull down one of his sweaters to wear. His scent surrounds me and I could almost fall asleep, if I wasn't terrified of getting caught.
I hear Ben's door open and close. He let's out a sigh, before sitting on his bed.
"I know you're in there, Beautiful."